How to Learn to Trust Again After a Bad Breakup

Going through a breakup has never been easy for anyone, irrespective of whether it was good or bad. However, recovering from a not so bad breakup is much easier as opposed to a bad one. People resort to doing a lot of stuff to get them through such times such as engaging in a sport, reading, writing, and so much more. Trust forms the foundation of any relationship, and when you betray that trust it’s heart breaking. Most people are convinced that they won’t be able to trust again but that isn’t entirely true – you can learn how to!

Writer Kevin Nelson from ElitEssayWriters says that learning to trust again even after a bad breakup is very possible. He believes that love and forgiveness have a way of making things alright. So, how can one learn to trust again after a bad breakup?

Accept Your Situation

The first step to recovering from a personal trauma or addiction is by acknowledging that there is a problem and that a solution is needed. When you go through a breakup, it’s best to face the reality that your relationship is done for and it’s time to move on! This eases the healing process, making you ready for the next chapter of your relationship, including being able to trust again.

Take Some Time

Time is one commodity that plays a big role when it comes to trusting others. You’ll need to take some time off the dating scene to take care of yourself and reflect on your previous relationship to know what went wrong and avoid the same mistakes. Spend time getting to know yourself, on a new hobby or on basically anything to help you get over your experience. They say time heals all wounds including a broken heart, so it will help you heal from your breakup and make it possible to trust again.

Learn To Forgive

Being able to forgive and letting go of that inner pain is something few people can do. Yes, it’s not easy to forgive someone who has hurt you and taken the trust you’d placed on them for granted. However, it’s the key to being happy. As much as you are the one doing the forgiving, realize that forgiveness also helps you move on, only the strong have the heart to forgive.

Not All Relationships are Forever

We all want the relationship we’re in to be the one that lasts forever. It’s not bad to wish for that, but sadly not all last forever. At times we get into a relationship and at the dating stage, we immediately realize that it isn’t working. It’s important to know when it’s time to walk away. Once we accept that not every relationship is for forever, we will be more open to trying out new relationships and trusting again.


Positivity is needed to get through the dark times in life. Being an optimist makes it easy to learn how to trust again. It means having faith that the universe will guide you to happiness. One way is to try out online dating, meet other singles, go to local joints, among other things.

Trust and honesty are needed for any relationship to succeed. After undergoing a bad breakup, we often resign to never placing trust on anyone else ever. This would be committing a grievous mistake! It’s important to learn how to pick yourself up, learn to love and trust again because it’s the only way to be happy. Different people have different ways of coping, what has helped you trust again after a bad breakup?

Tackling Your Fear Of The Inevitable Break Up

Most of us know what it feels like to be rejected or broken up with, so it’s no wonder that we can be hesitant about inflicting that same emotion on someone else. However, staying in a relationship either out of guilt or fear is no way to live. Like anything in life, the best decisions we can make come from emotional intelligence and rational . When we allow anxiety to control our actions and relationships we invite an endless cycle of negativity into our life.

Love is a journey and finding the right person to spend the rest of your life with is a process. We often think we should stay with someone just because we have already spent so much time with them. We use our emotional investment and history with them as justification for putting up with being unhappy. We get comfortable.

But here’s the thing, you shouldn’t have to settle for someone just to keep them happy or to have an average relationship. So here are a few tips to getting you confident and brave enough to break it off:

Look at the bigger picture

Most of our anxiety starts when we overthink all the details instead of just seeing the bigger picture. When should I break up with them? What will they say? How will they react? How should I say it? and so on. Yes, people will get hurt along the way and it’s not going to be an easy process, but everyone has the ability to move on. You can’t get stuck in the moment and make up a list of empty excuses as to why you shouldn’t let go. Whether you are feeling guilty for hurting that person or are scared about what the future holds, you have to try and put everything into perspective and see beyond the initial break up.

Know your worth

If you are in a toxic relationship and feel utterly exhausted from the daily fight with your partner, then it’s even more of a reason why you need to call it quits. Don’t forget about what you want as well, and if you are not fulfilled or happy and your relationship is tumultuous, then it’s time to break free. Focus on building up your self-love and confidence so you can have the strength to say goodbye.

