Putting A Stop To The Bystander Effect: Why Being Passive Is Threatening Your Well-Being

The Bystander Effect, as explained by Psychology Today, occurs when someone witnesses crime, conflict, accident or human suffering and fails to take action or intervene. This often happens because we assume someone else will intervene and we therefore diffuse the responsibility onto others. A bystander will not get involved.

The Bystander Effect applies when it comes to getting involved in your own life, too.

Do Not Let Yourself Be A Bystander

If you are a bystander when it comes to your own life, it means you are present but not actively  involved. You are not committed to make a change for a better life for yourself. You do not take an active part in ensuring self-improvement or ensuring you reach your full potential. Your life is not your own personal spectator sport, so you should never watch while it crumbles when you could be doing anything and everything to stop the walls from closing in on you.

In your own life, failing to intervene when things start to take a wrong turn could leave you feeling full of regret.

Implement an Intervention For Yourself

Instead of passively watching as your day-to-day life continues to not be the way you want it to be, and instead of playing the bystander role, put a plan in motion to change what needs to be changed in order for you to be happy and successful.

Unlock Your Hidden Talents

In order to unlock your full potential, you need to realize what it is that you’re really great at doing and love doing. Brainstorm careers that would put your hidden talents to use, which will in turn give you a career you’re passionate about and happy doing every day.

A bystander would go to work at a job they dislike without intervening and making a change to help themselves. What you should be doing is walking away from the things that are threatening your well-being, without any sort of hesitation or excuses.

How do you know whether or not you’re amazingly talented at painting if you have never gone to an art class and tried it? Finding your passion, if you don’t already have one, could be as easy as just trying a few new things.

End The Passivity

You’re in control of your own life and your own happiness to such a huge extent. The catch? Not if you’re passive. You have to be assertive and take control. Not tomorrow, later, next week, or next month. It has to start today.

If you have a great idea, engage yourself with the idea – maybe even invent something! There are a ton of regular people just like you and I, who invented something and are now multi-millionaires because they had the drive to follow through with their idea and they were not passive about it. That’s just one out of hundreds of examples of the difference between bystanders and people who are committed to a better life.

Your goal? Be a hustler. In Gen-Y terms, that means you work hard, make that money, stop at nothing for success, and most importantly you think outside the box. Hustlers are not passive bystanders. They don’t diffuse responsibility or have a false idea that what they want will eventually come to them, even if they just sit there.

Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there. – Will Rogers

The 5 Awkward Stages of Rekindling an Old Flame

You’re nervous, and why shouldn’t you be? You’re going to attempt to rekindle an old flame. Although this decision can cause a case of the nervous butterflies, it can also be a great decision: you’re single, and rather than meet someone new, you’ve decided to reach out to someone you’ve already dated. Perhaps you went on one or two dates, and then phased him or her out because someone or something got in the way. Perhaps you dated all through college.

Maybe sparks flew, but the timing was off. If that’s the case, it can be remarkably easy to re-kindle things and pick up where you left off. However, it can also be complicated.

Here’s how you can overcome the 5 awkward stages of re-kindling an old flame:

1. Zero expectations

Having expectations is not a good idea. You want to treat the hang out just like you would a catch up sesh with an old friend. If nothing else, you get to see your old flame and find out what they’ve been up to. Rather than expecting things to re-kindle, let it be a bonus if that’s what happens.

2. Play it cool

If you’re going to ask out an old flame, be causal about it. Suggest drinks, not dinner. Why? Because going for drinks, especially somewhere busy and loud, makes for a less awkward evening. A little bit of alcohol helps relax people so that they feel more at ease, and even if you don’t drink, the buzz of a busy bar creates less opportunity for awkward silences.

3. Looking your best

If you haven’t seen someone in a long time, you’re going to definitely want to look your best when you see them again. To achieve this, make sure to give yourself enough time to get ready and not be rushed. Looking good translates to feeling good, as it boosts your confidence.

4. Save your questions

You may have questions about why things didn’t work out. You may be wondering if whatever was in the way before, is still in the way now. Save these questions for your next hang out, or there might not be one. If an old flame has agreed to see you, it’s likely not because they were looking forward to being bombarded with questions. Once the two of you are feeling comfortable with each other and hanging out again, there will likely be a better future occasion to ask your questions. For now, keep it light.

