Why It’s Hard To Get Over A Cheater



: to break a rule or law usually to gain an advantage at something

: to take something from (someone) by lying or breaking a rule

: to prevent (someone) from having something that he or she deserves or was expecting to get

From Merriam-Webster

A betrayal from a loved one is an incomparable sear of pain that can leave your head spinning for months to come. Cheating not only leads to the demise of a relationship, but it also brings a plethora of questions that can’t be answered.

What is it about cheaters that make them the hardest lover to get over? They weren’t necessarily the most attractive, the wealthiest, or the nicest, (as their character will certainly attest to) and your feelings of anger and frustration simmer much longer than the relationship.

The entire act of intimacy calls for a brave sense of vulnerability, which a cheating lover will proficiently shatter. Cheaters break the rules and hurt the innocent members of the party.

Cheaters smash your vulnerability:

You found the courage to be vulnerable, as the very act of intimacy demands it. You trusted someone enough to open yourself up to them. You’ve laughed with them, cried with them, and experienced every emotion in-between. They know your hair sticks in five different directions in the morning. They know you snore when you sleep. They know your challenges, your fears, your strengths and your little quirks. So what did this person do, who knew supposedly loved you for who you were? They betrayed you.

Not only does a cheater cause you to judge your own actions, they instill you with self-doubt that leaves you feeling as if you have made a mistake.

Forget the notion that you made any mistake on your part. A betrayal is a betrayal, which comes as something that is out of your control. You cannot fix the morale of another person, nor can you change the past of what has happened to you.

Cheaters break the rules:

Cheaters all have one thing in common: they are inherently selfish. Don’t become mixed up with taking on the guilt that belongs on the psyche of an unfaithful ex. It’s not about who they did it with, why they did it, or even when they did it.

Rather than facing the challenges they face in their current relationships, cheaters take the cowardly route of sneaking off. Don’t let your past relationship become a broken cassette playing in your mind. Did you do something wrong? (No.) Did he find someone more attractive? (It’s not about attraction.) Were they afraid of commitment? (It doesn’t matter.) The cheater is the one who made the mistake. Cheaters cannot be faithful to themselves, much less their own word. Don’t bring yourself down by crouching to their level. You can only heal yourself.

Cheaters break your confidence to trust:

Trust is such an intricate part of life that it’s easy to forget just how important it is. You trust your bank to store your money. You trust the sun to rise, your car to work, and your paychecks to come in on time. You cannot cause someone to cheat, just as you cannot force someone to be a good person. You cannot force an “a-ha!” moment upon a wandering spouse. You cannot make them see that you were really a “catch,” that they should have known better, that it was an inane mistake. As the popular saying goes “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.”

Stop making excuses for someone who still needs to grow up:

You can’t suddenly stop loving someone with the snap of your fingers. A weak person isn’t someone who continues to love someone who hurt them, a weak person is someone who cannot stay true to their word. Unfortunately, you were shown the bright side of a worthless coin.

Cheaters are the real broken ones here.

Sideah Alladice

Posted by Sideah Alladice

Sideah was born and raised in Vancouver, BC. She first joined PlentyOfFish in 2011, and after a 2 year sabbatical she joined the team again in 2013. She loves hiking, reading and all things dog related. On her days off, you will most likely find her hitting the trails with a flurry of pooches.

4 thoughts on “Why It’s Hard To Get Over A Cheater


  2. I am not sure it will be of any value what I will say here but I am experienced in this area of life which is never really an important subject anymore… First of all this Blog was a great subject to me as I always appreciate the supportive mental attitude imposed-“Thanks to the Columnist” who wrote it…

    Well another thing I want to say before I start is I was kicked off P.O.F. for miscommunication with another party and I was kicked off for good-unfairly… I feel wronged-not to justified…soulmatesurfer31- was my screen name…-

    So I have been cheated on and been the cheater in other peoples relationships…yes I take every chance I can get to have sex on the spot…its just the emotions I can’t control- So when I am cheating the other guy it feels better than being the one cheated on- The main goal for me now is to never be a victim to the love sex act… I can relate to love… how sweet it is… brightens up my day and give me hope at night… Drifting-Drifting-Drifting-….(the devil made me do it-lol)

    Whats more important to you now? Having relations or relationships? Would u ever think that you would never get cheated on? I seen it on average 8of10 relationships now are at greater risk of being involved in this situation- Would I just sit back and let it happen or risk going to jail and miss out on life?

    So it hurts like you said- effects last longer than 6 months-contemplated over this for a long period of time- would still stay with the cheater as long as they allow it…not for free pussy but I would like to try to discover why it is what females do want sex like that- the reasons are important to me because would it be for a bigger penis, more kinky sex/role play, where is it going into… this is the knowledge one needs to accept if he is looking for a partner-lover-ect….

  3. Cheating, causing heart break, is the undoing of man.

    Life is never the same. We become self protective, insecure, selective and perhaps even slightly cold. We want to love but are restricted by fear.

    Over two years on and a day doesn’t go past where triggers revive and memories return. That said, there is hope. While we cannot cure the pain, we can manage pain and ultimately become stronger.

    How to prevent cheating? Advanced communication.

    I wouldn’t have got through it if it wasn’t for family and faith. Thank you X

  4. If you’re dealing mutually your husband’s love and the life of forgiveness seems ghost of a chance, don’t address up hope. Work at the hand of your put a lock on emotions and bring in the foreshadow you prefer away from your spouse. When you feel brisk, have a meaningful question and answer method together. While forgiveness won’t happen for the most part at back, ratiocinate positive steps concerning forgiveness and incorporate a new love together.

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