Single and Frustrated? Read this!

Pretty much every single girl, no matter how confident and fabulous, will reach a point of frustration in her dating career. A point of wondering, if she’ll ever find the right guy for her, and if he even still exists. Maybe all the guys she dates are weirdo’s, maybe she only goes for guys who don’t want her back…and, is inexplicably put off, by the ones who fall at her feet.

No matter what the scenario, it can be pretty tough to stay positive, and not give into that underlying fear that maybe, there’s no one…maybe you’ll end up alone…maybe all the good guys really are taken.

Take a deep breath and stop worrying! Many women have had these fears and made it out on the other side in relationships or happily married, including myself!

Here are a few important things to remember if you are single and frustrated:

  1. There is a lid for every pot

Seriously, there is. Pretty much everyone finds their person, their “lobster.” You’ve probably dated some serious nut-jobs, for lack of a better adjective. The guys who you went out with and wondered, “who in the world would get into a relationship with that creep?” Then maybe one day you find out, that said creep, is now happily married! You may scratch your head and wonder how, but that’s not for you to figure out. The takeaway, is there is a lid for every pot!

For some, finding that lid is easy and may happen early in life. For others, it may take a touch longer. There are years of bad dates, of hope followed by rejected and renewed hope, and just when you’ve had enough…something clicks! The lid fits perfectly into place.

  1. You can’t win them all

Probably the hardest and most frustrating aspect of dating is meeting a great guy, who has everything you want; a guy who you genuinely enjoy spending time with…and he doesn’t feel the same.

You take it personally, and think this means something about you. You wonder what you did wrong, why you weren’t “good enough.” It’s hard and it’s painful to digest, but it’s not personal. You simply can’t win them all and that is OK.

Sometimes, you’re simply not compatible. Try not to get deterred or jaded, just accept that he isn’t the right person for you and move on!

  1. A relationship won’t cure you

If you’re single and frustrated, recognize that being in a relationship, won’t cure any deep rooted issues.

It’s a common trap to think everything will be OK, as soon as you find the right guy, but that is rarely the case. Whatever emotional weight you’re carrying, will just spill into the relationship, and instead of being personal problems, they will become relationship issues.

Take time to really work on yourself and get to a strong and confident place before you jump into a healthy relationship.

  1. No relationship is better than a bad relationship

You cannot shove a square peg into a round hole. You can’t force someone to be what you want them to be. You can’t carry the team in a relationship and do all the work.

Many women make the mistake of sticking it out with a guy, trying to force a bad relationship into a good one, simply because they don’t want to be thrown back into the dating waters. They plug away for months, maybe years, forcing it to work. And in the end, they are usually left with a broken heart and wasted time they can never reclaim.

Being single and happy is much better than in a relationship and miserable. Don’t let your fears of being single for life, keep you trapped in a toxic relationship. This never ends well.

  1. Be positive

More than anything, it’s important to stay positive, as trite as this may sound. Take control of your thoughts. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself that you’re single, embrace it and enjoy this “me” time!

Men desire a positive woman. When you ruminate on negative thoughts, you project negativity. You may have a smile on your face, but the negativity will still surface through body language and attitude. Make an effort not to get down on yourself.

He’s out there and when the time is right, you’ll find each other!

Is Routine Ruining Your Relationship?

Life can get pretty busy at times, especially if you are working full time, managing children and trying to have a social life in between. Having some routine is important as it helps keep everything functioning properly, builds consistency and also gives us a little peace of mind. However when our schedules start to take priority over our love life it can be incredibly detrimental to our relationship and often we won’t even know it has happened until it has taken its toll. Here are several issues that occur when you allow repetitive habits to navigate your relationship:

You lose spontaneity

Everything becomes predictable when routine takes over, and this means we lose the element of surprise and joy. Try to organize something out of the ordinary once a week, whether it’s a date night or a new activity together.

Life has become stagnate

When your relationship becomes stagnate you hinder growth and progress. Keep it fresh by setting new goals and challenges weekly.

Complacency has set in

The danger of complacency is that we begin to have an “I-don’t-care” attitude, which allows for all sort of issues to start seeping in. Make sure you are both still conscious of your thoughts, words and actions so that you can work on building new life into your relationship.

