The Power Of Intuition In Your Love Life

Would it surprise you to know science backs intuition as a source of valuable inner wisdom? A few years ago, I would’ve thought the same. Yet intuition is real—and scientifically confirmed. Seated in the right hemisphere, or half, of the brain, intuition is knowing without factual proof.

In experiments with people who’ve had surgery that keeps their right and left hemispheres from communicating (done to control the spread of electricity that can worsen epilepsy), people do curious things. For instance, if the right hemisphere is exposed to the word “sun” and the left half experiences the word “dial,” they’re only conscious of having experienced “dial.” But when asked to draw a picture with their left hand—which is connected to the right hemisphere—they draw a sun. The right half knows. It just can’t directly say so, because it’s non-conscious.

Intuition probably exists to save us; the biggest threat to most people is other people. We are each other’s heaven and hell. Have you ever had the feeling that a nearby stranger would harm you, given the chance? Don’t investigate—leave! The cost of being wrong and leaving is low; the cost of being right and ignoring your gut is potentially disastrous. Intuition is particularly accurate in areas where we have lots of expertise or experience. And I suspect it also works best in scenarios that would have been vital to our ancestors’ survival and reproduction—like mate selection. Our intuition can tell us we’re with the Wrong partner. It might not be an emergency; still, the voiceless voice is there.

I’ve had this happen twice. The first time, I was engaged. My intuition gradually escalated its alarm, from anxiety to panic attacks to a dream where the voice became conscious: “You must not marry this man!” I left—and all symptoms of anxiety left too. The second time was less dramatic, but no less important. I had gotten fairly involved with a man who seemed perfect in many ways—except he wasn’t kind. He wasn’t mean, exactly; but he didn’t have warmth or caring in him, and his smiles didn’t reach all the way up to his eyes. I could never make a life with someone like that. My intuition warned me from the first date, and I should have listened then. But it kept piping up, and I got out after a few months.

Why aren’t we better at listening to our intuition? Dr. Brené Brown points out that “most of us are not very good at not knowing.” We aren’t good at following what our intuitive right-brain tells us, because our intuitive right-brain does not offer proof—just hunches. Dr. Brown continues, “What silences our intuitive voice is our need for certainty.”
My intuitive voice wasn’t silenced; but I definitely overrode it, and I did so because I wanted proof. What do you do when you feel unclear about someone? If you’re like me, you ask your friends for their opinion. But your right brain does not care about others’ opinions. It cares about protecting you. Listen.

My intuition usually told me, fairly directly, to leave. Yours might tell you to slow down and learn more about this person. Diane was proposed to by a very wealthy man. Her intuition told her something was wrong—and she honored it. By gathering more information, she learned her would-be fiancé didn’t want to support her or her children; she found that even if she did marry this man, she was still on her own. By listening to her intuitive direction to learn more, she prevented what she later told me would have been certain divorce.

In my experience, Diane was braver than most. I know there were times I actively suppressed my own inner knowing because I was tired of looking. I wanted this to be the Right relationship, whether or not it really was. A lot of people hide from the truth to avoid immediate pain, instead of digging out the truth to prevent eventual pain. I think that’s a big part of what silences intuition in dating: We want this one to be The One, so we keep our eyes half-lidded just when we need them wide-open. Remember that you are still investigating this person until you get married.
A sense of fairness also motivates some folks to hide from their intuitive truth. This was me to a T. Is it okay to condemn someone to being cast out of your life when you have no factual evidence that they’ve done—or will do—anything wrong?

This is a good place to remind you that when we’re dating, we aren’t in a court of law. We don’t have to prove anyone guilty beyond the shadow of a doubt; we don’t have to be absolutely certain, or have any proof whatsoever. Dr. Helen Fisher said it perfectly: “Love isn’t about fairness, it’s about winning.” This is dating—you can leave just because you want to. You can leave just because you need to. You can leave just because your gut tells you to. Fairness does not enter into it, and your commitment should not be marital until you are married.
Don’t guilt-trip yourself to the altar, only to stumble in the biggest decision of your life! Embrace your right brain; find your right partner.

