Afraid of being single? A recent study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology shows that you’re in good company. University of Toronto researcher Stephanie Spielmann found that people who fear the single life often “settle for less in love; they’re more likely to cling to unhappy relationships and more willing to date duds!”
With all of the negative stigmas that come with being single, like turning into a “cat lady” or becoming a “spinster,” Spielmann found that many who participated in this study were willing to settle for less in order to avoid those fates.
We surveyed some single ladies who have put all those insecurities aside – these women are single, proud, and certainly not willing to lower their standards! Read on to find out what they had to say about how they overcame their fears of being single.
“One day I just woke up, looked in the mirror, and realized how much of a severe disservice I would be doing to all the single bachelors in New York City by holding my single, hot self hostage and unavailable.” — Alli Zack, 26
“After my first big heartbreak, my mother told me, ‘You won’t be happy being with someone until you can be happy when you’re alone. Take yourself to a movie, out to lunch, for a walk in the park. Just get comfortable doing things on your own, that way you won’t need another person to make you feel satisfied. When someone finally does come along, it will be an extra bonus having someone to share the things you already enjoy doing on your own.’ On occasion, I’ll still take myself out to lunch or stop at a random bar and have a drink. If I can feel fine doing those things alone, which I do, it’ll feel especially nice when I meet someone to do them with.” — Kara Howard, 25
“I would rather be single and happy than in a relationship that’s not right, where you have to walk around on eggshells. Plus, I like my freedom! I can stop at the local bar on my way home and stay as late as I want to without worrying about someone who is waiting up for me all the time.”— Valerie Stone, 52
“People talk about single life like it’s a condition — seeing it as something to be scared of doesn’t make sense to me. You’re still you whether you’re in a relationship or not. Right now, I’m enjoying getting to know different people, spending more time with my friends, and taking the time I need to figure what it is I actually want in a relationship. It will happen when it happens. I’m certainly not running after one, that’s for sure.” — Melissa Santos, 32
“Sure, it would be nice if there were someone special in my life, but I’m very happy with my life the way it is. I feel like men and relationships complicate everything, in some cases for the better, and some for the worse. I’m happy; independent I don’t want to be a ‘we’ right now.” — Becca Ronzoni, 26
“When the first wave of photos that displayed scrawny fingers dazzled in diamonds hit my social media, I asked myself simply and ridiculously: What’s wrong with me? All before asking myself: Why am I not them? And do I even want to be in their spot now? But when it comes to love and marriage and finding the person you want to spend the rest of your life with — through expanding waistlines and wrinkles — you can’t feel rushed. There shouldn’t be a timeline or a deadline and no matter what, you shouldn’t settle down just to settle. After many stern talks with myself in front of mirrors displaying a face filled with worry and single girl woes, I began to accept the fact that single just means one thing: I’m going to be okay.” — Jen Glantz, 25, author of the book All My Friends Are Engaged and founder of the website The Things I Learned From
“I think the key is really being comfortable with who you are and what you want, not just in a relationship but in life in general. I like to think of dating as one of my many hobbies and try not to take it too seriously. I treat myself as a priority and know that I’m much better off being the best version of myself possible solo than a lesser me but with a companion. There are only so many hours in a day and I like to keep my list very VIP — I only surround myself with people that I think are amazing and that I can learn and grow with, not just with guys but with friends as well! If you’re not keeping the best company, what’s the point? I have a body pillow and a vibrator, no reason to settle.” — Erica Romero, 25
“Every time I’ve dated a guy, I [found] I was doing it for a convenience. I realized I was dating out of necessity or for some gain, and it was never because I actually liked the guy. I don’t want to be defined by a relationship. I want to make myself happy and figure out what makes me happy and confident before I start dating another idiot just because I feel obligated to have a boyfriend or to get a “plus one” on all the wedding invites that I’m suddenly getting. I’m not going to settle or waste my time on another dud. And in the meantime, that one single girl (me!) is way happier and more pleasant than all of her coupled up friends!” — Nicole Gravlin, 24
“For the past several years, I have been single and I’m not afraid at all, in fact I quite embrace it. I actually, prepare yourselves: Do Not Want A Boyfriend. I am 26 years old and am still working on solidifying a career. I have bigger fish to fry than figuring out who I’m going out with this weekend, or whether he sort of likes me or REALLY likes me. That being said, if someone came my way who inspired me to factor them into my life I would, but it is not a priority. You cannot be a good partner for anyone until you are a good whole person by yourself, and that includes nourishing your soul on your own, without relying on someone else to do it for you.”
— Allison Rerecich, 26
“I’m a single mother. Being so committed to my career, it’s actually not that hard to defeat the ‘sulking single syndrome.’ But one incident in particular made me proud of my confidence in being single. A while ago, one of my friends proposed to his girlfriend of five years. While discussing it with my sister, I asked when she and her boyfriend would tie the knot. She said, ‘I don’t know. I’m just waiting for him to grow up.’ They’ve been together for almost four years. I don’t have the patience to wait four years on ANYTHING. Especially not waiting on someone to act his age or to treat me with the respect and love I deserve.” — Nikki Robinson., 24