The 3 Best Questions to Ask Your Online Date

The entire point of online dating is so you can meet someone online with the intention of meeting “offline” or in real life. Unless you want to remain a virtual dater, I always suggest you create a successful strategy to online dating that will help you to go on more first dates and increase your chances of meeting someone you’ll connect with. A great way to know if someone is worth meeting, is to have a set of what I call K.Y.D’s “Know Your Date” questions.

Here are the 3 best questions to ask your potential online date and why they are important.

What are your current relationship goals?

It’s a good idea to know right off the bat whether you and your potential online date share the same relationship goals. This is one of the first things you want to clarify outside of whether or not they are single. Some people who are dating online are there for various reasons and at different stages in their dating life. You could be dating online because you’re bored in your current relationship, you recently broke up with someone and now want to play the field or you could be at a point in your life where you are ready to find Mr.Right, have babies and settle down within the next year! Asking someone what their relationship goals are seems pretty common sense to me.

 

What are five things you can’t live without?

I love this question because you get great insight about what’s really important to the person you’re dating. He may say his mom, his iPhone6, his boys night of poker, his Jack Daniels, his German Sheppard, Sunday night football or his X-box addiction. The answers are limitless and what you get is an opportunity to imagine what life may be like to live with the things he can’t live without. Are you really interested in competing with his season tickets during his favourite sports season, or dealing with his heavy metal music play list before he goes to bed every night? I am not suggesting that all the items in his list will be terrible or incompatible, however there may be some deal breakers and red flags for you to take note of.

 

What are your deal breakers or turn-offs in a relationship?

This question is really a gift to you. Knowing his automatic turn’off’s is a key factor to determine compatibility. A great way to see if he’s ruled you out of his dating pool if anything he mentions is a deal breaker you possess. There’s no point in pretending that you don’t smoke if he says that smoking is deal breaker or going to church on Sundays when that’s where you know you’ll be on the weekend. What if the guy you’re interested in says that he hates women who wear a lot of make up. You happen to be a make up artist, have the largest make up collection ever and wouldn’t be caught dead without your lipstick and bronzing powder before leaving the house? Clearly this is something you don’t have in common.

There you have my suggested best 3 online dating questions to determine whether the guy you like is worth meeting offline and going on a first date.

5 Signs You’re Forcing A Relationship

Relationships should NEVER feel forced. They should grow organically and bloom into a long lasting beautiful correlation. This goes for both romantic and friendly relationships.

If you currently feel like you are “forcing a relationship,” I highly suggest you take a seat and review the following…

Are they the right one?

So you’ve been catching yourself wondering lately, “hmm, I don’t know if this is right.” I know the feeling… and let me tell you, that is the first sign that opens another can of questions that puts the relationship into perspective. So what does “right for each other” mean anyway? Right for each other is when you laugh at each others jokes, share a conversation through eye contact, and find yourself chatting for hours. You have similar taste in food, music, activities, dreams, and pet preference (yes, you’ve read that correctly, if you love dogs and he doesn’t, it’s not going to work…FYI)

I’m feeling ignored…

So you need to have a serious talk about your feelings, work, or maybe what you had for lunch (yes, lunch is serious business, I want you to know all about the amazing grilled cheese sandwich I had today.) During this conversation, your significant other ignores you, or looks completely disinterested; and that my friend, really sucks! Your partner is the person you want to tell everything to, from your epic meal time to your deepest darkest fears. If your partner has absolutely zero interest in listening to you (and vice versa), there will be sorrows down the road. Resentment will eventually build up, making you miserable and wanting to hang out with other people. 

I can’t tell them anything!

