Are You Complacent in Your Relationship?

There comes a time in one’s life when they seek a serious relationship.  It’s only natural for us to search for a relationship that meets our needs  To understand how we go about this, think about that job with a steady source of income which allows us to come home and turn off the switch.  We can then focus on other things in our life.  What’s important here is that we keep this job because we feel we have a safe and secure job.  And to leave it would mean a fearful experience or a loss of security and stability. So you stay at this job and never explore future opportunities.

Does this sound like your relationship? 

Just as in the job example, comfort plays a vital role.  Sometimes being too comfortable is not a good thing.  It doesn’t push you to be your best.

Are you too comfortable in the relationship? 

Maybe you don’t go that extra mile that you once did to look and feel your best. Being comfortable in a relationship might just be a telltale symptom of settling.  The comfortable relationship may take care of immediate needs, but it may be stagnant. Relationships should be growing and evolving with time.

Does your partner irritate you? 

Those little quirks that you once thought were cute, now make you irritable which shows you don’t look at your partner the same way as you once did. Fighting over the “little things” often occurs when a couple has focused on each other’s shortcomings rather than their strengths. Are you guilty of this behaviour?

Do you make excuses to justify why you’re settling? 

You think of excuses like, “I’ve invested so much time and energy into this.”, or “I’m afraid to be single and date again, what if I don’t find anyone?”.  Thoughts like these haunt your dreams and never let go. They are fear-based and keep you stuck. These thoughts are important in that they are there to remind you of your unhappiness in the relationship.  To you, the fear of leaving is worse than settling in your relationship. If you are unhappy now, think of the future that awaits.

It is healthy to spend some time away from your partner, but when you find yourself enjoying your free time away from them a little too much, you may very well be settling.  Is the alone time just a method used to distance yourself from a troubled relationship.

Do you fantasize about being in a different relationship?

This shows you are looking for something beyond the safe and secure relationship you currently find yourself in.  If you catch yourself doing this frequently, it’s time to have a talk with your partner.

It can be difficult to face your fears but in the end, you have to ask yourself if this relationship is enough for you or if it’s time to face your fear and move on to a relationship which is really going to fulfill you.

Why He Ghosted – From The Male Perspective

The worst part about being ghosted is not knowing why he did it. The aftermath of being ghosted is oftentimes worse than a real haunting; it’s a painful process. You start to dismantle yourself piece by piece with hopes to identify what prompted him to disappear like a low budget movie. You play the reel over and over in your head. You think about the last date you were on or your last conversation. Anything, which could provide a touch of closure for your shattered heart. The majority of the time you won’t get that closure, but know, you deserve that closure.

Why do men ghost women?

Ghosting is used to abruptly and easily end contact with another person. A man chooses to ghost a woman because he is too afraid to hurt the woman’s feelings with direct confrontation. The fledgling relationship is young enough to escape without the man feeling he owes her a legitimate explanation. He wants her to “take the hint” after disappearing.

Ghosting is used because it works, although, it’s a disrespectful method. The real questions that get pondered by men are: Do you tell her you aren’t interested in seeing her again because she has bad breath? Or, do you apply the lesser of the evils and ghost her? Questions like these are the harsh reality of early dating woes.

The overture of the ghosting symphony is sometimes littered with signs which indicate you might have a ghost in your midst. Being able to identify these signs might help you avoid the ghosting from taking place.

He Is flakey

If the guy you recently started dating is changing plans around or canceling on you frequently, you aren’t at the top of his list of priorities and he’s not respecting you. On top of that, these are the classic signs of a ghost just before they disappear from your life.

His replies to your texts are taking longer and longer by the day 

It’s true we all have busy lives and can’t always be buried in our smartphones. You have to think about it logically, though. Most people do get to check their phone within 8-hour increments. But if you have a guy and his replies to your texts are taking longer and longer. It’s hard to believe he’s making an effort to maintain a connection. This could be an indicator that his next magic trick will be a disappearing act.

You came on too strong too early

You came on too strong by talking about getting tattoos together or kids after two weeks of dating. This, of course, sent him running like a scared school boy from a bully. If you are dating a guy and really want to keep him around, don’t rush into an exclusive relationship or to long- term planning as if there is a deadline to beat. There is nothing more attractive than when a woman isn’t desperately concerned with the outcomes of a new relationship. It shows she’s happy with her current situation outside of the relationship. As far as communication goes, calling and texting with each other should be in balance. Don’t send three text messages to his one.

You slept together too soon

You gave your 100% to the guy and all he had to do was express a small amount of interest. Know your worth. Most importantly, follow your heart and feelings when it comes to dating. More times than not, we can usually feel something is “off”. It is at this point, we can try to communicate with this person or cut our losses.

