When you first begin dating someone, everything is new and exciting, and you really enjoy each other. Over time, even though your feelings may be even stronger, the newness and excitement seems to disappear, and relationships seem more like work than fun and romantic. A relationship is like anything else you do in life. In order for it to be a success, you need to work at it. Today we are going to take a look at 10 ways that you can put that spark back into your relationship.
The self-help revolution has taught us for decades about how to become better at sales, more confident, or more outgoing. But what about how to become a better partner? And what about distinguishing between someone who brings light and energy into our lives versus someone who continually drags us down.
Below I’ve listed the most unattractive traits that could poison a relationship from the inside out. Keep an eye out for them, either in your potential partner or even yourself!
Is your partner too pessimistic?
There’s nothing wrong with being realistic- when you have rent and bills to pay then you have to keep your feet firmly on the ground. Just be wary of someone who takes every opportunity to put a damper on things: this person misses opportunities because they look for the worst in any situation.
You might think that you can help them, or maybe convince them to be more positive (and there’s more about that later) but it won’t work. You’ll find yourself living a dull but frustrating life, one where things ‘just never seem to go right’, where the world seems to always work against you, all because your glass is half empty. Their attitude will slowly poison your outlook on life.
And if your partner looks for the reasons why things can’t work rather than how they could, then the moment you hit a rocky patch together, they’ll be out the door. Nobody want’s to feel like they are continually treading on egg shells.
Is your partner jealous and possessive?
Again, healthy jealousy can be a great thing. It shows you that you mean a lot to them, and that they couldn’t stomach the idea of being without you… Which is great!
But jealousy can have a very, very dark side. When unrestrained, jealousy gives way to anger, misery and even abuse. At its worst, jealousy becomes complete possessiveness: they want to track your every move, your every word, your every interaction. They want to own you, and that definitely isn’t healthy.
Jealousy is also often a sign of a guilty conscience, in particular if it comes as a change in character. If your partner suddenly starts to accuse you of cheating, for what seems like no reason, then there’s a chance that they’re pointing the finger at you instead of addressing their own guilt.
Is your partner too domineering- are they trying to change you?
It’s an adage as old as relationships themselves, and it’s true: you can’t change your partner, and trying to will only end in disappointment. So why do people still try?
Well, some people are natural dominators. They want to be the biggest, best person in the room- it’s just human nature. And there’s nothing that’s necessarily bad about that, but with some people, it can become a slippery slope towards abuse. Dictatorship like behaviour in a relationship can very often drive the other person anyway, causing confusion and hurt.
They’ll often start doing things behind their partners back to avoid any further pressure to change. If they demand their partner change their ways through pressure or force, it’ll never work and leave them with a bitter resentment towards their partner which could spell disaster for the long term.
If you want to ensure a relationship has the longest term chance of success and you see these unattractive patterns in our partners, instead of looking to place blame, first look in the mirror and make sure you’re not the source! i.e. If you catch yourself being overly negative with someone you’re dating, catch your negative thoughts as they happen and try to see the positivity and instead vocalize that.
Another example is, if you find yourself being jealous and possessive, try to objectively look at the situation from an external point of view. Do you have a reason to try to ‘control’ your partner in that situation or is it a projection of your own insecurity – could you do anything to address that?
The healthiest relationship we need to have is one with ourselves and if we want attraction to last with anyone we’re dating, it must start and end with you.
Deciding if you’re ready to buy a home with your significant other can be an exciting and stressful season of life. While it’s fun to start the process in finding your dream home, both of you likely have different expectations and opinions of what that actually looks like. When it comes to finances, location, size and caring for your home, things can get complicated quickly—especially if you haven’t communicated these things up front. If you’re open with each other and willing to listen and compromise, you’ll have fewer conflicts to deal with down the road. Here are five questions you should ask your significant other before buying a home together:
Is space more important to you than location?
The best place to start when you’re buying a home with your significant other is with a conversation on location. Would you rather have a large home with plenty of outdoor space and surrounded by neighbors? Or would you rather have a smaller town home that’s in the heart of the city? If you can’t see yourself settling into the city but your S.O. can’t stand the thought of maintaining a yard, try compromising with a house in between. Choosing to negotiate is a great way to make sure you’re both still satisfied with where you live a year or two later.
