Body Language – How to Tell If Your Date Is Into You

If you are someone that needs a little more than a subtle hint about how someone feels about you, then listen up. Body language is one of the simplest and most telling signs of someone’s true feelings. People will subconsciously reveal their reactions and emotions to a person or situation without even meaning to through body language. As the saying goes, “listen to their words but watch their actions”.  Here are a few common body language movements decoded:

Crossed legs or arms

If any part of their body is crossed, it means they are guarded and not feeling completely relaxed around you. If a woman’s legs are crossed (as most women do this for modesty and comfort measures) look at where her legs are pointing, are the crossed away of towards you . Folded arms over the chest also indicate that your present company still needs to be convinced.

Playing with hair or ear

When someone plays with their own or someone else’s hair, this is usually a flirting technique. It means they feel comfortable and attracted to you and want to be able to get closer to you. However, ear grabbing usually means that the person doesn’t like what they are hearing and feel uncomfortable and a little nervous as well.

Touching of the neck and décolletage

This can be taken in two different ways. Someone who is stressed can rub their neck or loosen their collar, or even place a hand up around their own neck.  These signs will also go with probably a straighter back and maybe even crossed arms. On the flip side if someone is grazing their fingers playfully around this area it can also mean they are flirting and are attracted to you.

Eye contact vs. no eye contact

The eyes will really tell you a lot about someone. If you are yet to be able to master reading the small movements of the eye, then just stick to understanding the importance of eye contact. When someone feels comfortable and attracted to you they will make eye contact. Anyone who is bored, nervous or uncomfortable will not be able to hold your gaze. They will keep looking away, or down and will answer your questions without looking at your directly.

Smiling with teeth vs smiling with no teeth

A big open smile with lots of teeth, shows that the person you are with feels relaxed, happy and comfortable. It’s also a clear way of flirting. A more demure and coy smile with no teeth but smiley eyes will also indicate a playful and flirty nature. A smile that has no teeth and no “smiling eyes” indicates they are just being polite but are most likely not interested, lacking confidence or comfortable.

Remember just because their body language indicates one thing at the start of a date, doesn’t mean it can’t or won’t change throughout the course of the date.

Social Media & Your Relationship – 5 Rules

Social media is a huge part of our daily lives. Even if you aren’t a massive fan, chances are the people you date will probably be using it frequently. With millions of people being active multiple times a day over several different platforms, we have to expect a few negative impacts.

It’s not to say that you should boycott social media, but here are some good ground rules to keep in mind when mixing it with your love life:

Keep your relationship private, but don’t hide it

When you change your relationship status from being single to declaring you are committed to someone, this is a huge step. You are letting the people in your world know that you are taking the next step. It doesn’t mean that you need to divulge every single detail, fight or gooey bit along the way. Keeping the details of your relationship private means there is less room for unwanted opinions. There is a huge difference though in hiding the fact you are with someone altogether. Even if you are a private person, secrecy should never come into play in any stage of a loving relationship.

Don’t air your dirty laundry online

We all have fights and sometimes people let us down. This doesn’t mean you have the right to openly bully or slander someone online. The less drama you show about your relationship, the less unwanted attention and comments you will get. No one is perfect, so try to work things out behind the scenes rather than post it all over your status feed.

Know when to switch off from it…literally

It’s so easy to waste our time staring at our phones or computers. Social media is a huge way in which we communicate and interact with the world. Try to set some rules when it comes to turning off your devices and choosing to spend quality time with each other instead.

Not everything you see is as it seems

So often we get caught up in the “filtered” life of what we see on social media. This causes us to think that the grass is greener on someone else’s profile. Comparison is a joy thief, and what you see isn’t necessarily a true representation of what that person’s life and relationship is like.

 Learn to cultivate respect when using it

What I mean by this, is that you need to be aware of what temptations may be out there. It’s easy to chat to a good-looking stranger or harmlessly like a sexy picture, but you need to stop and ask yourself is it respectful to the person you are dating? Social media is also an easy way to get in contact with the past, and let’s just say that some people are better off left in the past. Be conscious of what your actions are and who you are inviting into your private world.

 

 

5 Dating Game Changers to Finding Love

If you are looking for love, chances are you’re hoping it will be a short process and you can find your partner asap. Just because last year may have been rough, doesn’t mean that it will repeat itself. So, with Valentine’s Day upon us, let’s look at 5 ways to break through the dating blues!