7 Deadly Profile Sins – What He Really Thinks

Let’s face it. You are using online dating to find dates. But you don’t want just any date; you want “the date”. When you are trying to craft that perfect online dating profile, you try to imagine what “Mr. Right” may or may not find attractive or interesting in a woman. By doing this, you might have unknowingly committed a few deadly profile sins along the way. Don’t beat yourself up because it’s not your fault. It’s very difficult to speculate on what’s appealing to your audience without guys giving you their feedback. The sins you may have committed will be absolved today!

Here are the 7 deadly profile sins from a males perspective:

Deadly Sin #1 – “Don’t message me if…”

Does your profile contain the above phrase? We know you want to use this method as a means for filtering the undesirables away, but the good guys are diligent with reading profiles; as opposed to just messaging you “hi”. By committing this deadly sin, you are going to be perceived as standoffish to us.

Deadly Sin #2 – The Selfie

Okay, we promise to stop displaying shirtless selfies; but in return, you can’t litter your profile with endless selfies that only show your face. How about including one with you and a friend or even a pet?

Deadly Sin #3  – Let’s play… Where’s Waldo?

You have committed this sin if all of your pictures are crowded with friends. “Which one are you, again? Oh, there you are. I didn’t see you because your friend’s shoulder was blocking half of your face.” It’s great to see you are such a social butterfly; but if we can’t tell which woman you are in your Waldo-esque pictures, please don’t include them.

Deadly Sin #4 – The Photo Trickster

You are guilty of being a Photo Trickster if your photos have strange modifications. You know, those pictures that include borders/filters which make your photo look like a painting. We love your tech-savvy skills but why? There’s no reason to obscure your beautiful face.

Deadly Sin #5 – You failed to tell us “about you”

Does your profile contain the following? “Filling this out soon.” “I’ve never been good at writing about myself.”

Don’t even know what to say? We want to message the woman who has conversationally rich content in her profile. It will give us ideas on what to message you about. We also want a woman who is confident. Including the phrase, “I’ve never been good at writing about myself” just tells us you are stuck in a state of uncertainty.

Deadly Sin #6 – Your “About Me” turned into “About Him”

Please include less about who you are seeking and more about who you are. Instead of listing endless traits of the perfect man, try to include more of those random facts about yourself. We love these because they make you, “you”. These random “about me” facts are great conversation starters and a true gem whenever found within a woman’s profile. Let’s take a look at what we mean.

“Hi, my name is Rachel. Some random facts: I hate Sushi. I love grocery shopping on a Friday night. My favorite animal is a monkey and one day I want to own one.” We don’t care how bizarre they are and it shows us that you aren’t afraid to be yourself.

Deadly Sin #7 – You told us we… “Must be”

The “Must Be” sin is committed by listing the following on your profile: Must be: Funny, > 5’11, charming, athletic. This list is a deal breaker minefield. The poor guy who reads this will be rejected four times before sending her a message. We all have our criteria for who we want. But if you met a guy at work; he’d hardly have to lift his up his shirt to pass your stringent checklist. Please avoid this sin like you avoided that creep who hit on you last week at the bar.

5 Winning Rules – Online Messaging Etiquette

First impressions are everything. In the realm of online dating, these words still hold true. With this in mind, what is your first interaction with that potential lover? Your message, right? Which is why you need to be diligent when it comes to messaging. You want to have an engaging conversation with this person which will eventually lead to a date.

Oftentimes, people struggle with this stage and it isn’t necessarily because they have the social skills of a turnip; it’s because the online dating interaction is much different from the face-to-face interaction. Your messages are not always understood by the recipient as you intended them and as such, rules are needed. I have comprised 5 winning rules for online messaging etiquette:

Rule 1

Give to your conversation what you would your future relationship.

In other words, don’t skimp on your messaging effort. The man or woman you are conversing with might just be your soulmate. Avoid responding to them or greeting them with a simple “Hi”. These interactions will cause the conversation to fall flat, fast. While these greetings are appropriate in a face-to-face interaction, online dating is much different and we need to use conversationally rich messages.

Rule 2

Questions are your best friend, use them often.

Direct questions are always going to be the bread and butter of online dating conversation. Try to avoid “dry” questions like, “How are you?” These won’t get the responses you are looking for. Include questions that are geared toward their profile. Consider reading through their profile and asking questions that would naturally come up. “It says you like traveling, which are your favorite places to travel?” Feel free to include your favorite places to travel with this question. Someone who is passionate about this will give you more than enough to talk about.

Rule 3

Don’t overwhelm yourself with too many conversations at once.

It can be tempting to try to interact with as many people as possible to get the quickest result. The problem with this is that you won’t give your best effort. Try to limit your potential interests to a few. This way you can focus better on conversation topics.

Rule 4

Give your best effort for a timely response.

Time can evade us all. If communicating with someone online, try to make your best effort to reply promptly if interested. I highly suggest you respond within 24 hours.

Rule 5

Show enthusiasm with punctuation.

“That’s exciting! I love The Walking Dead too!” Isn’t that much better to read than, “I like that show too.”? Feel free to go wild with your enthusiasm. It shows the other person you are engaged with the conversation. This enthusiasm can also be flattering.