What do I think of when I look back on my first love? I think about first time walking down the street holding hands, first nicknames, first time saying “I love you,” (and hearing it back). My super smart, slightly nerdy, first boyfriend with whom I had a lof of fun and laughs, (and cries), will forever have a special place in my heart. My rearview mirror is fogging up with all of the adolescent mushy feelings that brings up. It’s so easy to look back fondly and only remember the good times in a relationship, especially with a first love. The power of nostalgia is strong.

The truth though, is that underneath that layer of warm fuzzies, there are some cold hard lessons to be remembered. We learn things from every relationship, but there are some things you learn particularly well the first time around that are worth remembering. After all, you fought, (literally), for those truths and it would be a shame to waste that hard-won wisdom. Here are some of the lessons I learned from my first love:

Always be friends first.

I don’t mean you have to be friends before you date, I mean, you have to be friends first and foremost, and in a romantic relationship second. Spending the rest of your lives together, (or even just all your weekends for the foreseeable future), is a long freaking time, so you better get along. It sounds cliché, but you shouldn’t have to try to like the same things that they do, or pretend to have those same interests to spend time with them. If you ask yourself, “Would I be hanging out with this person even if we weren’t in a relationship together?,” and the answer is “probably not,” or “not sure,” then you might have some reevaluating to do.

Make sure his mom likes you.

Okay, maybe this one is obvious, but it was a major takeaway for me. All men are subconsciously in love with their mothers, (hello Oedipus), and so you need her approval to get anywhere with him; she is the ultimate caregiver and provider. She created him. Are you kidding? You can’t compete with that. Put yourself at odds with The Mom and you will never come out on top. Respect the role that she plays in his life, (however big or small), and you will have a happier, more copacetic relationship in the long run.

Keep your relationship relatively private.

You don’t need to put yourselves on display to prove anything. In fact, doing so puts you under a microscope that could stop your relationship from progressing naturally. While at first, wanting to proclaim your love from the rooftops seems adorable, posting a million photos of the two of you together, or the constant need for public reassurances might be a sign of insecurity. Instead, keep the “relationship status” off Facebook, and let things evolve out of the spotlight.

And finally, if it’s over, let it be over.

All of those late night texts, staying “friends,” possessiveness and neediness masquerading as concern – these are signs of a relationship that’s not over when it should be. It’s easy to fall into that trap when you’re breaking or broken up. I remember not being able to conceive of my first relationship being over and that he wouldn’t be a part of my life anymore. I let things drag out for much longer than they should have when what I really needed was time to be alone.  Learning that for the first time took about 8 months longer than it should have. Do yourself a favor and, as hard as it seems, cut things off cold turkey when they’re over. Remember the love, then let it go; you’ll both be happier in the long run.

Fall is the hardest time of year for us sad singletons. The weather is turning a disappointing grey color, and you’re starting to feel like a fat, unloved lump. Christmas party season is looming and all you can think about is your uncle Bob’s classic carol “Still no boyfriend?? STILL no boyfriend?” You hear the incessant “tick tock!” of your ovaries, silently disapproving of your lack of progress, and the black hole in your chest where your heart used to live seems to insatiably suck up endless repeat views of PS – I Love You on Netflix. You’re basically sure that you’re about to shrivel up and die if you don’t….

Hold the phone!

I’m sorry, but is anyone else as sick as I am of being painted as the sad, lonely, single person? “Survive” being single? How about we f**cking kill it at being single this fall? Oh, what’s that?

Being single means I don’t have to care about someone else’s preferences all the time when it comes to dinner, movies, my hair, whatever?

I can choose to come home after spin class and eat $20 worth of buffalo mozzarella for dinner and the only one judging me is the dog? (And let’s be real, he’s just jealous). Sign me up!

I get to sleep in on Saturday mornings rather than get up and be the supportive girlfriend slash cheerleader for my boyfriend’s mediocre rugby team?

Sounds great!

I don’t have to worry about flirting with the hot hipster barista whose dogeared copy of Kurt Vonegut, peeking out of the back pocket of his skinny jeans, makes me fall deeper in love with him every morning?

Perfect.

