If you’re shy or introverted, you can have remarkable success in dating. Research shows that almost 50% of adults consider themselves to be shy (sensitive to other’s social reactions and judgements), while up to 50% of people are introverted—they prefer to gain energy from their own thoughts and alone time.
When you’re shy or introverted, you have certain gifts: You may be gentler and quieter, as well as more empathetic and introspective. You may also do better in relationships when you’re with an equally introverted or shy person who shares your quieter, deeper, and sensitive ways.
Here are some tips for dating when you’re a shy introvert (and when your date is the same). We’ll call the combination SI (Shy Introvert).
Draw Him Out
When you’re dating an SI guy, it’s important to ask questions to help him open up about himself (he can do the same for you). Focus on topics such as: what his favorite hobbies are, what he likes about his job, what his favorite vacation spot is. Start with small talk (even the weather is a good start), and gradually ask deeper questions as both of you get more comfortable.
Let Him Finish His Sentence
Since SI men don’t feel the need to talk as much as an extrovert, when they do speak, they usually have something important to say. Let him finish his statements and thoughts before you jump in. You may be eager to chime in with your point of view, but remember that the SI male’s energy for speaking is limited, and he feels appreciated if he can get out what he needs to say when he makes the effort to speak up.
Wear A Conversation Piece
On a first date or meeting, it’s a clever idea to wear or have something unique that will spark conversation. Perhaps, you can wear a piece of jewelry or hat, or bring a custom handbag (or unique cell phone case). Whether you’re meeting a handsome guy at a social event, or going out on a date with a cute SI man, it’s always a good idea to prime the interaction with an easy conversation starter.
Engage in Romantic Networking
If you’re an SI, one of the easiest and better ways to meet a compatible guy is to get involved in activities or groups that revolve around your interests. If you love sci-fi, you can get involved in a sci-fi group or convention. If you love psychology or spirituality, you can join a self-help group or attend talks on inner development. Once you’re there, you can easily ask that cute guy questions about the event or activity (“Do you believe there is life on other planets?”) and jump-start a personal conversation.
Plan A More Low-Key Date
This is one of the keys to your romantic success. Plan (or suggest) low-key date activities that involve a minimum of people and noise (too much external stimulation can be overwhelming for an SI). You can try dates such as kite flying, drinking coffee and browsing at a novelty bookstore, taking a class together (cooking or self-help, for example), walking around in a rose garden or museum, or even engaging in a fun and competitive game of trivia. Do something quiet, fun, and relaxing, and both of you will have a wonderful time.
Use Your Internal Dating Skills
As an SI, you can do well in dating if you apply two of your SI skills: Listening and writing. When you’re on a date—whether it’s with an SI man or a more extroverted one—engage your listening and empathetic abilities to make sure that he feels heard and understood. Also, apply your writing skills in online dating and networking platforms to express your true self. Don’t hide the fact that you’re an SI—be proud of your internal and quiet nature—and you will attract a like-minded man who shares your desire for a relaxed and low-key life of depth and reflection.
Now, you’re ready to begin your romantic journey. If you apply these seven tips, you can softly and quietly enter the dating world and meet the respectful, loving, and smart man of your dreams.