5 Ways to Know You Are Absolutely Positively in Love

Love. So often we use the word but not nearly as often do we reflect on what it really means. While the definition of love is as diverse and complicated as the people who experience it, here are five of the ways to know you are absolutely, positively in love!

You can be 100 % yourself

The beginning of a relationship is a truly exciting time, consumed with wonderful, intoxicating, almost too good to be true feelings over another person. This is the honeymoon phase where each of you can see no wrong in each other and always put your best foot forward For some, this means going to great lengths; perhaps even sleeping in full glam makeup or strictly wearing only your least comfortable, yet most attractive outfits. Sweatpants are, for the time being, banished to the darkest corner in your closet…Not that I or any woman has ever done that…

The longer the relationship lasts; however, the more your authentic self emerges, which is especially true when living with someone. True love is letting your guard down, surrendering trust in each other, and accepting one another for who you really are behind closed doors.

You share in each other’s happiness

A win for them is a win for you! If your partner got a promotion at work or are beaming after their dance class and you’re truly happy for them, it’s evident, a large part of your happiness resides in them being content.The thought of a life without them has your stomach in knots and it simply it does not make sense. If seeing your partner happy invokes joy within your heart, that is a definite sign that cupid has paid you a visit.

You always want the best for them, even when they drive you crazy

Even the most seemingly perfect couples, rest assured, have their combative moments. But when you truly love someone, annoyance and even anger are overridden by the fact that, at the end of the day you care for this person and will work it out because it’s worth it. It’s not your intention to hurt one another, because in doing so, it takes an immediate affect on you as well.

You’re best friends

Yes, it may sound cliché but is there any truer sign of love than a deep and meaningful friendship? Being able to laugh and feel utter joy in each other’s company, whether it’s simply staying up late talking or going on adventures around the world, is all made better knowing that you’d never want to do it with anyone else, but your best friend.

Time tells all

In the end, time reveals to us whether something is meaningful or fleeting. It’s can be difficult sometimes early on into a relationship to identify whether it’s true love or infatuation. A healthy, long lasting relationship requires patience, understanding, and compromise. In time, if you can still easily accept your significant other, including all of their faults, then you can safely bet that you’ve found that elusive, wonderful, all encompassing, true and everlasting love.

If all of the above applies to you, you’re a lucky one! Never let your partner forget what they mean to you because we are never promised tomorrow, so make sure to show that you love them today.

Signs He Is Emotionally Unavailable

We all ideally have the type of guy we want to meet, envisioned in our heads. And I’m pretty sure that the love story you have imagined will involve him falling deeply for you and being able to commit. Choosing to date someone emotionally available is sometimes harder than we think. Mainly because we won’t know if they are until later down the track. However, if you find yourself constantly “ghosted” or single, then perhaps you are addicted to dating men who aren’t ready to invest in love? Here’s a few tell -tale signs:

1: You can’t seem to find someone to commit

When a man is ready to be with a woman, he will do anything to make this happen. Unfortunately, if he has already decided that he doesn’t want anything more, than there’s not much you can do to change his mind. Just because you might be compatible on some levels, doesn’t mean he is emotionally ready to invest himself. This isn’t a reflection of who you are, but rather either a case of bad timing or the wrong guy for you. When someone chooses to commit to you, it means in every way.

2: You are constantly chasing after them

Whilst there shouldn’t be any games in love and relationships, there is always an element of chase. However, it should be the man wooing the woman. Not the other way around. If you are constantly chasing men who just seem to always be out of reach or only giving you false hope, then chances are these men aren’t emotionally available. Save yourself the time, heartache and energy, by guarding your heart and watching their actions. Are they actively pursuing you? If not, then move on.

3: You give them everything and get nothing in return

Love is a two-way street and you shouldn’t be the one doing all the work. When a man wants to invest in you and your relationship, he will be meeting you halfway. A healthy and fulfilling relationship shouldn’t leave you feeling drained.

4: You keep holding out hoping they’ll change

This is so easy to do, but incredibly exhausting. You can’t enter into a relationship in hope of what you want it to be. You need to see it for what it is and decide whether or not that is enough for you. Trying to fix your man or forcing him to feel the same way will only cause heartache, conflict and tension.

5: You make excuses for their behaviour

This is probably because you have put them on a pedestal which can happen when feelings are one sided. There is nothing wrong with elevating the person you love, but they should be lifting you up to. When there is an element of chase, we feel compelled to try and try over again to win that person over. This often results in us making excuses for their behaviour, because we don’t want them to lose any interest in us. We cling to what little they give us.

Are You Actually Ready For A Relationship?

Wanting to be in a relationship doesn’t mean you’re ready for a relationship. A big mistake a lot of women make is thinking that getting into a relationship is simply a matter of the prefect guy showing up, and the reason that they are still single because all the guys they’ve been out with our duds.

That’s not what it’s about, though. You can have dates lined up for every night of the week with the greatest men in all the land and you will still stay stuck in the same spot if you’re not ready to be in a relationship. There are several telltale signs that you are not ready to be in a relationship, but really there is only one major sign that you are ready. And that is…

You know what a relationship actually is!

Huh?! OK, let’s go a little deeper. The reason so many people have a hard time finding love, or making a relationship last is they don’t know what a relationship is. Instead, their minds are clouded with ideas and illusions of what a relationship should be and how it should feel and this gives them false hopes and expectations which inevitably come crashing down, leaving them broken once again and forced to pick up the pieces and keep plugging along.

