The 3 Best Questions to Ask Your Online Date

The entire point of online dating is so you can meet someone online with the intention of meeting “offline” or in real life. Unless you want to remain a virtual dater, I always suggest you create a successful strategy to online dating that will help you to go on more first dates and increase your chances of meeting someone you’ll connect with. A great way to know if someone is worth meeting, is to have a set of what I call K.Y.D’s “Know Your Date” questions.

Here are the 3 best questions to ask your potential online date and why they are important.

What are your current relationship goals?

It’s a good idea to know right off the bat whether you and your potential online date share the same relationship goals. This is one of the first things you want to clarify outside of whether or not they are single. Some people who are dating online are there for various reasons and at different stages in their dating life. You could be dating online because you’re bored in your current relationship, you recently broke up with someone and now want to play the field or you could be at a point in your life where you are ready to find Mr.Right, have babies and settle down within the next year! Asking someone what their relationship goals are seems pretty common sense to me.

 

What are five things you can’t live without?

I love this question because you get great insight about what’s really important to the person you’re dating. He may say his mom, his iPhone6, his boys night of poker, his Jack Daniels, his German Sheppard, Sunday night football or his X-box addiction. The answers are limitless and what you get is an opportunity to imagine what life may be like to live with the things he can’t live without. Are you really interested in competing with his season tickets during his favourite sports season, or dealing with his heavy metal music play list before he goes to bed every night? I am not suggesting that all the items in his list will be terrible or incompatible, however there may be some deal breakers and red flags for you to take note of.

 

What are your deal breakers or turn-offs in a relationship?

This question is really a gift to you. Knowing his automatic turn’off’s is a key factor to determine compatibility. A great way to see if he’s ruled you out of his dating pool if anything he mentions is a deal breaker you possess. There’s no point in pretending that you don’t smoke if he says that smoking is deal breaker or going to church on Sundays when that’s where you know you’ll be on the weekend. What if the guy you’re interested in says that he hates women who wear a lot of make up. You happen to be a make up artist, have the largest make up collection ever and wouldn’t be caught dead without your lipstick and bronzing powder before leaving the house? Clearly this is something you don’t have in common.

There you have my suggested best 3 online dating questions to determine whether the guy you like is worth meeting offline and going on a first date.

How to Write a Great First Message to Your Online Crush

 

Writing a great first message to your online crush is as crucial as choosing your best online dating profile photo. If you want to make a great first impression to your online crush, you must follow my three essential F rules to online dating. When you are online dating looking to get any man’s attention, you want to be FUN, FEMININE and FLIRTY!

Let’s explore how we can focus on the essential F’s in creating a great first message online!

Fun or Funny

What guy doesn’t like a sense of humour? Guys dig women who can make them laugh, and more importantly who can laugh at their jokes! Having a compatible sense of humour is a huge plus and turn on for a man. Perhaps you have a dry sense of humour. You may be sarcastic, you may be silly or you may like your slap stick humour. An important element to a great first message is saying anything that will make him smile, chuckle and if you can do it, get him to laugh out loud – like for real! LOL It’s not hard to to be funny if you do have a natural funny bone. If you struggle with humour you can always search for a great funny joke online to share with him. Here’s a joke I found for someone who is NOT into fitness.

“Saw a couple holding hands while jogging and it made me hopeful that one day, I will meet someone who will hate them with me.” I would end it with, what are your thoughts on this? Care to join me?

Feminine

O.K ladies, this piece of advice may be challenging for some of you because there are a lot of you women who play the Alpha role and boss lady in real life. Most guys don’t want to date a bitchy, demanding, over bearing know-it-all. You know the type? The kind of woman who doesn’t NEED a man? The kind of woman who has it all covered, who can hold her own door and pay her own bills. If you come off as someone in your first message as the type who talks all about herself and how great you are, it leaves no opportunity for the man to be the hunter. You’ve heard that men like a challenge right? They don’t want competition. If you want to write a great first message you want to showcase your softer, feminine, gentle and caring side. It doesn’t mean you appear fragile and helpless, it means that you are certainly leaning more towards your “girly” traits. A great way to do that is to write something that you are really impressed by. You can also ask him a question about his work, and his hobbies or indicate that you’ve always wanted a man who was good with his hands… Essentially you are showing him that you are impressed by him and that you could use his help in some way. The damsel in distress move will always bring out the hidden hero in a guy.

Flirty

Ladies, men love it when you give them positive cues of interest and when you can open the door for flirty dialogue. Being flirty doesn’t mean that you are easy or overtly sexual. Being flirty does suggest a playful intention of sexual interest and the key is to remain feminine and classy. Now, if you are the type who is more liberal and are open to sexual dialogue early then go for it. After all, you should be clear on your dating goals and attract men who are on the same page as you. A simple key to being flirty is to complement his physical appearance or anything on his profile that turned you on, something that caught your attention. Being playful allows him to play back and begin the process of modern day courtship.