Temptation increases

When routine takes over we tend to feel less satisfied emotionally and physically and this could eventually make us want to crave those unfulfilled desires from someone else.

Intimacy gets lost

When our relationship is too controlled and predictable we usually tend to lose intimacy not only physically but also emotionally and mentally. Keep your connection strong by making the effort to be affectionate and spend quality time together.

Communication breaks down

If you are both turning into robots (not literally!) then chances are your communication has started to become more shallow and infrequent. Take the time to have real, in depth one on one talks with another whereby you discuss your feelings, emotions, expectations and needs.

Frustration turns into conflict

Too much routine in your life and relationship will essentially lead to a lot of lack, which in turn makes us frustrated, restless and angry. Get rid of the tension by mixing things up, talking more and creating fun and different activities in your life which creates new memories and causes you to grow more intimate with one another.

 

relationship routine

7 Deadly Profile Sins – What He Really Thinks

Let’s face it. You are using online dating to find dates. But you don’t want just any date; you want “the date”. When you are trying to craft that perfect online dating profile, you try to imagine what “Mr. Right” may or may not find attractive or interesting in a woman. By doing this, you might have unknowingly committed a few deadly profile sins along the way. Don’t beat yourself up because it’s not your fault. It’s very difficult to speculate on what’s appealing to your audience without guys giving you their feedback. The sins you may have committed will be absolved today!

Here are the 7 deadly profile sins from a males perspective:

Deadly Sin #1 – “Don’t message me if…”

Does your profile contain the above phrase? We know you want to use this method as a means for filtering the undesirables away, but the good guys are diligent with reading profiles; as opposed to just messaging you “hi”. By committing this deadly sin, you are going to be perceived as standoffish to us.

Deadly Sin #2 – The Selfie

Okay, we promise to stop displaying shirtless selfies; but in return, you can’t litter your profile with endless selfies that only show your face. How about including one with you and a friend or even a pet?

Deadly Sin #3  – Let’s play… Where’s Waldo?

You have committed this sin if all of your pictures are crowded with friends. “Which one are you, again? Oh, there you are. I didn’t see you because your friend’s shoulder was blocking half of your face.” It’s great to see you are such a social butterfly; but if we can’t tell which woman you are in your Waldo-esque pictures, please don’t include them.

Deadly Sin #4 – The Photo Trickster

You are guilty of being a Photo Trickster if your photos have strange modifications. You know, those pictures that include borders/filters which make your photo look like a painting. We love your tech-savvy skills but why? There’s no reason to obscure your beautiful face.

Deadly Sin #5 – You failed to tell us “about you”

Does your profile contain the following? “Filling this out soon.” “I’ve never been good at writing about myself.”

Don’t even know what to say? We want to message the woman who has conversationally rich content in her profile. It will give us ideas on what to message you about. We also want a woman who is confident. Including the phrase, “I’ve never been good at writing about myself” just tells us you are stuck in a state of uncertainty.

Deadly Sin #6 – Your “About Me” turned into “About Him”

Please include less about who you are seeking and more about who you are. Instead of listing endless traits of the perfect man, try to include more of those random facts about yourself. We love these because they make you, “you”. These random “about me” facts are great conversation starters and a true gem whenever found within a woman’s profile. Let’s take a look at what we mean.

“Hi, my name is Rachel. Some random facts: I hate Sushi. I love grocery shopping on a Friday night. My favorite animal is a monkey and one day I want to own one.” We don’t care how bizarre they are and it shows us that you aren’t afraid to be yourself.

Deadly Sin #7 – You told us we… “Must be”

The “Must Be” sin is committed by listing the following on your profile: Must be: Funny, > 5’11, charming, athletic. This list is a deal breaker minefield. The poor guy who reads this will be rejected four times before sending her a message. We all have our criteria for who we want. But if you met a guy at work; he’d hardly have to lift his up his shirt to pass your stringent checklist. Please avoid this sin like you avoided that creep who hit on you last week at the bar.

Most Common Online Dating Mistakes

The world as we know it has changed drastically, and now more than ever, people are resorting to the Internet to shop, read and even date. Now sure there are plenty of ways to meet a guy or gal, but the fact of the matter is, we can’t ignore the growing demand of the online dating world.

