Signs Your Single-Self May Be Too Picky

“Why are you still single?” – is a commonly asked question that is essentially a backwards compliment. It implies “Wow, you’re great, why doesn’t anybody want you?”

The most common responses are:

“I just haven’t met anyone I have chemistry with.”

“The one I wanted got away.”

“All the good ones are taken.”

I think the best response would be, “None of your business!” The only person who needs to know the real reason you’re still single is you. But do you know? If you’re frustrated with being single and want to find a lasting relationship you need to honestly admit you may be doing something wrong. It starts with the choices you make.

4 Signs You’re Too Picky

  1. Your physical requirements for a partner are hard to find

Do you require a guy who towers over you, and you’re 5’9? Or require a girl who’s a size 2 and half your age? Maybe it’s someone with blue eyes, a full head of hair, or supermodel looks? If you do find someone who fits the exterior requirements do you ignore all the red flags and put up with bad behavior because you’re so physically attracted?

  1. Your behavioral expectations are non-flexible

Do you have strict rules and expectations for how your lover should treat you? Like needing a lot of attention, communication, affection, or other specific action? I’m not recommending you lower healthy boundaries, but if you can take care of your own needs and go with the flow a little more you’ll get a better response.

  1. You’re pining for a previous love and comparing everyone new to that ex

Don’t allow your past to prevent you from having a great future. If you’re still holding on to hope that the amazing relationship you once shared with an ex is going to come back you’re standing in your own way of happiness, and wasting precious time.

  1. You have a friend you think is amazing but you’re just not attracted to him/her

A lot of my clients tell me they have a friend that would be perfect for them if only they found them attractive. Well, your thoughts create your feelings.

Time passes more quickly as you get older and years can very easily slip away. Ask anyone you know who is over 45 and still single if they wish they had been less picky. Then ask yourself if you would rather be alone for a couple decades or even the rest of your life than share it with your best friend, having fun, creating a family, and loving their slightly less than ideal qualities. I’m not talking about settling, I’m suggesting to change your perception. Think about what causes you to feel positive or negative about everything. So if you think you may not be attracted to this wonderful person in front of you, play around with the idea that you could be. Fantasize about being together and having that chemistry you crave; you can create it.

The passionate first three to six months of any relationship are impossible to recreate on the daily. It’s after that elation ends that true love begins. If you’re tired of the roller coaster of finding that chemistry and losing it, start looking for your best friend.

 

10 Warm Destinations For A Winter Adventure

When the cold and snow start to take a toll on your mood, it’s time to plan a winter adventure. Whether you’re traveling solo or with friends, a vacation is not only a chance to get away, but also a great opportunity to meet new people, including potential love interests.

Here are my top ten warm destinations that will immediately shake off those winter blues!

Boracay, Philippines

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One of the most alluring tropical islands in the Philippines, Boracay is home to sandy white beaches and clear blue water. It’s a great spot for singles as there are many bars and restaurants along the seven-kilometer long island—some that even stay open 24 hours a day.

San Diego, California

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San Diego is filled with active people who are always looking for group adventures. Not to mention the geography is perfect for a warm-weather getaway. San Diego adventures include whale-watching tours, beach volleyball and SUP paddle boarding. If you’re riding solo and single, grab a towel and head to the nearest beach to scope out the surfers!

Crete, Greece

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Crete is the largest of the Greek islands and perhaps the most popular. Mountain villages, seaside bars, nightlife and luxurious resorts make it a unique, culture-rich experience for both couples and singles alike.

Honolulu, Hawaii

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Hawaii is a tropical paradise for winter getaways, and not just for couples. There’s plenty to do solo or with a group of friends, like check out ‘Eat the Street’, a monthly gathering of more than 40 of the island’s best food trucks. Locals are crazy about this “eclectic alternative to the island’s food scene.” Chat, eat and be merry!

Destin, FL

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You may be daydreaming about white sandy beaches and palm trees. Known as the “world’s luckiest fishing village,” Destin is perfect for someone looking to experience paradise, while meeting others who love fishing. Make a reservation with Charter Fishing Destin for deep sea fishing adventure to meet fellow anglers. You never know who may catch your eye!

San Juan, Puerto Rico

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If you’re in the mood to salsa dance until the sun comes up, San Juan, the capital of Puerto Rico is the destination for you. As a single looking to mingle, head straight to the Isla Verde resort strip of San Juan, known for its bars, casinos and nightclubs.

Cape Town, South Africa

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With its Mediterranean-style climate, incredible wildlife and diverse culinary scene, Cape Town is a fabulous escape from reality for adventure-seekers. Sip on guided tasting flights in the Winelands, tag along on an African safari or dine at the best restaurant on the continent, The Tasting Room.

Charleston, SC

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You can’t go wrong with a trip to Charleston, which was named the World’s Best City by Travel + Leisure’s 2016 Reader’s Choice Awards. Its southern charm, award-winning restaurants and trendy nightlife make Charleston an ideal place for singles of any age. You may even find yourself a true southern gentleman!

Rose Hall, Jamaica

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The miles of beaches and irresistible tropical climate make Jamaica a perfect Caribbean getaway to improve your mood. The Iberostar Rose Hall Suites is home to restaurants, a swim-up bar, spa and white sandy beach provide ample opportunities to mix and mingle with other singles.

Costa Rica

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If you’re looking to find a little bit sunshine and friendly people, Costa Rica is known as the ‘Happiest Country on Earth’—and a happy partner makes for a happy life. It’s also a great destination for thrill-seekers, with plenty of adventurous opportunities like zip lining or white water rafting.

