Height seems to be a pretty big deal when it comes to dating. As evidenced by a sea of online profiles with strict physical prerequisites for prospective dates, other people seem to think so too. More specifically, as a woman of considerable height, it seemed to be a pretty big deal when it came to my love life.
When I say I’m tall, I’m pretty tall, you guys. People in Starbucks lines tap me on the shoulder to ask my specific measurements, and in high school the basketball coach offered me a spot on the team every year without attending try-outs, despite my lack of interest/skill. Anyway, I am 5’11”, and that exists in the world.
Besides evoking a silent rage inside of me every time a perfect stranger comments on my height in public, or reinvents the wheel of joke telling by asking me how the weather is up here, My years of chronic tallness have allowed me insight into how to go about dating a woman who happens to be taller than you.
If any of this concerns you, here are my best tips for how to approach dating a taller woman:
1) You need to have a sense of humor about it. It’s OK to joke or comment on your height difference if you mean well, and acknowledging it just reaffirms that it’s not really a big deal. Your friends may offer up some of their own commentary too, but if you like her and she likes you, that’s all that really matters. Don’t tease her about her height, she probably got enough of that in middle school.
2) You should focus on other attributes. Being tall is hopefully one of her least exceptional characteristics, so probably try to focus on the less superficial ones. I get that chemistry can be elusive and everyone has certain physical standards and deal-breakers, but this doesn’t have to be one of them. If you haven’t lied about your height on your dating profile, or you met in person, chances are she is already well aware of your difference in height. If you ask her out and she says yes, then get on with it! If you ask her out and she says no, HER LOSS, AM I RIGHT?
3) You need to be confident. Don’t tell her not to wear heels, and don’t make a big deal of saying you approve of her height. Just be your genuine self and let your personality shine through. After years of slouching and slumping, I am acutely aware of someone being thrown by my height, or pretending they are fine with it when they aren’t. It is a sixth sense that all tall women possess, so we’re on to you!
4) You need to be honest. My boyfriend is shorter than me, so I asked him for advice on this topic. Among his hilarious and very true suggestions were a few points I couldn’t make better myself, so here is an excerpt from his response: Be honest with yourself. Maybe this tall woman is a total babe and you think you’re into it for the first couple months and you don’t care about the height difference…. but maybe deep down it actually DOES bother you that she’s taller, and you spend nights in cold sweats worried about slow dances at weddings until you feel like you want to claw your eyeballs out of your head with a rusty spoon. it’s one of those things that’s never going change, so spend some time thinking about how comfortable you really are with it, otherwise what started as not a big deal, could become a nagging sore later on when all your chips are on the table. But also, think about how tall and athletic and awesome and good looking your kids will be.
There you have it.