Duana C. Welch, Ph.D., is the author of Love Factually: 10 Proven Steps from I Wish to I Do; this is a partial excerpt, copyrighted by the author. For more information and a free chapter, visit http://www.lovefactually.co

The 10 Weirdest Things Ever Said On A First Date: Part 2

Turns out a lot of people have had some pretty messed up things said/done to them on dates, so we’re featuring 10 MORE of the weirdest things ever said on a first date – because we can!

1. “You should consider going walking in the woods naked.” 

sure thing

2. “I don’t want to alarm you, but I really want to spank you in the middle of this restaurant…”

laff

3. “From out of the blue, in a lull in conversation, my date told me that he’d once dated a woman with a tattoo of her grandchild on her boob.”

gag

 

4. “You should be meet my husband, you two would really get along.”

run

5. “I once had a guy yell out, “Does anyone know where I can get some heroin?” in a restaurant. Like, just out of the blue.”

drops tea

6. “Then there was the guy who admitted that he could not read – at all. I asked how he managed to get his job, and he mentioned that his brother had helped with the paperwork. Done deal.

read

7. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I don’t think I’m going to marry you right away.”

side eye

8. “Water does not exist in a vapor phase. There is no water in clouds.”

clouds

 

9. “Have you ever been with a guy as good-looking as I am? I seriously need to know.”

good looking

10. On our first date she pulled out a small wooden box and opened the lid. Inside the box were a dozen tiny voodoo dolls, looking very much in pain. She tells me; “These are my ex boyfriends souls, trapped inside my dolls. If you mess with me — you are next.”

shutsdoor

Spring Clean Your Relationship Clutter

Spring is here! This is the time of year when people clear out their closets, clean their homes, and refresh their wardrobes. But what about the other stuff? The stuff that actually matters? The stuff that you bury in your heart? The stuff that you are too scared to face?

Yea, that stuff.

I call this relationship clutter. It’s old baggage from past relationships – baggage that we either consciously or subconsciously cling to. This clutter is the reason why you’ve found yourself in a cycle of mediocre, awful, or toxic relationships. If you feel as though your relationships seem to embody the same theme… it’s because they do. When you hold onto your relationship clutter, you’re holding onto those stories; you replay events over and over again, driving yourself to insanity. Then you find yourself going out on another date with another mistake because you have yet to learn your lesson.

It’s time for you to spring clean your relationship clutter. Let go of the stories, release the past, and make room for healthier, more fulfilling relationships. You can do so by following these 3 steps:

Recognize Your Clutter

Ask yourself: “What old relationship stories am I holding onto?” Are you holding onto stories of being cheated on? Being dumped? Or feeling neglected? Take some time to reflect back on your past relationships… What did you walk away with? How were you left feeling? Recognize each and every single one of these stories so that you can finally accept their presence in your life.

Acknowledge The Clutter’s Affect On Your Life

How does your old relationship clutter affect you? What type of impact does it have on new relationships? I’m going to assume the impact isn’t positive. When you hold onto past relationship stories, you’re allowing those stories to hold power over you. They will seep into every new relationship experience, tarnishing it from becoming something different. For example, if you’re holding onto stories of being cheated on, you’ll probably find yourself living a ‘victim’ mentality and won’t be willing to trust a new partner. This is how you end up in a toxic relationship cycle. Go ahead – take note of how each past experience holds power over your current life. If you want to gain your power back, you’ve got to clean out the clutter.

Release The Clutter

This step is all about your willingness to move forward. It’s time to release your old relationship clutter. This is where you start dropping F-Bombs, aka FORGIVENESS. You’re probably cringing at the F-word, but that’s because you don’t fully understand how forgiveness serves you. Forgiveness does not condone another person’s actions; it’s about allowing yourself the freedom to let go. The more anger and resentment you hold against another human being, the stronger the bond. Think about it… Remember your ex? The one who cheated on you? How many times a day do you think about them? How have your thoughts about them negatively impacted new relationships? You’ve basically rendered yourself powerless to this person! It’s time to let go. Forgive them, forgive yourself, and cut the ropes that keep you tied to your past. Clean out every single piece of relationship clutter from your subconscious knowing that by doing so, you’ll create space for healthier, more positive relationships. FYI: If you’re having difficulty with this step, I would question your willingness to actually create change.