To help those brave individuals who are looking for love in digital places, I’ve complied a list of 10 common online dating mistakes to help you avoid them.

Posting a bad profile picture

If you’re trying to attract a guy, ATTRACT him! Ultimately, you want your profile picture to portray you in a nutshell. Not too boring, not too sexy, and a great big smile. Just give enough to make him wonder.

You’ve made yourself too available

Men like to play the cat and mouse game. It’s fun and it’s exciting. Make him work for the date, make him work for your time. Remember, YOU are the prize. Don’t be too easy!

Too occupied with work/life to date

Don’t be a “Temp” online dater. If you’re looking for love, make the time to engage and get to know possible candidates. If you don’t have the time to date, you won’t have the time for a relationship. Enough said.

Not open to meeting face-to-face

If you’ve signed up for an online dating service, the goal is to actually meet people. Don’t ruin the fun for possible suitors with your anxiety. Get in the game!

You invited him over to your house

Not only is this a safety issue, but it’s also not a great first impression. It’s way too much, way too soon. A first date should be someplace public and inexpensive (i.e. A coffee shop).

Sleeping with him right away

If you find a guy you like, take your time and get to know him first and foremost. If he’s worthy, he will pursue you and do everything in his power to stay relevant. If you give it up right away, you’ll be right back on the dating site where you started.

Non-responsive to messages

If a guy is showing interest in you, get back to him. There are other fish in the sea. If you’re not around to get caught, he’ll find another.

Being too aggressive

Creating a profile on an online dating site already makes it clear that you’re interested and available. The bone has already been thrown. If you have to chase the guy, you’re doing it wrong.

Posting profile info nobody cares about

The average guy doesn’t like to read if he doesn’t have to. Keep your profile simple and to the point. Talk about things that are relevant (i.e. Age, location, family, hobbies, etc). This isn’t LinkedIn. Keep the info here personal and down to earth.

Talking about what you don’t want

Don’t be a pessimist. Keep your profile positive, upbeat and uplifting and the guys will come.

Backpacking With Your Partner – The Things No One Tells You

I am probably not the first person nor the last to reveal this not so ground breaking information: backpacking with your significant other can make or break you. Regular travel with your partner has its own onslaught of complications, but take away luxury, insert a backpack, throw in some hostels and overnight buses and you’ve got yourself a disaster disguised as the anti-romcom. Don’t worry though; I am not focused on the business of breaking relationships, but rather making them.

 
Here’s the thing, backpacking with your partner has the potential to be awesome. But, not in the way you imagine it in your mind. You will not be walking hand in hand down beaches barefoot with floral crowns, looking like the sun kissed Coachella inspired hippie you long to be. You will, however, be carting a heavy back pack, doing your best to cover up burnt skin and sporting a matted top knot that you are too afraid to take down. In this time – where you can easily be described as “Crustifarian” – you will learn so much about yourself and your partner, bringing you closer than any other kind of adventure. I’m here to tell you the things no one reveals when you are about to embark on this journey with your significant other and how to prepare for them.

Don’t fill your backpack and for pete’s sake do not share a backpack

Yes, your backpack is not that big and sure you think you are “probably not going to buy much” so you go ahead and stuff your sack. This is a huge mistake. As your journey progresses you will start to resent the extra pair of shoes and the excess of books you decided you “needed” to have with you. Extra stuff means extra weight. If one person is forced to move significantly slower because of the weight of their pack, the other may will start to get frustrated. Plus, when you’re strolling through your tenth market in South East Asia and see yet another pair of elephant pants that you are “totally going to wear all the time back home” you need somewhere to store them. Don’t worry too much about having cute outfits for every day of the week, but aim for functionality. When you finish a book, leave it behind at a hostel; your back will thank you.

Create a budget, together

I am a firm believer in not over planning, except when it comes to money. Speak in great length with your partner about how much money you are each bringing, and where it will be allocated. This will avoid awkward situations where one of you just can’t afford an activity…or lunch. Be honest with yourself and with your partner. If you know you’re the type that shops or needs at least one night sleep at a reputable hotel, don’t be afraid to give yourself a little extra where it’s needed.

Think about the “type” of traveler you both are

There are so many different kinds of travelers. A quick and sure fire way to destroy your trip is to find out that your travel styles don’t mesh. Maybe you are all about adventure and your partner just wants to spend each day chilling on a beach. Talk about it before hand so there are no surprises. The easiest way to get the best of both worlds is compromise.