4 Online Dating Photo No-nos

Alright ladies, having reviewed thousands of online dating profiles over the last 10+ years as an online dating expert, I thought that men were the worst culprits for having really bad online dating profile examples to choose from. I am sorry to say they’re not alone. I’ve been working more and more with women who have been finding it challenging to meet guys online who turn to me for some online profile make over advice. Once I look at their online dating profiles, it’s really obvious to me where the challenges come from; namely their online dating profile photo. Your online dating profile photo is the first thing you notice about someone. Men will make an instant judgment about you. You’re either going to turn them ON or OFF in about 3 seconds or less.

I’d like to point out and quickly elaborate on the worst online dating profile examples that constantly pop out at me when I’m on the site. Ladies, if you’re guilty of one or more of these examples; my advice to you is change it NOW – like right now. You only get one chance to make a first impression! Here are the Top 5 Worst Online Dating Profile Examples to use on your online dating profile.

1. Do you like my shades?

I just don’t get why both men and women post pictures of themselves in sunglasses. Are we supposed to be impressed with the style of your shades? Do you think you look cooler in sunglasses than without? Do you wear sunglasses 24/7 and even while you’re having dinner, or even worse sex? They say that your eyes are the window to your soul. Sunglasses hide your most prominent features! Your face is what men want to see, not your shades.POF.SHADES

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2. Blurred Lines

It boggles my mind to see countless ladies posting blurry profile photos. Sometimes all you can see or make out is a silhouette of a person.  Men can’t even recognize any distinguished features. What’s up with that? Your online dating profile picture is meant to show you as you are in real life. Your photo should be clear, recent, up close (torso or face) without having to squint in front of a computer or cell phone to tell if he likes you or not. POF.BLURREDLINES

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3. TMI Profile

I think some women confuse their online dating profile photo for their Instagram fitness account. You should know your platform and remember that you are on an online dating site and not your snap chat, IG or VINE account. Your online dating profile is meant to attract the type of man you’re looking for and it’s not meant to be the cover of a lingerie catalogue.  Hey, if your primary purpose of online dating is to hook up and to be viewed as easy pickings, then keep on showing men the goods. If this is not the impression you want to make, exercise some restraint and choose photos that are flattering and doesn’t suggest you’re on the site for alternative reasons.POF.TMI

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4. Meet My Friend

I have never been a fan of singles who post a group shot or photo of them standing beside a friend as their MAIN profile picture! As with online marketers and successful business owners with a website will tell you, the less clicks your customer makes to get to the product or service, the better it is for them! Men want to see who YOU are and not necessarily who your friends are. The mistake you make of posting a photo with your friend or group of friends is that the person looking at your profile doesn’t instantly know if he likes YOU or your friend(s)! That’s awkward. Don’t have him guessing right off the bat and clicking onto your photo gallery. It gets annoying when he wants to choose YOU over a group of people.POF.GUESS.WHO

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There you have it ladies! 4 common bad online dating profile examples you want to avoid when your on an online dating site. Having an amazing online dating profile photo is key to getting more interest and great results on an online dating site. We’d love to know what online dating profile examples you see from the men out there!

The Worst Online Dating Profile Photos

Recently, I decided to search online as a male seeking female from the age of 25 – 40. I wanted to pinpoint all of the possible online dating profile photo “no no’s”. To my surprise, I actually thought women would do a little better than the men with choosing their primary profile photo. To my unpleasant surprised, I discovered that women and men are making common online dating profile photo mistakes. Here is a list of the top 10 worst types of online dating profile photos, women’s edition. I invite you to take a look at your current profile photo and ask yourself if the shoe fits…Carmelia_2

The Clutterville  

It’s such a shame when guys see an absolutely beautiful woman standing with a hoarder’s dream in the background. When you take a photo of yourself in the bathroom as an example, you’ve got make up on the counter, the toilet seat is up, under garments thrown everywhere and wet towels on the floor, guys will think you’re a “HOT” mess. Turn-off.

The Guess Who

If you don’t have a decent profile photo as your main photo, you practically vanish into thin air when you’re online. Group photos of women taken with a bunch of other girls, is also super annoying. Men who may have to click to your photo gallery, might think that it’s a little too much work to stop by and check out your profile. Carmelia_3

 The Peek-A-Boo

This is a profile photo where there is a physical object such as a cell phone, hat, another person or hand partially covering your face. Guys who have a better view of the make and model of the cell phone you have, instead of your eye color, might also choose to pass you by.

The Ugly Duck-Face

If you ask 99% of all men out there, they will agree the (ugly) duck face is one of the most annoying faces they have to look at when browsing online. It’s just so passé at this point and won’t do your gorgeous features any favors. Carmelia_1

The Carry-On Photo

Although you may be a proud mom to your child or children, selecting a photo of yourself with your newborn child as your main profile photo, might be seen as “baggage” to some  men who are online dating. Women who are single moms do have success and opportunities online, but advertising you and your kids on your main profile photo may limit the opportunity for men to want to get to know you. Certainly not suggesting that you side-step conversations around your kids or pretend that they don’t exist, but online dating should be about you first.