Relationship clutter is comprised of all our old wounds, hurts, and scars. But guess what? These things heal! You just have to allow them the opportunity to heal. It’s time for you to get rid of that stuff. It’s time for you to rid yourself of these old wounds. And Spring is the perfect time to begin cleaning out your relationship clutter.

How To Avoid Online Dating Burnout

So, you’ve been online dating for a while now. At first, it was super exciting. But then, online dating burnout happened. Now, you’re not so sure it’s worth the effort. And it IS an effort. It takes a lot of your energy to find someone you’re interested in, arrange a meeting, make yourself look presentable, show up, go through the time of getting to know someone, and sometimes (read: most of the time), it doesn’t turn out to be the be-all end-all relationship you were looking for.

So, how do you keep your energy up, make sure that you’re putting your best self out there, and avoid the Burn Out?

Read on.

Keep your profile fresh and up to date.

Swapping out your profile pic gives you an instant lift in attention and messages. Someone who has glanced at your profile before might be attracted by that new photo showing a different side of you, (literally). It changes the first impression you make on the site. We recommend testing out a few different main images over time and seeing which gets you the best results. Also, updating your profile information like your description and interests could be the difference between someone deciding to send you that first message or passing you by. Keep them current and engaging. Oh, you both have chicken wings or craft beer listed as an interest? Icebreaker + first date idea in one!

Have a sense of humor about it.

Now that you’ve boosted the attention you’re getting online, how do you avoid mediocre dates that leave you feeling discouraged? Well, bottom line, you can’t. You’re probably going to have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find the right frog for you, so it’s best if you can accept it and try and laugh about it. You’re meeting strangers from the internet for crying out loud – it’s bound to be hilarious! That guy with the horrible breath, or the one who couldn’t stop talking about his Etsy store where he sells sweaters for guinea pigs? Sounds like great fodder for girls night! You’re not going to jive with everyone. There’s probably someone you went out with that thought you were nuts for spending so much time restoring classic VW vans or for hating Seinfeld, so, it’s mutual. There’s someone out there for everyone, (yes, everyone), and if that wasn’t the right date for you, laugh about it, forget about it, and move on.

Do the things you want to do anyway.

Want to check out a new coffee shop that opened up in your neighborhood, or take a walking tour of your historic downtown? Do them with a date! Even if it doesn’t end up working out, at least you’re getting to do things that you wanted to do, regardless. It’s easy to get burned out if you feel like you’re going on a million of the same date over and over again. Be a little selfish; do something that you’re excited about. Life’s too short to waste your time!

Take everything with a grain of salt, manage your expectations, play it cool.

We’ve all felt it, where it seems like this person is perfect and exceptional and might be The One, only to have them drop off the face of the earth for whatever reason. It’s easy to get really excited about a new conversation or someone you had a great date with, but proceed with caution. It sounds cynical to say, but don’t get too attached too early. You’re still just getting to know them in the beginning; they might be on a completely different page. Don’t take it personally. Keep it cool and take it easy at first. Don’t play games, but don’t throw your whole heart into the ring until you’re sure things are on solid footing.

And of course, remember that he or she IS out there.

This is the hardest part, but you have to keep your eye on the prize. Lots of people I know who have burned out from online dating did so because they lost their focus. “Why am I spending so much time and energy on getting dressed up, going out, and making conversation with a stranger? Again?” Well, frankly, because that’s how you’re going to meet the one person that finally makes it all worthwhile; because you decided that you were over being alone; because what you were doing before wasn’t working; because you’re ready for something different. While it can definitely be challenging, remember what you want to get out of this process, and use that to motivate yourself. It’s the promise of that happily ever after that keeps us going; the “what if?” that keeps us all logging back in. Because who knows, your perfect match just may join tomorrow, better be ready 😉

With 100 Million Fish In The Sea, Why Haven’t You Found Yours?