“Hangry” is a real thing; grumpiness is an inevitable part of the journey

You will not always be fully rested, fed and functioning on all cylinders. Grumpiness is very much a part of the ride. Not every moment of your trip will be filled with life changing inspiration. Sometimes you’ll feel crappy and that’s OK. Always carry a bottle of water and some snacks on you, even if you don’t think you will need it. These are small steps to take for huge relief.

You are going to stink

This may be contingent to the type of backpackers you become together, but it is probable that at some point you are going to smell, bad. Not all hostels have nice showers, working showers… or any showers at all. There will be times when the struggle is so real, Charlie Brown’s Pigpen will be the equivalent to Mr. Clean to you. If you are traveling somewhere hot, and need cheap transportation, you better believe the AC will not be great. It’s all part of the grand journey. Pro tip: baby wipes are your best friend.

You are always going to be around each other

You are each other’s travel companion, essentially the other person’s sanctuary away from home. And while the idea of spending every waking moment with the love of your life sounds ideal, it’s not always. In an attempt to keep the magic alive all through your trip, take time for you! Whether it be zoning out with your headphones on listening to your iPod, or taking a walk alone, absence – even if only for an hour – makes the heart grow fonder. Plan a dinner out, or an activity after your alone time so you have a new and exciting way to spend your renewed time together.

You will experience limited privacy; bathroom time included

Depending on the type of backpacker you are, how adventurous you are and where you are traveling you might be faced with a seemingly awkward bathroom situation. If food poisoning in Cuba has got you down and out, the least of your worries should be paranoia that your partner is in the next room “experiencing” it all with you. You’d be surprised at the amount of “quality” hostels that do not have bathrooms with doors that fully close. Pro tip: always carry matches and an extra roll of toilet paper!

 
All that being said, backpacking with your significant other doesn’t have to only be arduous but an exhilarating experience for your relationship. The things you will experience together on your journey cannot compare to any other adventure. I highly recommend it!

Dating Someone With Children – 5 Things To Expect

Finding love is sometimes the easy part when you’re navigating through uncharted waters of what is now very common: dating someone who has children! But love comes in all forms; just because you haven’t experienced this situation before, doesn’t mean it can’t be a huge success and extremely joyful.

Here are 5 pieces of advice to prepare you a little before you jump in:

1: You won’t always be first priority

Even though he wants to make you a priority, in most instances the children will come first, not because you aren’t worthy, but because all children need a certain amount of time and attention. Dating each other will take a lot of honest communication, patience and adaptability on both sides. If it isn’t what you thought it would be, give it some time, as it can progressively get easier!

2: One-on-One time will be rare

Any couple that has children will know that quality one-on-one time is not as frequent because the more people added to the equation, the less time to spend with each individual! Establishing a schedule that allows a fair amount of quality time for you two and the kids separately will help you adjust to this new situation and ensure that everyone feels important.

3: You may have to deal with an unpleasant ex-partner/mother

Blended families aren’t always smooth sailing, and often it isn’t the children who are the problem, but the presence of their mother. The best way to handle this type of scenario is to simply be civil toward the ex partner i.e.: friendly but with boundaries.

4: The children usually have the final say 

At times you may find that your new man will do what is best for the children before what is best for the two of you. He wants to be a great father figure to his children and his main responsibility is that his kids are happy. He also may feel slightly guilty that he is dating someone other than their mother.

5: There will be a range of emotions

Needless to say it will be a little bit of a roller coaster at first and depending on the man you date and his situation, it will vary from relationship to relationship. Don’t take it personally but rather imagine yourself in his shoes and this will help you have a better understanding of his actions and what is needed on your part. If you and your partner have a strong enough bond,  you will be able to overcome the obstacles.

5 Signs You’re in The Friend Zone

Meeting a new potential partner is always an exciting time. You start to figure out their availability, compatibility and, hopefully, whether they are in to you or not. However, that last part often lands you firmly in the Friend Zone. This is the place where good friends go and potential relationships die. It’s not necessarily a bad place as you still get a good friend out of it, but perhaps you wanted more?

