Are You Actually Ready For A Relationship?

Wanting to be in a relationship doesn’t mean you’re ready for a relationship. A big mistake a lot of women make is thinking that getting into a relationship is simply a matter of the prefect guy showing up, and the reason that they are still single because all the guys they’ve been out with our duds.

That’s not what it’s about, though. You can have dates lined up for every night of the week with the greatest men in all the land and you will still stay stuck in the same spot if you’re not ready to be in a relationship. There are several telltale signs that you are not ready to be in a relationship, but really there is only one major sign that you are ready. And that is…

You know what a relationship actually is!

Huh?! OK, let’s go a little deeper. The reason so many people have a hard time finding love, or making a relationship last is they don’t know what a relationship is. Instead, their minds are clouded with ideas and illusions of what a relationship should be and how it should feel and this gives them false hopes and expectations which inevitably come crashing down, leaving them broken once again and forced to pick up the pieces and keep plugging along.

A lot of us feel like we are “not enough.” We have this feeling of emptiness that lurks deep inside and we just want to fill it and feel OK. The mistake we often make is thinking that a relationship is what will fill us up, what will complete us, what will be that missing piece that will make it all OK. But that isn’t the job of a relationship, or of a man. Only you can give yourself that feeling of being complete, of being OK, of feeling confident in who you are. When you outsource the task to someone else, you will never evade that feeling of emptiness and not being enough.

A relationship isn’t a panacea for everything that has gone wrong in your life. It won’t grant you happiness, self-esteem, completion, worthiness, or feelings of being good enough. A relationship can certainty enhance positive feelings within you, but it can’t be the sole provider.

Healthy relationships are other-oriented, they are about giving and growing together as a unit. Unfortunately, many people have this backwards and are takers in their relationships. They look at what they can get, not what they can give.

When you come from this place, a relationship is really just ego fuel. This is why so many women get trapped in a cycle of going after men who can’t or won’t give them what they want. There is nothing more validating than winning over the guy who claims he does not care to be won. Rather than realizing you can’t have a relationship with a man who won’t commit, they get caught in a cycle of trying to win him over. It’s exciting and it’s dramatic and it’s intense. But it isn’t real. And it’s also a big sign you aren’t ready to be in a relationship

Getting caught up in guys like that is an escape from your real life. You get so caught up in him that you can forget about your problems and what you need to deal with.

The truth is, good relationships are pretty boring and uneventful. The stable guy isn’t as exciting because there is no hunt, there is no guesswork, there is no wondering how he feels and analyzing everything about him for hours on end with your girlfriends because you just know. The true sign that you are ready for a relationship is when you can realize that this is a good thing, that this is the goal. And when you can see this other person for who he is, not what he can give to you in order to make you feel good about yourself. It’s when you don’t need him to feel worthy. Essentially, it’s being with a guy because you want him, not because you need him. That is the key that makes all the difference.

 

Single and Frustrated? Read this!

Pretty much every single girl, no matter how confident and fabulous, will reach a point of frustration in her dating career. A point of wondering, if she’ll ever find the right guy for her, and if he even still exists. Maybe all the guys she dates are weirdo’s, maybe she only goes for guys who don’t want her back…and, is inexplicably put off, by the ones who fall at her feet.

No matter what the scenario, it can be pretty tough to stay positive, and not give into that underlying fear that maybe, there’s no one…maybe you’ll end up alone…maybe all the good guys really are taken.

Take a deep breath and stop worrying! Many women have had these fears and made it out on the other side in relationships or happily married, including myself!

Here are a few important things to remember if you are single and frustrated:

  1. There is a lid for every pot

Seriously, there is. Pretty much everyone finds their person, their “lobster.” You’ve probably dated some serious nut-jobs, for lack of a better adjective. The guys who you went out with and wondered, “who in the world would get into a relationship with that creep?” Then maybe one day you find out, that said creep, is now happily married! You may scratch your head and wonder how, but that’s not for you to figure out. The takeaway, is there is a lid for every pot!

For some, finding that lid is easy and may happen early in life. For others, it may take a touch longer. There are years of bad dates, of hope followed by rejected and renewed hope, and just when you’ve had enough…something clicks! The lid fits perfectly into place.

  1. You can’t win them all

Probably the hardest and most frustrating aspect of dating is meeting a great guy, who has everything you want; a guy who you genuinely enjoy spending time with…and he doesn’t feel the same.

You take it personally, and think this means something about you. You wonder what you did wrong, why you weren’t “good enough.” It’s hard and it’s painful to digest, but it’s not personal. You simply can’t win them all and that is OK.

Sometimes, you’re simply not compatible. Try not to get deterred or jaded, just accept that he isn’t the right person for you and move on!

  1. A relationship won’t cure you

If you’re single and frustrated, recognize that being in a relationship, won’t cure any deep rooted issues.

It’s a common trap to think everything will be OK, as soon as you find the right guy, but that is rarely the case. Whatever emotional weight you’re carrying, will just spill into the relationship, and instead of being personal problems, they will become relationship issues.