PlentyOfFish recently announced it has surpassed 100 million users worldwide – that’s enough people looking for dates to fill 2000 Yankee Stadiums. So with more of us online dating than ever before in this hyper-connected world of ours, why is it so easy to feel like a drop in the ocean?

Of course, there is no one-size-fits-all answer to why exactly you haven’t yet found someone, but here are 3 reasons you may be feeling like the modern dating landscape is nothing but a lonely, desolate plain.

You’re spending too much time cultivating an image

Crafting our online avatars can take significant time and effort, yet what we’re left with when any sort of dating profile is completed is more of an idealized online ambassador than an accurate reflection of who we really are. While it’s completely natural to create a sort of parallel version of ourselves when we think it will make us more appealing, it’s really just distancing us from what should be a very social experience.

And I get it, we’re living in an Instagram world where the bar for adorable quotes and how we photograph ourselves has been set impossibly high. So instead of being 1 out of approximately 500 other men in your city who are hugging tigers in Thailand in their profile images, choose to upload the one at your family reunion last summer instead. Rather than being 1 out of approximately 100 million other single people who like “walks on the beach” and “going out for dinner”, choose to share a unique experience or an anecdote. Treat your online conversations the same way – don’t be so concerned with how you’re appearing online that the actual human interaction takes a backseat.

You’re thinking big…but too big

When you sign up to an online dating site, you’re being released into a terrifying new eco-system. Suddenly, you’re faced with what appears to be endless options to temporarily hold your attention, and it becomes difficult to choose just one person.

Although our prospective dates start out as perfect strangers, we’re already privy to details like their profession, education level, and whether or not they have a car or even want children – all before we speak a word to them. I mean, what if you agree to date a guy with a master’s degree and that same day a similar guy, but with a Ph.D., shows up in your Matches?

So although the process of dating (and elimination) has been effectively streamlined, we’re still left feeling a little dissatisfied with our choices. To combat this, we need to simplify.Try identifying just 5 realistic must-haves for a partner, and aim to arrange a date with those who appear to meet this criteria. This way, you’re able to stick to your core values while keeping an open mind.

You’re not taking risks

With more than 4 million logins every day and 30,000 messages being sent each minute on PlentyOfFish, it would appear that conversations are being started online. That said, establishing meaningful personal relationships takes courage, and that means engaging in your communities both online and offline. If you’re still sending the same copy/paste note to 10 people each time you login or simply waiting for people to message you all the time, you’ve arrived at Complacentville.

Online communication will never be as valuable or as real as an old fashioned, face-to-face conversation. Next time you’re using a dating app while commuting or standing in line for a coffee, I challenge you to look up, and start a conversation with someone. Of course, this does mean stepping out of your comfort zone, but I assure you, the investment in your real life social network will be worth it. At the very least, you’ll have a brand new anecdote for your dating profile about that time you struck up a conversation with that total weirdo on your way to work.

This Is How Many Dates You Need To Determine Chemistry

Ever been on a fourth or fifth date with someone, only to realize that you’re having a hard time deciding where things are going? You need to tap into your chemistry.

Let me first explain to you very quickly what chemistry really is, so you can have a better understanding of what you need to do with a prosperous candidate. What we call “chemistry” sometimes takes time to develop. Chemistry is an exchange of DNA—a reaction we experience when someone is close by. This wonderful feeling can’t be controlled by our rational mind; it is given to us by nature and is activated by pheromones—the scented sex hormones that make us bond physically with someone just by smelling them. It’s that great! Sometimes the connection between two people starts up by being very strong but then dissipates (the flame burns out). Other times it takes more than one date for the vibe to appear—for the essence of this other person to take us over.

Here Is What I Want You to Think About When Going Out With Someone New:

  1. Give them three days. Go out with them three times. Don’t just give them one day or two—give them three. Let the hormones kick in.