Here are some things you can do with your fall if you don’t have a boyfriend to consider:

Learn something

I’m taking a few classes this fall because I feel like I finally have the time. Whether its for professional development, or just out of interest, there are plenty of things out there that will make you feel like you’ve finally accomplished something by surfing the internet. (Coursera.org offers online classes on a variety of subjects presented by well-known universities, for free!)

Get fit

You know what I don’t feel like doing in the beautiful sunshine of the summer months? Going to the gym. The gym boring and has terrible fluorescent lighting that is infinitely less pleasant than real sunlight. Now that its raining again though, its time to hit the mat. Yoga, spin, TR – its on. Your six pack is just waiting to be discovered.

Read all the things

My stack of books to read is growing ever higher. Pretty soon I likely won’t need to bother with furniture at all, I can just eat, sleep, and shower on a platform of unread novels. Luckily the fall is the perfect time of year to dig into a good book. This month’s reading list: Not That Kind of Girl – Lena Dunham, and Dataclysm – Christian Rudder.

Dance your face off

Fall is a great time to see concerts. Have you noticed that its like every band you ever wanted to see finally decided to come to town? A lot of musicians pick up or start their touring schedule in the fall, so its a great time to see live music. With so many awesome music streaming and sharing services out there, getting pumped about a concert about is only a click away!

So, don’t stress about not finding a date to thanksgiving dinner, or the possibility of standing alone under the mistletoe, silently weeping into a pint glass of eggnog, just put it out of your mind. Desperation doesn’t look good on anyone. Instead, enjoy all the great things about being single this fall; spending time with friends and family, leftover Halloween candy, and hipster coffee babes in christmas sweaters.

There are plenty of great things about being in a relationship, and we all (or most of us, realistically), want to end up in one one day. BUT, there are also a lot of great perks to being single. One of the major ones being that you get to focus on you.

The key to “surviving” being single this fall? Be awesome, and fantastic, and fun, and beautiful, and do it all for yourself.

One of my favorite things about the fall is being able to hang out inside guilt-free. As soon as the rain starts, I whip out my slippers and couch blankets and get ready to dig in for several months of indoor comfort.Now that fall has er, …fallen, it feels just right to cozy up inside with someone special and warm your belly with a delicious dinner.

Whether you’ve been dating for a while or you’re just getting to know someone, putting in the effort to make them a meal really shows that you’re into them. Staying in and making something together is one of the most intimate and romantic dates I can think of. You can keep your playroom Christian Grey, I’ll take the spatula!

That being said, some of us out there aren’t super familiar with the culinary arts. Chiffonade? Ramekin? Huh? Cooking for someone else can be a bit high pressure if you’re not that confident in the kitchen, but never fear! I’ve got your back when it comes to great recipes that are guaranteed to impress. The ones I’ve chosen here range from “easy peasy” to “ambitious,” so pick your poison, and start steaming up the windows!

1) Easy peasy: Charcuterie and Cheese Board

Not so much a ‘recipe’ as an assemblage of ingredients, a Charcuterie board is one of my favorite things to make when I’ve got someone coming over. It involves no cooking, and sounds impressive when you offer it. Not to mention, its the perfect thing to nibble at when you’re curled up on the couch together. Pick your favorite meats and cheeses (splurge on a couple fancy ones!), throw out some baguette or nice crackers, a couple grapes, a fruit chutney or savory jam, and you’re good to go!

Find some great ideas here:

http://www.marcussamuelsson.com/what-to-eat-and-drink-2/how-to-arrange-a-charcuterie-plate

and here:

http://www.insockmonkeyslippers.com/5-tips-for-a-fabulous-charcuterie-board#_a5y_p=2426336

2) Getting warmer: Apple, Onion, and Bacon Pizza

Homemade pizza is an underrated gem in any cook’s repertoire. Sure, ordering in can be convenient sometimes, but you can do better for your date night! Delivery is not nearly as romantic as tossing a circle of dough in the air for your partner while Dean Martin’s “That’s Amore” blasts from your iPod speakers. Home making your pizza is also criminally easy, especially if you use pre-made dough from a bakery or grocery store. Just stretch, top, and slide in the oven for 20 minutes! The trick to making it special is to get creative with your ingredients. Here, bacon, onion and apple combine hearty fall flavors in the perfect pie to share between two.