How long are we going to live here?
Investing in a home you both can see yourselves settling down in for the long run is different than buying a starter home. If you plan on staying in your new home long term and raising children in it, then you’ll probably want to discuss a budget for home upgrades or renovations throughout the years. If you decide on a starter home, you’ll want to discuss how you’re going to spend your money to make the house comfortable while you’re there. If you both have different opinions on what you’re ready for, take some time to weigh the pros and cons of both options before you jump into anything.
What’s our budget for safety upgrades?
This isn’t talked about in the home buying space as much as it should be. Safety is important, especially when you’ve just spent more than you’d like to admit on a down payment for your home. Unfortunately, safety doesn’t come free, and you may need to increase your savings goal to be as prepared as you’d like to be. You can start small, with security “props” like a fake security camera. Not only is it a fraction of the cost of an actual security camera, but “most fake security cameras have a noticeable blinking LED light that deters at night when criminals are active,” according to home security experts. This makes it a great stand-in while the both of you save for the alarm system you agree is best for your home.
How do we divide household duties?
Nobody enjoys cleaning the house, paying bills or purchasing groceries, but you’ve got to work out a system for day-to-day maintenance or else you’ll both end up frustrated. People often assume living with and adjusting to your significant other will be a breeze, especially because it’s someone you truly care about. Men and women have very different opinions on what living cohesively with someone else looks like so it’s important expectations are discussed up front. If you let the frustration with your partner build, it can lead to unhappiness and ultimately a split. If simply delegating and agreeing on chores isn’t working for you, try a chore chart where you either take turns or split them fairly. Of course you have to stick to the chore chart and pull your weight around the house for it to truly work.
Are we prepared for the responsibility?
Owning a home takes a tremendous amount of commitment and responsibility. You no longer have a landlord to call when your refrigerator stops running or your air conditioner stops working in the middle of summer. Paying rent or your bills a few days late simply isn’t an option anymore. If you know you aren’t prepared for the responsibility but your S.O. is pressuring you into it, it’s best for everyone involved if you speak up. In addition, if you can’t see yourself or your S.O. staying committed to the home for years to come, consider renting for a year or two before you buy. It’s a lot less stressful and financial safe to figure out if you just can’t live with someone before actually investing in a house together.
Want to be amazing on a date? Of course you do! The good news is, it’s easier than you think to stand out and you’ll have much more fun when you do. Doing these things regularly will help you become your most amazing self.
1. Be confident. People are drawn to confidence. Don’t put yourself down, slouch or avoid eye contact. Act like you’re the mayor of the universe. Who says you’re not?
2. Be the best version of yourself. Put a little extra effort into your appearance and do something nice for yourself. You don’t have to buy a new outfit or even wear makeup, if that’s not your thing, but knowing that you look your best will help you be more confident.
3. Love your life. Do whatever you have to do to create a fulfilling life, whether it be a change in your career path, adopting a pet, or taking up a new hobby.
4. Know what you want. This will really set you apart on your date, because most people don’t know what they want. Take the time to sit down with yourself and figure it out and then own it. Never settle for anything less.
5. Be present. When you’re on a date with someone, really be there. Turn off your phone, look into his eyes, and pay attention to him. You can think about work, your bills and your ex later.
6. Be genuine. We all love people who have the courage to be themselves and let us see their true self. These are the people we remember and the people who inspire us.
7. Make room for a man in your life. Being so busy that you never have time to see him doesn’t make you mysterious or intriguing, it just makes you unavailable for a relationship. Stop this at once if you want a committed relationship. Men won’t put up with it and neither should you. Show up for the relationship you want to have and date men who are willing to do the same.
8. Love something. I don’t care if it’s a sports team, a new hobby, or a great movie. Enthusiasm is contagious.
9. Cultivate a positive attitude. No one wants to meet a Negative Nancy on a date. It is really important to start the date off right, with a smile and positive attitude. Find happiness in the small things.
10. Be kind. Simple kindness and decency are refreshing. Being kind to yourself and others will set you apart and make you a delight to be around.
If you keep these ten things in mind and practice them at every opportunity you will be an amazing woman. You’ll also have a much better time than 90% of the people out there and men will notice. What you do after that is up to you!