How To Fall In Love With Your Partner All Over Again

If you’re in a serious relationship, there will inevitably be a time or two where you fall out of love with each other. There are countless reasons as to why this phenomenon may occur, but what’s most important to note is that your relationship will continue to last until you are no longer willing to make it work. If both parties are willing, a relationship can revitalize itself back into it’s original state of love, peace and tranquility. The key remedy here is “willingness”. Below are 4 ways any couple can fall in love all over again.

 

Show Gratitude

Start your day with an act of gratitude. It may sound cliché, but waking up grateful for the people who are in your life will help redirect your focus from what’s lacking in your life. Taking a moment to appreciate the time, energy, effort and sacrifice that another has given, will give you a greater appreciation for them. More importantly, it will give you peace of mind. By showing your significant other how much you love, value and appreciate them, you create an environment of positive energy that will only go away if/when you stop expressing your gratitude.

Pay Attention To Detail

It is human nature to seek validation for those whose opinion we trust, value and respect. Sometimes, we don’t verbally express that we are seeking attention, but it may be subtle/indirect ways that we hope to be acknowledged. For example: A new hairstyle, weight loss, a promotion at work or other personal achievements. Showing your significant other that you are aware of the things that are happening in his/her life shows them that you care. The more you support one another, the more you’ll grow deeper in love.

Give Each Other Space

It is healthy and normal to want to do things without your significant other. Being a couple is referred to as interdependence, but as an individual it’s important never to lose your independence. By maintaining your own personal interests, you create opportunities to create space between you and your partner in a healthy and respectful way. Doing so allows both parties to do what they love and then look forward to coming back to the one they love. This also creates an opportunity to miss and be missed by your partner.

Do Something Special

The magic in healthy relationships, if done correctly, is you will have acquired enough information about your partner over the years, to know exactly what makes them happy. This puts you at a greater advantage to sweep them off their feet at the drop of a dime. Put this into motion by using your exclusive insight to do something from the heart that will lift their spirits and soften the mood. This works just as masterfully when the relationship is going well as it does when the relationship appears to be falling apart.

Falling back in love with your partner is about choices. Choose positive over negative, long-term over short-term, win/win over lose/lose. If you’re focusing 100% of your energy on the positive, they’ll be no room for the negative.

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Single? Make Online Dating Your #1 Resolution!

Make 2016 your year! It is time to break out of your comfort zone and open yourself up to the world of online dating!

Here are 7 reasons why you should make online dating your #1 New Year’s resolution!

 

  • Date outside your friend group – Break the habit of dating a friend or someone in your social circle. I think we default to this because we are scared and find comfort in knowing a little something about a person prior to dating them. Also, it doesn’t help that all your friends are telling you to go for him/her when in your heart of hearts it feels like a forced relationship. Try something a little different this time and explore the prospect of finding someone online. Many of you will say “but I’m not desperate yet…” Making an online profile does not determine you are desperate, it proves you are open to a world of possibilities! I guarantee you will meet people you would have never met otherwise!
  • Bigger pool to pick from – Online dating provides a much bigger pool to choose from, when selecting a potential partner. At PlentyOfFish we see a whopping 4 million people logging onto their profile daily. With numbers like this, I am surprised when single people tell me they aren’t actively online dating!
  • Peak season – This is the best time to shine! Historically, right after Christmas until after Valentine’s Day, PlentyOfFish experiences a permanent increase in signups of over 20%! If you have ever wondered whether you should try out online dating, right now is the ideal time for you to take the plunge and test the waters.
  • It’s genuinely fun – You have the power to make your online experience what you want it to be. One of the best ways to approach this ample world of opportunity is to have an open mind and a positive outlook! Checking out profiles from afar can be really fun, without the pressure that you would typically endure in a traditional setting like a bar or party. Crack a bottle of wine, slip into your pjs and start scrolling!
  • Save money – Online dating is not only extremely convenient, but it is rather inexpensive as well! You can create a profile on PlentyOfFish for free and immediately start talking to singles. Going out with friends to check out the opposite sex can be really fun, but doing this on a weekly basis will make a significant dent in your bank account.
  • Practice – As they say, practice makes perfect! If you are newly single or in an extended dry spell, online dating is a great place to start. You have the opportunity to really chat with someone before you decide to meet them or not. Taking baby steps will help you find your stride again.
  • Accessibility – The start of the new year tends to be a little chaotic as you’re attempting to nail down your routine for the months to come. By the time you get home from work, you realize you haven’t had a solid conversation with anyone because you were glued to your monitors all day. Well you don’t have your busy schedule as an excuse anymore, because dating has evolved! Mobile apps make the world of dating much easier for those on the go! Sign into PlentyOfFish and set up a date while on your way to Starbucks in the morning or on the treadmill after work! dbf34e1f49f74deb1193b743029c2594