A lot of us feel like we are “not enough.” We have this feeling of emptiness that lurks deep inside and we just want to fill it and feel OK. The mistake we often make is thinking that a relationship is what will fill us up, what will complete us, what will be that missing piece that will make it all OK. But that isn’t the job of a relationship, or of a man. Only you can give yourself that feeling of being complete, of being OK, of feeling confident in who you are. When you outsource the task to someone else, you will never evade that feeling of emptiness and not being enough.

A relationship isn’t a panacea for everything that has gone wrong in your life. It won’t grant you happiness, self-esteem, completion, worthiness, or feelings of being good enough. A relationship can certainty enhance positive feelings within you, but it can’t be the sole provider.

Healthy relationships are other-oriented, they are about giving and growing together as a unit. Unfortunately, many people have this backwards and are takers in their relationships. They look at what they can get, not what they can give.

When you come from this place, a relationship is really just ego fuel. This is why so many women get trapped in a cycle of going after men who can’t or won’t give them what they want. There is nothing more validating than winning over the guy who claims he does not care to be won. Rather than realizing you can’t have a relationship with a man who won’t commit, they get caught in a cycle of trying to win him over. It’s exciting and it’s dramatic and it’s intense. But it isn’t real. And it’s also a big sign you aren’t ready to be in a relationship

Getting caught up in guys like that is an escape from your real life. You get so caught up in him that you can forget about your problems and what you need to deal with.

The truth is, good relationships are pretty boring and uneventful. The stable guy isn’t as exciting because there is no hunt, there is no guesswork, there is no wondering how he feels and analyzing everything about him for hours on end with your girlfriends because you just know. The true sign that you are ready for a relationship is when you can realize that this is a good thing, that this is the goal. And when you can see this other person for who he is, not what he can give to you in order to make you feel good about yourself. It’s when you don’t need him to feel worthy. Essentially, it’s being with a guy because you want him, not because you need him. That is the key that makes all the difference.

 

Telltale Signs He Isn’t Looking For Commitment

Let’s get down to it. You’ve been dating a guy, let’s call him Mark, for 4-6 months and you’re thinking it has some serious potential. You’ve accepted the fact that your single days may be over and you’re interested in having a committed relationship. You want to call Mark your boyfriend, because something feels different with this one. He’s smart, funny, attractive and overall a great catch. The only thing missing is that you haven’t secured this relationship with Mark yet. 

There is usually a natural progression in a relationship, where the two people involved, are on the same page, but for you and Mark, this isn’t the case. There is nothing you’ve done wrong. It actually turns out, our pal, Mark simply isn’t looking for the same type of commitment.  

Your lust and excitement about Mark, had you missing all the signs.

Here are the telltale indicators, he isn’t looking to commit any time soon.

He doesn’t plan…anything

There is no pre-date planning. Often he will ask you the same day what your evening plans are. He says it would be so great to see you, but then fails to follow up with a day, time and location.

Messages when it’s convenient 

Messages or phone calls are few and far between. Just when you think it has fizzled out, he pops up in your inbox with a cute inside joke or message filled with flattery and exclamation marks – and we all know excessive use of punctuation means he’s totally into you. You’re pulled right back in, forgetting how you felt before because you think messages like this one, a couple times a week, are enough for you. They won’t be in the long run.  

He’s often double booked

How convenient Mark. He always has a plan B, whether it be before or after your date night. The evening often gets interrupted by his incessant need to meet up with the buddies for a drink, rather than calling it a night and heading home together or catching a late night movie or ice cream – things couples do!

You’ve had the “what are we?” talk so many times, you sound like a broken record

Your relationship has always lived in the grey zone of uncertainty, which for people who are looking for commitment, is an extremely tricky place to be in. If you have to ask “what are we?” in the first place, it’s not great and worse, if you’ve asked this question more than once. The lack of clarity in his response should tell you everything. “I don’t know what this is” or “I like where this is at” are both indicators that he hasn’t even thought about the future. 

Alone time is mostly physical and the day date is rare

The time you spend together is fun but it lacks quality or substance. Your physical spark may be lit, but if there is no time spent outside of the bedroom, it’s pretty obvious that you’ve got yourself a “friends with benefits” situation.

His affection is non existent in public

Mark is a cuddler, he loves to pull you in tight, hug and kiss you in private but in public he acts like your awkward brother. Why Mark Why! Sure, maybe Mark claims he isn’t the biggest fan of PDA, but there should still be gestures that confirms his interest in you.

You don’t have one another on social media

Hold the phone! It’s been 6 months of dating and you and Mark still don’t follow each other on Instagram or Facebook??? WHAT! Maybe the two of you haven’t been sucked into the social media frenzy of modern day communication, but if you are both active on social and there have been no “likes”, photo tags or inclusion of your name in status updates, this is HUGE! You aren’t even close to being Facebook official.

You second guess yourself

Now this is the real kicker. Everything Mark is doing, has somehow left you feeling like you’re 100% the problem. The minute you start to second guess who you are or how you should act around him, it’s pretty obvious things aren’t going to work out here. You have to accept the fact that you and Mark are looking for two very different things from one another. 

The fact is, if you were looking for a fun fling, Mark would be perfect. When you know exactly what it is you’re looking for and that something is commitment, it is so important to make sure your partner is looking for the same thing. If you ever find yourself putting check marks next to the list above, re-evaluate your current situation and figure out if it’s worth pursuing or not.