Online Dating Tips for the Introvert

Picture this: you’ve spent the night out with your girls, getting turnt at the hottest club in town. As you file out into the street, walking gingerly in your heels, you blow kisses goodbye and hop into a cab… just as someone else climbs in through the other door! It’s awkward for a moment, but you agree to share the ride, and tell stories of your epic night along the way. By the time the ride is over, you’ve swapped phone numbers (maybe even a kiss), and the world is aglow with the potential of a new romance…

Sounds exhausting, right?

If you’re an introvert, a meet-cute like this is just not for you. In fact, you’d probably rather find someone online, sharing long, soul-spilling emails with potential partners like Meg Ryan in You’ve Got Mail. And guess what? That’s okay! In fact, it’s practically the norm: it is believed that one-third of modern marriages got their start on the Web. Online dating is a phenomenon, and for many introverts who are tired (or afraid) of the traditional dating scene, the Internet can be the perfect solution.

But with so many people looking for love online, how will you know who’s right for you? For all it’s good qualities, the Internet can feel scary. But by following just a few tips, you’ll be able to suss out your soulmate from the World Wide Web.

Get Personal With Your Profile

With online dating, even more so than in the world, you have to “put yourself out there.” In a real-world setting, prospective partners can learn about you from your body language, facial expressions, and behavior; here, there is only your profile. So make sure the profile screams “you!”

And we mean the REAL you. Everyone likes “spending time with friends,” “watching the sunset,” and “cuddling by the fire.” Be specific about your interests, and don’t hold anything back. Are you an avid hiker who spends your mornings meditating on mountaintops? Write it down. Do you spend your Saturdays writing fan-fiction about the best friend adventures of Gandalf, Magneto, and Dumbledore? Put it in the profile. Do you breed madagascar hissing roaches? Let the world know!

According to Christie Hartman, Ph.D., many people stick to the basics when building their online profile. They are afraid of “sounding too different or too odd, not realizing that it actually backfires.” But the people you’re looking to connect with are the people who share your interests (or at least think they are interesting). So let your true colors show!

Check For Personality Clues

You want the people you meet online to share your interests. But you also want to make they have what you’re looking for. Pay attention to clues in their profile that reveal the man (or woman) behind the screen.

Do you want a fellow introvert you can cuddle with quietly? Look for someone whose interests line up with the quiet life – reading, movies, etc. Do you want an extrovert to bring you into his active social life? Look for a profile filled with pictures from parties. These little clues will point you towards the person you want to be with!

Try A Specific Site

Remember all those interests we talked about before? The things that make you the unique and amazing person you are? Well, for those of us searching for some who truly understands our likes and dislikes, niche dating sites exist! Whether you are a cat lover or a Dr. Who fanatic, there is a site for you! Many introverts have tremendous passion when it comes to their hobbies, so sites like these can be a good way to meet someone with whom you’ll feel a connection. And besides, even if you don’t find a soulmate, you might end up with a whole bunch of new friends!

Go On A Date!

Yes, yes, this one may seem obvious, but it’s important! After all the time you spent building a profile, searching for matches, and getting past the (horribly awkward) initial small talk via text and email, you deserve a date. Get out of your comfort zone, get face-to-face with your online match, and have fun! Who knows, maybe you’ll be in the lucky one-third of folks who found their soulmate on the screen.

Why Pokemon Go Will Never Be A Dating App

Pokémon Go has taken the world by storm. People are playing it on the bus, at work, in the bushes and even on dates! 

Pokémon Go, does encourage people to peel themselves off the couch and get outside; but, contrary to popular belief, Pokémon Go is not, and never will be a dating app. 

Here are my top ten reasons why Pokémon Go will never beat meeting singles on real dating apps like PlentyOfFish

You’re too busy “catching them all” instead of  devoting time to converting your Pokéstop meet ups into real dates.

You don’t know if your fellow Poké player is, in fact, single because they have zero “dating” information on their Poké profile.

You’re simply missing out on a sea of single people that aren’t interested in playing Pokémon – you’re limiting your options.

You’re looking at your phone instead of making eye contact with your date, because you can’t help but watch your incubated egg hatch into the Pokémon you’ve always wanted it to be. 