Ah, right here, this one! This is a real relationship killer. You MUST feel comfortable telling your partner everything you are feeling, the positives and the negatives. If you can’t, they are not the one for you. It’s as simple as that. Don’t worry though, you will move on to meet new people and gain new experiences that will result in finding that special someone. You can tell him/her anything and everything, and they won’t judge or look down on you. There are nearly 8 billion people on Planet Earth and someone out there is a match for you. Life has shown me to never give up, there is a right time and place for everything, and until then, the quest continues…

I’m feeling trapped and suffocated

There are many reasons one can feel trapped in a relationship. A lot of times, issues can be resolved by one vital ingredient: Communication. You may feel suffocated because he/she texts you every 30 minutes which, if you ask me, is extremely inconvenient and annoying. The nice person that you are, doesn’t want to say anything to hurt his/her feeling. Guess what!? You must express how something makes you feel, ALWAYS. You can say something like this:  “Hey, I enjoy our chats, but lately I’ve been feeling a little suffocated by your frequent messages.” If there is a future for the two of you, he/she will understand, apologize and take the constructive criticism. If the chat results in an unresolved argument, move on! This means you may not be compatible, as previously mentioned. It is best to release Tommy Texter to someone that will actually enjoy and appreciate all the messaging. True Story!

I can’t imagine growing old together

If the idea of a future together doesn’t excite you, big red flag! With the right one, you should be dreaming about and planning all the awesome things you want to do with that person. Your soulmate, as they say. If you aren’t  doing that with your current partner, it’s time to have a chat with yourself. Is it fair to you? Is it fair to the them? Perhaps you are wasting each others time in a relationship that has nothing to offer in the long run. Maybe you guys are better off  just being friends. It’s always helpful to build a pros and cons list. What do you like about this relationship?  What do you dislike? Remember, you have to stay true to yourself and to the other person. Life is too short to force yourself into a relationship that isn’t bringing you any joy.

If you have a feeling your current relationship is inevitably heading toward the finish line, take everything you’ve learned along the way as a lesson to help you grow to become wiser and stronger.

 

5 Reasons to Date an Outdoorsy Guy

Whether you live, sleep and breath outdoor living or prefer a more ‘at home’ lifestyle, there are tons of great reasons why dating an outdoorsy man might be the solution to your dwindling motivation towards fixing up yet another bland and predictable date. Sure, there are some things about mountain men that don’t tick all the boxes, but we all know there’s no such thing as the perfect man – right?! So, here’s why outdoorsy guys are the next best thing and setting up some adventurous dates might turn things around for you this year.

Shiny Happy People

Those who spend lots of time doing the things they love tend to be pretty stoked on life. Couple this passion with physical activity and its serotonin boosting effects, and it is no surprise that outdoorsy guys are pretty upbeat, happy and generally fun to be around. And what could make a gal happier than being with a happy guy?

Hot Property

Let’s not pretend looks aren’t important – they are, and whilst most outdoorsy men won’t spend more time in front of the mirror than you, they sure know how to look after their bodies. As their main tool to happiness, they will take great lengths to getting strong and fit for optimal performance in their sport. The results are there to be enjoyed – so embrace them!

Big Softies

To fully enjoy the wilderness in all it’s glory, most outdoorsy guys have a deep and honest respect for their playground and it’s preservation. Their tough exterior is easily broken down by their love of animals and nature, exposing a soft and considerate quality that is irresistible to even the most cynical amongst us.

Easily Pleased

The way to the hearts of wilderness wanderers is a straightforward journey, with great value placed upon the simple things in life. So forget about fast cars and expensive bars, you’ll get more out of your outdoorsy guy over a good mug of coffee with a perfect view. Their passions make them super easy to buy for too, with gear, gadgets, guide books and maps, all being essential to outdoor junkies. Receiving them as a gift will make them (and you) even more precious.

Practically Perfect

…with their hands, and they love to show it. Rigging up some shelter at a rain-drenched BBQ is an irresistible opportunity to prove their practical abilities and score huge man-points whilst they’re at it. But that can-do, problem solving, fix-it attitude (when backed up with actual skills) doesn’t come along every day. So before you go hiring an expensive service to sort out your domestic mishaps, fix up some dates with outdoorsy guys and ask them how skillful they really are with their hands!

Top 5 Ways to Improve Your Dating Game

Most of our dating blunders are a result of bad habits + a “leaf in the wind” approach that allows fate to be the navigator.

When someone wants to become an accountant, they go to school for it. If someone wants to gain muscle or lose fat, they go to the gym and change their eating habits. When someone wants to get into a relationship…they complain to their friends that there aren’t any good men or women.

