So you’ve jumped back into the dating game and have even started to test the waters with online dating. Making a decision to be active and putting yourself out there is the first step. But in order for your love life to be a success you need to understand what qualities are essential to look for in each date. Finding love and building a relationship is not exactly a walk in the park, however it can be made easier if we identify what is needed in the right person for us.
Here are 6 qualities to look for in your next date which will indicate whether or not they have the potential to be a great relationship partner:
Look for the way they choose to communicate with you
Simple indications of a good communicator are things like having him call you instead of texting, or asking about your day and opinion. The conversation should be easy going and free flowing and you shouldn’t have to feel like you are trying to squeeze an answer out of him.
See if their words line up with their actions
Make sure that they follow through with what they say and that there aren’t any signs of broken promises. Actions always speak louder than words, and at the end of the day it doesn’t how much he can promise you something, it’s whether or not he follows through with it.
Do they make you feel comfortable and safe?
A good date will not only bring you butterflies, but also make you feel comfortable in his company and safe. When someone gives you the freedom to be yourself and let your guard down it’s a good sign that they are aware of your feelings as well as mutual chemistry.
Is their behaviour consistent?
Dating in different social situations will give you an indication if they change according to their environment or the people around them. Do they change when they drink? Do they treat you differently when you are alone compared to when others are around? Be sure to date a man that stays consistent in his actions and words.
Are they respecting your time, opinion and personal space?
A great date will show his respect for you by not only turning up on time and paying attention to you but also by not forcing his agenda on you. If someone is being too touchy feely or perhaps disagreeing with everything you say, or playing with his phone constantly …then he does not respect you.
Are they making the effort to romance you?
If a man doesn’t go to the effort to woo you in the beginning, then chances are you won’t be romanced for the rest of your time with him. He should want to impress you and make you feel special right from the start. This isn’t about demanding being spoiled, but rather seeing that he understands the importance of making you feel valued.
There’s no doubt that first dates can be nerve wracking and most of the time it’s because we know a certain standard is expected, and also because we secretly hope that just maybe this will be the frog that turns into a Prince. However before you let your mind get carried away and start to overthink or over complicate the first meeting , here are 5 definite first date deal breakers that you or your new flame won’t be ready for:
1: Arriving late with no reasonable excuse
First impressions count, and when you or your date turns up late without a reasonable excuse or some form of communication beforehand as to why they are late, it really isn’t going to set the right mood. To stop this from happening, make sure you take in to account delays that could occur such as bad traffic, slow public transport, meeting running overtime or anything else that you think could slow you down. A date that arrives on time indicates that they are making the person they are seeing a priority, it shows respect as well as good manners.
2: Playing with your phone
Granted we are all a little addicted to the convenience of what our phones can do for us; however, when you are on a date with someone, it should be kept out of sight! The focus should be on getting to know one another personally and organically, rather than updating statuses or checking social media. Make an effort not to text or take calls (unless they are completely necessary) during your date, as it shows that you value and esteem the time with the person in front of you.
3: Bad manners and no eye contact
Good manners really do go a long way, everything from saying please and thank you to simple acts of chivalry. Listening attentively to your date and making eye contact also shows that you appreciate this meeting with them and want to pay your respects. Being old fashioned I believe that the man should always pay for the first date, simply because it is a romantic and generous gesture which makes the woman he’s with feel like she is someone special.
4: Talking about the EX
The first date should be fun and about getting to know each other casually, so save any heavy talks or discussions about previous relationships for a more appropriate time. Talking about past lovers on a first date usually leaves one person feeling uncomfortable, plus it’s not exactly a romantic mood setter.
5: Unwanted touching
When there is a mutual connection and chemistry the rules of intimacy tend to get thrown out the window on a first date! However before you start getting touchy feely with your date, make sure the feelings are reciprocated. Ladies, if a guy is in your personal space and you feel uncomfortable, then stand your ground and make sure you tell him. There is nothing romantic about being groped or touched inappropriately and there are no excuses for why it should happen.
Life can get pretty busy at times, especially if you are working full time, managing children and trying to have a social life in between. Having some routine is important as it helps keep everything functioning properly, builds consistency and also gives us a little peace of mind. However when our schedules start to take priority over our love life it can be incredibly detrimental to our relationship and often we won’t even know it has happened until it has taken its toll. Here are several issues that occur when you allow repetitive habits to navigate your relationship:
You lose spontaneity
Everything becomes predictable when routine takes over, and this means we lose the element of surprise and joy. Try to organize something out of the ordinary once a week, whether it’s a date night or a new activity together.
