When It Comes to Conversation, Here’s Why We Don’t Take Our Own Advice

We seem to agree, overall, on what behavior is unacceptable in the context of conversation. The new study from Plenty of Fish reveals the broad agreement that it’s wrong to “ghost” someone you are dating, yet a sizable number of people have done it to someone else. The study also shows that people of all ages think emojis are a terrible way to flirt, but consumer research shows 92% of online consumers use them to communicate.

Even more telling, nearly every question in the Plenty of Fish study that dealt with quality of communication, people said that face-to-face or phone conversations are the ideal. And yet we know from other research that Americans make or answer an average of six phone calls every day, versus spend 26 minutes texting. It’s no surprise that most people think technology has negatively impacted our ability to have meaningful conversations.

Why don’t we do what’s right? Smartphone addiction has become so prevalent in the Western world that there’s a new psychological term for it: nomophobia. It means the fear of being without your cellphone, and most of us have experienced that rush of panic when we realize we’ve left our phone behind or can’t find it.

It’s been centuries since the Greek poet Hesiod wrote “Observe due measure; moderation is best in all things.” There is a time and a place for everything. Yet, this is a lesson mankind has not accepted or learned. Here are tips to practice safe tech:

  1. Stare at your date, not at your phone. Staring at your phone is a big turnoff, yet the average adult checks their phone more than 110 times a day, according to data gathered by Locket, or once every 13 minutes. Show you care, by placing your phone out of site and keeping it there.
  2. Silence your notifications. We know you are busy and important, but your date doesn’t need to be reminded of this. All those pings, vibrations and rings can interfere with the conversation at hand.
  3. Resist the urge to fact check. We all use technology during conversations to quickly check out facts – oh let me “Google that.” Keep the phone away and check later – it’s a great way to continue the post-date conversation.
  4. Lastly, focus on the words your date is saying and the specific points he/she is making. Being able to focus on the small things in a conversation will help you get deeper into the conversation and take your attention away from your phone automatically.

It’s easier to identify what others are doing wrong than it is to correct our own bad habits. That’s the bad news. The good news is that we mostly agree on what’s appropriate and what isn’t. So, we know that we need to make our plans using our cell phone and then meet in person and put the phone away. The path forward is clear, even if it’s not all that easy to follow.

Why 90% of Singles Choose Conversation Over Sex

It makes for a striking headline: most people would rather spend the night talking than having sex. That’s the takeaway from a recent study sponsored by dating app Plenty of Fish, and it may surprise you.

But ask yourself this question: what does a relationship mostly consist of, sex or conversation? As I see it, lack of healthy communication is a more common cause of divorce than sexual issues. You will learn more about a person over the course of a 3-hour chat than if you spent that time in bed (unless you were talking the whole time).

Conversations tell us about a person’s values, what makes them laugh, what they find offensive, what kind of music they like, what they like to do on rainy evenings or sunny Saturdays. If you come home from a tough day at work, exhausted and irritated, will that person comfort you or irritate you further? That’s important to know before you make a commitment.

Imagine working overseas and being physically separated from your spouse by thousands of miles. What might help keep your relationship healthy? Lots of conversations. Hearing the longing in your loved one’s voice that tells you that you’re needed and missed. Hearing his or her laugh, saying “I love you” and meaning it.

Don’t get me wrong: good sex is a wonderful thing. And finding a partner who’s compatible in bed is important. The human touch is powerful, and can communicate on a level beyond mere words.

But conversation can enhance intimacy, if it’s good. Establishing an emotional and intellectual connection can make sex more satisfying, in the end. In fact, more than 80% of people in that study said they’d found someone more attractive after a conversation. Here are some easy tips to improve your online conversation to lead to a better offline conversation:

1. Read his/her profile

Take time to read a profile thoroughly. It is a turn-on if you demonstrate that you read their background and highlight what interested you.

2. More than Hi

Although messaging with a “Hi” is indeed friendly, it doesn’t establish any connection or show your personality, which is often what a person uses as a gauge when deciding whether or not to move an online conversation into the real world. Consider commenting on and/or asking a question about one of their interests, and use that to demonstrate mutual interests.

3. Grammar counts

Spelling errors and typos are easy to make, but slow down and take the time to proofread your messages before you hit that send button – because it can make or break the conversation if you don’t have spell check on.

4. Be authentic

Sometimes in an effort to stand out, people tend to exaggerate a bit or misrepresent themselves and it’s much easier to do online – so resist the urge to overcompensate and be your wonderful self.

5. Take it offline

If you are having great online conversations, chances are that they will be great offline, too. So, don’t be afraid to make the first move and ask him or her out to coffee!

Enjoy the bonds you create through conversation, because they just might make your future relationship, and sex, that much better.

Data Reveals: Top Words To Use in Your Messages that Lead to Conversations

How many times have you caught yourself staring blankly at a cute dating profile, not having the slightest clue how to craft a first message to catch their attention?

I for one, just put up my hand – Guilty as charged.

Luckily for me and you; Plenty of Fish recently analyzed hundreds of thousands of conversations to pull a list of the top words singles use in their first messages that actually lead to a conversation.

The Plenty of Fish findings reveal that compliments go a long way not only IRL but online too!

Men looking to strike up a conversation with the next lady you swipe right on, send a first message that contains a sincere compliment. Plenty of Fish found a full 20 % of guys who use the word “beautiful” got into conversations with ladies online. Or try your hand at using the words, “gorgeous” and “pretty”, which were also among the top 5 words that lead to conversations.

Hot Tip For Men – Top Words that Lead to Conversations Online

  1. Beautiful
  2. Love
  3. Nice
  4. Gorgeous
  5. Pretty
  6. Sexy
  7. Today
  8. Great
  9. Smile
  10. Interested

Now for the ladies – It looks like men like to be complimented just as much as we do! Women who talked about how “handsome” a guy is, or made reference to his “smile” were highly likely to engage in conversation with men online.

Hot Tip For Women – Top Words that Lead to Conversations Online

  1. Nice
  2. Love
  3. Handsome
  4. Great
  5. Smile
  6. Beautiful
  7. Cute
  8. Interested
  9. Chat
  10. Meet

Summer is red hot and conversations are heating up online! Try using these top words in your own messages to spark a conversation. Good luck and get out there!