“When is he going to ask me out?”
is the top question I get from women about men’s texting. These women are frustrated. They are confused. They are wondering why you asked for their number if you only wanted to know what they had for lunch. So stop vague-texting, and do this instead.
I cannot overstate this: Texting is a trap.
When people are texting, they make mistakes that are then used to judge the entire person, ending relationships before they’ve even begun. Yes, truly. Tone of voice and the relating of a conversation smooths over such mistakes. Plus, calling is now so retro—especially for the under-30 crowd—that dialing a number is the equivalent of highlighting your interest.
And to win a woman, you have to show open, obvious, clear interest.
If calling feels like overstepping, text to request a call: “I would rather call than text, if you’re okay with that. Is there a good time?” You can always revert to texting if she says she’d rather do it that way.
If you’ve asked, “So, wanna hang out sometime?” you may be hoping she will finish the job and ask you out. But as recently as 2012, 88% of women still weren’t initiating dates.
Women have always valued men’s confidence and responded to cues that make us feel secure; it’s an evolutionary thing. Technology has not changed our wiring. Your hesitation could be because asking makes you feel vulnerable, but that is the point: in asking, you are giving a powerful cue and an enormous compliment by risking yourself for her. It’s heroic.
So ask her out to a specific event, at a specific time and place. It doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive, just clear and definite (and ideally, also fun): “I’d love to take you roller skating next Friday at three at [location]; does that work for you?”
Spontaneity is cool—in a long-established relationship. But a woman you don’t know isn’t your fallback plan. Show respect by asking ahead, and by not keeping her living on the edge hoping for an ask.
When you ask at least two days ahead, it sets you apart from the crowd—and there’s a crowd! If you like her, so do other guys. You want to be the one giving her all the good feels, not one of the pack taking her for granted before the relationship has even begun.
Confirm your meeting the day before. Otherwise, you’re getting associated with feeling insecure—a risky move if you like this girl.
What if you’ve changed your mind? Say so, at least two days ahead. “I’m very sorry, but I’ve decided to make different plans for Saturday. I wanted to give you time to make another plan of your own.” She won’t like it, but she’ll like it more than being stood up.
Upshot? Repeat after me: confidence and security are woman-bait. Ask with clarity and confidence, which will help her feel secure. And prevent my in-box being clogged with questions about your vague texting!