  2. Listen and observe without putting your own thoughts, feelings, and desires into the equation.
  3. Follow your instinct, which means feel your feelings in your stomach. The first impression about what he or she says to you will be felt, and you will know it. Please, don’t rationalize or justify  harsher words. Men say exactly what they are thinking, usually. This also goes for women in their masculine energy. So you can have a better idea about what I am talking about, in the next chapter I will explain more about masculine and feminine energy and how they interact.

For now, let me show you a list of men (and women) who should avoid going out with more than once:

  1. If the guy is married.
  2. If the guy is going through a breakup (meaning he has been single for less than six months).
  3. If the guy has been separated less than a year—he is still grieving.
  4. If the guy has a girlfriend (more than a year)—he is officially in a relationship.
  5. If the guy travels a lot for work. Five days a week is not acceptable—he is married to his job.
  6. If the guy lives in another state—you are not compatible.
  7. If the guy tells you he is a player or has commitment issues—he is warning you.
  8. If you are having a cybernetic relationship. (You first need to meet the guy, see if there is chemistry, and see whether or not your body and his body like each other before building a castle in the air).
  9. If the guy is a coworker (please don’t mix work with romance), he most likely won’t last in the long run.
  10. If the guy doesn’t have a job to sustain himself

Please, don’t waste your precious time with someone who doesn’t have the time to invest in you and the relationship. Remember, in life, it is not who you attract but who you keep that matters. You are responsible for what you welcome and keep. Your experience is the result of what you think, say, and do.

This article has been extracted from my already self published ebook “ how to find the love of your life in three dates “

 

7 Rules to Quickly Determine a Man’s Intentions (From a Man)

A man’s intentions come in two forms: I want to have sex with you OR I want to have sex with you AND date you. We almost always want to have sex with you.

Determining if we want to date you isn’t always easy, but here are a few key points to consider when analyzing a prospect’s intentions:

  1. Decipher our profiles: As a woman in the online dating world know that this is the quickest way for you to cut through the crap. Take the time to read my profile. On a site like POF, where everything is free, the fact that I have made the effort to write about myself to give you a glimpse into my character is worth a lot. Did I sound authentic? Can I spell and use good grammar? No? Move on.
  2. Check for selfies: If I don’t have enough friends to take my picture you should run… fast. Away from me.
  3. Our initial email to you matters: Did I put an effort into my message? Is it composed of something along the lines of, “Hey boo, what’s up?”, not creative, funny, and unique to you? Pass.
  4. Look at the people who surround us: It’s no secret that the 5 closest people in a person’s life will be a direct reflection of them. Take a hard look at the people I surround myself with. Players and douchebags? Intelligent suitors? Great men hang out in groups, and so do losers. Jersey shore what?
  5. Our words vs. our behavior: Whenever these two things don’t match…always pick my behavior. i.e.: I say I want to grab coffee and keep flaking… I don’t want to.
  6. Limit our options: Make us wait for sex. I cannot stress the value of this enough. Don’t get me wrong… great relationships can still happen when couples have sex early on, but if you make me wait for the booty, my true intentions will become clear very quickly. If my intentions are solely sexual, I will start to flake on plans, be less responsive through text, and all those feelings you had in your gut will be
    confirmed.

No matter the gender, the most important of the intentions are the ones we hold in our own hearts. Finally, and most importantly, I present to you the ultimate insight… i.e. #7. If you nail this one and know your own worth, you can skip the first six.

Are his intentions a mirror of yours? Ask yourself, “What do you actually want?” It is no secret that you attract what you are. I don’t mean in the “manifestation” or “The Secret” sort of way, but truthfully, if you want a guy who intends to love your heart, you can’t go randomly banging everything around you, because then that is exactly the type of guy you will get. A perfect reflection of you. Be the one you want.

Tweet Mark @createthelove

The BEST Online Dating Advice: From Online Daters

There’s no shortage of online dating advice out there for singles, but like anything else, sometimes the best advice comes from someone who has been down that road before. We asked some real life, seasoned online daters who have found success on PlentyOfFish to pass on some of their best advice. If we do say so ourselves, it’s pretty bang on!