 

Don’t Make These Dating Mistakes

No one wants to know that they are at fault for why their relationships are falling apart. I mean sure we aren’t perfect, but are we purposely self -sabotaging our love life? If you are constantly finding yourself single and disappointed, then perhaps it’s time to look at what you may be doing wrong.

Here are 8 mistakes you could be making in your dating life:

1: You are choosing the wrong people to date

Chances are if you keep finding yourself in the same situation, then you must be dating the same type of person over and over again. Sure, we all have a type, but make sure that ‘type’ is also someone who values and treats you well. It’s one thing to be attracted to certain physical traits, but it’s altogether another thing to not look beyond their appearance and take into account their character. If you can identify where you are going wrong, then try and choose consciously to date someone that is going to be better for you.

2: You are giving off mixed signals

They don’t know whether you’re coming or going, and this is probably because you don’t know either! Make sure that you are whole and happy before you start your search for love. Have a clear idea of what you want in a partner and how much you are willing to invest. Playing games or being hot and cold, will only bring confusion, frustration to both people involved.  You don’t have to play games to win at love, so be open honest and transparent.

3: You have unrealistic expectations

We all want the fairy tale, but it doesn’t always look how we can imagine it to in our heads. When you go on a date make sure you are enjoying and staying present in the moment, instead of ticking off boxes in your head. Have a good idea about what you want and need in a relationship but remember to be flexible and realistic.

4: You keep settling for second best

This is because you haven’t learnt just how much you are worth. When we successfully love ourselves in a healthy way, we are then able to set the bar for how we let others love us. Don’t date out of loneliness, fear or desperation, make sure you are happy and complete before you put yourself out there. Know where boundaries need to be placed, and the difference between compromising and settling.

5: You get too serious and attached too fast

We live in a fast-paced instant society that wants everything yesterday! Take your time to get to know someone’s character and intentions before you let them into your heart. Good old fashioned courting means that you can get to see just how serious your date is about wanting you in their life.

6: You keep bringing up the past

Talking about your past relationships or hurts is not going to help your present or future love life. This isn’t about denying what has happened but rather choosing the right time in a relationship of when to talk about it. As a rule, you should never discuss ex’s in detail on a first date. Make sure you have fully healed and let go of your last heartache before you embark on a new relationship.

7: You’re trying too hard

Whilst it’s great to be active in finding love, there also needs to be a point where you can be overdoing it. No matter how bad you want to find the right one, make sure you are choosing quality over quantity. Serial dating only leads to frustration and confusion. Try not to overwhelm yourself, by taking time in between dates and not dating just for the sake of it. If you are on the hunt, your suitors will sense it and probably run for the hills. Make sure you are at peace within yourself and also able to enjoy your time alone.

8: You’re not trying hard enough

And then on the other hand you may not be active enough. Love isn’t going to turn up on our doorstep, we need to create opportunities to invite it into our life. This might be as simple as setting up a dating profile, or expanding your social circle. More than likely you will have to get out of your comfort zone. Remember the golden rule, dating is only as complicated as we allow it to be.

Dive Back Into Dating With These 5 Tips

Ever felt like your online dating workout plan was working you, rather than working out? Oh yes girl, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. This leaves so many woman exhausted beyond tears and simply discouraged thinking, “After coming home from a hard day of work is it even worth it?” Wait! Before you skip that waxing routine and grab your fuzzy slippers to fall asleep with Netflix- THERE IS HOPE.

Let us look at 5 proven ways to get you back on your A-game.

  1.   Search In Packs

It’s hard to top laughing and drooling over prospective matches with close friends and family. Whether there’s teamwork or simply a look over the shoulder, checking out potential matches; this will help increase confidence and wisdom in the decision making process. In addition, when those closest to you, are involved in the process; online dating feels more enjoyable and less time consuming.

  1.   Check your bait

No matter lady or gentleman, when clients come through The Online Love Doctor’s doors,  the first step is an intense renovation of their profile. I look to see if the profile is clear, attractive and confident with a calming presentation. A  “relaxed” approach is important to allow the man space to share his true colors upfront and show whether you need to run or relax!

  1.   Share your wounds and your wins

So many times women try to hide embarrassing date moments, like a guy going MIA and standing them up. Even if you have fallen headfirst into those types of traps, it is ABSOLUTELY important to share those with a close friend or family member, because there is only so much a girl can take before self-worth starts to get a bit wobbly. When the tears are still fresh, consider having a designated friend to call who be an ego booster.

  1.    Re-evaluate Your Type 

Unless a woman has had a successful relationship where the match was just perfect, many women don’t really know what their prince charming looks like, much less what he should act like. The tall, dark, handsome and just 5 minutes away prince isn’t for everyone. For some, their prince may be short, talkative and a world traveler.  If the date is not a home run, at least you went and shared a new experience with someone.

  1.   Be Consistent

If a woman is only “popping in” her account twice a week, she should really be more proactive. Potential date interests start to dwindle and the few left reciprocate the same “popping in” effort, while the other more intentional men have swam to other ponds. Try to reply to potentially interesting matches within 24 hours to keep the momentum going.

 

Hope these 5 Tips help ladies stay on their A-game. Don’t forget to have fun! Laugh at personal mistakes and the awkwardness that is often faced in online dating endeavors. After settling back and finding the one, there is going to be some chuckles at all the “quaint” encounters had. Most of all don’t give up hope! He is out there…