Five Key Secrets to Healing from Heartbreak

Breaking up hurts—for real. The part of the brain that registers the pain of a break-up is the same area that registers physical pain. The more rejected, abandoned or ignored you feel, the more activity you will have in the anterior cingulate part of your brain, which also registers physical distress. Your pain is physiological and it can be excruciating for sure.

But here is the good news:  There are definite proven methods to beat the blues! Use these tips:

The 9 Worst Ways To Break Up

As the New Year rolls around and we make dramatic changes in our lives, many re-evaluate their relationships and decide to end them. It’s never easy and as Neil Sedaka wrote, “Breaking up is hard to do,” however…there are really bad ways in which to let go. The best way to break up is obviously to be honest and compassionate.

Here are some of the worst ways to break up with someone:


This is a chicken’s way out. A discussion is warranted, even if it’s a brief phone conversation. See #2.

The Phone Call

Better than texting, but still not as good as face to face. A phone conversation isn’t that personal, especially if you’ve been together for any length of time. Ask yourself, do you owe it to the other person to look him/her in the eye and communicate exactly what you’re feeling? Most of the time the answer is: YES.


The ultimate “f**k you” is “ghosting”, and shockingly 80% of millennials have been ghosted, according to PlentyOfFish data! The Urban Dictionary defines it as “the act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating but no longer wishes to date.” This leaves the ghosted person flapping in the wind and if you ever see him/her again, you better run.

Moving Out

Having your partner come home to an empty house not knowing where you went is just straight up wrong.


Being caught in the act or hearing about it from others fosters a lot of negative Karma. As we all know, Karma’s a bitch, so think before you act out of character. If you want to be with other people, tell your significant other right away. If it means the demise of your relationship, so be it. Sounds easy? It isn’t, but it’s the right thing to do.

It’s not you, it’s me!

Oh just stop it! Come on, no one believes that. Yes, the root of your dissatisfaction may come from you; however, you need to explain that in more than 5 words. Pull the Band-Aid off and tell the truth!


Lying. My mother always told me, “Go with the truth”, and it has served me well. If you don’t have the same feelings any longer and want to break it off, don’t make up some phony excuse, just to get out of telling the truth. Sometimes the truth hurts, but in the long run, it’s the best way to do it.

Instigating a fight

This would fall under the heading, “passive aggressive behavior”, which is not a mature way of handling any situation. Starting a fight in hopes the other person will take the hint and break up with you, is immature. Take the high road and engage in an honest conversation. There is no right time to bring up the breakup talk, so stop waiting on the next fight to end things.

Telling other people first

Don’t tell your friends or even worse, change your Facebook status to “single”, prior to telling the soon to be Ex. If you want to end it, give the person first hand knowledge. No one wants to learn of their breakup through 6 degrees of separation!


As Marilyn Monroe stated, “Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” Breakups are part of life, but doing them in the right way will never fail you. Want to hear more discussion on sex and relationships? Check out my YouTube channel: KarenLee Poter and Podcast: Sex Talk With My Mom.