There is a limited window of time to meet potential matches through Pokémon Go, because people tend to play mostly during the day. On a dating app, millions of users are logged in all day and night, making your opportunities for meeting people endless. 

Poké dates inevitably result in you being on your phone constantly, causing you to be distracted further by incoming texts and phone calls. You just broke first date etiquette 101. 

The anonymity of meeting someone during game play, doesn’t let you screen them prior to your face to face meet. Say goodbye to creeping them on Facebook and Instagram. 

You find your date is a little too invested in catching MewTwo than asking questions about you – your family, where you grew up and your interests outside of Pokémon Go. You want to find commonalities and shared hobbies with one another that goes beyond the game. 

The lack of a live chat feature on Pokémon Go doesn’t allow for any initial flirt or courtship prior to meeting in person. 

You’re not living in the moment when you meet someone at a Pokéstop, because all you can think about is raising your character’s CP (combat points) for their next battle. Your #1 priority is playing the game, not sparking up conversation with the single next to you.

 

Only 1/3 Women Will Date A Trump Supporter

New research out of PlentyOfFish is offering a not-so-subtle reminder about the perils of mixing politics and dating, as well as some bad news for Trump supporters who are looking for love.

The data is based on PlentyOfFish research and a survey of over 4000 American singles over the age of 18, illustrating how love lives can be affected by political affiliation.

If you had the upcoming U.S. election planned as a hot conversation topic for your next date and don’t know who your special someone is voting for, probably reconsider bringing this up. Singles are hesitant about dating someone with drastically different political views than their own, with 25% refusing to do so, and 31% being unsure if they would even attempt it.

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Unsurprisingly, male Donald Trump fans are doing some significant damage to their dating prospects, effectively eliminating 40% of their dating pool by supporting him.

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Clearly, politics can be a polarizing force, but it’s not deterring people from wanting their voices to be heard. The strong majority of American singles are planning to vote in the upcoming election.

POF_ElectionSurvey_April4-05Bernie Sanders is the most favored candidate among singles polled. A large swathe of singles are Independent – with only 22% identifying as Republican and 31% as Democrat. Effectively proving that many singles will, in fact, be faced with the question of dating across the aisle.

POF Survey Reveals 80% of Millennials Have Been Ghosted!

PlentyOfFish recently surveyed 800 millennial daters between the ages of 18-33 and almost 80% of singles answered YES to having been ghosted (someone they were dating suddenly ceased all communication without an explanation)!

 

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Surprising? Not entirely.

This percentage is high but it is also to be expected. Online dating is a great platform to meet a plethora of singles versus 10-15 years ago when we were limited to dating within our immediate social circle. When you meet someone online, go on a couple of dates and come to the realization it isn’t going anywhere, your immediate reaction may be to trigger the avoidance tactic. You send messages few and far between in hopes your date takes the hint.

Since the likelihood of running into this person down the road is low, paired with the convenience of hiding behind a device, millennials have opted to take the easy way out by ghosting one another instead of giving a clear, “I’m just not that into you,” answer.

I think I speak for most when I say, all singles want is honesty. 

So now you may be asking, “Ghosting Scott last week wasn’t the best thing to do?!”

Ding Ding you’re correct!

Ghosting Scott was a poor choice on your part and I am here to tell you what to do when ghosting feels like the only option!

SCENARIO ONE: “I’ve gone on one date with Scott, ONE DATE, do I need to let him know I’m not interested?”  

Accordingly to the PlentyOfFish survey, 40% of singles will follow up 1-2 days after a first date if they see the potential in a second. Therefore, if Scott messages saying he had an absolute blast and would like to see you again, the appropriate response would be to let him know, unfortunately, you didn’t feel a spark but wish him all the best! At least a quick heads up will let Scott know he can move onto the next.

If Scott does not follow up after the date; it is evident the both of you are on the same page and a message is unnecessary.

SCENARIO TWO: “Scott and I were dating for two weeks before I ghosted him. Now I feel guilty because he was a great guy and he’s been messaging me but there is zero text banter and absolutely no spark.”

You can still make amends based on two factors; how long you’ve ghosted them for and when they last sent you a message. If it’s been over two weeks, let’s not rub salt in the wound.

If you haven’t spoken to Scott for under two weeks while he’s been trying to reach out, you can clear the air by sending a quick apology text as to why you’ve been MIA for the last week and that he’s genuinely a sweet guy, but unfortunately there is no connection for you.