Life has become stagnate
When your relationship becomes stagnate you hinder growth and progress. Keep it fresh by setting new goals and challenges weekly.
Complacency has set in
The danger of complacency is that we begin to have an “I-don’t-care” attitude, which allows for all sort of issues to start seeping in. Make sure you are both still conscious of your thoughts, words and actions so that you can work on building new life into your relationship.
When routine takes over we tend to feel less satisfied emotionally and physically and this could eventually make us want to crave those unfulfilled desires from someone else.
Intimacy gets lost
When our relationship is too controlled and predictable we usually tend to lose intimacy not only physically but also emotionally and mentally. Keep your connection strong by making the effort to be affectionate and spend quality time together.
Communication breaks down
If you are both turning into robots (not literally!) then chances are your communication has started to become more shallow and infrequent. Take the time to have real, in depth one on one talks with another whereby you discuss your feelings, emotions, expectations and needs.
Frustration turns into conflict
Too much routine in your life and relationship will essentially lead to a lot of lack, which in turn makes us frustrated, restless and angry. Get rid of the tension by mixing things up, talking more and creating fun and different activities in your life which creates new memories and causes you to grow more intimate with one another.
When we meet someone special it’s easy to put them on a pedestal; however sometimes those rose colored glasses we wear can really hinder us from seeing the truth about our relationships or our partner’s character.
Here are 5 quick signs that indicate that it’s time to see things from a new perspective:
1: You don’t have a deep sense of peace or happiness
When you settle in love, you also settle for a second rate happiness and lose the sense of peace about your relationship and life. A joyful fulfilling and healthy relationship will have it’s tough times but there will always be an underlying sense of peace and overall feeling of contentment.
2: You keep justifying everything
It’s not easy admitting that you aren’t happy or in your ideal relationship and one of the habits you may pick up, is justifying why you have settled. This isn’t so much about trying to convince others, but rather about trying to convince yourself as to why you should stay with this person, or why you are allowing them to treat you a certain way.
3: You keep wondering about the “what if’s”
The second biggest way to know you are settling in love; the first being a lack of happiness and peace, is to find yourself day dreaming about the possibilities of something better. It’s completely normal to yearn for a happy and fulfilling love; you shouldn’t want to escape from the relationship you have if you have chosen not to settle.
4: There is a lot of conflict or complacency
A second rate relationship will also mean there will be more conflict, battles or complacency present. When we learn to wait for a love that we are worthy of, we also invite the chance to have a relationship that encourages us to flourish in every aspect of our life.
5: Your future is unclear
A lacking relationship will also make it harder to plan for a stable future, because you either have inconsistency in the present or are not excited about what is to come with the person you’re with now. When you commit to someone who meets your desires and gives you what you need, you are also invite clarity, security and inspiration into your life.
Finding love is sometimes the easy part when you’re navigating through uncharted waters of what is now very common: dating someone who has children! But love comes in all forms; just because you haven’t experienced this situation before, doesn’t mean it can’t be a huge success and extremely joyful.
Here are 5 pieces of advice to prepare you a little before you jump in:
1: You won’t always be first priority
Even though he wants to make you a priority, in most instances the children will come first, not because you aren’t worthy, but because all children need a certain amount of time and attention. Dating each other will take a lot of honest communication, patience and adaptability on both sides. If it isn’t what you thought it would be, give it some time, as it can progressively get easier!
2: One-on-One time will be rare
Any couple that has children will know that quality one-on-one time is not as frequent because the more people added to the equation, the less time to spend with each individual! Establishing a schedule that allows a fair amount of quality time for you two and the kids separately will help you adjust to this new situation and ensure that everyone feels important.
3: You may have to deal with an unpleasant ex-partner/mother
Blended families aren’t always smooth sailing, and often it isn’t the children who are the problem, but the presence of their mother. The best way to handle this type of scenario is to simply be civil toward the ex partner i.e.: friendly but with boundaries.
4: The children usually have the final say
At times you may find that your new man will do what is best for the children before what is best for the two of you. He wants to be a great father figure to his children and his main responsibility is that his kids are happy. He also may feel slightly guilty that he is dating someone other than their mother.
5: There will be a range of emotions
Needless to say it will be a little bit of a roller coaster at first and depending on the man you date and his situation, it will vary from relationship to relationship. Don’t take it personally but rather imagine yourself in his shoes and this will help you have a better understanding of his actions and what is needed on your part. If you and your partner have a strong enough bond, you will be able to overcome the obstacles.