Halloween is fast approaching and you’re ripping apart your closet to rustle up anything that can be converted into a somewhat recognizable costume. Your friends are doing couples costumes with their significant others and you are rolling to the party solo this year. Fret no more! As the resident dating expert at PlentyOfFish I can guide you to scoring the ultimate Halloween costume with this year’s best and worst costumes for singles.
Cecil the Lion
You may think this will spark up a conversation, it will, but not the right kind. This controversial topic is a sore spot for most people so it’s best to avoid it altogether. RIP Cecil!
Don’t hide behind the mask of Donald Trump. This costume is sure to make more than one appearance at the party and you don’t want to be one in a crowd.
There is a good reason for the name behind Dad bod. This costume is more likely to repel the ladies than draw them in.
Mad Max & Imperator Furiosa (from Mad Max)
This costume is my number one choice because it’s quick, easy and you can probably find most costume pieces in your own wardrobe. If you have an old sheet laying around, rip it up, make it dirty and you are well on your way to Fury Road.
I love this costume idea because it is clever and immediately tells everyone you are single and looking. Simply dress in black, and carry a bike wheel. You can stand next to a couple or photo bomb those group shots. People will be curious to know who the third wheel is.
Captain America & Wonder Woman
Any type of superhero can be a great costume for all singles. It is powerful, sexy and highlights the most appealing assets of the male and female body. In past surveys taken by our PlentyOfFish members, 35% of women stated the most attractive male costume is Captain America.
Spring is here! This is the time of year when people clear out their closets, clean their homes, and refresh their wardrobes. But what about the other stuff? The stuff that actually matters? The stuff that you bury in your heart? The stuff that you are too scared to face?
Yea, that stuff.
I call this relationship clutter. It’s old baggage from past relationships – baggage that we either consciously or subconsciously cling to. This clutter is the reason why you’ve found yourself in a cycle of mediocre, awful, or toxic relationships. If you feel as though your relationships seem to embody the same theme… it’s because they do. When you hold onto your relationship clutter, you’re holding onto those stories; you replay events over and over again, driving yourself to insanity. Then you find yourself going out on another date with another mistake because you have yet to learn your lesson.
It’s time for you to spring clean your relationship clutter. Let go of the stories, release the past, and make room for healthier, more fulfilling relationships. You can do so by following these 3 steps:
Recognize Your Clutter
Ask yourself: “What old relationship stories am I holding onto?” Are you holding onto stories of being cheated on? Being dumped? Or feeling neglected? Take some time to reflect back on your past relationships… What did you walk away with? How were you left feeling? Recognize each and every single one of these stories so that you can finally accept their presence in your life.
Acknowledge The Clutter’s Affect On Your Life
How does your old relationship clutter affect you? What type of impact does it have on new relationships? I’m going to assume the impact isn’t positive. When you hold onto past relationship stories, you’re allowing those stories to hold power over you. They will seep into every new relationship experience, tarnishing it from becoming something different. For example, if you’re holding onto stories of being cheated on, you’ll probably find yourself living a ‘victim’ mentality and won’t be willing to trust a new partner. This is how you end up in a toxic relationship cycle. Go ahead – take note of how each past experience holds power over your current life. If you want to gain your power back, you’ve got to clean out the clutter.
Release The Clutter
This step is all about your willingness to move forward. It’s time to release your old relationship clutter. This is where you start dropping F-Bombs, aka FORGIVENESS. You’re probably cringing at the F-word, but that’s because you don’t fully understand how forgiveness serves you. Forgiveness does not condone another person’s actions; it’s about allowing yourself the freedom to let go. The more anger and resentment you hold against another human being, the stronger the bond. Think about it… Remember your ex? The one who cheated on you? How many times a day do you think about them? How have your thoughts about them negatively impacted new relationships? You’ve basically rendered yourself powerless to this person! It’s time to let go. Forgive them, forgive yourself, and cut the ropes that keep you tied to your past. Clean out every single piece of relationship clutter from your subconscious knowing that by doing so, you’ll create space for healthier, more positive relationships. FYI: If you’re having difficulty with this step, I would question your willingness to actually create change.
Relationship clutter is comprised of all our old wounds, hurts, and scars. But guess what? These things heal! You just have to allow them the opportunity to heal. It’s time for you to get rid of that stuff. It’s time for you to rid yourself of these old wounds. And Spring is the perfect time to begin cleaning out your relationship clutter.
Ugh. Time for yet another “Hallmark”, cookie-cutter Valentine’s Day… Overpriced and overbooked restaurants, unwelcome pressure to purchase the best gifts, and let’s face it… the in-your-face advertising that makes all the singles cringe. We’ve become so obsessed about celebrating love on this ONE day yet, isn’t love really about celebrating every day? And why do singles feel awful about their relationship status on V-Day?
