The Science Behind Why “Friends With Benefits” Doesn’t Work

Question: If a sexy, trustworthy male friend were to offer you this situation, and you hadn’t yet found your forever guy, what would you say? With many women spending significant portions of our lives single, the “friends with benefits” arrangement can sound ideal. And yet, factually speaking—it’s probably not.

The Thirst-Quencher?

Drive reduction theory shows that when we have an increasing physical need—like sex—then our motivation to meet that need also rises. So if we are horny, we might be motivated to get up off the couch and shave our legs and put on a sexy outfit and hang out someplace where hot men tend to hang out.

Unless of course, that thirst has already been quenched by lots of sex through a “friends with benefits” situation. Then it becomes much too easy to spend our nights eating pizza in front of Hulu until our boy toy arrives.

What’s In It For You?

In repeated studies, over 75% of women say they have an orgasm every single time if they’re with a committed partner—yet that same percent of women says they don’t orgasm with more casual flings.

Um, bummer.

Chemical cocktail, anyone?

Ever wonder why pleasure from sex toys can leave you feeling a little unfulfilled, compared to the physical and emotional satisfaction of sex with a partner? Drugs. Our bodies produce an abundance of chemicals in anticipation of and in response to sex—creating mood-boosting properties similar to anti-depressants.

And the more often women have sex with any one partner, the more of this Chemical Bond-O our bodies release. Meaning? We get stuck on partners even when we don’t want to.

And so, the scientist in me recommends the following:

Ask yourself the following three questions:

  • Are you one of the ¼ of women who can actually have casual sex and not get attached or hurt?
  • Are you among the minority of women who will be sexually satisfied without an emotional bond and/or commitment?
  • And if your FWB is gloriously capable of bringing you pleasure, will you still be motivated to do all the work of finding the right man for you?

If you answer all three questions in the affirmative~great! Use condoms, use your head, and have fun.

But if you’re like most women and answer No to even one of those questions, we’re back to sex with ourselves while looking for The One.

Duana C. Welch, Ph.D., is the author of Love Factually: 10 Proven Steps from I Wish to I Do (2015), which is available now. You can get a free chapter and see more at http://www.lovefactually.co

The 5 Most Romantic Hotels In North America

When you’re planning a vacation with your significant other, you likely want to stay at a romantic hotel that surrounds you with beauty and sets the tone for romance, immediately putting you and your loved one in a blissful state of serenity. Most of us don’t get very many opportunities to go on vacation, so it’s important that we stay somewhere amazing! Here are 5 romantic hotels that are sure to blow your mind:

1. Pan Pacific Whistler Village Centre

The bedroom's beautiful mountain view at the Pan Pacific Whistler Village
The bedroom’s beautiful mountain view at Pan Pacific Whistler Village Centre


Nestled in the heart of Whistler Village in Whistler, British Columbia, Canada, this beautiful hotel is sure to exceed your expectations.

The full-service, award-winning Pan Pacific Whistler Village Centre boasts slope-side accommodation and spacious private residence-style suites with full kitchens, cozy fireplaces and balconies that offer fresh mountain air and breathtaking views that make you feel like you’re in a Winter Wonderland.

Its prime location in Whistler is ideal for sightseeing, dining and shopping as well as easy access to a host of year-round adventures, Whistler-style. There are many romantic winter activities you and your loved one can discover nearby, such as snow-shoeing under the stars, cross country skiing among snow-covered pines, walking to the beautiful lost lake, or relaxing at the Pan Pacific Whistler Village hot-tub surrounded by snowy mountains.

The romantic hot tub surrounded by mountains at the Pan Pacific Whistler Village.
Outdoor hot tub surrounded by mountains at Pan Pacific Whistler Village Centre

Whether you vacation at Pan Pacific Whistler Village Centre in the Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall, you’ll be surrounded by gorgeous scenery and an

View from balcony in suite at the Pan Pacific Whistler Village Suites
View from balcony in suite at Pan Pacific Whistler Village Centre

array of year-round activities at your fingertips. Nearby glacier lakes sparkle emerald green in the summer, while in the winter you might opt for a snow-shoeing venture under the stars with your loved one.