GOALS

When we are motivated, purpose driven and flourishing in life, we give ourselves the chance to find happiness outside of a relationship. Becoming the best version of ourselves allows opportunities to invite the best person for us into our life. It’s time to stop putting all your energy into searching for love, and start dating yourself first. Work out what you really want this year, then set about achieving it.

GET ACTIVE

After you have learnt to love yourself properly and have established your purpose, it’s now time to get active about finding love. This means getting outside your comfort zone and expanding your social circles.  Online dating is all about creating opportunities to meet people who are in the same boat. Very rarely does love just turn up on your doorstep, you need to put the effort in to get the results.

START TALKING

Communication break-down is one of the top 3 reasons why relationships fail. It’s time to start talking and listening more. When we are open and honest about our intentions and feelings we are able to gain clearer responses from the person we are dating. Don’t be scared to address issues or discuss things that are close to your heart. Being able to talk freely with the person you love is integral to the health of the relationship.

LEARN FROM THE PAST

If you are constantly finding yourself in the wrong relationship or patterns, then it’s time to change your habits. What are you doing wrong? Where could you improve?  Remember you are the common denominator. If you want change then you need to initiate it. Get educated on how to have healthy and fulfilling relationships.

COMMIT

Whether it’s a fear of missing out or a fear of failure, you need to remember that being committed to someone doesn’t signify something scary. Relationships are hard work, they require constant effort from both parties. Just because there are more options out there, doesn’t mean that you should give up straight away on what you have. Try to have a mindset that is committed to your promises and decisions when in a relationship. Likewise, sometimes you will have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince, so if finding your special someone is the goal, stay consistent and committed to making it happen.

Don’t Make These Dating Mistakes

No one wants to know that they are at fault for why their relationships are falling apart. I mean sure we aren’t perfect, but are we purposely self -sabotaging our love life? If you are constantly finding yourself single and disappointed, then perhaps it’s time to look at what you may be doing wrong.

Here are 8 mistakes you could be making in your dating life:

1: You are choosing the wrong people to date

Chances are if you keep finding yourself in the same situation, then you must be dating the same type of person over and over again. Sure, we all have a type, but make sure that ‘type’ is also someone who values and treats you well. It’s one thing to be attracted to certain physical traits, but it’s altogether another thing to not look beyond their appearance and take into account their character. If you can identify where you are going wrong, then try and choose consciously to date someone that is going to be better for you.

2: You are giving off mixed signals

They don’t know whether you’re coming or going, and this is probably because you don’t know either! Make sure that you are whole and happy before you start your search for love. Have a clear idea of what you want in a partner and how much you are willing to invest. Playing games or being hot and cold, will only bring confusion, frustration to both people involved.  You don’t have to play games to win at love, so be open honest and transparent.

3: You have unrealistic expectations

We all want the fairy tale, but it doesn’t always look how we can imagine it to in our heads. When you go on a date make sure you are enjoying and staying present in the moment, instead of ticking off boxes in your head. Have a good idea about what you want and need in a relationship but remember to be flexible and realistic.

4: You keep settling for second best

This is because you haven’t learnt just how much you are worth. When we successfully love ourselves in a healthy way, we are then able to set the bar for how we let others love us. Don’t date out of loneliness, fear or desperation, make sure you are happy and complete before you put yourself out there. Know where boundaries need to be placed, and the difference between compromising and settling.

5: You get too serious and attached too fast

We live in a fast-paced instant society that wants everything yesterday! Take your time to get to know someone’s character and intentions before you let them into your heart. Good old fashioned courting means that you can get to see just how serious your date is about wanting you in their life.

6: You keep bringing up the past

Talking about your past relationships or hurts is not going to help your present or future love life. This isn’t about denying what has happened but rather choosing the right time in a relationship of when to talk about it. As a rule, you should never discuss ex’s in detail on a first date. Make sure you have fully healed and let go of your last heartache before you embark on a new relationship.

7: You’re trying too hard

Whilst it’s great to be active in finding love, there also needs to be a point where you can be overdoing it. No matter how bad you want to find the right one, make sure you are choosing quality over quantity. Serial dating only leads to frustration and confusion. Try not to overwhelm yourself, by taking time in between dates and not dating just for the sake of it. If you are on the hunt, your suitors will sense it and probably run for the hills. Make sure you are at peace within yourself and also able to enjoy your time alone.