That’s really just a “get out of jail free” card to avoid taking responsibility for your own incompetence with the opposite sex or willingness to try dating. What I’m getting at with these examples is that there is a clear path to getting X by taking steps A, B, and C.

There are a couple of factors that may be to blame here.

Social skills 

“Conveying the right message to the right people” 

Your social skills are not up to par, quite frankly more of an afterthought. What if you could make more friends, have more dates, and feel happier in general by intentionally focusing on how you communicate with people?

Well, you can! Try better eye contact (don’t walk around looking at the ground), smile when you meet someone, and give a firm handshake instead of “spaghetti fingers”. Observe how people react to you and figure out why. Watch other people’s interactions, and even study movie characters to define exactly what the actor is communicating.

Health and fitness

“Energy and vitality will draw people to you” 

Ignoring your health and fitness will sap your energy and kill your motivation for anything that requires effort. This can affect your personality altogether and ultimately result in how you communicate with others. The better you feel about yourself, the more attractive you become!

Income and lifestyle 

“Control your environment to produce better outcomes” 

Everyone wants a better lifestyle, and we’re attracted to safe and secure environments. By controlling your income, you can control which environment you choose to live in and when you are happy in your new found lifestyle,  you will be much more inviting to your future partner.

Courage 

“Opportunities go to those who are bold”

A lot of dating opportunities are missed because we often don’t realize or believe that someone is interested. Our self doubt will steer us away from taking advantage of the opportunities that are presented to us everyday. Having courage means you’re not afraid to fail by taking action and introducing yourself to someone you want to meet.

Effort 

“I’m a Great Believer in Luck. The Harder I Work, the More Luck I Have”

This quote sums up the principle. What it really means is that the more chances you take, just by pure mathematical odds, you’re going to win more often. Not only will you get what you want by playing your luck, but you’ll also get better and increase your “luck”. That’s why beginners in any field seem much less lucky. It’s really not luck at all.

If you’re not taking a comprehensive approach to your dating life by paying attention to all of the above, the bigger picture will be missed.

On the other hand, if you create a great life around you, it won’t be as hard to invite (or attract) someone to join you

 

Eddy Baller is a men’s dating and personal development coach. For more ways to crush it in life and dating join his free newsletter.

How To Fall In Love With Your Partner All Over Again

If you’re in a serious relationship, there will inevitably be a time or two where you fall out of love with each other. There are countless reasons as to why this phenomenon may occur, but what’s most important to note is that your relationship will continue to last until you are no longer willing to make it work. If both parties are willing, a relationship can revitalize itself back into it’s original state of love, peace and tranquility. The key remedy here is “willingness”. Below are 4 ways any couple can fall in love all over again.

 

Show Gratitude

Start your day with an act of gratitude. It may sound cliché, but waking up grateful for the people who are in your life will help redirect your focus from what’s lacking in your life. Taking a moment to appreciate the time, energy, effort and sacrifice that another has given, will give you a greater appreciation for them. More importantly, it will give you peace of mind. By showing your significant other how much you love, value and appreciate them, you create an environment of positive energy that will only go away if/when you stop expressing your gratitude.

Pay Attention To Detail

It is human nature to seek validation for those whose opinion we trust, value and respect. Sometimes, we don’t verbally express that we are seeking attention, but it may be subtle/indirect ways that we hope to be acknowledged. For example: A new hairstyle, weight loss, a promotion at work or other personal achievements. Showing your significant other that you are aware of the things that are happening in his/her life shows them that you care. The more you support one another, the more you’ll grow deeper in love.

Give Each Other Space

It is healthy and normal to want to do things without your significant other. Being a couple is referred to as interdependence, but as an individual it’s important never to lose your independence. By maintaining your own personal interests, you create opportunities to create space between you and your partner in a healthy and respectful way. Doing so allows both parties to do what they love and then look forward to coming back to the one they love. This also creates an opportunity to miss and be missed by your partner.