Pan Pacific Whistler Village Centre at nighttime

 

2. The Westin Maui Resort & Spa

westinmaui3Located on the beautiful and romantic Hawaiian island of Maui, the Westin Maui Resort and Spa is a luxury beachfront resort on the famous Kaanapali Beach.

 The resort boasts layers of luxury ocean front pools and hot tubs with a perfect view of that gorgeous Hawaiian sunset. At night, the resort lights twinkle and the pool and hot tub change colours to create a majestic feeling for couples to enjoy.

The Westin Maui’s ocean view suites will take your breath away. Your private balcony is the perfect sanctuary to enjoy the surreal Hawaiian sunrise and sunset. The resort’s grounds breathe the essence of Hawaii with lagoons, Hawaiian flowers and happily swimming swans.

Rent a cabana for two on the beach or enjoy poolside drink service with your loved one. Take a walk along the Kaanapali strip where there is a variety of beachfront restaurants and live traditional Hawaiian music.

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An ocean view suite at sunset at the Westin Maui Resort & Spa

 

3. The Fairmont Chateau Lake Louise

 

Photo courtesy: fairmont.com
Photo courtesy: fairmont.com

Can you imagine what it would be like to stay in a hotel right on a beautiful Canadian glacier lake? Book a room at the Fairmont Chateau Lake Louise, and you will see just how romantic of an experience it is. The Fairmont Chateau Lake Louise is located in Alberta’s Banff National Park, and it is surrounded by the stunning Victoria Glacier and its sparkling emerald green lake, Lake Louise.

From ice skating and horse drawn sleigh rides in the Winter, to hiking, canoeing and horseback riding in the Summer, this hotel is majestic any time of year and offers luxury accommodation in a serene and breathtakingly beautiful location. It’s no wonder ABC’s The Bachelor chose the Fairmont Lake Louise as one of their romantic getaways to feature.

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Bachelor & Bachelorette at the stunning Fairmont Château Lake Louise

 

4. The Beach House Hotel at Hermosa Beach

hermosa1This California hotel on Hermosa Beach is an amazing couples retreat due to its unique loft-style spacious rooms with gorgeous ocean views. Being a beach-front hotel, The Beach House Hotel at Hermosa Beach is perfect for those romantic moonlight strolls as the beach boasts a pier that stretches into the moonlit ocean.The romantic and spacious balconies are the perfect spot to have a glass of wine while watching the sunset.

Cozy up by the fireplace at night if it’s chilly, because each suite has its own fireplace.

 

 

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Suite with balcony and ocean view

5. The Ritz-Carlton New York, Central Park

New York is a romantic city to visit for so many reasons: sight-seeing in a horse and carriage for two, fine-dining in some of the world’s best restaurants, and that view from the Empire State building. You can’t go wrong with a room near the iconic Central Park, and the luxurious Ritz-Carlton New York, Central Park is a great hotel choice while staying in New York with your significant other.

The Ritz-Carlton New York, Central Park boasts luxury rooms with captivating Central Park views in a fabulous central location.

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The Ritz-Carlton New York, Central Park

Whether you enjoy ice skating at Rockefeller Center or a sleigh ride in the Winter, a stroll in Central Park surrounded by the many beautiful colours of Fall’s leaves, or spend summer nights touring the city and fine-dining on patios, any season is a great season to visit NYC.

The One That Almost Got Away: A PlentyOfFish Love Story

Every single day, happy couples who met on PlentyOfFish share their love stories with us. These success stories are always music to our ears here at the PlentyOfFish office. The love story of Kelly and Jake, however, is a very special one.

Kelly and Jake, a happy couple from Vancouver, British Columbia, met on PlentyOfFish two years ago. They went through some unique twists and turns to get to where they are today – you’ll never believe what Jake did for Kelly! Below is their exclusive interview with us:

Kelly, please tell us the story of how you met and fell in love with Jake!

