Surviving the Holidays as a Fabulous Singleton

There are certain times of the year when there is more of a focus on whether you’re in a relationship or not. If we can put aside the dreaded Valentine’s day for now, then Christmas has got to be top of the list.

An endless stream of romantic comedies fills the TV schedule, and all of them seem to end with a happily-ever-after-beginning kiss, timed perfectly with the arrival of much-loved snow.

Back in reality, a lot of us are watching the credits roll from our singly occupied bed, wondering why we still haven’t had that perfect movie finish.

The other major influence that brings singleton shame during the holidays, is family. Never-before seen Great Aunts appear as if from nowhere, to question you about the intimate details of your dating life, and inquire about marriage and kids.

As a season known for its vastly available liquor and food, it’s tempting to try to drown the sorrows. However, there is an alternative.

This holiday season, it’s time to embrace and love your single status.

Embrace Your Singleton Status

Unless you’re in a relationship already, it’s highly improbable that you’ll be paired up and madly in love by the time Santa comes a ’jingling. Life just ain’t like the movies, kid.

The worst thing you can do for your love life -and your self-esteem- is go on a mad dash to find ‘the one’ between now and Christmas. The second worst thing you can do is sit around feeling sorry for yourself and lamenting all over everyone else’s joy.

It’s time to pull up your Christmas Stockings, and accept that this holiday season your sleigh will be flying solo.

Don’t Let Them Needle You

No, this isn’t referring to the Christmas tree, but to the (probably) well-meaning others that will be asking more questions than a quiz show host.  Prepare a stock answer before the holiday parties begin, so that you’re prepared. Keep it short and simple, and have a question ready to ask back to move the conversation along. Remember, there’s no shame in being single, no matter what your second-cousin twice removed thinks.

Change the Channel, Flip the Script

You’re the lead in your own Christmas movie and right now it’s not looking like a romance, so it’s time to change your expectations and switch to a different genre. Go ‘action adventure’ and pack and your holiday schedule full of new and exciting activities that won’t require a co-star, like snow sports or sledding.

Maybe you’re feeling more of a ‘Hangover’ vibe and want to get in some quality time with quality people. Find your glitziest outfit, half-drown yourself in glitter and take to the town to make this Christmas the ‘merriest’ one yet.

Whatever way your holiday movie goes, make it a blockbuster.

Want to be the lead in your own romantic movie? Visit dating advice expert Michael Valmont

Ghosts Of Exes Past – 3 Tips To End Your Bad Dating Habits

Between the mistletoe, sappy TV adverts, and Mariah Carey songs, it’s easy to fall under the Christmas romance spell.

Side effects of the Christmas romance spell include: wondering if Dave from the Accounts Departments is actually your one true love, or spending a lot of time at the ice rink waiting to fall into the arms of Prince/Princess charming!

**Spoiler alert: Dave probably isn’t your soul mate, but even if he is, tequila-drunk at the Christmas party isn’t the best time to explore this option.

If you’re serious about finding romance this Christmas, it’s time to look away from the spell-bounding glitter and twinkling lights, and start reflecting on what habits you may want to change.

Ignore the Ghosts of Romances Past

You’re back in your hometown for Christmas and out for a few drinks at your old local. It’s snowing outside. The pub door swings open and in he/she walks: your ex. It all feels a bit magical, right?


It’s a pretty stark truth that not many of us like to hear, but if a relationship didn’t work in the past, it probably won’t work again in the future.

Now I know what you’re thinking – your relationship is different:

 “It just wasn’t the right time or circumstances back then. We can make it work this time.” 

Honestly, you most likely won’t make it work this time either. You’re only going back because it may be comfortable, easy and familiar. And there’s snow.

Remember: You’re the Present

If going on a date feels more like a job interview than having fun, you may need to re-think your approach. Rather than trying spew as many impressive facts about yourself, remember a conversation takes two to tango! Ask questions about them and get to know each other through thoughtful conversation.