8: You’re not trying hard enough

And then on the other hand you may not be active enough. Love isn’t going to turn up on our doorstep, we need to create opportunities to invite it into our life. This might be as simple as setting up a dating profile, or expanding your social circle. More than likely you will have to get out of your comfort zone. Remember the golden rule, dating is only as complicated as we allow it to be.

5 Ways To Make A Great First Impression

They say that you only get one chance to make a great first impression. Whilst that isn’t true for every date, it still is important to get the first meeting off to a good start. When the nerves (or the traffic) kicks in, we can be left feeling flawed from the beginning. The problem is most of the time we have already set a certain expectation on ourselves and the date, so we feel disappointed if something doesn’t go exactly the way it should. The trick is to remember that sometimes are reaction to the curve balls are what really helps us seal the deal. But here are 5 quick tips on how to make sure you get their attention and a chance for a second date:

1: Don’t be late

Easier said than done in some circumstances, however if you know you are someone who is either notoriously late or perhaps have a job that keeps you overtime, make sure you accommodate for this. Turning up on time, shows that you respect the person and their time right from the beginning. It also means you will not keep them awkwardly waiting or be stressing out. In general, it’s just common good manners, and courtesy never goes astray.

2: Don’t talk about yourself all the time

Even if you are excited and fabulous, make sure you don’t dominate the conversation. It might be tempting to feel like you have to talk about yourself if your date is shy or stuck for answers. Instead ask them questions about who they are. First dates should be about getting to know each other to see if you have common interests and are compatible.

3: Don’t talk about past relationships or overshare

It’s good to keep things surface level on a first encounter. Not only does this give you a bit of mystery and keep your date intrigued, but it also shows that you have self-control with your words, thoughts and feelings. Talking about your ex or oversharing private parts of your life just aren’t appropriate for a first date. Even if you date starts to lead you down that path of conversation, try to change it quickly to avoid any sort of overly emotional or baggage talk.

4: Stay away from your phones

Make it a rule not to look at your phone when you are with your date. It’s a hard habit to break when we are always constantly checking our emails and social media. Don’t leave your phone out on the table, put it away and give your date your full attention. It signifies respect for them and your time together. It also means less distractions.

5: Dress to impress

Go to the physical effort for your date. We are human after all and being physically attracted to someone is a normal thing to feel. Dress with confidence and dress to impress. This isn’t about relying on just your looks to win them over, but rather feeling good about yourself and showing them that you respect yourself and them enough to make more than a normal effort.

 

8 Dating Stigmas We Must Break

It’s time to talk about all those rules and negative stigmas attached to dating. Times have changed and thanks to education, raising standards and a whole lot of self-love, we are able to call out the following:

1: Men should make the first move

Depending on what type of personality you have and how much confidence you possess, don’t be afraid to be the one to ask first. Men love a confident woman and making the first move doesn’t signify that you are over keen or over bearing, it just shows that you can take initiative. Whilst you may be more of a traditionalist, make sure you aren’t making the man do all of the work.

2: Chemistry = compatibility

When mutual spark fly, it’s easy to think that your new-found crush is everything you have been waiting for. But don’t let all those butterflies and hormones stop you from seeing their true character and intentions. Often, we think that if there isn’t an instant connection then they mustn’t be the one for us. While this is commonly true, don’t put your suitors into a box based just off your initial emotions.

3: Calling makes you look desperate

If you call a man, it shows you have courage and good communication skills. Now there is a big difference to ringing them on occasion as opposed to bombarding their phone. But in general, let’s not stereotype ourselves and break the mold that it is completely normal to ring a guy, even if he hasn’t rung you first. Heck, take him by surprise!

4: Men should always pay

While I do think the man should pay for the first date, I think the woman should always offer. A relationship is a two-way street where both people involved should be putting in equal effort. There is nothing emasculating about paying for your man’s date, and likewise there is nothing patronizing about having the man pay for yours!

5: Playing hard to get makes them want you more

Game playing will never get you anywhere. Keep some mystery about yourself and guard your heart, but don’t start pretending to do and not do things just to keep him on your tail. In any relationship, it’s important to have a bit of chase and the best way to do this is to not live in each other’s pockets and make sure you have a life and purpose outside of each other.

6: Online dating is only for the desperate

Wrong! Online dating is a great way to create opportunities to meet people who are looking for a relationship like you. Where else can you do that except maybe dating events? Online dating is perfect for anyone who is time poor, lacks confidence or perhaps just wants to narrow down their options before choosing to go on a date. It’s also no longer taboo!