5. Finding out if they feel the same way

You want to find out if they too are hoping to re-kindle the spark. If they still have interest in you, there are some subtle ways you can find out. Read their body language: If they are leaning into you, making eye contact, and they are engaged in the conversation, those are all good signs. Subtly touch their arm and see how they react. The best way to find out if they feel the same way? Try going in for a kiss, if you dare be so bold.

 

10 Signs You’re Dating Mr. Wrong

When you’re dating someone new, you’re likely either going to delete your PlentyOfFish account and focus on him, or you’re going to keep dating other people and keep your options open. Usually when you decide on the latter, it’s because your gut is telling you he’s not the right guy. Here are 10 signs you’re dating the wrong guy:

1. He gives you anxiety

If he is giving you anxiety, either by falling off the map and not texting you for 5 days or taking forever to ask you out on a third date, chances are he’s not the right guy for you.

The right guy will not leave you feeling uncertain, anxious or wondering right out the gate. He will do things to make you feel secure and excited about the future. He will have follow-through.

2. He is unreliable

Your time is precious. If he is flakey or unreliable when it comes to plans, he is Mr. Wrong. Don’t date someone who wastes your time when you could easily meet someone who you can count on.

3. He doesn’t respect your boundaries

If he asks you to do something and you say no, the right man will respect your decision. The wrong man will be pushy and will not take no for an answer. He will keep asking in different ways hoping to get a “yes” out of you instead of respecting your boundaries.

4. He keeps you separate from his social circles

If he only ever wants to spend time with you one-on-one, he may be the wrong guy. The right guy will want to show you off to his friends, introduce you to his social circle and have you be a part of his group.

5. He doesn’t laugh at your jokes

If he doesn’t seem to “get” you or laugh at your jokes, he likely doesn’t have an awesome sense of humor like you do, or his sense of humor does not align with yours.

It’s important in relationships to make each other laugh and have fun. If you’re not laughing at his jokes or he’s not laughing at yours, you may want to keep your options open for now.

6. He doesn’t make time for you

No matter how busy someone is, it’s not that difficult to spare an hour for a coffee. If he’s not making an effort to spend time with you, it’s likely that his focus is not on you – which means your focus should not be on him.

When a man is really into you, he fits you into his busy schedule. If he is not doing so very often, it probably means that he is dating other people and is not super interested in you. In other words, he is the wrong guy for you.

7. He doesn’t put in effort

The right guy will want to put effort in with you to ensure that he stands out among your potential other suitors.

If he is planning cute dates or remembering that work problem you told him about and asking how you’re doing, he is putting effort in. If instead he is texting you from his couch “babe, come see me” and never much beyond that, he is Mr. Wrong and you should keep looking.

8. You don’t feel that you are good enough for him

If he doesn’t realize how lucky he is to be with you, he is not the right guy for you. He should not act like you are lucky to be with him.

The right guy sees all the little things about you that make you so special, and he’s stoked that he gets to be the one who dates you. He does not think he’s too good for you.

If you find yourself re-applying your makeup during your dates because you feel self-conscious around him, he is Mr. Wrong. You should feel good about yourself in a relationship and not feel insecure.

9. He gets mad about everything

If he doesn’t know how to pick his battles and instead gets mad about everything, that may be a sign that he will continue to take advantage of any and every opportunity he has to give you sh*t just because.

The right man will not sweat the small stuff, and knows how to let things go.

10. He is hot and cold

If one day he’s sweet and affectionate and the next day he’s cold and distant, he’s not worth your time. The right guy won’t keep you guessing, and chances are if he’s cold and distant something else might be going on with him. The best thing to do is let this guy be single so that he can figure his stuff out, and so that you can meet someone who is in a better place.

The 5 Most Romantic Hotels In North America

When you’re planning a vacation with your significant other, you likely want to stay at a romantic hotel that surrounds you with beauty and sets the tone for romance, immediately putting you and your loved one in a blissful state of serenity. Most of us don’t get very many opportunities to go on vacation, so it’s important that we stay somewhere amazing! Here are 5 romantic hotels that are sure to blow your mind:

1. Pan Pacific Whistler Village Centre

The bedroom's beautiful mountain view at the Pan Pacific Whistler Village
The bedroom’s beautiful mountain view at Pan Pacific Whistler Village Centre


Nestled in the heart of Whistler Village in Whistler, British Columbia, Canada, this beautiful hotel is sure to exceed your expectations.