On manners:“Just act like a sane, normal person. And use your manners! Never say anything that you wouldn’t say to someone’s face just because you’re behind a computer screen.”

On keeping it real: “Online dating provides a process for evolution and learning. You learn by establishing some guidelines. For example, if you haven’t both agreed on a date and time to meet within a few weeks, you should consider ceasing contact. And like anything in life, while you can accept help, read books, and get advice from friends, you have to participate in the process.”

On the no-nonsense approach: “Keep writing decent and heartfelt messages to whoever you want – so forget your “type”. Mention something that stood out about their profile.”

On keeping your image game strong: “Be yourself but understand that images come first. If someone is not attracted to you, it won’t matter if Hemingway wrote your profile.”

On being tech savvy: “Download the PlentyOfFish app! It’s a totally different experience (in a good way) and you can meet way more people, even faster.”

On assuming gender roles: “Don’t fall into the thinking that men should always make the first move. If you see someone who interests you, message them! Also, let’s just be real and admit that people aren’t impressed by lists and stuff, they want to know what you feel.”

On smiling: “You have 8 seconds to make a good impression. Women will see your main image as a tiny pic the size of a saltine cracker on their cell phone screens. If your main image is not clear, bright and attractive, they move on. A genuine smile is inviting, warm and attractive. Women want to see your eyes and smile.”

On making plans: “NOTHING IS REAL UNTIL YOU MEET. Don’t waste your time on endless text messages. After three or four solid messages, ask for a phone number. Call to arrange a first meeting. Connect in a safe, quiet place like a cafe where you can talk and get to know each other.”

On what it should all really be about: “Above all, keep a sense of humor. Have FUN.”

30 Dating Cliches: Defined And Tested

Over the past month, Mandy Stadtmiller, Chief Editor at XOJane has been using PlentyOfFish to test out popular dating cliches to see if they hold any truth (all in hopes of finding a great date for Valentines Day). Turns out, as you might suspect, some traditional dating advice has no place in 2015.

To save you from going to the same trouble to find a date, we’ve provided a crash course in defining and testing 30 of the most popular dating cliches below, based on Mandy’s findings.
Do you agree with this list? Which dating cliches have popped up in your life? Let us know below, and find the full rundown of the 30 days on The Mandy Project.

30 Dating Cliches: Defined and Tested

Cliché #1: “Honesty is the best policy”

1

 

Challenge: Make a brutally honest online dating profile on PlentyOfFish
Learning Point: Unfiltered selfies make for unfiltered dating.

 

Cliché #2: “You never get a second chance to make a first impression”

2

 

Challenge: Hug strangers in Times Square, and ask them what their first impression of me is from that hug.
Learning Point: Lead with confidence and it will follow the whole night through.

 

Cliché #3: “You’ll find him when you stop looking”

3

 

Challenge: Hand over my dating profile to a friend, and let them look through your matches.
Learning Point: Not being able to see a man’s face leads to so much less judgement and more reflection.

 

Cliché #4: “Everything happens for a reason”

4

 

Challenge: Reply to one of my “suitors” on POF and explain to them how everything in my life had led up to the moment when I read their message.
Learning Point: Taking a radically different intro approach in online dating works.

Cliché #5: “Love like you’ve never been hurt”

5

 

Challenge: Have a date where no matter what, I can’t talk about exes or my past.
Learning Point: I suck at leaving exes out of things. When I consciously try, not just the date is better – but my life is better, too.

Cliché #6: “You should date a nice guy”

6

 

Challenge: Message a guy and ask him, “Would you consider yourself to be a nice guy? Give me several good examples why.”
Learning Point: Nice guys are honestly the sexiest guys on earth.

Cliché #7: “Opposites attract”

7

 

Challenge: Ask a guy out who is my opposite.
Learning Point: Don’t let someone who is totally different than you scare you away from a new potentially life-changing experience.