You Are Never Alone Together

You invite your crush out, hoping for a chance to spend some time together, and he turns up with an entourage of his mates. And this happens Every. Single. Time! This shows he’s not thinking about spending quality time with you one-on-one. He thinks of you as ‘one of the guys’ and so when you call, he gathers the friend group instead.

He Talks To You About Other Women

This one is so classic, it is often used in movies to neatly define the Friend Zoned character. Your crush calls you up to complain or gush happily about that sexy new colleague of his or the hot girl who does reps at the gym. Sorry, but you’re filling the role of the Best Mate here and that means you’re slap bang in the centre of the Zone.

He Makes No Effort With His Appearance

Every time you go round to see him, or he comes over to you, he’s in his ‘lounging gear’. The ones he chooses to slob around the house in. This is his way of saying ‘I’m comfortable around you’ – which is great for friends but not so great for potential partners. If he is not making the effort to spruce up, chances are he is not interested in you.

You Are Close But Never Touch

Crashing on the sofa and watching a movie is not the same as a gentle touch on your shoulder or a hand on your knee. If the person in question always takes the opportunity to touch you when you are near, then there is hope. If they never take that opportunity, no matter how close you get, then you are in the Zone my friend.

He Says You Are Like A Sister To Him

This is the most obvious way any man can let you know that you are firmly in the Friend Zone. It’s almost an unwritten code phrase for the Zone. Honestly, it could not be clearer! He is trying to let you know it’s never going to happen, while at the same time giving you a great compliment so your feelings aren’t hurt too badly. In the end, if you are in the Friend Zone, there isn’t much you can do about it. You can’t force someone to like you, no matter how hard you try. The best thing is to move on and find someone who feels the same way about you as you do about them.

 

Best First Date Spots – Take Your Next Date

So you’ve been messaging someone back and forth on PlentyOfFish for a few days and the connection is on fire, the witty banter is on point and all that’s left to do now is to go on a date…TERRIFYING! It doesn’t have to be! If you’re genuinely excited and simultaneously want to projectile with the thought of the first date, this is great news! This may have potential to go somewhere beyond one night.

Picking a first date spot can be daunting; worst case scenario – you’re in an empty restaurant where the overzealous waiter continually asks how your first few bites are followed by the awkward lurk around your table waiting to fill your water glass because the only other customers are crickets.

Let’s straight up avoid the place where dates go to die and check out my top 10 list of ideal first date spots!

Casual Day Beer

Day date you ask?! YES, dates don’t always have to take place at night at a dim lit bar! There is no rule saying you have to do the “dinner” date the first time around, in fact, I always save this one for later when I know we won’t be sitting in silence for the most awkward 2 hours of life. If you are someone who gets super nervous before a date, I highly suggest grabbing a cold one at a local brewery, pub, or restaurant. Now it’s important to scope the place out before taking a date, as you want to make sure it has a solid vibe and you like the place yourself. It is important to find a joint that has a great beer selection, isn’t too loud (you want to still be able to hear your date) and doesn’t smell like the night before. If you are feeling ambitious and want to add a little something additional to this date, you can tack on a bike ride before hitting up the local watering hole!

 

Sporting Event

If you or your match has a favorite team or sport, I recommend checking out what games are playing in your city! I am no sports fan but I genuinely love going to the stadium and experiencing the excitement of the crowd, chowing down on a juicy vendor hot dog and taking part in the audience “wave.” If the two of you are sports addicts, you just scored the perfect first date idea!

 

Ice Cream & Walk

The one tricky thing about this date idea is it can be seasonal depending on where you live. If it’s snowing, ice cream isn’t usually your first go-to, but fear not, you can sub the ice cream for a hot cup of cocoa at an intimate cafe followed by a walk in the snow. If you permanently experience the bliss of warm weather, ice cream and a stroll around town is a perfect short and sweet date. This is also a great date idea if you are looking to avoid drinking alcohol the first time around.

 

Hike Up A Mountain or a Molehill (depending on your physical prowess)

If you’re Tony Perkis from the 1995 Jud Apatow film Heavy Weights, this date idea is perfect for you. Do not, I repeat, do not take your date on a 10 hour hike. I know you may want to impress them with your bulging calves and buns of steel but this isn’t the time nor the place. You will end up looking like a show off and that is a huge turnoff. If you know your crush enjoys exercise, suggest a 5-7 kilometre hike that will take you max 3 hours. Hikes can be unpredictable as some trails aren’t marked as well as others; make sure you’ve done the hike in the past and can confidently lead the way! Getting lost in the woods will not get you a second date because you would be lost…in the woods.  