7: Dating is hard work

Relationships require hard work to keep them strong, but dating should always be fun! As soon as it becomes too much of an effort, it’s time to take a break.  Sure, we would all like the love of our life to magically appear in our living room, but that’s not going to happen. You need to put in effort, but it should never be a chore.

8:  If they pay, it means you owe them something

No, this is not true at all. If someone is wanting to pay for your date (whether you have offered to or not), this does not mean you are indebted to them. True courtship is about making the person you are with feeling valued, safe and special. It isn’t about self-gain or keeping tabs. Don’t be fooled into thinking you have to give or do something you don’t want to just because your date has settled the bill.

 

Signs He Is Emotionally Unavailable

We all ideally have the type of guy we want to meet, envisioned in our heads. And I’m pretty sure that the love story you have imagined will involve him falling deeply for you and being able to commit. Choosing to date someone emotionally available is sometimes harder than we think. Mainly because we won’t know if they are until later down the track. However, if you find yourself constantly “ghosted” or single, then perhaps you are addicted to dating men who aren’t ready to invest in love? Here’s a few tell -tale signs:

1: You can’t seem to find someone to commit

When a man is ready to be with a woman, he will do anything to make this happen. Unfortunately, if he has already decided that he doesn’t want anything more, than there’s not much you can do to change his mind. Just because you might be compatible on some levels, doesn’t mean he is emotionally ready to invest himself. This isn’t a reflection of who you are, but rather either a case of bad timing or the wrong guy for you. When someone chooses to commit to you, it means in every way.

2: You are constantly chasing after them

Whilst there shouldn’t be any games in love and relationships, there is always an element of chase. However, it should be the man wooing the woman. Not the other way around. If you are constantly chasing men who just seem to always be out of reach or only giving you false hope, then chances are these men aren’t emotionally available. Save yourself the time, heartache and energy, by guarding your heart and watching their actions. Are they actively pursuing you? If not, then move on.

3: You give them everything and get nothing in return

Love is a two-way street and you shouldn’t be the one doing all the work. When a man wants to invest in you and your relationship, he will be meeting you halfway. A healthy and fulfilling relationship shouldn’t leave you feeling drained.

4: You keep holding out hoping they’ll change

This is so easy to do, but incredibly exhausting. You can’t enter into a relationship in hope of what you want it to be. You need to see it for what it is and decide whether or not that is enough for you. Trying to fix your man or forcing him to feel the same way will only cause heartache, conflict and tension.

5: You make excuses for their behaviour

This is probably because you have put them on a pedestal which can happen when feelings are one sided. There is nothing wrong with elevating the person you love, but they should be lifting you up to. When there is an element of chase, we feel compelled to try and try over again to win that person over. This often results in us making excuses for their behaviour, because we don’t want them to lose any interest in us. We cling to what little they give us.

Top 5 Things That Make Men Run!

So you have a lot to offer and want to find a great guy. So what then are you doing to make men run? Whether it’s them or you, it’s always good to know what positive self-changes we can make to become great partners and attract equally fantastic men. So here are 5 common things that make men head for the hills:

1: Clinginess

This isn’t about playing hard to get, but rather giving a guy the space he needs. We don’t want to smother our man, as it sends the signal that we don’t know how to be independent without him. Being affectionate and attentive is one thing, but being clingy is another. Give the man a chance to miss you, and show him that you are quite OK on your own.

2: Lack of confidence and insecurities

Men love a confident woman. Period. When a woman stands firm in her self-worth and purpose, it becomes incredibly attractive to a man. Simply because it shows that she isn’t afraid of a challenge and rejoices in who she is. It also reveals a level of strength which draws guys in. Constantly obsessing about how you look or where you are failing will only turn men off.

3: Being too available

This doesn’t mean you have to leave him guessing and give him 6 “no”’s to one “yes”. But there is something more attractive about a woman when she shrouds herself in a bit of mystery and gives a guy a bit of chase. Nope this isn’t about playing games, but rather continuing on with your own life instead of putting it on hold for him. Keep doing what you are doing, learn to compromise to some degree but make sure it’s reciprocated.

4: Indecisiveness

This is a little bit annoying for anyone, but especially to men. When you can’t make up your mind, it shows two things; 1: that you are not having the confidence to do and say what you really want or 2: that you have no clear direction in your life . Be firm, say what you feel the need to say and be a decision maker. Don’t leave it up to the guy every time. Take initiative with plans and make the calls. He will love you for it!