Being single on Valentine’s Day isn’t something that you should feel ashamed about. Instead, use this day to celebrate your singledom! The way I see it is that this is a holiday where you can really take time to be grateful for your relationship status, reconnect with you, and show yourself some real love. So many of us wait around for the ‘right’ person to live our lives with… what if you were to start living your life for you instead?
One of the biggest relationship fails that I see often, is that people jump into them without first having a real relationship with themselves. This is the perfect formula for creating dependency issues within a relationship. When one partner can’t fill themselves up with love, they depend on the other partner to do so. That’s not what real love is about. Real love is building upon the love that each partner already has within themselves. This creates a stronger bond that will lead to a healthier relationship.
Don’t spend this Valentine’s Day feeling sorry for yourself. Take this day to reconnect to that love within you. Celebrate what it truly means to be single! Check out these awesome perks of being single on Valentine’s Day:
Invest in Yourself
No need to buy an overpriced gift for a partner that doesn’t exist Buy yourself a gift instead! Perhaps something that you’ve wanted for a while but didn’t want to indulge in… That new Tiffany’s necklace, or Nixxon watch. Why should you have to wait for someone to treat you? Now is that time to indulge! Go ahead… you’re worth it.
Spend V-Day Doing Whatever it is That You Truly Want To Do
With no one else in the equation, you have the freedom to do whatever it is that you truly want to do! Spend your day watching old 80’s romance flicks, eating at your favorite restaurants, walking aimlessly around the city taking in the sights, or head to the theatre to watch the latest new release. It’s silly to think that we need someone to do these things with and by holding onto this attitude, you’ll never truly take that time to show yourself some love. So get out there and take yourself on a date!
Why do we obsess over looking good for others? Instead, look good for you! Treat yourself this Valentine’s Day with a manicure/pedicure combo, a spa treatment (or two), a new haircut/color/style, a rockin’ new outfit, sexy lingerie, or a fresh barbershop shave (for the guys out there). When you treat yourself, you’re showing the world that you’re worthy. Self-love is the best love… and it’s damn sexy.
Celebrate Your Choice
Being single isn’t a curse, it’s a choice. Take pride in that choice! You’re choosing not to settle by waiting for a partner that’s just right for you. Or perhaps you’re taking a much-needed break from the dating world to reconnect with yourself. Whatever it is, the ultimate reason behind your relationship status is that you chose it. Celebrate that choice!
Stop waiting around for someone to treat you the way you want to be treated. Stop waiting for a partner to do the things you want to do. Instead, celebrate your single status! Treat yourself the way you truly deserve to be treated and live your life for you. Self-love is sexy, and it shows the world that you are confident in your own skin.
This Valentine’s Day, take the time to show yourself some love.
Ruby Fremon is a Self-Love Coach determined to help others create positive life transformations through the power of self-love. From living a life of self-destruction to a life of love and positivity, Ruby has created those massive shifts by learning to harness the power of self-love.
Join Ruby for a very special pre-Valentine’s Day Google+ Hangout on Thursday February 12th! She’ll be discussing self-love, relationships, and will be answering all your questions live. RSVP here:
Kevin’s voice and hands shook as he told me how he yearned to break up with Sheila, his girlfriend of three years. The trouble was, the thought of leaving terrified him. He was beset by what-ifs: What if he didn’t find anyone else, or anyone better? What if he’d been with Sheila so long, he should just stay? What if he couldn’t make himself hurt her this way?
But the most important question of all was one he didn’t ask—and one we all need to. What if you stay with the wrong person?
Part of dating is hurting others—as painlessly as possible. How painlessly? And how worded? That depends in part on the seriousness of the relationship.
What to say
If you’ve just begun seeing someone, or you are turning down a first date, you can do it over the phone and say:
“Thank you for asking me, but I don’t feel like we’ve got enough in common” or, “Thanks so much, but I’m just not interested.”
And if it’s a more serious, longer-lasting relationship—like Kevin’s–, you can meet in person (unless you feel unsafe), and use this script:
“I’ve really enjoyed _____________ about you. But I don’t think we have enough in common to continue, and I don’t feel the way I’d need to for us to move forward together.”
Repeat either script as often as needed, like a broken record, until the break-up meeting is over.
Why this works
When I conducted a break-up survey that asked people, “What words would you most like [your partner] to use when they break up with you?” men and women of all ages and backgrounds overwhelmingly wanted honesty, but not brutality. Respondents strongly preferred their former date to say something worthy about them, and then to proceed to an honest but kind reason for the break-up. The most-desired reasons reflected the theme of a poor match: “It’s just not going to work out,” “I don’t think we’re right for each other,” “We don’t have enough in common,” and/or “We’re not a good enough match.”
