The dead-end relationship is probably the most ubiquitous type of relationship in this day and age. A lot of women end up shackled to dead-end relationships for months … years … decades! They stay and cling to the hope that someday he’ll come around and will commit.
In these scenarios, being an optimist can actually work against you. You cling to hope that as soon as he gets his finances in order…as soon as he deals with his emotional issues…as soon as he gets on track with his career…as soon as his crazy ex is out of the picture once and for all…then things will be different. You hope that someday he’ll turn into the man you want him to be and this will be the relationship you want and deserve but things don’t change just because you want them to.
Here are five signs you’re in a dead end relationship:
He won’t commit
This one sounds so obvious but somehow it’s not! There are several key signs that a man will never commit, but the strongest one is he comes right out and tells you he doesn’t want to be in a relationship.
You have to take these words at face value. This isn’t an opening offer that is up for negotiation and subject to change. Can it change? Yes, it’s possible, but that’s only if something in the relationship changes. If he tells you he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, and you stick around keep acting like his girlfriend, nothing is going to change.
In these cases, the guy has no motivation or reason to change, so why should he? No man is willingly going to deepen a commitment, especially when he doesn’t have to. When a man says he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, he usually means he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you. Whatever reasons and excuses he gives are just to soften the blow. This doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you or find you cool and attractive. He just doesn’t want to be with you.
He doesn’t make you a priority
When a man is truly invested in a woman and committed to her, he prioritizes her. This means he makes time for her, he cares about her world, and he most certainly does not disappear for days or weeks at a time and then act like it’s no big deal.
When a man is in it, he actively tries to keep it. He makes an effort no matter how busy he is. Everyone is busy, but everyone makes time for the things that matter to them.
A man pulling away or withdrawing isn’t the same as a guy blatantly ignoring you to go off and do what he wants without showing you any consideration. Sometimes men pull away when they’re stressed and need to re-group, that’s just his nature. But this is different. Checking in and out of the relationship isn’t about him fulfilling an emotional need; it’s being disrespectful to you.
Caring about someone is an active process; it’s something you show not something you simply say.
You are fundamentally incompatible
He wants to live in the suburbs; you’re a city girl. You want kids, he doesn’t. You’re one religion, he’s another (and this is an issue for one or both of you). It could be clear-cut points of contention, or it may be more subtle than that. Some people are just incompatible. They want different things, they communicate in different ways, they have different values, and they aren’t able to fulfill each other’s emotional needs.
So why do we stay? All kinds of reasons. It’s easier to stay than leave and start again with someone new…the sex is amazing… you genuinely care for the other person.
A healthy relationship is built on fundamental compatibility. This doesn’t mean you agree on everything, it means you are mostly in agreement on how to live your lives, you respect one another, and you are on the same page in key areas.
He doesn’t bring you into his world
This can apply to his physical world, like introducing you to his friends or family, or his emotional world, like letting you see the man he is beyond the mask.
When a man is committed and invested in a woman, he wants to share himself with her. He wants to reveal the innermost parts of himself. He wants to bring her into his world.
Flirty banter is not the same thing as deep, meaningful conversation. When a guy opens up to you, when he shares his dreams, his fears, his hopes, his wishes, his motivations, he is investing in you. By investing in you, he is committing himself to you. When he doesn’t do this, it means he most likely doesn’t see you as being someone he plans on sharing the rest of his life with.
Something just doesn’t feel right
Deep down, you usually already know the truth. But when you really like a guy and are hoping for it to work, the fact that he doesn’t want the same things is painful … so you deny it.
H ealthy relationships are usually pretty effortless. That doesn’t mean they don’t require work, it means you don’t feel uneasy and constantly on edge. You don’t worry and wonder how he feels about you…you just kind of know. You don’t stress over the relationship, instead you are free to just be in the relationship and enjoy it.
When something feels off, when you’re filled with fear and worry, then it’s a sign something is amiss. Don’t ignore what your body is trying to tell you!