Take it a day at a time, but have a plan

The best way to tackle a fear is to have a plan of action. This means creating a practical solution for a problem. If you are struggling or fearful about ending your relationship then chances are you won’t just randomly wake up one day and do it. Keep a time frame in mind of how long you will wait, but don’t put unrealistic expectations on yourself. Instead start to build daily habits and choices into your life that will helpgive you the courage to do it. Whether it’s focusing on self-love, or having a financial back up plan so you aren’t stranded. Good preparation will make the whole process a lot easier and take some of the stress away.

Hold yourself accountable

Lastly, it’s important to surround yourself with good people who inspire, encourage and support you. If you know you need to end your relationship because it is unhealthy or unfulfilling then make sure you tell the right people so they can keep you on track. With fear also comes excuses, so connect with people in your world you will keep you accountable to your happiness.

How To Know It’s Time To Call It Quits

When it’s needed, breaking up is harder to do than anything except for not breaking up.  But how do you know it’s time?

Are we having fun yet?

We all know relationships involve work.  But good relationships are overbalanced towards fun and reward—by a factor of twenty.  Literally, happy couples have 20x more positive interactions than negative, work-inducing ones.

And in a really solid dating relationship, the work often feels like play.  Being in love is the great motivating force that helps us put in the time and effort to build a future together, feeling more like “us against the world” than “me against you.”

So if you’ve been settling for 50/50, that’s a bad ratio.  Yes, sometimes really long-term relationships hit rough spots and couples need counseling.  But you’re dating.  Anytime a dating relationship involves more pain than pleasure, more unpleasant work than good times–it’s time to move on.

Does my partner listen only when I’ve got a foot out the door?

Did you know?  Whether or not a couple is happy, a full 2/3 of every couple’s problems never get solved.  Research proves you should pick someone whose differences you can live with, because most differences don’t ever fully go away.  Fifty years from now, you’re still going to be having that fight about who wipes the crumbs off the counter.

Put more optimistically, you don’t have to agree on everything to make a good life together.  But you’d better choose a partner who deeply cares about your happiness, and who is motivated to meet your needs/clear the crumbs as much as they’re able—because they actively want to further your well-being, not because you’re leaving them. Otherwise, de-fanging tough ongoing issues is impossible, because the underlying attitude says, “Your needs aren’t important unless I’m losing something.”

Committing to a partner whose primary allegiance is “me” not “we” means you’ve lost your ability to negotiate and to be heard unless you’re perpetually ready to pack your bags.  Instead, pack them now—and lock the door behind you

If my best friend was in this relationship, how would I advise them?

In my client work, I frequently hear from people who are being treated terribly.  Maybe their dating partner is stringing them along year after year with false promises, or publicly humiliating them, or withholding sex for months on end.

Whatever it is, as soon as I ask the question above, they get much clearer.

Factually speaking, a lack of kind and respectful treatment should be a total deal-breaker—because the relationship really is doomed.  If you’re going to have a happy love life, you’re going to insist on having a partner who treats you as a cherished friend and who welcomes your views, even when things aren’t going their way.  I cannot overstate this: settling for less is settling for pain.

Was the relationship worth it before this happened?

Factors inside and outside a relationship can cause us to reassess.  Betrayals happen when there’s a large mismatch between what we expect and what our partner does—whether that’s an affair, hiding money, or any other big violation of trust. Other times, a life change emerges, such as a move or new career or school option.

Transition points like these indicate a long road ahead.  If you already didn’t get what you needed from the relationship, it’s time to make the break.

Ultimately, these questions lead to the one question that will never let you down: Are we on the same team?  Loving is something we do birth to death.  Attachment never stops mattering.  It’s vital to attach to someone who is with us and for us—or to break the attachment and find someone who is.

Why He Ghosted – From The Male Perspective

The worst part about being ghosted is not knowing why he did it. The aftermath of being ghosted is oftentimes worse than a real haunting; it’s a painful process. You start to dismantle yourself piece by piece with hopes to identify what prompted him to disappear like a low budget movie. You play the reel over and over in your head. You think about the last date you were on or your last conversation. Anything, which could provide a touch of closure for your shattered heart. The majority of the time you won’t get that closure, but know, you deserve that closure.

Why do men ghost women?

Ghosting is used to abruptly and easily end contact with another person. A man chooses to ghost a woman because he is too afraid to hurt the woman’s feelings with direct confrontation. The fledgling relationship is young enough to escape without the man feeling he owes her a legitimate explanation. He wants her to “take the hint” after disappearing.