Factually speaking, they’re on the right track for long-term happiness. Dozens of studies show that similarity is the best pathway to the widespread goal of a happy union. So saying, “I don’t think we have enough in common to continue” is not only clear and brief—it’s Truth, a reason deeply rooted in the reality of what makes for a happy permanent relationship. Other studies show that kindness in our actions is a rock-bottom requirement for happiness with anyone. So avoiding character assassination and focusing on our own feelings instead works. And bonus! This method is unassailable: You feel how you feel, period.
Did Kevin break up? You bet. And he told me the pain of worrying about it was far worse than how he felt afterwards; afterwards, he felt free to find a better match.
The price of finding the right one is bypassing every wrong one, including everyone who’s almost-but-not-quite what you need. Nobody ever said, “Thank you for settling for me!” Set yourself—and this other person—free.
Duana C. Welch, Ph.D., is the author of Love Factually: 10 Proven Steps from I Wish to I Do (2015). This is a partial excerpt, copyrighted by the author. You can get a free chapter and read more at http://www.lovefactually.co
What do women want? If you don’t care, this article isn’t for you. However, when a real man meets a special lady, he will most certainly care about her, and what it takes to keep her interested. Some modern men may believe that chivalry and courting are old fashioned, unnecessary tactics of impressing the woman they desire, and have become passive in their pursuit. The sexy and aggressive alpha-male has become a diamond in the rough, making way for the rise of the lazy man, and the Lazy Courtship. It happens because women let men get away with it. Low self-esteem causes some women to settle for less, or as some suggest, becoming the new men – aggressively going after what they want to make up for the aggressiveness men are lacking.
Gentlemen: Whether you are looking for a special lady or have found one, how is your passive demeanor going to show her how special she is to you, and keep her around? Here are 5 reasons why women can’t stand passive men:
1. Women know that Men don’t Respect anything Easily Attained
It’s a catch-22. Many modern men don’t feel the need to put in effort when it comes to pursuing the woman they want. However, they also don’t respect a woman who’s easily attained. Even if a woman feels a connection with a man, and is willing to look past his frustratingly lazy courtship because she truly likes him for him – the man will wonder why his lazy courtship worked. He may even subconsciously lose interest because it was too easy. It’s a lose-lose situation. The win-win? Women need to have more self-respect and not settle for less than they deserve, while men could definitely step it up a little to show that they value how special their woman is.
2. Women still want Men to take the Lead
It might seem old fashioned, but women are turned on by a man who takes the lead- or at least take notice of him. Women inherently love to be pursued. There’s no denying that women love a man who makes the plans, and makes statements instead of asking questions when the situation calls for it. Try a more direct and bold approach, instead of hanging back to gauge reaction. Try being forward by saying “Would you like to go out for a drink tonight around 7?” rather than the passive, “Hey, what are you up to?”
3. Modern Women still Melt for Chivalry
Why is chivalry practically dead? Most likely because these days, a cute text message can be considered romantic, and even though women really appreciate cute texts, texting is easy – and lazy. It’s also a way for a man to effortlessly create the false intimacy needed in order to keep women on the hook and string them along. If their way of telling you they like you or miss you is via text message, and they’re not coming to see you, or calling you, or really proving it, this is the type of man who will probably break up with you via text message too. This man is winning! He gets to have you when he wants you, and all he had to do was move his thumbs for a few seconds. Real chivalry looks a lot different than this, and women still crave it. If a man cares about a woman, he should want her to be happy and want to be chivalrous. Chivalry is important in order for a woman to feel like she matters to her man, so guys, plan a cute date night every once in awhile!
4. A Woman is a Reflection of her Man
When a woman is being treated well by her man, and her man is putting effort in to show her how special she is to him, it is reflected in this woman’s general aura. A woman who is being treated well by her man has a glow about her. She is happy, passionate, driven and ambitious. She is a reflection of her man. If a woman has a man in her life who is lazy, passive, and doesn’t care enough or doesn’t think she is special enough to put in any real effort, this woman’s self-esteem and self-respect gets damaged.
5. A Woman measures her Value to you in the amount of Effort you put forth
From a man’s perspective, he might think it’s awesome that his passive pursuit works. These men, however, are usually only hooking women with low self-esteem and low self-respect who don’t think they deserve much more than what they’re getting out of their man. I mentioned how texting is an example of a man’s lazy courtship as it can help create false intimacy. Real intimacy comes in different forms, and if a man doesn’t care about his woman that much, it will show in the minimal effort put forth – and a woman will realize she must not be that valuable to him. If she’s a good woman and worth it, some effort should be put forth on the man’s part. Go and see her if she’s sick instead of texting “feel better soon”, and call her on Wednesday to ask her out Saturday night instead of passively waiting until the weekend rolls around. Even small efforts like this can make a world of difference, so if you find a woman who is worth it, don’t hold back!