Check out this recipe for inspo: http://www.mygourmetconnection.com/recipes/main-courses/pasta-pizza/bacon-apple-cider-caramelized-onion-pizza.php

3) The training wheels come off: Wild Mushroom Risotto

A chantrelle or porcini risotto is a perfect celebration of the rustic richness of fall, when many wild mushrooms are just coming into their season. Despite what you might have been lead to believe, risotto is really easy to make. It doesn’t involve the exact measuring of other rice cooking wizardry, and is therefore infinitely more error-proof. Sauté some onions and mushrooms in a pan, add your arborio rice, maybe some lemon zest and herbs, slowly simmer while stirring in the stock over a half an hour or so, finish with an obscene amount of parmesan cheese. Perfection!

Here’s an excellent recipe to follow:

http://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/rice-recipes/grilled-mushroom-risotto

4) The most ambitious: Mussels. Or clams. Sauteed in white wine. With butter.

He will swoon.

Fall is actually the perfect season for shellfish because they do well in colder water. (A good rule of thumb is that the season for shellfish is any month with an “R” in its name.) Mussels may seem high maintenance, but are actually super straightforward to make. They even give you a clear sign by opening up when they’re done, so you don’t have to worry about overcooking them! Just sauté all your ingredients in a big pan, add your mussels and white wine, and cover for about 10 minutes to steam them open. Finish the broth with a little butter, and some herbs, and serve with crusty french bread!

Find a great recipe here:

http://www.bonappetit.com/recipe/mussels-with-white-wine (Forget the aioli if you want to keep it simple)

Some handy tips to keep in mind: Make sure to rinse your mussels in fresh water before cooking to let them spit out any sand or grit they might be holding onto. Also, don’t forget to “debeard,” your mussels, (really quick and easy, but you can find super helpful videos on youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uttfm2dbHeM to guide you). Finally, always toss away any mussels that don’t open during cooking – better safe than sorry!

Happy fall feasting!

We share a lot on social media. Its an important way that we interact with each other. It’s how we form and inform our online personalities, (I mean, if it’s not documented on Facebook, then it might as well not have happened, right?), and it is a useful social networking tool. But everyone knows someone (or maybe you are that someone), who, on occasion, shares way too much.

We all like to keep up on what’s happening with our networks, but sometimes, (and we all have a friend like this), certain posts can verge on annoying. Sharing too much, too often, or the wrong things might have your exasperated friends blocking your posts ASAP, just so they don’t have to deal with another chain message or emoji storm. I know there are times when I’ve looked back on something and cringed, thinking, “Really? Did I really need to share that with everyone?” Sometimes I wish I’d filtered myself – and I don’t mean in Lo-Fi.

To help you navigate these muddy waters, we’ve compiled a checklist you can measure against future posts to see if it’s really the best thing to put out there for the whole world, (or even just your Friends of Friends), to see.

Q. What time is it?

A. Late night? Stop.

We might not be using our best decision making skills if it’s late and we’ve had one or two several cocktails. It always seems like a fun idea at the time to post three bathroom selfies with a trio of pouty faces, but the next morning might have you second guessing that life choice. Steer clear of anything where you could be described as a “hot mess” and you’ll avoid having to do damage control the next day.

Q. Who will be reading it?

A. Your entire network? Reign it in.

You should always consider your audience. I don’t know about you, but I have my grandma on Facebook, and she has a lot of time on her hands. I probably don’t want to share every crude thought that has ever crossed my mind, because I know she’ll see it. The same goes for coworkers. Do they need to know all the details of my recent messy breakup? Probably not. If your post is going out to anyone with sensitive ears or who you would classify as just an “acquaintance,” its best to keep it pretty mellow. Funny memes and recent home renovations only, please.

Q. How serious is your subject matter?

A. You only talk about it when you’re feel particularly feisty? No good.

This is a fine line to walk. Some of us feel passionately about issues and we want to shout about them from the rooftop, er, newsfeed, but there’s a time and place, and its usually not social media. We’ve all been there, embroiled in a twitter debate with someone we haven’t seen face-to-face in years, and we usually realize that its not worth the thumb cramps. Trying to convince others of your views on vaccinations, divorce, or the State of Israel over Facebook is probably a) not going to work, and b) just going to come across as self righteous or obnoxious.