If you’ve cut off all communication for over two weeks and Scott hasn’t reached out for over a week, there is no follow up required. He got the picture. And you never know, maybe Scott is within the 14% of singles from the PlentyOfFish survey, who admitted to having scheduled multiple dates for one day/night! Scott wastes no time!

SCENARIO THREE: “I ghosted Scott after a couple dates because I wasn’t ready at the time, but now I regret my decision and want to give it another shot! Can I message him?” 

If you don’t give it a proper go, you will never know. You have to consider and respect that Scott may have moved on to dating someone else while you were flip-flopping. The best thing to do here is draft up a message to Scott admitting your cold feet the first time but that you would love to get together for a coffee/drink on Saturday if he is interested!

Worst case scenario, Scott doesn’t reply. That’s okay, you’ve just been given a taste of your own medicine and you move on.

Or.

You may be pleasantly surprised and Scott agrees to take you up on your offer.

“Ghosting” has become the newest trend when ending a relationship, but we have the ability to change that by revisiting the “old school” method of honest communication. At the end of the day, 73% of single millennials are all looking for one thing, a serious relationship. Don’t waste each others time!

5 Reasons Why Self-Love is Important for Relationships

Everyone dreams of having a happily ever after type of relationship, but not everyone is willing to do the work required to get that type of relationship. You want to know the bold truth? Love is doomed without self-love. You need that foundation prior to stepping into relationships.

Rather than jumping from unhappy relationship to unhappy relationship… take a break and utilize that time to get to know you. Instead of seeking the love you desire from others, find that love within you first. Self-love is the foundation upon which you build all your other relationships. Everything comes down to how much you love yourself. EVERYTHING.

Don’t believe me? Take a peek at these 5 reasons why self-love is important for relationships:

You’ll attract better.

When you truly love yourself, you shift your energy and begin to attract better people; people who are worthy of your love. Think about it… Like attracts like. If you’re experiencing a depleted sense of self-love, you will attract people with that same depletion and these types of people will take advantage of you. On the other hand, if you have a radical sense of self-love, you’ll attract people who share that radical inner love and these people will treat you incredibly well.
You have to be what you want to attract, so if you want better, be better.

You’ll improve the quality of your relationships.

Codependency becomes impossible when you love yourself because you are now strong enough to stand on your own two feet. When partners lack self-love, the quality of the relationship becomes toxic because you’re simply trying to fill the void rather than build love from within. Relationships become healthy when each partner embodies a healthy dose of self-love.

You’ll show up differently in relationships.

Say goodbye to neediness, insecurity, and jealousy. With self-love, you’ll show up in relationships as a strong, confident, and secure person. You’ll feel whole, which will exterminate the need for external validation. You’ll love from a place of feeling fulfilled, rather than a place of feeling empty, and you’ll understand your needs which will help you communicate effectively with your partner. When you truly love yourself, you’ll know what boundaries you need to set, what you’ll put up with, and when to walk away. You’ll show up as an empowered person when you embody self-love.

Your partners will treat you differently.

You’ll know your worth. You’ll know exactly how you want to be treated, and you won’t settle for less than you deserve. By showing yourself love, you’ll set the tone for how you want others to treat you in a relationship. Your partners will want to treat you differently because they’ll see you treating yourself differently. Simply put, when you treat yourself with love, compassion, and respect, others will treat you the same.

A happily ever after is possible… you just have to experience it with yourself first. The types of people you attract, the quality of your relationships, the way you show up in relationships, and the way others treat you in relationships will all improve when you fuel up on self-love. Stop the cycle of unhappy relationships by establishing a happy relationship with yourself first.

Build your foundation, and love will find you.

Are you a woman who’s ready to reclaim your self-worth and embrace what you truly deserve? Receive Ruby’s free video and guide here

How To Be Irresistible On A First Date

Wouldn’t it be awesome to be absolutely irresistible to everyone you are attracted to? The good news is that you have a lot more control over that happening than you might think because being irresistible is less about them and more about you. Being irresistible is essentially about embracing your awesomeness and having others feel so good in your presence that they simply can’t resist you. Below are my 5 steps to being irresistible which work wonderfully on a first date, in a long-term relationship and on essentially everyone else with a pulse.