Ghosting is used because it works, although, it’s a disrespectful method. The real questions that get pondered by men are: Do you tell her you aren’t interested in seeing her again because she has bad breath? Or, do you apply the lesser of the evils and ghost her? Questions like these are the harsh reality of early dating woes.

The overture of the ghosting symphony is sometimes littered with signs which indicate you might have a ghost in your midst. Being able to identify these signs might help you avoid the ghosting from taking place.

He Is flakey

If the guy you recently started dating is changing plans around or canceling on you frequently, you aren’t at the top of his list of priorities and he’s not respecting you. On top of that, these are the classic signs of a ghost just before they disappear from your life.

His replies to your texts are taking longer and longer by the day 

It’s true we all have busy lives and can’t always be buried in our smartphones. You have to think about it logically, though. Most people do get to check their phone within 8-hour increments. But if you have a guy and his replies to your texts are taking longer and longer. It’s hard to believe he’s making an effort to maintain a connection. This could be an indicator that his next magic trick will be a disappearing act.

You came on too strong too early

You came on too strong by talking about getting tattoos together or kids after two weeks of dating. This, of course, sent him running like a scared school boy from a bully. If you are dating a guy and really want to keep him around, don’t rush into an exclusive relationship or to long- term planning as if there is a deadline to beat. There is nothing more attractive than when a woman isn’t desperately concerned with the outcomes of a new relationship. It shows she’s happy with her current situation outside of the relationship. As far as communication goes, calling and texting with each other should be in balance. Don’t send three text messages to his one.

You slept together too soon

You gave your 100% to the guy and all he had to do was express a small amount of interest. Know your worth. Most importantly, follow your heart and feelings when it comes to dating. More times than not, we can usually feel something is “off”. It is at this point, we can try to communicate with this person or cut our losses.

Two Ways To Break Up Without Breaking Down

Kevin’s voice and hands shook as he told me how he yearned to break up with Sheila, his girlfriend of three years. The trouble was, the thought of leaving terrified him. He was beset by what-ifs: What if he didn’t find anyone else, or anyone better? What if he’d been with Sheila so long, he should just stay? What if he couldn’t make himself hurt her this way?

But the most important question of all was one he didn’t ask—and one we all need to. What if you stay with the wrong person?
Part of dating is hurting others—as painlessly as possible. How painlessly? And how worded? That depends in part on the seriousness of the relationship.

What to say

If you’ve just begun seeing someone, or you are turning down a first date, you can do it over the phone and say:
“Thank you for asking me, but I don’t feel like we’ve got enough in common” or, “Thanks so much, but I’m just not interested.”

And if it’s a more serious, longer-lasting relationship—like Kevin’s–, you can meet in person (unless you feel unsafe), and use this script:
“I’ve really enjoyed _____________ about you. But I don’t think we have enough in common to continue, and I don’t feel the way I’d need to for us to move forward together.”
Repeat either script as often as needed, like a broken record, until the break-up meeting is over.

Why this works

When I conducted a break-up survey that asked people, “What words would you most like [your partner] to use when they break up with you?” men and women of all ages and backgrounds overwhelmingly wanted honesty, but not brutality. Respondents strongly preferred their former date to say something worthy about them, and then to proceed to an honest but kind reason for the break-up. The most-desired reasons reflected the theme of a poor match: “It’s just not going to work out,” “I don’t think we’re right for each other,” “We don’t have enough in common,” and/or “We’re not a good enough match.”

Factually speaking, they’re on the right track for long-term happiness. Dozens of studies show that similarity is the best pathway to the widespread goal of a happy union. So saying, “I don’t think we have enough in common to continue” is not only clear and brief—it’s Truth, a reason deeply rooted in the reality of what makes for a happy permanent relationship. Other studies show that kindness in our actions is a rock-bottom requirement for happiness with anyone. So avoiding character assassination and focusing on our own feelings instead works. And bonus! This method is unassailable: You feel how you feel, period.

Did Kevin break up? You bet. And he told me the pain of worrying about it was far worse than how he felt afterwards; afterwards, he felt free to find a better match.
The price of finding the right one is bypassing every wrong one, including everyone who’s almost-but-not-quite what you need. Nobody ever said, “Thank you for settling for me!” Set yourself—and this other person—free.

Duana C. Welch, Ph.D., is the author of Love Factually: 10 Proven Steps from I Wish to I Do (2015). This is a partial excerpt, copyrighted by the author. You can get a free chapter and read more at