 

 

Learn How To Stand Out On A Date

Want to be amazing on a date? Of course you do! The good news is, it’s easier than you think to stand out and you’ll have much more fun when you do. Doing these things regularly will help you become your most amazing self.

1. Be confident. People are drawn to confidence. Don’t put yourself down, slouch or avoid eye contact. Act like you’re the mayor of the universe. Who says you’re not?

2. Be the best version of yourself. Put a little extra effort into your appearance and do something nice for yourself. You don’t have to buy a new outfit or even wear makeup, if that’s not your thing, but knowing that you look your best will help you be more confident.

3. Love your life. Do whatever you have to do to create a fulfilling life, whether it be a change in your career path, adopting a pet, or taking up a new hobby.

4. Know what you want. This will really set you apart on your date, because most people don’t know what they want. Take the time to sit down with yourself and figure it out and then own it. Never settle for anything less.

5. Be present. When you’re on a date with someone, really be there. Turn off your phone, look into his eyes, and pay attention to him. You can think about work, your bills and your ex later.

6. Be genuine. We all love people who have the courage to be themselves and let us see their true self. These are the people we remember and the people who inspire us.

7. Make room for a man in your life. Being so busy that you never have time to see him doesn’t make you mysterious or intriguing, it just makes you unavailable for a relationship. Stop this at once if you want a committed relationship. Men won’t put up with it and neither should you. Show up for the relationship you want to have and date men who are willing to do the same.

8. Love something. I don’t care if it’s a sports team, a new hobby,  or a great movie. Enthusiasm is contagious.

9. Cultivate a positive attitude. No one wants to meet a Negative Nancy on a date. It is really important to start the date off right, with a smile and positive attitude. Find happiness in the small things.

10. Be kind. Simple kindness and decency are refreshing. Being kind to yourself and others will set you apart and make you a delight to be around.

 
If you keep these ten things in mind and practice them at every opportunity you will be an amazing woman. You’ll also have a much better time than 90% of the people out there and men will notice. What you do after that is up to you!

How To Be Irresistible On A First Date

Wouldn’t it be awesome to be absolutely irresistible to everyone you are attracted to? The good news is that you have a lot more control over that happening than you might think because being irresistible is less about them and more about you. Being irresistible is essentially about embracing your awesomeness and having others feel so good in your presence that they simply can’t resist you. Below are my 5 steps to being irresistible which work wonderfully on a first date, in a long-term relationship and on essentially everyone else with a pulse.

1. Give Good Eye

The MOST important part of being irresistible is the way you look at your date. So if you’re not comfortable looking directly into that Cutie’s eye this is definitely an area you will want to practice and improve. I recommend you look directly into their eyes about 70% of the conversation while appreciating their best qualities and savoring being in their presence. This will allow your eyes to naturally emit an electric chemistry which will be very inviting and be very hard for your date to resist.

2. Have A Fun Attitude

You and your date have chosen to spend a little personal time together so enjoy yourself and have a light and breezy demeanor. Choose fun and pleasurable conversations, laugh at their jokes, and freely share that gorgeous smile of yours.

3. Pay Attention

While on your date, turn off your phone and basically ignore everyone else. The only Cutie you need to pay attention to is the one sitting in front of you. In fact I’d like you to imagine that even if a pack of wild coyotes broke down the door you wouldn’t notice because you are just too enthralled with your date. Also feel free to use their name throughout your conversation because it lets them know you are focused on them and helps them feel connected to you.