Do Something Special

The magic in healthy relationships, if done correctly, is you will have acquired enough information about your partner over the years, to know exactly what makes them happy. This puts you at a greater advantage to sweep them off their feet at the drop of a dime. Put this into motion by using your exclusive insight to do something from the heart that will lift their spirits and soften the mood. This works just as masterfully when the relationship is going well as it does when the relationship appears to be falling apart.

Falling back in love with your partner is about choices. Choose positive over negative, long-term over short-term, win/win over lose/lose. If you’re focusing 100% of your energy on the positive, they’ll be no room for the negative.

Find Cheyenne on Facebook for latest updates!

Single? Make Online Dating Your #1 Resolution!

Make 2016 your year! It is time to break out of your comfort zone and open yourself up to the world of online dating!

Here are 7 reasons why you should make online dating your #1 New Year’s resolution!

 

  • Date outside your friend group – Break the habit of dating a friend or someone in your social circle. I think we default to this because we are scared and find comfort in knowing a little something about a person prior to dating them. Also, it doesn’t help that all your friends are telling you to go for him/her when in your heart of hearts it feels like a forced relationship. Try something a little different this time and explore the prospect of finding someone online. Many of you will say “but I’m not desperate yet…” Making an online profile does not determine you are desperate, it proves you are open to a world of possibilities! I guarantee you will meet people you would have never met otherwise!
  • Bigger pool to pick from – Online dating provides a much bigger pool to choose from, when selecting a potential partner. At PlentyOfFish we see a whopping 4 million people logging onto their profile daily. With numbers like this, I am surprised when single people tell me they aren’t actively online dating!
  • Peak season – This is the best time to shine! Historically, right after Christmas until after Valentine’s Day, PlentyOfFish experiences a permanent increase in signups of over 20%! If you have ever wondered whether you should try out online dating, right now is the ideal time for you to take the plunge and test the waters.
  • It’s genuinely fun – You have the power to make your online experience what you want it to be. One of the best ways to approach this ample world of opportunity is to have an open mind and a positive outlook! Checking out profiles from afar can be really fun, without the pressure that you would typically endure in a traditional setting like a bar or party. Crack a bottle of wine, slip into your pjs and start scrolling!
  • Save money – Online dating is not only extremely convenient, but it is rather inexpensive as well! You can create a profile on PlentyOfFish for free and immediately start talking to singles. Going out with friends to check out the opposite sex can be really fun, but doing this on a weekly basis will make a significant dent in your bank account.
  • Practice – As they say, practice makes perfect! If you are newly single or in an extended dry spell, online dating is a great place to start. You have the opportunity to really chat with someone before you decide to meet them or not. Taking baby steps will help you find your stride again.
  • Accessibility – The start of the new year tends to be a little chaotic as you’re attempting to nail down your routine for the months to come. By the time you get home from work, you realize you haven’t had a solid conversation with anyone because you were glued to your monitors all day. Well you don’t have your busy schedule as an excuse anymore, because dating has evolved! Mobile apps make the world of dating much easier for those on the go! Sign into PlentyOfFish and set up a date while on your way to Starbucks in the morning or on the treadmill after work! dbf34e1f49f74deb1193b743029c2594

 

 

Learn How To Stand Out On A Date

Want to be amazing on a date? Of course you do! The good news is, it’s easier than you think to stand out and you’ll have much more fun when you do. Doing these things regularly will help you become your most amazing self.

1. Be confident. People are drawn to confidence. Don’t put yourself down, slouch or avoid eye contact. Act like you’re the mayor of the universe. Who says you’re not?

2. Be the best version of yourself. Put a little extra effort into your appearance and do something nice for yourself. You don’t have to buy a new outfit or even wear makeup, if that’s not your thing, but knowing that you look your best will help you be more confident.

3. Love your life. Do whatever you have to do to create a fulfilling life, whether it be a change in your career path, adopting a pet, or taking up a new hobby.

4. Know what you want. This will really set you apart on your date, because most people don’t know what they want. Take the time to sit down with yourself and figure it out and then own it. Never settle for anything less.

5. Be present. When you’re on a date with someone, really be there. Turn off your phone, look into his eyes, and pay attention to him. You can think about work, your bills and your ex later.

