You’ve done it. I’ve done it. We’ve all done it. It’s what you’re doing when you realize you’re up at 2:30 in the morning on a Thursday night…You’re spying on our ex’s new girlfriend on social media!
Today’s instant gratification social media landscape has made it (a little too) easy for us to pry into the lives of our old flames and the women who are (currently) igniting their fire. It’s just one harmless internet peek into the life of someone you once shared good times with – right? Wrong. Just because it’s easy to acquire information in this day and age, doesn’t necessarily make it a good thing. So let’s shed some light on why we feel the need to creep, and help to end the silent debate over switching off the laptop or rummaging for one more photo to cast judgement upon a woman you’ll most likely never even meet.
Here are 4 reasons women spy on our ex’s new girlfriend:
1. You Cant Let Go Of The Past
Perhaps your last break up was a doozy (THEY ALL ARE, I KNOW), and you were cheated on. Unfortunately, we know that hangs some heavy baggage in the feelings department, especially if he’s still dating the woman he cheated with. It’s all too easy to became hung up on this other woman. The way she looks, and the way she talks (you’ll even judge her grammatical errors as petty reassurance), but her Instagram feed isn’t going to give you the answers you deserve and need.
Why this is unhealthy: Prolonged spy-sessions or even quick peeks will still leave you in the internet world alone, powerless and without context in this strangers life. Instead, remind yourself of why he was a jerk and how you are better off without him. Look at the positive aspects of yourself and focus on you. That chapter of your life is OVER and that includes going through his new girlfriend’s pictures and posts to find out what’s so special about her vs. you. Remember, what looks good on social media is not always reality. All that glitters is not gold!
2. You’re Holding On To Hope
You may be hoping that their relationship is falling apart at the seams and are looking for some type of cryptic online evidence so that you can be the shoulder to cry on, should he ever come back your way. You want to be able to be one step ahead of the game in order to be ready with open arms in hopes that he will realize the error in his ways and come running back to you, the true love of his life.
Why this is unhealthy: Ex’s are ex’s. There’s a reason for it, and probably several. Holding out hope to get back with someone that you loved dearly is ceasing any opportunity you may have for forging forward in this race of life and meeting someone better suited for you. And at the end of the day, she’s probably not going to post her relationship problems on the internet anyway, so you’re really just spinning your wheels for nothing.
3. You’re Jealous By Nature
I’m the first to admit, If I ever saw my ex with someone prettier, smarter or with a better body than me, I would probably be as jealous as the day is long. We are humans after all! You’re constantly scouring her tagged images (please be in a club all sweaty and gross, please) so that you can gather your friends to guffaw at her faults and bring you some peace of mind that he in fact, did not upgrade.
Why this is unhealthy: Jealousy is such an ugly, ugly little monster. It brings out the worst in people. This is also a reflection of how you feel about yourself. Jealousy is associated with emotions of anger, inadequacy, resentment and envy, all of which are negative. Remember, nobody is perfect, and although she may look absolutely stunning in pictures, it doesn’t mean that her life is any better than yours. Take this opportunity to focus on what it is about yourself that is making you unhappy. Stop spending time fault finding in another woman, you aren’t benefiting in any way, shape or form.
4. You’re Searching For Validation
You want to know that his new relationship isn’t everything that it seems to be. You are hoping that there is some little sign from above that you made the the right choice ending that madness and getting a glimpse at the new woman’s posts can hopefully give you the clarity you seek. “AHA! So he still leaves his dirty socks on the floor! What a jerk.
Why this is unhealthy: You were not validated by him in the relationship, you probably won’t get the recognition you seek now. You are attempting to find fault in their relationship. A sign that he hasn’t dealt with his past issues that prevented the both of you from a long and happy life together. You can’t compare your relationship with him and his relationship with another woman. There’s a reason why it did not work out between you and your ex partner. You need to change your outlook and realize everything happens for a reason. Let her deal with his smelly socks on the floor, or constant complaining about money woes. Not your problem anymore!
Remember, snooping to locate nuggets of information on our ex whether it be through family, friends, new girlfriends or work colleagues means you’re still holding onto your past. Remember the good times and the bad and focus on making new memories, alone or with someone else. Next time you feel the need to creep the ex’s new girlfriend on social media, do something good for yourself instead.