Take time to really work on yourself and get to a strong and confident place before you jump into a healthy relationship.

  1. No relationship is better than a bad relationship

You cannot shove a square peg into a round hole. You can’t force someone to be what you want them to be. You can’t carry the team in a relationship and do all the work.

Many women make the mistake of sticking it out with a guy, trying to force a bad relationship into a good one, simply because they don’t want to be thrown back into the dating waters. They plug away for months, maybe years, forcing it to work. And in the end, they are usually left with a broken heart and wasted time they can never reclaim.

Being single and happy is much better than in a relationship and miserable. Don’t let your fears of being single for life, keep you trapped in a toxic relationship. This never ends well.

  1. Be positive

More than anything, it’s important to stay positive, as trite as this may sound. Take control of your thoughts. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself that you’re single, embrace it and enjoy this “me” time!

Men desire a positive woman. When you ruminate on negative thoughts, you project negativity. You may have a smile on your face, but the negativity will still surface through body language and attitude. Make an effort not to get down on yourself.

He’s out there and when the time is right, you’ll find each other!

5 Signs You’re In a Dead End Relationship

The dead-end relationship is probably the most ubiquitous type of relationship in this day and age. A lot of women end up shackled to dead-end relationships for months … years … decades! They stay and cling to the hope that someday he’ll come around and will commit.

In these scenarios, being an optimist can actually work against you. You cling to hope that as soon as he gets his finances in order…as soon as he deals with his emotional issues…as soon as he gets on track with his career…as soon as his crazy ex is out of the picture once and for all…then things will be different. You hope that someday he’ll turn into the man you want him to be and this will be the relationship you want and deserve but things don’t change just because you want them to.

Here are five signs you’re in a dead end relationship:

He won’t commit

This one sounds so obvious but somehow it’s not! There are several key signs that a man will never commit, but the strongest one is he comes right out and tells you he doesn’t want to be in a relationship.

You have to take these words at face value. This isn’t an opening offer that is up for negotiation and subject to change. Can it change? Yes, it’s possible, but that’s only if something in the relationship changes. If he tells you he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, and you stick around keep acting like his girlfriend, nothing is going to change.

In these cases, the guy has no motivation or reason to change, so why should he? No man is willingly going to deepen a commitment, especially when he doesn’t have to. When a man says he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, he usually means he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you. Whatever reasons and excuses he gives are just to soften the blow. This doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you or find you cool and attractive. He just doesn’t want to be with you.

He doesn’t make you a priority

When a man is truly invested in a woman and committed to her, he prioritizes her. This means he makes time for her, he cares about her world, and he most certainly does not disappear for days or weeks at a time and then act like it’s no big deal.

When a man is in it, he actively tries to keep it. He makes an effort no matter how busy he is. Everyone is busy, but everyone makes time for the things that matter to them.

A man pulling away or withdrawing isn’t the same as a guy blatantly ignoring you to go off and do what he wants without showing you any consideration. Sometimes men pull away when they’re stressed and need to re-group, that’s just his nature. But this is different. Checking in and out of the relationship isn’t about him fulfilling an emotional need; it’s being disrespectful to you.

Caring about someone is an active process; it’s something you show not something you simply say.

You are fundamentally incompatible

He wants to live in the suburbs; you’re a city girl. You want kids, he doesn’t. You’re one religion, he’s another (and this is an issue for one or both of you). It could be clear-cut points of contention, or it may be more subtle than that. Some people are just incompatible. They want different things, they communicate in different ways, they have different values, and they aren’t able to fulfill each other’s emotional needs.

So why do we stay? All kinds of reasons. It’s easier to stay than leave and start again with someone new…the sex is amazing… you genuinely care for the other person.

A healthy relationship is built on fundamental compatibility. This doesn’t mean you agree on everything, it means you are mostly in agreement on how to live your lives, you respect one another, and you are on the same page in key areas.

He doesn’t bring you into his world

This can apply to his physical world, like introducing you to his friends or family, or his emotional world, like letting you see the man he is beyond the mask.

When a man is committed and invested in a woman, he wants to share himself with her. He wants to reveal the innermost parts of himself. He wants to bring her into his world.

Flirty banter is not the same thing as deep, meaningful conversation. When a guy opens up to you, when he shares his dreams, his fears, his hopes, his wishes, his motivations, he is investing in you. By investing in you, he is committing himself to you. When he doesn’t do this, it means he most likely doesn’t see you as being someone he plans on sharing the rest of his life with.

Something just doesn’t feel right

Deep down, you usually already know the truth. But when you really like a guy and are hoping for it to work, the fact that he doesn’t want the same things is painful … so you deny it.

H ealthy relationships are usually pretty effortless. That doesn’t mean they don’t require work, it means you don’t feel uneasy and constantly on edge. You don’t worry and wonder how he feels about you…you just kind of know. You don’t stress over the relationship, instead you are free to just be in the relationship and enjoy it.

When something feels off, when you’re filled with fear and worry, then it’s a sign something is amiss. Don’t ignore what your body is trying to tell you!

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