The full-service, award-winning Pan Pacific Whistler Village Centre boasts slope-side accommodation and spacious private residence-style suites with full kitchens, cozy fireplaces and balconies that offer fresh mountain air and breathtaking views that make you feel like you’re in a Winter Wonderland.

Its prime location in Whistler is ideal for sightseeing, dining and shopping as well as easy access to a host of year-round adventures, Whistler-style. There are many romantic winter activities you and your loved one can discover nearby, such as snow-shoeing under the stars, cross country skiing among snow-covered pines, walking to the beautiful lost lake, or relaxing at the Pan Pacific Whistler Village hot-tub surrounded by snowy mountains.

The romantic hot tub surrounded by mountains at the Pan Pacific Whistler Village.
Outdoor hot tub surrounded by mountains at Pan Pacific Whistler Village Centre

Whether you vacation at Pan Pacific Whistler Village Centre in the Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall, you’ll be surrounded by gorgeous scenery and an

View from balcony in suite at the Pan Pacific Whistler Village Suites
View from balcony in suite at Pan Pacific Whistler Village Centre

array of year-round activities at your fingertips. Nearby glacier lakes sparkle emerald green in the summer, while in the winter you might opt for a snow-shoeing venture under the stars with your loved one.

Pan Pacific Whistler Village Centre at nighttime

 

2. The Westin Maui Resort & Spa

westinmaui3Located on the beautiful and romantic Hawaiian island of Maui, the Westin Maui Resort and Spa is a luxury beachfront resort on the famous Kaanapali Beach.

 The resort boasts layers of luxury ocean front pools and hot tubs with a perfect view of that gorgeous Hawaiian sunset. At night, the resort lights twinkle and the pool and hot tub change colours to create a majestic feeling for couples to enjoy.

The Westin Maui’s ocean view suites will take your breath away. Your private balcony is the perfect sanctuary to enjoy the surreal Hawaiian sunrise and sunset. The resort’s grounds breathe the essence of Hawaii with lagoons, Hawaiian flowers and happily swimming swans.

Rent a cabana for two on the beach or enjoy poolside drink service with your loved one. Take a walk along the Kaanapali strip where there is a variety of beachfront restaurants and live traditional Hawaiian music.

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An ocean view suite at sunset at the Westin Maui Resort & Spa

 

3. The Fairmont Chateau Lake Louise

 

Photo courtesy: fairmont.com
Photo courtesy: fairmont.com

Can you imagine what it would be like to stay in a hotel right on a beautiful Canadian glacier lake? Book a room at the Fairmont Chateau Lake Louise, and you will see just how romantic of an experience it is. The Fairmont Chateau Lake Louise is located in Alberta’s Banff National Park, and it is surrounded by the stunning Victoria Glacier and its sparkling emerald green lake, Lake Louise.

From ice skating and horse drawn sleigh rides in the Winter, to hiking, canoeing and horseback riding in the Summer, this hotel is majestic any time of year and offers luxury accommodation in a serene and breathtakingly beautiful location. It’s no wonder ABC’s The Bachelor chose the Fairmont Lake Louise as one of their romantic getaways to feature.

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Bachelor & Bachelorette at the stunning Fairmont Château Lake Louise

 

4. The Beach House Hotel at Hermosa Beach

hermosa1This California hotel on Hermosa Beach is an amazing couples retreat due to its unique loft-style spacious rooms with gorgeous ocean views. Being a beach-front hotel, The Beach House Hotel at Hermosa Beach is perfect for those romantic moonlight strolls as the beach boasts a pier that stretches into the moonlit ocean.The romantic and spacious balconies are the perfect spot to have a glass of wine while watching the sunset.

Cozy up by the fireplace at night if it’s chilly, because each suite has its own fireplace.

 

 

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Suite with balcony and ocean view

5. The Ritz-Carlton New York, Central Park

New York is a romantic city to visit for so many reasons: sight-seeing in a horse and carriage for two, fine-dining in some of the world’s best restaurants, and that view from the Empire State building. You can’t go wrong with a room near the iconic Central Park, and the luxurious Ritz-Carlton New York, Central Park is a great hotel choice while staying in New York with your significant other.

The Ritz-Carlton New York, Central Park boasts luxury rooms with captivating Central Park views in a fabulous central location.

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The Ritz-Carlton New York, Central Park

Whether you enjoy ice skating at Rockefeller Center or a sleigh ride in the Winter, a stroll in Central Park surrounded by the many beautiful colours of Fall’s leaves, or spend summer nights touring the city and fine-dining on patios, any season is a great season to visit NYC.