6. Be genuine. We all love people who have the courage to be themselves and let us see their true self. These are the people we remember and the people who inspire us.

7. Make room for a man in your life. Being so busy that you never have time to see him doesn’t make you mysterious or intriguing, it just makes you unavailable for a relationship. Stop this at once if you want a committed relationship. Men won’t put up with it and neither should you. Show up for the relationship you want to have and date men who are willing to do the same.

8. Love something. I don’t care if it’s a sports team, a new hobby,  or a great movie. Enthusiasm is contagious.

9. Cultivate a positive attitude. No one wants to meet a Negative Nancy on a date. It is really important to start the date off right, with a smile and positive attitude. Find happiness in the small things.

10. Be kind. Simple kindness and decency are refreshing. Being kind to yourself and others will set you apart and make you a delight to be around.

 
If you keep these ten things in mind and practice them at every opportunity you will be an amazing woman. You’ll also have a much better time than 90% of the people out there and men will notice. What you do after that is up to you!

How To Be Irresistible On A First Date

Wouldn’t it be awesome to be absolutely irresistible to everyone you are attracted to? The good news is that you have a lot more control over that happening than you might think because being irresistible is less about them and more about you. Being irresistible is essentially about embracing your awesomeness and having others feel so good in your presence that they simply can’t resist you. Below are my 5 steps to being irresistible which work wonderfully on a first date, in a long-term relationship and on essentially everyone else with a pulse.

1. Give Good Eye

The MOST important part of being irresistible is the way you look at your date. So if you’re not comfortable looking directly into that Cutie’s eye this is definitely an area you will want to practice and improve. I recommend you look directly into their eyes about 70% of the conversation while appreciating their best qualities and savoring being in their presence. This will allow your eyes to naturally emit an electric chemistry which will be very inviting and be very hard for your date to resist.

2. Have A Fun Attitude

You and your date have chosen to spend a little personal time together so enjoy yourself and have a light and breezy demeanor. Choose fun and pleasurable conversations, laugh at their jokes, and freely share that gorgeous smile of yours.

3. Pay Attention

While on your date, turn off your phone and basically ignore everyone else. The only Cutie you need to pay attention to is the one sitting in front of you. In fact I’d like you to imagine that even if a pack of wild coyotes broke down the door you wouldn’t notice because you are just too enthralled with your date. Also feel free to use their name throughout your conversation because it lets them know you are focused on them and helps them feel connected to you.

4. Align Yourself With Their Passions

Everyone’s favorite topic of conversation is THEIR favorite topic of conversation so the best way to have your date enjoying the conversation is to discuss topics THEY enjoy. Perhaps they love discussing their dog, their team, or their favorite place to visit?

Ask them questions about what they are passionate about and they will be much more likely to enjoy their conversation with you and want to spend more time with you in the future. Also while you are learning about their passions make sure to treat what your date says as if they are “gems of wisdom.”

5. Compliment Them

People love spending time with others who appreciate them so let your date know you find them attractive and exciting a few times throughout the date. Sometimes you can actually inspire someone to feel excitement for you simply by letting them know that you are honestly attracted to them! Let your date know exactly what you appreciate most in them, how you’re inspired by them and how much you admire the choices they’ve made in their lives. You’ll get extra points if you also assume your date can do anything successfully.

You are now armed with the information you need to be irresistible to every Cutie you want. The last step is to get out there and practice, practice, practice! The more you practice the more fun you’ll have and the quicker you’ll have that Cutie wrapped around your little finger.

 

For more dating and relationship tips please visit Dateologist Tracey Steinberg and let’s connect on: Facebook Twitter Youtube. If you’d like a lot more dating tips right now please check out my book, “Flirt For Fun & Meet THE ONE” Best of luck to you and I’ll be rooting for you!!!

Are You In Love or Infatuated?

Love at first sight is a very romantic notion and can feel absolutely real when you meet someone amazing and feel intensely attracted to each other. But the saying should be connected at first sight because true love doesn’t begin until that “I can’t get enough of you” euphoria starts to fade.