 

 

Cliché #8: “Never dress too sexy on a first date”

8

 

Challenge: Ask Instagram to pick my first date outfit in order to achieve just the right amount of sexiness.
Learning Point: Go with classy-sexy not slutty-sexy.

Cliché #9: “Trust your gut”

9

Cliché #10: “You have to date your type”

10

 

Challenge: Pick a guy based only on his profile picture and ask him out.
Learning Point: Over-thinking dating ruins dating.

Cliché #11: “You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else”

11

 

Challenge: Do something to treat myself that I’ve never done before.
Learning Point: If you take care of yourself then you’re able to be your best self with other people.

Cliché #12: “Never accept last minute dates”

12

 

Challenge: Don’t accept a last-minute date, unless social media thinks it’s okay to do so.
Learning Point: Screw the rules. Go out whenever you want.

Cliché #13: “Be yourself”

13

 

Challenge: Go on the most genuine date ever.
Learning Point: Authenticity leads to laughter leads to a really great date.

Cliché #14: “You have to accept men exactly as they are”

14

 

Challenge: Watch the Super Bowl with a group of manly men being exactly as they are.
Learning Point: I love men so hard, especially when they are being all manly men.

Cliché #15: “Love should be easy”

15

 

Challenge: Go on a date and we have to agree with each other no matter what.
Learning Point: Going with the flow is a choice.

Cliché #16:  “Don’t have sex until you’ve been on at least three dates”

16

 

Challenge: Message ten guys from POF to find out if this cliché is actually relevant.
Learning Point: Only ever listen to your intuition when it comes to sex – because you’re the only person who matters in this decision.

Cliché #17: “The two-day rule”

17

 

Challenge: Keep a diary of everything that I wanted to say to my date – while waiting two days before contacting him.
Learning Point: Contact him while he’s still walking out the door if you want to. If a man likes you, he is going to like you.

Cliché #18: “It’s a numbers game”

18

 

Challenge: Message as many guys from POF in one day as I could using the briefest messages possible — and see how many quality responses I got back.
Learning Point: Being bold, fearless and concise is the only way to play it.

Cliché #19: “Play hard to get”

19

 

Challenge: Create a scavenger hunt for your first date.
Learning Point: It’s okay to make them chase you. They like it.

Cliché #20: “You have to put yourself out there”

20

 

Challenge: Walk around New York City with a sign that says, “I’m currently SINGLE.”
Learning Point: Humiliation leads to fearlessness leads to risk taking leads to amazing things happening.

Cliché #21:  “Don’t kiss on a first date”

21

Challenge: Poll Twitter and find out if it’s okay to get intimate early on.
Learning Point: Coyness and directness are equally great strategies.

Cliché #22: “Love knows no age”

22

 

Challenge: Message 10 men older and 10 men younger than me on POF. Accept a date with one of them.
Learning Point: Younger men are thirstier than the silver foxes – which is less attractive.

Cliché #23: “A man should pay for a first date”

23

 

Challenge: Create an estimate of how much you’re going to spend for the evening and present to a man at the beginning of a date.
Learning Point: It’s okay to expect and demand old-fashioned chivalr

Cliché #24: “Make a man “engagement chicken” so he’ll fall in love”

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Challenge: Bring a man engagement chicken on a first date.
Learning Point: There is no quicker way to cut the ice than to give a man a chicken.

Cliché #25: “Avoid the topics of politics, money and religion on a first date”

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Challenge: Create a conversational itinerary directing my date to every topic other than these three.
Learning Point: Why steer clear of anything? You’re on the date; not the representative.

Cliché #26: “Don’t play games”

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Challenge: Print out a list of relationship expectations and give it to a man on the first date.

Learning Point: There is nothing sexier than honesty.

Cliché #27: “Go after what you want”

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Challenge: Pay for the date instead of expecting a man to do it.

Learning Point: Don’t be helpless.

Cliché #28: “There are plenty of fish in the sea”

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Challenge: Ask out one of these “fish” in a big way for Valentine’s Day.
Learning Point: You can’t find your fish if you don’t ask him out first.