You need to remember that you’re the prize that your date would be lucky to win. Know your own self-worth and your natural fabulousness will shine brighter than the star atop your tree.  Get more confidence with some advice from yours truly: dating expert Michael Valmont.

Keep your Drive Towards the Future

It’s easy to become despondent whilst dating, especially at Christmas. Between nosy Aunts at family parties and endless engagements, you might feel under pressure to be in a relationship.

Don’t panic and rush into a relationship with the wrong person.

Think of dating like being stuck in traffic: it feels like you’re not moving. It’s tempting to get off at the next exit and figure out how to get to the destination from there.

Remember that even though it feels like you’re not getting very far, you are headed in the right direction. Don’t settle for the relationship equivalent to a road paved with speed bumps. You know where you want to be. Don’t lose your direction.

The 3 Most Unattractive Qualities In a Partner

The self-help revolution has taught us for decades about how to become better at sales, more confident, or more outgoing. But what about how to become a better partner? And what about distinguishing between someone who brings light and energy into our lives versus someone who continually drags us down.

Below I’ve listed the most unattractive traits that could poison a relationship from the inside out. Keep an eye out for them, either in your potential partner or even yourself!

Is your partner too pessimistic? 

There’s nothing wrong with being realistic- when you have rent and bills to pay then you have to keep your feet firmly on the ground. Just be wary of someone who takes every opportunity to put a damper on things: this person misses opportunities because they look for the worst in any situation.

You might think that you can help them, or maybe convince them to be more positive (and there’s more about that later) but it won’t work. You’ll find yourself living a dull but frustrating life, one where things ‘just never seem to go right’, where the world seems to always work against you, all because your glass is half empty. Their attitude will slowly poison your outlook on life.

And if your partner looks for the reasons why things can’t work rather than how they could, then the moment you hit a rocky patch together, they’ll be out the door. Nobody want’s to feel like they are continually treading on egg shells.

Is your partner jealous and possessive?

Again, healthy jealousy can be a great thing. It shows you that you mean a lot to them, and that they couldn’t stomach the idea of being without you… Which is great!

But jealousy can have a very, very dark side. When unrestrained, jealousy gives way to anger, misery and even abuse. At its worst, jealousy becomes complete possessiveness: they want to track your every move, your every word, your every interaction. They want to own you, and that definitely isn’t healthy.

Jealousy is also often a sign of a guilty conscience, in particular if it comes as a change in character. If your partner suddenly starts to accuse you of cheating, for what seems like no reason, then there’s a chance that they’re pointing the finger at you instead of addressing their own guilt.

Is your partner too domineering- are they trying to change you?

It’s an adage as old as relationships themselves, and it’s true: you can’t change your partner, and trying to will only end in disappointment. So why do people still try?

Well, some people are natural dominators. They want to be the biggest, best person in the room- it’s just human nature. And there’s nothing that’s necessarily bad about that, but with some people, it can become a slippery slope towards abuse. Dictatorship like behaviour in a relationship can very often drive the other person anyway, causing confusion and hurt.

They’ll often start doing things behind their partners back to avoid any further pressure to change. If they demand their partner change their ways through pressure or force, it’ll never work and leave them with a bitter resentment towards their partner which could spell disaster for the long term.

If you want to ensure a relationship has the longest term chance of success and you see these unattractive patterns in our partners, instead of looking to place blame, first look in the mirror and make sure you’re not the source! i.e. If you catch yourself being overly negative with someone you’re dating, catch your negative thoughts as they happen and try to see the positivity and instead vocalize that.

Another example is, if you find yourself being jealous and possessive, try to objectively look at the situation from an external point of view. Do you have a reason to try to ‘control’ your partner in that situation or is it a projection of your own insecurity – could you do anything to address that?

The healthiest relationship we need to have is one with ourselves and if we want attraction to last with anyone we’re dating, it must start and end with you.