4. Align Yourself With Their Passions

Everyone’s favorite topic of conversation is THEIR favorite topic of conversation so the best way to have your date enjoying the conversation is to discuss topics THEY enjoy. Perhaps they love discussing their dog, their team, or their favorite place to visit?

Ask them questions about what they are passionate about and they will be much more likely to enjoy their conversation with you and want to spend more time with you in the future. Also while you are learning about their passions make sure to treat what your date says as if they are “gems of wisdom.”

5. Compliment Them

People love spending time with others who appreciate them so let your date know you find them attractive and exciting a few times throughout the date. Sometimes you can actually inspire someone to feel excitement for you simply by letting them know that you are honestly attracted to them! Let your date know exactly what you appreciate most in them, how you’re inspired by them and how much you admire the choices they’ve made in their lives. You’ll get extra points if you also assume your date can do anything successfully.

You are now armed with the information you need to be irresistible to every Cutie you want. The last step is to get out there and practice, practice, practice! The more you practice the more fun you’ll have and the quicker you’ll have that Cutie wrapped around your little finger.

 

For more dating and relationship tips please visit Dateologist Tracey Steinberg and let’s connect on: Facebook Twitter Youtube. If you’d like a lot more dating tips right now please check out my book, “Flirt For Fun & Meet THE ONE” Best of luck to you and I’ll be rooting for you!!!

Are You In Love or Infatuated?

Love at first sight is a very romantic notion and can feel absolutely real when you meet someone amazing and feel intensely attracted to each other. But the saying should be connected at first sight because true love doesn’t begin until that “I can’t get enough of you” euphoria starts to fade.

 
It’s tricky because what can feel like love is actually just hopeful thinking. Your thoughts create your feelings, and let’s face it; it’s really hard to find great chemistry. So when you passionately connect with someone it’s very exciting, and as women you have warm and fuzzy hormones being released that perpetuate loving feelings. However, you don’t really know each other yet. At this stage you have physical and sexual intimacy, which is how falling in love begins, but without emotional intimacy it’s just infatuation.

 
Emotional intimacy naturally grows during the first two months of a new relationship by talking and spending time together, by becoming part of each other’s lives. During this blissful time any issues you have are subconsciously suppressed. Some people call that putting on your best behavior, but you simply don’t know what you don’t know. You may be falling in love; or you may never get past the infatuation stage.

 
The unfortunate reality is that most relationships only last three to six months. That’s when the hard part begins; it’s the make it or breakup phase. It’s the time that your subconscious issues start to make their way to the surface. They either clash and tear you apart or deepen emotional intimacy and bond you together.

 
True love requires trust and feeling safe to disclose secrets and deeply personal information. That’s easier said than done for people with unhealed wounds from past relationships and their childhood. Jealousy, insecurity, fear, or anxiety all make emotional vulnerability scary for such people, so they erect an emotional wall for protection. Sadly it also shuts good people out. Relationships need to move forward or they eventually fall apart.

 
If you are soul-mates you’ll discover you have commonality, which means you have the same ethics, values, and goals. Everyone always thinks opposites attract but that’s only on a superficial level. At your core like attracts like. It takes two similar minded people who are fully committed to creating lasting love; which means treating each other with respect, and sticking together through the good, the bad, and difficult. When love is real it feels easy.

 
So when you connect with someone great enjoy every moment of those magical first two months, but keep your feet solidly on the ground to avoid breaking your own heart. Keep your thoughts in the present and do not fantasize about your future together. Visualization is very powerful and your thoughts can perpetuate loving feelings and create unrealistic expectations, throwing off the balance of your relationship. Most importantly, don’t allow yourself to get caught in a state of limbo where you feel love for your partner but you don’t feel deep emotional love in return. You absolutely can find better.

Ease Back Into Dating With These 5 Easy Steps!

Winter is coming…and so are the never-ending invitations to family functions, friend’s gatherings and office Xmas parties. Unlike years past, you find yourself single this time around. With the cold weather outside and the desire to stay indoors, dating can be a touch trickier this time of year. I have 5 steps that will help you ease your way back into the dating game!