 
It’s tricky because what can feel like love is actually just hopeful thinking. Your thoughts create your feelings, and let’s face it; it’s really hard to find great chemistry. So when you passionately connect with someone it’s very exciting, and as women you have warm and fuzzy hormones being released that perpetuate loving feelings. However, you don’t really know each other yet. At this stage you have physical and sexual intimacy, which is how falling in love begins, but without emotional intimacy it’s just infatuation.

 
Emotional intimacy naturally grows during the first two months of a new relationship by talking and spending time together, by becoming part of each other’s lives. During this blissful time any issues you have are subconsciously suppressed. Some people call that putting on your best behavior, but you simply don’t know what you don’t know. You may be falling in love; or you may never get past the infatuation stage.

 
The unfortunate reality is that most relationships only last three to six months. That’s when the hard part begins; it’s the make it or breakup phase. It’s the time that your subconscious issues start to make their way to the surface. They either clash and tear you apart or deepen emotional intimacy and bond you together.

 
True love requires trust and feeling safe to disclose secrets and deeply personal information. That’s easier said than done for people with unhealed wounds from past relationships and their childhood. Jealousy, insecurity, fear, or anxiety all make emotional vulnerability scary for such people, so they erect an emotional wall for protection. Sadly it also shuts good people out. Relationships need to move forward or they eventually fall apart.

 
If you are soul-mates you’ll discover you have commonality, which means you have the same ethics, values, and goals. Everyone always thinks opposites attract but that’s only on a superficial level. At your core like attracts like. It takes two similar minded people who are fully committed to creating lasting love; which means treating each other with respect, and sticking together through the good, the bad, and difficult. When love is real it feels easy.

 
So when you connect with someone great enjoy every moment of those magical first two months, but keep your feet solidly on the ground to avoid breaking your own heart. Keep your thoughts in the present and do not fantasize about your future together. Visualization is very powerful and your thoughts can perpetuate loving feelings and create unrealistic expectations, throwing off the balance of your relationship. Most importantly, don’t allow yourself to get caught in a state of limbo where you feel love for your partner but you don’t feel deep emotional love in return. You absolutely can find better.

Ease Back Into Dating With These 5 Easy Steps!

Winter is coming…and so are the never-ending invitations to family functions, friend’s gatherings and office Xmas parties. Unlike years past, you find yourself single this time around. With the cold weather outside and the desire to stay indoors, dating can be a touch trickier this time of year. I have 5 steps that will help you ease your way back into the dating game!

Throw Away The Ex-Baggage

It is time to let go. Do one big sweep of your apartment and remove all your ex boyfriend’s photographs, pj pants that you once claimed as yours and that extra toothbrush lying next to the sink. This will instantly lift a weight off your shoulders and help you move on with zero reminders of your failed relationship.

Positive Attitude

Start saying yes a little more, even if it’s pouring rain and your immediate response is to hide under a blanket. If you make a habit of staying in 5-7 nights of week, the invitations from friends will become non-existent. If your crew is getting together, join them! Mr. Right isn’t going to miraculously pop out of your tv screen; you have to make the effort and put yourself out there. The odds are always in your favor when you decide to leave your house.

Practice Makes Perfect

Step outside your convert zone and approach the specimen you’ve been eyeing across the bar for the last hour. If this move is too daring for you, grab your wing-man for the extra confidence boost and backup when you draw a blank. The more you engage with the opposite sex, the less intimidating it will be for any future encounters. Trust me, once you hone your skills, flirting will become a lot more natural and simply quite enjoyable.

Build an Online Profile

If the thought of going on a date right now slightly terrifies you and you’re more interested in scoping out potential matches from the comfort of your own home, I seriously suggest you create an online dating profile. Take 20 minutes out of your day to add a picture and write a little something about yourself. The longer you spend creating a profile and the more thought put in, will result in greater success. You can create your profile right now at PlentyOfFish.

Know What It Is You Want

If you are looking for a solid committed relationship, do not settle for anything less than exactly that. You may be having “fun” but if you are ultimately seeking something more than a fling, it is really important to be honest and upfront about your needs and wants. You will find out very quickly if you are on the same page. If not, don’t waste either of your time and move onto the next one.