When we find ourselves falling for a man, it’s normal to start feeling that if we don’t show enough interest in him he might get the wrong message and drift away. We want to make sure he knows we like him. So we might do things like:
1. Calling him because you heard or read about something interesting, or because you knew there was a great band playing somewhere, or someone told you about some great event that you want to invite him to.
2. Calling to ask why he hasn’t called you.
3. E-mailing him, texting him, Facebooking him, sending him a cute card, dropping by his house, or in any way attempting to initiate some kind of contact.
4. Asking him how he feels — especially asking him how he feels about you or the relationship.
5. Inviting him to come and join you, or in any way acting like the social director of the relationship.
At first glance, these actions might seem completely harmless. In fact, you may feel that he’ll just see you as being friendly and want to get closer to you. But doing any of these things shifts you into masculine energy and makes you the pursuer in the relationship. When a man feels even a little bit pursued, he’ll feel he doesn’t have to work so hard to win you over and will immediately drop his efforts.
It’s important to understand that the urge to chase him in this manner comes from fear: feeling like we’re going to lose him by not letting him know we’re interested in him. But nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, whenever you initiate courtship you are sending the message that you might be insecure about losing him, and this will make you appear less attractive to him. He feels smothered and feels an aggressive vibe from you that does nothing to inspire him to want to get closer.
It Pays To Be Patient
I know how frustrating it is to sit back and let a man take the lead. We want a man to know we’re interested in him. We want to make it easy for him to ask us out again. We want to seem enthusiastic and easygoing. And often times this means we inadvertently chase him in the ways described above.
It’s true that men need validation as much as we do. But there’s a difference between letting a man know you like him and actually chasing him. When you chase a man, you don’t give him the chance to show you how he really feels about you. And the only way to really be sure of where his heart is at is by creating the space he needs to chase you.
Lure Him, Don’t Chase Him
For a man to feel like he wants to get closer to you, he needs to feel good around you. And the way he feels good around you is when he pleases you. As long as you seem happy to see him and tell him how much you enjoy his company, a man will keep coming back for more. Stay in your feminine energy by being receptive and open to his attention. When he sees that you are a woman who is secure in herself and doesn’t need to pursue him, he will be encouraged to step up his game so another man doesn’t beat him to the chase.
Once you are in a committed relationship with one man, letting him take the lead and continuing to be receptive to him will fuel his passion for you. He will adore you and appreciate you, and you will be able to relax in the knowledge that you are a desirable creature he’d be a fool to take for granted.—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————- There are specific, effective ways to communicate to a man your interest without chasing him. To learn how to do this so that a man will feel inspired to pursue you, subscribe to Rori’s free e-newsletter. You’ll discover a completely different way of expressing yourself that will get you a man’s full attention and interest.
“Stay in your feminine energy by being receptive and open to his attention.” You can also stay in your feminine energy by cleaning the house and making me a sandwich. Are you serious?!? This is 2014, not 1950.
so, Steve…. you’re saying if a woman pursues you, you don’t step back a few steps? It may be 2014, but in my experience, some things never change….
If I’m into her, I wouldn’t step back. I think it’s be great to be pursued by someone I like – it’s a 2-way street, I think both men and women should do some pursuing in a relationship. But, that’s my opinion, I don’t like passive women. I think it’s kind of sad that women’s lib/feminism has made it acceptable for women to go after just about anything they want in life, EXCEPT for love. Love is the most important thing there is, so why shouldn’t a woman be able to pursue it too? I realize not all men share my opinion, but I know there are some out there that do.
I agree with Steve I have only today removed my profile from POF having found someone here on POF and we are beginning a relationship that will hopefully last for the rest of our lives. What you have said does have some validity but not with an enlightened, educated, modern man. There are still some Neanderthals still out there I have to admit but by far the good catches, the men who are members of POF for the right reasons. The ones who are seriously looking for someone to spend the rest of their life with will appreciate an intelligent independent woman who knows what she wants and is not afraid to after it.. John Reid or John0770
I have been told that when a woman pursues a man she is seen as just a conquest. Now I admit I know zero about how a man thinks and that’s not a bad thing because men and women do have different ideas. I’ve always wondered if this were true. I don’t approach men because I’m a shy person and like a lot of people I am afraid of rejection. But after reading this Steve, I’ll have to rethink my approach!
Well said, Steve.
If a man had written that load of ……. he’d have been torn apart, and his ‘bits’ fed to passing foxes.
I really like your point about the one frontier that’s still not acceptable for women to pursue… you have me re-considering. I’m a feminist whose still playing the games that Donna Reed and June Cleaver espoused. I suppose if I pursue and he prefers the coy games, he’s not worth the passion I’ve been holding back for fear of losing him….? Hmmmm…..
He mistook my patience for disinterest and married another woman who was obviously more aggressive than I was. Patience didn’t do me any good.