Throw Away The Ex-Baggage

It is time to let go. Do one big sweep of your apartment and remove all your ex boyfriend’s photographs, pj pants that you once claimed as yours and that extra toothbrush lying next to the sink. This will instantly lift a weight off your shoulders and help you move on with zero reminders of your failed relationship.

Positive Attitude

Start saying yes a little more, even if it’s pouring rain and your immediate response is to hide under a blanket. If you make a habit of staying in 5-7 nights of week, the invitations from friends will become non-existent. If your crew is getting together, join them! Mr. Right isn’t going to miraculously pop out of your tv screen; you have to make the effort and put yourself out there. The odds are always in your favor when you decide to leave your house.

Practice Makes Perfect

Step outside your convert zone and approach the specimen you’ve been eyeing across the bar for the last hour. If this move is too daring for you, grab your wing-man for the extra confidence boost and backup when you draw a blank. The more you engage with the opposite sex, the less intimidating it will be for any future encounters. Trust me, once you hone your skills, flirting will become a lot more natural and simply quite enjoyable.

Build an Online Profile

If the thought of going on a date right now slightly terrifies you and you’re more interested in scoping out potential matches from the comfort of your own home, I seriously suggest you create an online dating profile. Take 20 minutes out of your day to add a picture and write a little something about yourself. The longer you spend creating a profile and the more thought put in, will result in greater success. You can create your profile right now at PlentyOfFish.

Know What It Is You Want

If you are looking for a solid committed relationship, do not settle for anything less than exactly that. You may be having “fun” but if you are ultimately seeking something more than a fling, it is really important to be honest and upfront about your needs and wants. You will find out very quickly if you are on the same page. If not, don’t waste either of your time and move onto the next one.

3 Easy Ways To Prioritize Love

“I’ll accept the right man if he comes along, but I’m not willing to put myself out there anymore,” sighed Claire. She wants Mr. Right; she wants passion and love and a guaranteed date every New Year’s Eve for the rest of her life. How long has it been since her last date? Eight years.

Make A Mental Shift

Instead of losing years, shift in moments.

Imagine being advised not to look for work, because actively seeking a job would somehow scare it away; the right career would come along when it was meant to. Envision telling a career seeker that if the job search isn’t fun, they should stop looking and wait for the right job to find them. Crazy, right?

Yet our culture commonly gives analogous bad advice to singles, to the detriment of beautiful Claires everywhere.

Science flatly disagrees. Once you’re out of school and no longer in environments rife with the available, you’ll have far greater odds of success if you make an ongoing effort—just as active job-seekers are more likely to land a good career.

And dating can be fun. But often, it’s work. Just as we’d never tell someone to cease a job search if it wasn’t 100% fun, we shouldn’t tell ourselves that a lack of fun is a good enough reason to stop searching for love.

Plus, the payoff for effort in love is actually greater than the payoff in the job market. It’s a fact: finding and committing to the right mate will make you happier, healthier, longer-lived, richer, and more sexually satisfied than any other living arrangement—or any amount of career success.

Make Your List

Now make a list, dividing it into Must-Haves—your deal-breakers– and Wants—the negotiable stuff you’d like but can compromise on.

Ever go car-shopping—and then notice your chosen model all over town? The dealership probably didn’t sell more that week; you just began noticing what was already on the road. Similarly, this list is your new best friend, absolutely key to prioritizing love. Not only does it make you likelier to notice Mr. Possibles who are already in your life; it helps you avoid getting waylaid by Mr. Wrong and Mr. Almost.

Despite cultural lore that love is all we need, the divorce rate is driven in part by falling in love with people who aren’t a good enough match. But if you stick to your Must-Haves, knowing the deal is broken if even one deal-breaker is present, you will immediately screen for compatibility. You will stop dating bad choices, however sexy, and you will be free to fall with wild abandon for someone who can be your happily-ever-after.

Make It Known

You’ve got your list, and it’s time to share it—with others, and with the Internet.

You wouldn’t be embarrassed to enlist help in a job search, so let others help here. Research shows that in cultures where people allow their trusted others to help them find a mate, their rates of lifelong, happy marriage are higher than in America. Those people who want your happiness will be happy to help; they know people you don’t know, and they will connect you.