 

Picnic in the Park (weather dependent)

I am a complete sucker for a guy holding a blanket, loaf of fresh bread and a wheel of Brie. He had me at cheese. A park picnic is a great location for a first date because there is a lot going on and it forces you into the great outdoors. If the two of you are nervous and struggling to find things to talk about; you can resort to one of my favorite pastimes – people watching. Hopefully this isn’t the case and you are playfully feeding each other grapes and sipping on fine wine!

 

Mini Putt

You don’t need to be Tiger Woods to make this a hole in one! All you need is a great attitude and some friendly competition. Mini putt is a safe win; you are playing an activity, it’s quiet enough to chat on the course and your date can show you a thing or two about your swing or vise versa which will allow you to get closer (physically 😉 ). Now this is where the fun comes in; place a bet on the game to give it a competitive edge. Example – If you win, he has to run around the course in nothing but his briefs and if he wins, he gets a kiss! You can play around with bets you two are comfortable with.

 

Cooking Class

If you’re a foodie like myself, and by foodie I mean, will eat anything and everything placed in front of you, taking a cooking class with your date is a great way to interact, get your hands dirty and find out what kind of food your date enjoys. Also it’s a secretive way of checking if you’ve got a Bobby Flay on your hands or a Delivery Boy. You will learn something new about one another and possibly gain ideas for your second dinner date!

 

Raw Canvas (for the artistically inclined!)

Maybe you’ve taken a look at the list so far and nothing screams great first date because you dislike sweets, hate all forms of physical activity and aren’t a drinker! But seriously who doesn’t like a good mint choco cone!?

This date option may be right up your alley! For those of you who don’t know what raw canvas is, it lets you get creative with your date through the art of painting! You can find studios that have classes that will supply the materials and give you an intro on where to begin your composition! Give Picasso something to be jealous about! 

 

Improv Games or Comedy Show

If you appreciate a great sense of humor, this idea will have you and your date in stitches! Going to a comedy show is a perfect way to break the ice and share a laugh with your new match. If you want to take it a step further, improv games are hilarious and sometimes require audience participation. You and your new beau can show off your own set of skills.

 

Get Your Brunch On

Brunching appears to be the “trendy” thing to do these days and nothing wakes me up more than a morning mimosa! You may be asking how is this any different from a dinner date? Well a couple things, a brunch date is much more casual as it takes place at around 11am vs. 11pm and usually the service is very speedy for quick turnover; therefore, you can be in and out if the date is a complete bust. For those of you who are dating on a dime, brunch tends to be on the cheaper end of dining and this date won’t break your bank!

 

Alright there you have it; the inside scoop on where to take your next date. You literally have no excuses; I just planned the date for you, now all that’s left to do is schedule a day and time and you’re already one step closer to Date # 2!

 

Take Your Online Connection Offline with These Tips!

When it comes to dating options, there is without a doubt no shortage of ways to connect with hopeful singles. Nowadays, technology has made it easier for people around the world to connect virtually from almost anywhere! But here’s the kicker; no matter how long you chat online with someone or engage with people in the digital world, in order to fully maximize on the relationship, you will eventually want to get offline and meet in person. Right? Hopefully you have an end goal in mind – to find a great relationship! These 4 simple steps will guide you on a path to take your online connection offline!

 

Step 1: Set Goals For Your Love Life

We often think goal setting is simply for business, fitness and life goals. Yes, it’s great to have goals for all of those things, but it’s equally important to set goals for your love life so you’re not wasting your time. Set a goal, have a plan and most importantly set a deadline. The dating world shouldn’t be an eternal resting place. Plan to get out of the chat game and set up a date in the real world!

 

Step 2: Strategize A Way To Meet And Connect Offline

Making a connection isn’t too tricky, but first you have to set a standard for your ideal mate and once you find that person, take proactive steps towards getting better acquainted and interacting with one another offline. You could meet for coffee or a drink! If there’s no method to your madness, you’ll struggle with achieving success in dating, much less, even see the beginning stages of a relationship.

