Some people are great at dating and others are not. I happen to land somewhere in the middle. It’s not my favorite thing to do, but I know I want to find a partner to share my life with, so it’s somewhat necessary.
Listen, as a busy, independent, single gal, I like to spend my time wisely. I don’t have a lot of spare time to date. I’m intentional when choosing who I spend my time with, which has helped me navigate the dating world in a more balanced way.
Old School Dating
Remember when dating apps didn’t exist, we didn’t have cellphones and we waited by the phone to hear from someone to make plans? There are definitely pros and cons to how it was then and how it is now. Back then, it was harder to communicate with just a landline, but that meant you put more effort in and could really form a strong connection in person. Now, it’s easier to connect with people outside of your community (without even leaving your house), but the amount of people you can meet is sometimes overwhelming.
Call me old-fashioned, but I like to date only one person at a time. Like I said before, I don’t have a lot of spare time to work with. Committing to more than one person would be tough. I also like to have an opportunity to really get to know someone without splitting my energy and attention with others. I’d rather fully focus on one person to see where it goes and give it a proper chance.
As much as I like to think I can multitask, it just isn’t my thing. But those who can date multiple people at a time, while giving each person all the attention and time they deserve, good on ya! Also, please tell us (me) how you make that work.
The Pre Screen
If you’re finding you’re relating to my experience so far, you might be wondering how you can date more intentionally. Well, I’m glad you asked.
For me, this starts from the beginning—when I’m searching or scrolling through dating profiles. I don’t necessarily have a checklist, but there are some questions I have in the back of my mind as I look for potential dates.
- Is there anything different about them that grabs my attention?
- Do we have any similar interests?
- Did they even bother to write anything?
- Am I really interested or are they just really, really, ridiculously good-looking? (cue Zoolander voice in my head)
These are obviously catered to what I’m looking for, but feel free to have them in your back pocket when you’re looking for your next date! Or use them as inspiration to figure out what you’ll use when pre-screening profiles. In my opinion, there has to be a level of physical attraction, but that shouldn’t be the only thing that makes you want to meet them. You know what they say… looks fade. Obviously not for Paul Rudd, but for the rest of us.
Go With Your Gut
We’re all intuitive in some way. At the end of the day, we all know what’s best for us and can (hopefully) make decisions that lead us to better outcomes. So, my best advice is to go with your gut. And following your intuition or gauging how you really feel is easier when you’re with someone in person. After your next first date, check-in and ask yourself the following questions:
- How do/did they make you feel?
- Did anything they say throw you off or make you uncomfortable?
- Do you want to see them again or are you just looking for company?
I’m not saying you have to overthink or overanalyze every text or thing that comes out of their mouth, but give yourself time to process everything; what they said, how it made you feel, how you reacted to their body language and words.
Feel out the vibe, let the conversation flow where it wants/needs to go, and keep checking in with how you’re feeling. Also, please don’t ask anyone what their hobbies are. Especially these days when most of us have just been inside watching our favorite shows over and over again.
Hot Tips for Dating Intentionally
So, if you’ve stuck with me this far, here’s a little recap on how to be more intentional with your dating:
- Pre screen their profile
- Don’t just go on a date just to go on a date
- Let the conversation flow
- Trust your gut
I hope this helps as you continue to navigate the world of dating. Whatever or whoever you’re looking for, there are better dates waiting on Plenty of Fish! Also, seems like the perfect place to try out these intentional dating tips, just saying…