The Dirty Cam ShotCarmelia_4

Although men are quite visual when it comes to women, they can also be very judgmental. Have you heard of the saying that some men want a “A lady in the streets, and a freak in the sheets?” If you’re choosing to use a very provocative photo of yourself as your main profile picture, yet you are seeking a long-term relationship, you could be sending the wrong kind of message and impression, to the men who are viewing your profile. Choose an outfit that is fun, put together, and represents your personal sense of style. Then snap away!

The Hangover

I describe these photos as the ones of you ladies lying in bed, without make up on, hair unkempt and it looks like you took a selfie of yourself rolling out of bed. I can promise you this, it’s completely unflattering and 9 times out of ten, men will browse on by.

The Mug Shot

If your main profile photo looks anything like your worst driver’s license or passport photo, you may want to take the time to freshen up and take a new one. A mug shot is any photo where you are NOT smiling! Smiling on your main profile photo increases your odds of getting attention online, by over 50%. Carmelia_5

The Shades Shot

I know some of you want to look cool on your main profile photo, but hiding behind your sunglasses is not the best or top choice as your main profile photo. It keeps the guys guessing about your looks and they could (subconsciously) be wondering why you’re afraid to show your entire face. Lose the shades.

The Alcoholic

Can you guess what photo this is? Women holding a full mickey of vodka or having a 1L bottle of alcohol being poured down their neck is a real No No. This photo may be the one and only (random) photo you took of yourself at a special occasion last month. To the guys looking at this photo; he’s instantly got you pegged as the party girl! Don’t get me wrong, your gallery photo could include you enjoying a cold beer on a beautiful patio or a glass of wine with a surf n turf meal, but make sure it is a tasteful one and not used as your main profile photo.

So there you have just a few examples of some of the worst online dating profile photos you could use as your main photo when you are dating online. I’d love to hear your thoughts on some of the best and worst online dating profile photos you’ve seen online.

3 Easy Steps To Creating The Best Online Dating Username

Creating your online dating username is not something you should do hastily. Your username is essentially your online personal brand! If you consider your online dating profile to be your personal advertising tool in the dating world, your username is your brand’s mission statement. Creating your username is actually the second most important step to finding and attracting your ideal partner online. The first step if you didn’t already know, is to have an attractive online dating profile photo to catch attention in the first place. Without a great photo the chances are your username won’t even matter.

Men are quite visual and they’re instantly attracted to women based on what they finds physically attractive. After interviewing over 60,000 single men and women over the years there’s a few common things I can say men really find attractive in women. Men like and notice confidence, attractiveness, independence and acknowledgement  from women. Knowing this about men should give you some insight into what matters to guys and how you can appeal to his wants and desires.

1. The first step before trying to create your username is to brainstorm everything there is to know about your descriptive CHARACTER TRAITS which could easily describe who you are:

• Accepting
• Adventurous
• Articulate
• Bold
• Brave
• Confident
• Compassionate
• Daring
• Energetic
• Joyful

2. The second step is to create a list of your favorite activities, places or foods. These are all nouns you can list which you could also be easily identified with:

• Japanese
• English
• Wonderland
• Soccer
• Singing
• Dancing
• Surfing
• Sailing
• Chinese food
• Shopping

3. The third step is to start pairing these words together to create some really fun, interesting and descriptive puns that really describe what’s really important to you and what you’re all about. Clever use of word play indicates a creativity and playfulness about you, which he will find irresistible!

Be sure you keep your list of words separate so you can play around with pairing them together in the final process. You want to be really careful to avoid words which are negative, overtly sexual or could be found offensive to some guys. Examples of these are:

• Negative
• Pushy
• Impatient
• Rude
• Loud
• Bored
• Lonely
• Desperate

Examples of poor username combinations  are:

Single4Ever – Indicates the person has no hope.
LonelyandWaiting – Sounds a little desperate.
NoOneOutThere – Glass half empty.
PickMeForOnce – No one likes the one nobody else wants.
Gr8tInBed – Must be compensating for something.
GoneInaFlash – Why bother?

Examples of fun usernames are:

SensibleShopper – Here’s a woman who can balance a check book.
AdventurousAsian – Someone who can keep me on my toes and we share similar culture.
TrailBlazingEnglishman – Another cultural hint with an exciting person.
JoyfulKiwi – Now she sounds fun!
PersonablePaddler – So you’re creating curiosity with the word “paddler” and who doesn’t want to meet a personable type?

So there you have 3 easy steps to create your online dating username. It’s a really great idea to test various usernames to see which name really attracts the type of guy you’re looking to meet. A carefully created username will quite literally give you an edge over the online competition when coupled with an attractive profile photo. The effort you make to create that winning combination could mean the difference to finding, meeting and keeping your online dating dream man.

I’d love for you to share some of your most memorable and unforgettable usernames you’ve come across online.

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