Unless you’ve been on a remote island for the past ten years, you’ve probably heard the term “Cougar.” It’s a provocative term that conjures up an image of a hot, sexy, martini-holding older woman typically throwing herself on an innocent younger man. As a self-proclaimed Cougar and host of the Internet channel: The KarenLee Poter Show, about dating and sex, I’d like to share the truth as to why Cougars are the prey rather than the predators.
A little personal background: I became a widow several years back, and found myself thrown into the single’s world. After being married for 24 years, I was ill prepared for this new life. The first time I heard the word in reference to me, was in a restaurant in New Haven, Connecticut. I was sitting at the bar when a group of younger guys approached me. One brave soul named Aaron asked, “Are you a Cougar, my friends think you are?”
This was the beginning of a six-month long distance relationship, which admittedly was mostly sexual, but nonetheless exactly what I needed at the time. Aaron was enthralled with my openness, confidence, lack of inhibitions, and sexual expertise. I began to notice a trend when I’d go out with my divorced or widowed friends, which was that nine times out of ten, the guys who hit on us were younger – much younger. This was also the case with the men who reached out to me on on-line dating sites.
Here are reasons why I believe some men are attracted to older women.
Older women have self-confidence both mentally and physically. They’ve been through many life passages and have learned how to accentuate their strengths while minimizing weaknesses. Guys don’t have to constantly validate an older girl’s looks or accomplishments; they simply enjoy being around the energy of a self-assured person. This confidence helps in the bedroom too. What’s more fun than being with someone who knows what they like and aren’t afraid to ask for it?
Older women don’t play games. They know the deal going into the relationship and express their concerns from the get-go. When I met my boyfriend, I told him the first night that if he was looking for kids, he was barking up the wrong tree. A Cougar won’t try to manipulate a guy to be her next husband or “forget” to take birth control. Younger guys who want to focus on their careers love the no-nonsense attitude about older women. You’ll never find an older woman ignoring a younger guy’s text just to make him wonder if she’s interested in him. She’s way past those days.
Older women are independent. This means she won’t “need” a guy to take care of her financially or emotionally. Most likely she’ll have a career or money saved. She’ll want to be with the younger man for companionship and sex – not his money. This is liberating to a man who’s just starting to be self-sufficient.
Older women are experienced. Guys want to be educated by a woman who knows her own body and what will turn a man on. Younger men love a Cougar’s uninhibited ability to verbalize her needs in sexually and are eager to accommodate them. Future girlfriends will forever be grateful for the lessons learned.
Older women are nurturing. They’ve been through relationships and realize past mistakes. Older women live in the moment and aren’t looking for future fathers for their children. The relationships can be less demanding and more fun.
The only issue I must warn younger men about is this: Once you’ve been with an older woman, you may become addicted.
In the meantime: Happy Hunting!
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