5 Important Love Lessons I Learned From The Movies

The Movie: Bridesmaids

The Lesson: Hitting rock bottom can be a good thing. 

In the hit film Bridesmaids, the protagonist Annie (Kristin Wig) is suffering through a hard time in her life while her best friend Lillian (Maya Rudolph) is happily engaged and planning her upcoming wedding. Maya is financially secure and has a loving relationship with her fiancé. Meanwhile, Annie is struggling financially, her business closed down, she is single and she is often being mistreated by men.  And when Annie is forced to move in with her mother due to financial hardship, her mother quickly realizes that her daughter has hit rock bottom. Annie’s mother tells her that “hitting rock bottom is a good thing, because there is nowhere to go but up.”

This movie did a great job in teaching its audience that everyone goes through hard times, and that sometimes you need to hit rock bottom in order to find the motivation to fight for a better life.
Hitting rock bottom also helped Annie realize she needed to stop spending time with men who were mistreating her, and instead focus on the man who was treating her well. In other words, she realized she needed to spend time with people who could help lift her back up, because she is deserving of love.

The Movie: Just Go With It

The Lesson: Sometimes the perfect person for you has been right in front of you the whole time.

Sometimes the one has been right in front of your face the whole time. This was certainly the lesson in the movie Just Go With It. Danny (Adam Sandler) is a successful plastic surgeon who confides in and has a close friendship with his Office Manager, Katherine (Jennifer Aniston).

Danny often pretends to be someone he is not, and lies in order to get women. Finally, Danny realizes that Katherine is the only person who truly knows the real him, always brightens his day, and he confesses that he is in love with her. Katherine confesses that she loves Danny for who he is, and that she is in love with him also.

The Movie: She’s Out Of My League

The Lesson: Never assume that you’re out of someone’s league.

Kirk (Jay Baruchel) is often told by his friends that he’s a 5 out of 10. He’s goofy, slightly awkward, and he never thought a 10 like Molly (Alice Eve) would go for him.
However, one day when Molly leaves her phone at the airport security area where Kirk works, she arranges to meet Kirk to retrieve it. Molly then takes Kirk to a hockey game to thank him. At first, Kirk has no idea that Molly is interested in him, but her best friend informs Kirk of Molly’s interest and the two begin to date. Kirk’s lack of confidence in the relationship (due to him believing that Molly is out of his league) begins to cause issues for the two of them. Molly fell for Kirk because of his personality. She truly liked him for who he was.

The lesson here is that sometimes someone will fall for you because of who you are – so you should never assume you’re out of anyone’s league, because you’re amazing!

The Movie: The Nanny Diaries

The Lesson: Never put a thankless job ahead of your love life.

Annie (Scarlett Johansson) is a recent graduate who cannot decide what she wants to do with her life. She decides to work as a live-in Nanny while she figures out her path, because the money is great. Despite this, Annie’s employer is negative and unsupportive, and it is quite a thankless job. Annie’s employer has a rule that she cannot date anyone who lives in her building, which becomes a problem when Annie falls for a man who lives in the building. Even though Annie’s employer does not appreciate all of her hard work and extra hours, and even though all of her friends are begging Annie to quit, Annie still decides to put her job first and attempts to reject the man who lives in the building.

The lesson here is never to put a thankless job ahead of your own wants and needs. The only person in this world who truly looks out for you, is you. You must put yourself first sometimes especially if you have found love – put that love first.

The Movie: My Best Friend’s Wedding

The Lesson: Sometimes you have to just let go when someone does not love you back.

In the movie My Best Friend’s Wedding, 27-year-old Julianne (Julia Roberts) is having a hard time accepting that her best friend Michael (Dermot Mulroney) is getting married to Kimmy (Cameron Diaz). In college, the two made an agreement that if neither of them were married by the time they turned 28, they would marry each other.  When Julianne realizes that she is in love with her best friend Michael, she sets out on sabotaging his wedding and making him see how wrong Kimmy is for him, and how right she is for him. Julianne feels she is meant to be with Michael, however he does not feel the same way. She painfully realizes that he is truly in love with Kimmy, and wants to be with Kimmy, not her.

Unrequited love is hard to deal with, but the lesson is that if that person does not love you back, it is not meant to be and you need to let him or her go.

Am I missing any? What are some valuable lessons that you’ve learned about love from your favorite movies?