My wild guess is that you’ve recently been released into the dating ocean. Welcome! I too, am swimming in that very same sea, and after an in-depth self discovery while spending several months in Brazil studying behavioral analysis, I came to the conclusion that everyone should date themselves and dive into self-loving habits before considering hopping into their next relationship.
Everyone dreams of having a happily ever after type of relationship, but not everyone is willing to do the work required to get that type of relationship. You want to know the bold truth? Love is doomed without self-love. You need that foundation prior to stepping into relationships.
Rather than jumping from unhappy relationship to unhappy relationship… take a break and utilize that time to get to know you. Instead of seeking the love you desire from others, find that love within you first. Self-love is the foundation upon which you build all your other relationships. Everything comes down to how much you love yourself. EVERYTHING.
Don’t believe me? Take a peek at these 5 reasons why self-love is important for relationships:
You’ll attract better.
When you truly love yourself, you shift your energy and begin to attract better people; people who are worthy of your love. Think about it… Like attracts like. If you’re experiencing a depleted sense of self-love, you will attract people with that same depletion and these types of people will take advantage of you. On the other hand, if you have a radical sense of self-love, you’ll attract people who share that radical inner love and these people will treat you incredibly well.
You have to be what you want to attract, so if you want better, be better.
You’ll improve the quality of your relationships.
Codependency becomes impossible when you love yourself because you are now strong enough to stand on your own two feet. When partners lack self-love, the quality of the relationship becomes toxic because you’re simply trying to fill the void rather than build love from within. Relationships become healthy when each partner embodies a healthy dose of self-love.
You’ll show up differently in relationships.
Say goodbye to neediness, insecurity, and jealousy. With self-love, you’ll show up in relationships as a strong, confident, and secure person. You’ll feel whole, which will exterminate the need for external validation. You’ll love from a place of feeling fulfilled, rather than a place of feeling empty, and you’ll understand your needs which will help you communicate effectively with your partner. When you truly love yourself, you’ll know what boundaries you need to set, what you’ll put up with, and when to walk away. You’ll show up as an empowered person when you embody self-love.
Your partners will treat you differently.
You’ll know your worth. You’ll know exactly how you want to be treated, and you won’t settle for less than you deserve. By showing yourself love, you’ll set the tone for how you want others to treat you in a relationship. Your partners will want to treat you differently because they’ll see you treating yourself differently. Simply put, when you treat yourself with love, compassion, and respect, others will treat you the same.
A happily ever after is possible… you just have to experience it with yourself first. The types of people you attract, the quality of your relationships, the way you show up in relationships, and the way others treat you in relationships will all improve when you fuel up on self-love. Stop the cycle of unhappy relationships by establishing a happy relationship with yourself first.
Build your foundation, and love will find you.
Are you a woman who’s ready to reclaim your self-worth and embrace what you truly deserve? Receive Ruby’s free video and guide here
Let’s be real… Dating isn’t easy. Have you ever experienced that cycle of constantly attracting the wrong people in your life? People who don’t fit what you’re actually looking for… people who don’t actually respect you or have a genuine interest in who you are? We all do it. We all experience cycling through the wrong people, settling for less than we want because we begin to believe that this desired partner is somewhat of a unicorn and impossible to obtain. We give up. We play the ‘victim’ role and assume that the world is against us and sending us all these horribly mismatched partners. But that is so far from the truth…
Here are the REAL reasons why you’re attracting the wrong people:
You Don’t Know Your Worth
How can you expect others to treat you well if you don’t even recognize or acknowledge your own worth? You have to dive into a relationship with self prior to a relationship with someone else. Know your worth. Understand your true value. The more grounded you are in your self-worth, the more rooted you’ll be in confidence.
If you go into relationships with little understand of your self-worth, you have a larger chance of being mistreated. We allow people to treat us like crap when we believe that’s what we’re worthy of receiving. If you don’t know your true worth, you’ll settle for far less than you deserve, and attracting the wrong people.
When you truly value your worth, you’ll stop settling for less. People will treat you better because you’ll be treating yourself better. You’ll have a clearer picture of what you’d like your relationships to look and feel like.
Know your worth prior to stepping into relationships with other people. This will result in attracting people who will respect you, value you, and cherish you for who you truly are.
You’re Unclear On What You Want/Need in A Relationship
If you’re unclear on what you want and need in a relationship, you’ll attract an assortment of people who aren’t right for you. Create a list of everything you desire in a relationship. Then, split that list up into ‘wants’ and ‘needs’. The thought of needing things in a relationship may turn you off but let’s just be honest… we ALL have needs! Recognize those needs and honor them.
If you truly want to attract the right people in your life, you need to be crystal clear on what you want and need. This helps refine the search, but it also helps with attracting the right energy because you’ll be emitting this exact type of energy. When you’re clear on your wants and needs, it will become easier for you to say ‘no’ to the ones who don’t fit. Why waste time with the wrong types when you can spend that time attracting the right types?
You’re Unclear On What You Have to Offer in A Relationship
What do you have to offer in a relationship? What are you bringing to the table? This is so important because the more you recognize your presence and place in a relationship, the more confident you will become as a partner in a relationship.
We all have gifts to share. We all have something to offer. And if you’re stuck trying to figure out what that something is, head back up to reason #1 – Self-Worth. When you recognize your true worth, you’re recognizing your true value. Break it down—what do you bring in a relationship? Are you a good listener? A great supporter? An awesome cook? A fabulous lover? What gifts do you have to share within your relationships? Get clear on that, and you’ll gain the confidence you need to attract people of your calibre.
It’s time for you to break the pattern of attracting the wrong people. Take a step back, have that relationship with self first. Know your worth so you can stop settling for less. Get crystal clear on your needs and wants in a relationship as well as what you have to offer in relationships, and this will ultimately lead to you attracting better people.
You’re not being punished. Life isn’t unfair. You’re just putting out the wrong type of energy. Shift that energy so you can begin attracting the right people in your life.