On a scale of seriousness, with 1 being a hilarious Buzzfeed article, and 10 being a post encouraging people to cure their cancer with a vegan diet, try to not share anything over a 5. Save the serious stuff for real talks with real friends.

Q. What are other people getting out of my post?

A. Nothing exciting/entertaining/interesting? Ditch it.

This is a big one, and the one that can help you stay out of the “being horribly annoying” zone. Is your FB post a charming travel anecdote from a recent trip? Are you entertaining your friends with a hilarious observation about bus etiquette? Are you trying to collect contacts because you put your phone in the washing machine, (again)?

Or are you just trying to get attention?

Attention seeking posts are pretty obvious. If what you’re sharing is only interesting to you, or possibly just you and your grandma, don’t do it. Keep the humblebrags, vaguebooking, and TMI-ing to yourself. We’ll all thank you.

And speaking of TMI…

Q. Is anyone going to make a face when they read my post?

A. Maybe…? Get rid of it.

Anything from shares about bodily fluids, (parents of toddlers – I’m looking at you), to super closeups of kissing couples can cause this reaction. If there is anything even vaguely distasteful about what you want to post, you’re better off leaving it off social media.

There. Hopefully, asking yourself these questions before you post will help you keep friends, and keep social media a happy, engaging, entertaining place for all of us grumpy cats.

Happy Posting!

It can be hard to come up with the perfect gift for that special guy in your life. You want it to be thoughtful, but practical, and you want him to really love it.

Sometimes though, you might also have a hidden agenda…

I tend to use gift giving to make a project out of my male partner. I take the opportunity to get him something that I think will help him to grow in the mature man I want him to know he can be. I’ve done this many times, (and I’m sure I’m not the only one…). Buying him a grown up wallet to replace that Velcro one he’s been toting around since high school? Been there. Getting him a subscription to The Economist instead of Snowboarder Monthly so he can start reading “serious” things. Done that.

Of course, we mean well, but in our effort to nudge our boyfriends into reaching their full potential, or at least own a decent pair of pants, we can sometimes get a bit carried away. The countless boards that come up in a Pinterest search for “good boyfriend gifts” is proof of this. Evidently we all imagine our partners living in a beautiful world of distressed leather messenger bags, writing on custom stationery, and sipping perfectly crafted bourbon cocktails. But I mean, how many monogrammed vintage shaving brushes can one man get before he goes insane?

Sure, you could take the easy route, too. Most men would love to unwrap a video game or gadget during the holidays and happily spend the next several hours (days… years…) glued to their new screen, but I think there can be a better balance. There are gifts out there that he will love to get, and you will love to give.

Tickets: Whether it’s just buying him passes to a movie, tickets to a concert, or going all out and getting him seats at his team’s next home game, he’ll love a gift where he gets to go out and do something. Bonus – you get to be his plus one!

A great book: If your guy is a reader, get him a book you know he’ll love. Something he can relax with over an eggnog during his holiday time off. Maybe the latest installment in a series you’ve both become obsessed with? The plus side is that you get to read it when he’s finished! Funny how that worked out…

An iPad:  Been looking for an excuse to purchase that big ticket electronics item? Well look no further. Getting “Us” an iPad is a great way to hit that gadget gift sweet spot and also buy something that you’ll be excited to use too. Sorry PS4 – maybe next year.

Kitchen tools:  If your guy’s a chef (or wants to be), buy him a tool that will get him cooking. If he loves to barbecue for example, get him an indoor grill that he can use even in the winter. The upside for you? Having delicious dinners made for you on the regular, duh.

A beard trimmer: Okay, this one might be falling back into the not-so-subtle, boyfriend-as-project zone, but hey, guys need to take care of their facial hair. The obvious perks for you include not being able to taste what he had for lunch when you go in for a kiss and not having your grandma ask why you’re dating a homeless man. We think it’s a win/win.

Happy holidays and merry gift-giving, everyone!