1. Give Good Eye

The MOST important part of being irresistible is the way you look at your date. So if you’re not comfortable looking directly into that Cutie’s eye this is definitely an area you will want to practice and improve. I recommend you look directly into their eyes about 70% of the conversation while appreciating their best qualities and savoring being in their presence. This will allow your eyes to naturally emit an electric chemistry which will be very inviting and be very hard for your date to resist.

2. Have A Fun Attitude

You and your date have chosen to spend a little personal time together so enjoy yourself and have a light and breezy demeanor. Choose fun and pleasurable conversations, laugh at their jokes, and freely share that gorgeous smile of yours.

3. Pay Attention

While on your date, turn off your phone and basically ignore everyone else. The only Cutie you need to pay attention to is the one sitting in front of you. In fact I’d like you to imagine that even if a pack of wild coyotes broke down the door you wouldn’t notice because you are just too enthralled with your date. Also feel free to use their name throughout your conversation because it lets them know you are focused on them and helps them feel connected to you.

4. Align Yourself With Their Passions

Everyone’s favorite topic of conversation is THEIR favorite topic of conversation so the best way to have your date enjoying the conversation is to discuss topics THEY enjoy. Perhaps they love discussing their dog, their team, or their favorite place to visit?

Ask them questions about what they are passionate about and they will be much more likely to enjoy their conversation with you and want to spend more time with you in the future. Also while you are learning about their passions make sure to treat what your date says as if they are “gems of wisdom.”

5. Compliment Them

People love spending time with others who appreciate them so let your date know you find them attractive and exciting a few times throughout the date. Sometimes you can actually inspire someone to feel excitement for you simply by letting them know that you are honestly attracted to them! Let your date know exactly what you appreciate most in them, how you’re inspired by them and how much you admire the choices they’ve made in their lives. You’ll get extra points if you also assume your date can do anything successfully.

You are now armed with the information you need to be irresistible to every Cutie you want. The last step is to get out there and practice, practice, practice! The more you practice the more fun you’ll have and the quicker you’ll have that Cutie wrapped around your little finger.

 

For more dating and relationship tips please visit Dateologist Tracey Steinberg and let’s connect on: Facebook Twitter Youtube. If you’d like a lot more dating tips right now please check out my book, “Flirt For Fun & Meet THE ONE” Best of luck to you and I’ll be rooting for you!!!

Ease Back Into Dating With These 5 Easy Steps!

Winter is coming…and so are the never-ending invitations to family functions, friend’s gatherings and office Xmas parties. Unlike years past, you find yourself single this time around. With the cold weather outside and the desire to stay indoors, dating can be a touch trickier this time of year. I have 5 steps that will help you ease your way back into the dating game!

Throw Away The Ex-Baggage

It is time to let go. Do one big sweep of your apartment and remove all your ex boyfriend’s photographs, pj pants that you once claimed as yours and that extra toothbrush lying next to the sink. This will instantly lift a weight off your shoulders and help you move on with zero reminders of your failed relationship.

Positive Attitude

Start saying yes a little more, even if it’s pouring rain and your immediate response is to hide under a blanket. If you make a habit of staying in 5-7 nights of week, the invitations from friends will become non-existent. If your crew is getting together, join them! Mr. Right isn’t going to miraculously pop out of your tv screen; you have to make the effort and put yourself out there. The odds are always in your favor when you decide to leave your house.

Practice Makes Perfect

Step outside your convert zone and approach the specimen you’ve been eyeing across the bar for the last hour. If this move is too daring for you, grab your wing-man for the extra confidence boost and backup when you draw a blank. The more you engage with the opposite sex, the less intimidating it will be for any future encounters. Trust me, once you hone your skills, flirting will become a lot more natural and simply quite enjoyable.

Build an Online Profile

If the thought of going on a date right now slightly terrifies you and you’re more interested in scoping out potential matches from the comfort of your own home, I seriously suggest you create an online dating profile. Take 20 minutes out of your day to add a picture and write a little something about yourself. The longer you spend creating a profile and the more thought put in, will result in greater success. You can create your profile right now at PlentyOfFish.