Jake and I met two years ago, the night after I celebrated my 27th birthday. He was persistently asking to meet me in person for awhile (via POF messages) but I kept avoiding meeting him – for no particular reason. Finally on this lazy Sunday I agreed to go out for a late dinner. We had great conversation throughout dinner, which is important to me, but I didn’t feel that initial spark that some people say they get right away.

What is funny to look back on, is that I remember going to my friend’s house after our date and saying “nope, I’m not into him! He has a tattoo on his hand.” However, after that first date, Jake continued to pursue me and we hung out a lot during the following months. We formed a very strong friendship and connection. I was still on the fence about dating him because he has a son, and I wasn’t sure I was ready to get involved in that kind of a relationship or play that role at that point.

Over the next year, we kept it quite casual due to me not really being ready for anything too serious. At the end of 2012, I decided I was going to live abroad in Australia, solo. This was something I had always wanted to do, and had planned on doing before meeting Jake. Jake seemed happy for me and even helped me plan my trip, but he admits to me now how sad he was to see me go.

In January of 2013, it was time to say goodbye. Jake and I hugged and cried, and we said “I love you” to each other for the first time. It was extremely hard leaving him. Perhaps, in the midst of being distracted planning and getting ready for Australia, I was blind to the amazing relationship and bond we had formed over the last year.

While I was in Australia we kept in touch almost daily, but during the first 3 months I was mostly into sightseeing, meeting new people and just doing my own thing. However, I definitely missed him a lot.

On March 12, 2013, I received a knock on the door of where I was living in Melbourne, Australia.  I was in the middle of having an afternoon nap. I peeked through the blinds and all I saw was cargo shorts (I should have know by that very fact) I opened the door, rubbing my eyes, and I couldn’t believe my eyes that JAKE was standing there.

kelly1Needless to say, I was in complete shock! Jake had flown from Vancouver, Canada to Melbourne, Australia, to surprise me and knock on my door. He told me that I am the love of his life and that he had to tell me in person! I laugh now because I still can’t believe men like him actually exist! Really? A man doing something like that is practically unheard of in our generation. What makes his grand gesture even more romantic, is that he was only able to get away from work for four nights, but he still came all the way to Australia! That’s a 24 hour flight each way, so he knew he’d only get to spend two days with me – but he still thought it was worth it!

There was a mutual understanding that Jake wouldn’t be staying. Living abroad in Australia was something I wanted to solo, for myself. However as time passed, and after the shock of his surprise visit wore off, I missed him more and more and realized that he is the one I want. No new opportunities in Australia could compete with what my heart wanted: Jake.

In July 2013, he flew me to Bali and we got to spend 10 days on vacation together. That trip was the tipping point for me; I knew I had to come home from Australia earlier than planned, to be with Jake. He booked me a flight back to Vancouver for September 2013, we moved in together, and the rest is history!

Jake, what made Kelly stand out initially on POF? What made her stand out when you met?

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Kelly & Jake drinking “poo tea” together in Bali.

I thought she seemed like an honest down to earth woman, and she was super cute. When we met she was very bubbly and positive, and I am very attracted to that. She was very easy to relate to and talk to.

Kelly, what made Jake stand out initially on POF? What made him stand out when you met?

Jake kept messaging me on POF, pestering me to hang out, and when I finally did I loved our conversation. We had a lot in common. He seemed like a really solid, nice guy- with a great smile. Oh, and he was tall! I like really tall guys!

 Jake, how and when did you know that Kelly was someone who you definitely wanted to pursue?

 The closer it got to the time for Kelly to go to Australia, My feelings got stronger and stronger. When she was away in Australia, it really hit me that she was the one.

 Kelly, how and when did you know that Jake was someone who you definitely wanted to pursue? 

After Jake left Melbourne I started to have really strong feelings for him, and after Bali I knew he was the one I wanted to be with.

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Today, Kelly and Jake are still happily living together in Vancouver, British Columbia. Jake owns a sign, print and graphic design company called Liquid Grafix. Kelly, a very talented furniture refinisher, realized she had a lot of DIY tips and now runs her very own lifestyle blog A Shabby To Chic Life. Kelly also works as a web designer and social media manager for Jake’s company, Liquid Grafix.