 

Step 3: Stay Consistent

Now that you’re set your goals, you’ve started working on your plan and the sparks are flying, it is important to stay consistent. A relationship isn’t about a short-term victory; it’s about long-term results. Use your online dating experience as a meeting place, a stepping-stone, and a starting point, but be sure to keep the ball rolling. If you’re serious about a guy, show him through your actions (i.e. regular phone conversations, face-to-face interactions, introductions to important people, etc).

 

Step 4: Set Standards

A man respects and admirers a woman for her standards. Throughout life, a man will meet women who don’t pose any sort of challenge and quite frankly, he may get bored. But not you, you’re “The One”. What makes you different than all the rest, is that you give him something to look forward to by keeping him on his toes and giving him something to live for. This is secretly every man’s hearts desire.

POF Survey Reveals 80% of Millennials Have Been Ghosted!

PlentyOfFish recently surveyed 800 millennial daters between the ages of 18-33 and almost 80% of singles answered YES to having been ghosted (someone they were dating suddenly ceased all communication without an explanation)!

 

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Surprising? Not entirely.

This percentage is high but it is also to be expected. Online dating is a great platform to meet a plethora of singles versus 10-15 years ago when we were limited to dating within our immediate social circle. When you meet someone online, go on a couple of dates and come to the realization it isn’t going anywhere, your immediate reaction may be to trigger the avoidance tactic. You send messages few and far between in hopes your date takes the hint.

Since the likelihood of running into this person down the road is low, paired with the convenience of hiding behind a device, millennials have opted to take the easy way out by ghosting one another instead of giving a clear, “I’m just not that into you,” answer.

I think I speak for most when I say, all singles want is honesty. 

So now you may be asking, “Ghosting Scott last week wasn’t the best thing to do?!”

Ding Ding you’re correct!

Ghosting Scott was a poor choice on your part and I am here to tell you what to do when ghosting feels like the only option!

SCENARIO ONE: “I’ve gone on one date with Scott, ONE DATE, do I need to let him know I’m not interested?”  

Accordingly to the PlentyOfFish survey, 40% of singles will follow up 1-2 days after a first date if they see the potential in a second. Therefore, if Scott messages saying he had an absolute blast and would like to see you again, the appropriate response would be to let him know, unfortunately, you didn’t feel a spark but wish him all the best! At least a quick heads up will let Scott know he can move onto the next.

If Scott does not follow up after the date; it is evident the both of you are on the same page and a message is unnecessary.

SCENARIO TWO: “Scott and I were dating for two weeks before I ghosted him. Now I feel guilty because he was a great guy and he’s been messaging me but there is zero text banter and absolutely no spark.”

You can still make amends based on two factors; how long you’ve ghosted them for and when they last sent you a message. If it’s been over two weeks, let’s not rub salt in the wound.

If you haven’t spoken to Scott for under two weeks while he’s been trying to reach out, you can clear the air by sending a quick apology text as to why you’ve been MIA for the last week and that he’s genuinely a sweet guy, but unfortunately there is no connection for you.

If you’ve cut off all communication for over two weeks and Scott hasn’t reached out for over a week, there is no follow up required. He got the picture. And you never know, maybe Scott is within the 14% of singles from the PlentyOfFish survey, who admitted to having scheduled multiple dates for one day/night! Scott wastes no time!

SCENARIO THREE: “I ghosted Scott after a couple dates because I wasn’t ready at the time, but now I regret my decision and want to give it another shot! Can I message him?” 

If you don’t give it a proper go, you will never know. You have to consider and respect that Scott may have moved on to dating someone else while you were flip-flopping. The best thing to do here is draft up a message to Scott admitting your cold feet the first time but that you would love to get together for a coffee/drink on Saturday if he is interested!

Worst case scenario, Scott doesn’t reply. That’s okay, you’ve just been given a taste of your own medicine and you move on.

Or.

You may be pleasantly surprised and Scott agrees to take you up on your offer.

“Ghosting” has become the newest trend when ending a relationship, but we have the ability to change that by revisiting the “old school” method of honest communication. At the end of the day, 73% of single millennials are all looking for one thing, a serious relationship. Don’t waste each others time!