Know What It Is You Want

If you are looking for a solid committed relationship, do not settle for anything less than exactly that. You may be having “fun” but if you are ultimately seeking something more than a fling, it is really important to be honest and upfront about your needs and wants. You will find out very quickly if you are on the same page. If not, don’t waste either of your time and move onto the next one.

Tips And Tricks for Singles This Halloween

With Halloween fast approaching, many singles are still scrambling to score a date and last minute costume inspiration. As a resident dating expert at PlentyOfFish, I have the scoop on the spooktacular tips and tricks that are necessary for all singles before this year’s anticipated fright night!

Horror Movie Marathon

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Get into the mood with a horror movie marathon! Fortunately this year, Halloween falls on a Saturday, which means you can actually check this one off your list! Not sure what to watch? The movie Halloween has been produced 10 times, so invite a couple friends and pass around the candy corn! Watch the evolution of Mike Myers starting from 1978 to his final resurrection in 2009.

Creative costumes are a conversation starter!

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Don’t settle on the “sexy” cop costume that is guaranteed to make an appearance at least 8 times at the party. This is the perfect opportunity for you to standout! Rather than boosting up the ladies with a push up, try to be original, funny or creative! A costume that doesn’t expose your assets, highlights your confidence and will inevitably spark up conversation. Even if no one knows who you are dressed as, it gives them all the more reason to approach you and ask.

Get out there or don’t…

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Halloween is the one holiday that caters to all ages! If you are looking to hit the town, you are in for a treat! Almost every club or pub will have live music, dj or dress up contest. Pub crawls are the best option for singles because the opportunity to meet a much larger pool of people is possible. If the first bar doesn’t deliver, move onto the next! “Halloween is a great excuse for a night out or to host a party of your own!” states our very own PlentyOfFish user. For the quieter type, there is no harm in staying in and handing out candy to trick or treaters, because you may just open your door to a hot “single” mom or dad that you can playfully flirt with.

Say hello to the man/woman behind the mask

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Don’t be turned off by those hiding behind a mask or bulky costume. A little mystery can be intriguing! Take the time to approach these people. This is a great way to get to know someone’s personality before anything else. Once you’ve broken the ice, the mask may come off and reveal a pleasant surprise.

Don’t drink the whole punch bowl

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If you are looking to make a great first impression with a group of fellow singles, it is very important that you pace yourself when it comes to the witches brew! I recommend starting the evening off with a beer, cider or glass of wine. Try choosing a drink with a lower alcohol percentage and stick to it for through the course of the evening. Everyone is different in terms of how much they can consume before the tipping point, so make sure you know your own tolerance before saying yes to the hard bar. If someone offers to buy you drinks, which in many cases they will, make sure you keep track of what you are consuming and stick to the same alcohol you started the evening with. This will eliminate poor judgement and a nasty hangover the following morning.

Best and Worst Halloween Costumes For Singles

Halloween is fast approaching and you’re ripping apart your closet to rustle up anything that can be converted into a somewhat recognizable costume. Your friends are doing couples costumes with their significant others and you are rolling to the party solo this year. Fret no more! As the resident dating expert at PlentyOfFish I can guide you to scoring the ultimate Halloween costume with this year’s best and worst costumes for singles.

Worst

Cecil the Lion

You may think this will spark up a conversation, it will, but not the right kind. This controversial topic is a sore spot for most people so it’s best to avoid it altogether. RIP Cecil!

The Donald

Don’t hide behind the mask of Donald Trump. This costume is sure to make more than one appearance at the party and you don’t want to be one in a crowd.

Dad Bod

There is a good reason for the name behind Dad bod. This costume is more likely to repel the ladies than draw them in.

Best

Mad Max & Imperator Furiosa (from Mad Max)

This costume is my number one choice because it’s quick, easy and you can probably find most costume pieces in your own wardrobe. If you have an old sheet laying around, rip it up, make it dirty and you are well on your way to Fury Road.

Third Wheel

I love this costume idea because it is clever and immediately tells everyone you are single and looking. Simply dress in black, and carry a bike wheel. You can stand next to a couple or photo bomb those group shots. People will be curious to know who the third wheel is.

Captain America & Wonder Woman

Any type of superhero can be a great costume for all singles. It is powerful, sexy and highlights the most appealing assets of the male and female body. In past surveys taken by our PlentyOfFish members, 35% of women stated the most attractive male costume is Captain America.