Cliché #29: “Be busy”

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Challenge: Spend a day primping on yourself – no matter what happens on Feb. 14.
Learning Point: You’ll never be bummed or stressed when you treat life like a spa day.

Cliché #30: “Everyone should have a Valentine’s Day date”

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Challenge: Go out and have the most celebratory V-Day ever.
Learning Point: V-Day exists. Why deny it? Own it instead of letting it own you.

 

The 4 Perks Of Being Single On Valentine’s Day

Ugh. Time for yet another “Hallmark”, cookie-cutter Valentine’s Day… Overpriced and overbooked restaurants, unwelcome pressure to purchase the best gifts, and let’s face it… the in-your-face advertising that makes all the singles cringe. We’ve become so obsessed about celebrating love on this ONE day yet, isn’t love really about celebrating every day? And why do singles feel awful about their relationship status on V-Day?

Being single on Valentine’s Day isn’t something that you should feel ashamed about. Instead, use this day to celebrate your singledom! The way I see it is that this is a holiday where you can really take time to be grateful for your relationship status, reconnect with you, and show yourself some real love. So many of us wait around for the ‘right’ person to live our lives with… what if you were to start living your life for you instead?

One of the biggest relationship fails that I see often, is that people jump into them without first having a real relationship with themselves. This is the perfect formula for creating dependency issues within a relationship. When one partner can’t fill themselves up with love, they depend on the other partner to do so. That’s not what real love is about. Real love is building upon the love that each partner already has within themselves. This creates a stronger bond that will lead to a healthier relationship.

Don’t spend this Valentine’s Day feeling sorry for yourself. Take this day to reconnect to that love within you. Celebrate what it truly means to be single! Check out these awesome perks of being single on Valentine’s Day:

Invest in Yourself

No need to buy an overpriced gift for a partner that doesn’t exist Buy yourself a gift instead! Perhaps something that you’ve wanted for a while but didn’t want to indulge in… That new Tiffany’s necklace, or Nixxon watch. Why should you have to wait for someone to treat you? Now is that time to indulge! Go ahead… you’re worth it.

Spend V-Day Doing Whatever it is That You Truly Want To Do

With no one else in the equation, you have the freedom to do whatever it is that you truly want to do! Spend your day watching old 80’s romance flicks, eating at your favorite restaurants, walking aimlessly around the city taking in the sights, or head to the theatre to watch the latest new release. It’s silly to think that we need someone to do these things with and by holding onto this attitude, you’ll never truly take that time to show yourself some love. So get out there and take yourself on a date!

Treat Yourself

Why do we obsess over looking good for others? Instead, look good for you! Treat yourself this Valentine’s Day with a manicure/pedicure combo, a spa treatment (or two), a new haircut/color/style, a rockin’ new outfit, sexy lingerie, or a fresh barbershop shave (for the guys out there). When you treat yourself, you’re showing the world that you’re worthy. Self-love is the best love… and it’s damn sexy.

Celebrate Your Choice

Being single isn’t a curse, it’s a choice. Take pride in that choice! You’re choosing not to settle by waiting for a partner that’s just right for you. Or perhaps you’re taking a much-needed break from the dating world to reconnect with yourself. Whatever it is, the ultimate reason behind your relationship status is that you chose it. Celebrate that choice!

Stop waiting around for someone to treat you the way you want to be treated. Stop waiting for a partner to do the things you want to do. Instead, celebrate your single status! Treat yourself the way you truly deserve to be treated and live your life for you. Self-love is sexy, and it shows the world that you are confident in your own skin.
This Valentine’s Day, take the time to show yourself some love.

Ruby Fremon is a Self-Love Coach determined to help others create positive life transformations through the power of self-love. From living a life of self-destruction to a life of love and positivity, Ruby has created those massive shifts by learning to harness the power of self-love.
Join Ruby for a very special pre-Valentine’s Day Google+ Hangout on Thursday February 12th! She’ll be discussing self-love, relationships, and will be answering all your questions live. RSVP here:
https://plus.google.com/events/c19qtrjjdtbrjv8md9gfv55k3jc