Yes, some of your set-ups will suck. That doesn’t matter. Persist.

And share your list with the world. About one-third of people who have married in the past decade met online, and research indicates that they’re happier than couples who met in any other way. Create a profile that capitalizes, in positive and upbeat language, on what you’re seeking. Put it out there.

I don’t know if Claire has shifted her priorities, but Bella did. Despite Stage 4 cancer at the time of her search, she met her Mr. Right~spending her last eight years with a man she adored, who adored her right back.

None of us truly has forever. But however much of forever we have, if love is what you want, it’s time to make it a priority.

-Dr. Duana Welch is the author of Love Factually, the first book that uses science rather than opinion to help men and women find and keep love.  You can learn more about her and her book and get a free sample here.

How 10 Minutes Of Daily Online Dating Will Change Your Life!

Singles tell me all the time that online dating “feels like a full-time job.” And I know what they mean–there’s a lot of effort that goes into searching, messaging, planning, and ultimately, dating. Maybe you started online dating because it seemed like an efficient solution to singledom, but now it’s become very inefficient instead. What’s an eDater to do?

It’s been said that the more time you invest in something, the more you’ll get out of it, but with online dating, consistency trumps time. After working with thousands of singles as the founder of eFlirt, I can tell you that it is more powerful to spend 10 minutes per day logged in than inconsistently finding an hour on a random day every once in a while. When you make online dating a habit, it moves your love life forward smoothly with less dramatic ups and downs.

Stick to these micro-movements in your digital dating life to make it a daily habit!

1. Make it a habit:

When you log-in daily, the dating site considers you “active.” On some sites, that means prioritizing you in search results so you’re seen by more matches. It’s also a signal to others that you’re approachable and responsive. When your profile mentions you’ve been “online within 24 hours,” a match may reason that it’s more likely you’ll respond. It could mean the difference between getting a message from a match…or an empty inbox. So even if you don’t have time to do anything else on this list, consider this a hack for getting a little boost in your inbox.

2. Take your pick:

It’s easy to get stuck replying to what’s in your inbox, combing through those people who want to meet you. This is especially true for those who get a decent amount of messages, but you should not be defined by your inbox! Who do YOU want to meet? Do a search of your own and find the people you’d prefer to meet so who you’re dating becomes a bit more specific. Send a message to at least one new person who didn’t write to you first per day. When you’re limited in time, it’s best to do an advanced search, so you can get specific with who pops across your screen. If you’re struggling with what to say, download the free chapter of my book on messaging, which will teach you how to craft emails that get replies.

3. Clear the clutter:

I notice that singles who are in a rush read new messages in their inbox but don’t delete anything — including that guy who sent you a “hey baby” or that gal who is wearing a wedding dress in her main photo. Leaving the negative energy of bad matches lingering means you see it every time you log in. Who needs that? More importantly, keeping a clean inbox forces you to make decisions in your love life, a skill that will come in handy when you’re not sure what to do about that so-so date you just went on. Before you log out, make conscious decisions to either continue each conversation…or delete it.

If you find yourself with a bit more time on your hands, 30 minutes per day is ideal so you can get more accomplished. You can always call in help from my team of experts too if you feel like 10 minutes per day isn’t getting you enough dates. Remember that actions – no matter how small – are what will help you meet someone amazing!

Pre-Date Jitters? Follow This Formula!

I find dating really quite terrifying. I am outgoing, talkative and comfortable around my male counterparts, but when it comes to finding a potential suitor, I legitimately feel nauseated. My stomach turns inside out, I start sweating profusely and my mind tells me to curl up into a ball and watch Food network. I have come up with a genius formula which really just consists of 11 random acts that I do to settle my pre-date jitters. These have helped me tremendously, so I seriously suggest you test them out!