5: Nagging

Probably the biggest turn off for a guy is when the woman he is with becomes a nag. Communicating what you want is necessary, but incessantly nagging him about it is not. If they guy doesn’t listen to you or take action, then you have two options; 1: do it yourself or 2: find someone else to do it for you (within reason of course).

And remember when we become the best versions of ourselves we open the door to attract the best man for us.

6 Reasons Why Dating In Your 30’s is Awesome

There seems to be a slight stigma attached to dating in your 30’s. Thanks to Bridget Jones, women who are single in their 30’s are sometimes seen as a failure simply because they haven’t been coupled up. Well it’s time to break that bad rep and start looking at all the positive reasons why dating in your 30’s is actually awesome.

1: You bounce back quicker

No one likes to be rejected but when you have been turned down a few times in your 20’s, you develop thick skin. Dating in your 30’s means you understand that you aren’t everyone’s cup of tea and that’s alright. Ageing not only gives us wisdom , but it also gives us a better perspective on ourselves and the dating scene.

2: You know what you don’t want

Whilst we may still be working out what we do want in life and relationships, usually by your 30’s you have an idea of what you DON’T want! Past experiences and relationships help us fine tune the type of person we desire as a partner.  With age, usually comes clarity, and when we start to look for a partner later on in life, we can have a clearer sense of what expectations and standards we should realistically set.

3: You can identify the time wasters

After a few years of practice in your teens and 20’s you can usually start to identify certain character traits in the people you date.  By our 30’s most of us have had a couple of toxic relationships or perhaps have even had our hearts broken a few times.  The type of men from your past will help you better understand the right sort of man you should attract into your present and future.

4: You have more confidence

Simply because you probably have a clearer sense of who you are, what you want and where you are going. You have been through some turmoil and have come out the other side, which makes you stronger and wiser. Most of the time by this age bracket we have established ourselves in our careers, and friendships and understand that our sense of worth doesn’t come from a man.

5: You understand more about yourself and love

After a few battles of the heart we tend to work out more about ourselves. When we are in our 20’s we think we know it all, but it’s not till later down the line we realise we had no idea. Dating in your 30’s means that you have a better understanding of what real love looks like.

6: You have your own purpose and life without a man

Finding love in your 30’s isn’t about needing a man, but rather wanting one that adds to your life in a positive way. We have learnt that we are responsible for our own happiness and that we can survive and thrive without one. Therefore, we take off the impending pressure on a guy or ourselves and learn to just enjoy the ride.

Image result for dating in your thirties

 

5 Ways To Tell You Are Self-Sabotaging Your Date Night

Being single can be a challenge, whilst it’s a great time to grow as an individual, often we start to question why and where our previous relationships went wrong. Most people have had to kiss a few frogs before finding their prince, but surely there is a limit right?! Perhaps it’s time to look at things from a different point of view: Are you the one who is self-sabotaging your chance at love? Whilst it may not be nice to admit, we have to take responsibility for what we contribute to our relationships and admit where we are going wrong.

Here are 5 ways to tell you are self-destructing your dates :

1: You keep changing your mind and the plans

When you are inconsistent from the start, you send the wrong message to your new suitor. Constantly changing plans, cancelling, rescheduling etc. will make your date wonder if you are even serious at all or perhaps just taking them for a run! If you are unsure, then it’s better not to commit to a decision or a date rather than give them an ever changing answer.

2: You come on way too strong

The first date should be about to getting to know each other on a friendship level rather than delving into each other’s ultimate expectations and life history. There should be a casual atmosphere and no pressure or feelings of unmet expectations. Try to live in the moment rather than forward planning in your mind, it will help you relax and keep things in perspective.

3: You never get a call back

There is a reason why we are single and why we develop certain patterns in our love life. If your dates never go beyond 1 or 2 meet ups, then chances are you are either dating the wrong type of person over and over again or you have created some bad habits that scare men away.

4: You talk about your ex’s

Bringing your past up when you are trying to connect with someone new is not the best idea! Make it a rule of thumb that you never talk about your past relationships, even when probed to. Why? Because it isn’t necessary, especially in the initial stages. Chatting about relationship failures will only dampen the mood or bring up a lot of bad feelings.

5: You forget to have fun

Date night should be fun! It’s not meant to be an interview or a chance to screen prospects to be your future spouse. Learn to relax and not be so focused on trying to get boxes ticked but rather just getting to know the person in front of you. Only time will tell if they are the right one for you, it’s not something you can predict after throwing a bunch of questions at them.