The 3 Most Unattractive Qualities In a Partner

The self-help revolution has taught us for decades about how to become better at sales, more confident, or more outgoing. But what about how to become a better partner? And what about distinguishing between someone who brings light and energy into our lives versus someone who continually drags us down.

Below I’ve listed the most unattractive traits that could poison a relationship from the inside out. Keep an eye out for them, either in your potential partner or even yourself!

Is your partner too pessimistic? 

There’s nothing wrong with being realistic- when you have rent and bills to pay then you have to keep your feet firmly on the ground. Just be wary of someone who takes every opportunity to put a damper on things: this person misses opportunities because they look for the worst in any situation.

You might think that you can help them, or maybe convince them to be more positive (and there’s more about that later) but it won’t work. You’ll find yourself living a dull but frustrating life, one where things ‘just never seem to go right’, where the world seems to always work against you, all because your glass is half empty. Their attitude will slowly poison your outlook on life.

And if your partner looks for the reasons why things can’t work rather than how they could, then the moment you hit a rocky patch together, they’ll be out the door. Nobody want’s to feel like they are continually treading on egg shells.

Is your partner jealous and possessive?

Again, healthy jealousy can be a great thing. It shows you that you mean a lot to them, and that they couldn’t stomach the idea of being without you… Which is great!

But jealousy can have a very, very dark side. When unrestrained, jealousy gives way to anger, misery and even abuse. At its worst, jealousy becomes complete possessiveness: they want to track your every move, your every word, your every interaction. They want to own you, and that definitely isn’t healthy.

Jealousy is also often a sign of a guilty conscience, in particular if it comes as a change in character. If your partner suddenly starts to accuse you of cheating, for what seems like no reason, then there’s a chance that they’re pointing the finger at you instead of addressing their own guilt.

Is your partner too domineering- are they trying to change you?

It’s an adage as old as relationships themselves, and it’s true: you can’t change your partner, and trying to will only end in disappointment. So why do people still try?

Well, some people are natural dominators. They want to be the biggest, best person in the room- it’s just human nature. And there’s nothing that’s necessarily bad about that, but with some people, it can become a slippery slope towards abuse. Dictatorship like behaviour in a relationship can very often drive the other person anyway, causing confusion and hurt.

They’ll often start doing things behind their partners back to avoid any further pressure to change. If they demand their partner change their ways through pressure or force, it’ll never work and leave them with a bitter resentment towards their partner which could spell disaster for the long term.

If you want to ensure a relationship has the longest term chance of success and you see these unattractive patterns in our partners, instead of looking to place blame, first look in the mirror and make sure you’re not the source! i.e. If you catch yourself being overly negative with someone you’re dating, catch your negative thoughts as they happen and try to see the positivity and instead vocalize that.

Another example is, if you find yourself being jealous and possessive, try to objectively look at the situation from an external point of view. Do you have a reason to try to ‘control’ your partner in that situation or is it a projection of your own insecurity – could you do anything to address that?

The healthiest relationship we need to have is one with ourselves and if we want attraction to last with anyone we’re dating, it must start and end with you.

7 Signs You’re In It For the Long Haul

It’s not always easy to know if the person you’re currently dating is in fact, “The One.” If you’re not entirely sure your SO is in it for the long haul, go through these 7 signs of commitment that will leave you certain they are.

  • You Want to Spend All the Free Time You Can With Each Other: Of course you’ll want to have your alone time and schedule dates with your friends and family, but if you’ve been together for a while now and still value your time together as a couple, that’s a pretty great sign.
  • Taking Trips Together: Travelling as a couple means that both of you want to make lasting memories together to think back on in the years to come. Travelling with your significant other can be a big step in any relationship and you will most likely face challenges in a different environment. If you both actively work through anything that comes up on a trip together, then odds are you know how to effectively communicate with one another.
  • Going Out of Your Way for Each Other: If you find yourself going the extra mile to make your partner happy, it’s a sign your spark is still lit and you haven’t become complacent in your relationship.
  • Purchases Becoming ‘Ours’: Combining finances or making larger purchases together such as a car or home require a level of commitment from both of you that is evidence you’re ready for a future together.
  • Exchanging Keys: If you don’t live together just yet and decide to give each other access to your home by swapping keys, this is a huge sign of trust that may lead to a greater step in your relationship – moving in together.
  • You’ve Seen Each Other at Your Worst: In the beginning of any new relationship, everyone is usually on their best behaviour. Overtime when you’re getting to know someone better, their true self  is exposed through various situations life throws your way. A partner who has seen all sides to you and loves you for who you are, hold onto them.
  • Planning Your Futures Together: Nothing says commitment like thinking about your future with one another. If you and your partner have a 5 year plan that factors one another into it and you’re working together to support and accomplish each others goals, you are definitely in a healthy and committed relationship.

If you notice these points to be true of your current relationship, it might be time to start thinking of that engagement ring to keep your partner in your life forever!

5 Things You Shouldn’t Rush in a New Relationship

You know the feeling when you’ve just started dating someone, things are going extraordinarily well, and you feel as though you are living out your own musical? We’ve all been there. You somehow work their name into every conversation, your thoughts are on them all the time; grocery shopping, in the shower, girls night, meetings at work, no locale is safe. Basically your world has developed a dream-like haze giving you the impression that this is what life in love was meant to be like. During this time – this amazing, sparkly time – it’s easy to make a slew of blunders that would, in turn, ruin your new romantic glow. Rushing into things when starting out with a new love can happen without a thought, and end having made a big mistake. There is an art to taking it slow; here are some things that should avoid being rushed in a new relationship.

1. Moving in together

If it’s meant to be, it will be. If it’s meant to last, you will have all the time in the world to nag him about putting the toilet seat down, and cleaning up after himself. He will have a lifetime to complain about how you do the dishes and leave your hair in the shower drain. Of course, deciding to live with your significant other is a wonderful and exciting time. But why rush it? Enjoy this time of longing! And go on pretending like your apartment “always looks like this”.

2. Sharing financial information

What is sexier than the sharing of financial information? Uh, pretty much everything!.Money talk is serious talk. Let’s save these kinds of serious convos for when they absolutely need to be shared. You don’t need to know how he separates his bank accounts, and he doesn’t need to know about your crippling debt. Not yet at least.

3. Talk of your future together (weddings, babies, etc…)

While it’s not uncommon for this topic to come up fairly early on, it’s best to control how often and to what extent. Sure you want to know how he feels about marriage, or if he wants kids in the future. Especially if these things are deal breakers for you. But it’s certainly best not to dwell on them. This is an exciting time in your relationship that should be spent learning about each other and living in the present, rather getting lost in the future. Don’t waste it!

4. Saying I love you

As cheesy as it may be, saying I love you and hearing it back is without a doubt one of the best feelings in the world. In a new relationship it may be hard not to bust out an “I love you” every time he says something mildly sweet, or picks up your favorite chocolate bar. But, hold your horses girl! Get to know each other, when you say it after really connecting it will mean so much more and be much more meaningful. Wait until you’re both so in love that you think you might explode if you don’t say it, he’s probably feeling the same.

5. Talking about exes

Oh yes, that uncomfortable taboo subject, the ex. There are some things you probably want to know about your partners past significant others. But, you know what, you are just going to have to trust that the person you think is so great, actually is that great. Just like talking about your future, it’s normal to get a few things out of the way – how have things ended in the past, was cheating involved, what was the level of respect – which is fine. But beyond that, knowing about the intricate details of past relationships doesn’t contribute to the success in your current one. The more you get to know each other the more it’s fair game to share about past relationships. Why dwell on the past, when your present is pretty darn swell?”