  • Call up your cheer-leading squad or at least one member of your crew to give you a pep talk. “You’re fabulous and if he’s a weirdo, it will make for a great story!
  • Write a list of all your killer traits then read them aloud to yourself in front of the mirror. It sounds kind of silly but relax, no one is watching. Give yourself a hug while you’re at it.
  • Drink a glass of wine while you get ready, but limit yourself or you will look like a clown.
  • Sing at the top of your lungs to your favorite tune. This will take your mind off of the “What If’s?”
  • Take a lesson from Julia Styles and wear your most slammin outfit; this is bound to make you feel more confident.
  • Go for a run and listen to “Eye of The Tiger.” Just reenact the whole sequence from Rocky, as it will get the “feel good” endorphins going.
  • Drink a healthy dose of caffeine if you need a pick me up after that 8 hour work day. Be cautious here and know how caffeine affects your body or this will backfire…
  • Change your mindset. Treat the date as though you are simply going to meet a friend, not a potential match.
  • Always have a backup plan so you can leave in case the date is disastrous. This is a great way to prevent the hour date from turning into a 6 hour paint drying session.
  • If you are really worried about running out of things to talk about, have some table topics in mind before to prevent the painful moment of silence. Remember, this is only an hour of your life.
  • You aren’t handcuffed to your chair. If it is really that bad, just say you have IBS and he is sure to run out the door faster than you are.

In the words of Aibileen Clark from The Help:

“You is Smart, You is Kind and You is Important.”

Repeat this to yourself before your next date and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

The 5 Keys To A Long-Lasting Relationship

There are not many aspects of life more challenging, and more rewarding, than maintaining a successful long-term relationship. Through time, struggle, and compassion, you and your partner can forge a deep and lasting union—a combining of two lives into one. That’s why I often describe a relationship as “a journey from me to us.” But forming a consistently happy relationship requires ongoing attention and effort, especially if it is going to last for a lifetime. Each partner must learn to give and take, so that you can grow and change together. All of us can all use as much help and guidance as we can find along the way.

Here are 5 tips that you may find helpful as you progress in your own journey from me to us:

1. Talk about money, and do it early.

One of the worst mistakes that a couple can make is to avoid discussing money. This includes how you deal with your shared expenses (whether you’re living together or not) and your general financial philosophy (are you a saver or a spender?). And if you aren’t clear about money early in your relationship, a conflict is sure to bite you later. After two years of marriage one couple I knew bought a home. It was then, for the first time, that the wife discovered her husband’s credit history was terrible, and even though she had an excellent job they could not qualify for the loan. To avoid an unpleasant surprise later, talk about money early.

2. Be clear about your core values.

Each of us has core values – issues which are important and which we will not compromise. For example, perhaps you would not live with a partner who either smokes or abuses alcohol. If you don’t agree on a fundamental issue, such as whether or not to have children, it’s important to know this sooner rather than later. You don’t necessarily have to agree, but you certainly need to know as soon as possible the important issues on which you have a serious difference of opinion or values. And you then need to develop a plan to deal with those differences. But don’t expect your partner to change their position on a core value.

3. “Yes” is the best word.

Over the course of your relationship, you will receive thousands of requests from your partner for everything from attending a friend’s wedding to picking up a few groceries on your way home. I’ve found that in any relationship, but especially in a long-term relationship, it’s helpful to say “yes” whenever you can. Your partner wants to feel valued, just as you do. When you say “yes” quickly, and often, your partner will be happier with your relationship and will most likely respond by saying “yes” to you more frequently.

4. Learn how to say “no.”

In order to say “yes” with a full heart, you also have to be comfortable in saying “no” when the need arises. “I would love to help you out, but I can’t do that today” is a lot better than, “You know I’m super busy and you should have known better than to even ask.” It’s also better to say “no” than to say “yes” and fail to perform.

“Yes” is best, but “no,” when necessary, is equally important.

5. It’s a Movie, Not a Snapshot.

It’s easy to lose sight of the big picture during a moment of emotional strain and conflict. But this is exactly the time during which you need to remember that a relationship is more like a movie than a snapshot. A relationship is a series of events and memories, like a movie, not just one instant in time like a snapshot. And just as in a movie, a high point will often follow the low. It’s important to keep this perspective in mind during a time of stress, and remind yourself that this is just one of many moments that make up your relationship and there are new and positive experiences just up ahead.