1. Mention Something From Her Profile
There’s nothing worse than finding a generic copy-and-paste message in your inbox. The only thing worse than this is receiving the same copy-and-paste message twice from the same person.
In order to get a reply from a first message, it needs to be unique. Pull something from her profile that indicates you’ve taken the time to get to know her. Did she mention a favorite a TV show in her description, does it look like she travelled somewhere cool in her photos, does she list beach volleyball as one of her interests? Photos, profile description and interests will give you lots of content to work with when you’re crafting that first message.
2. Be Respectful but Casual
Write a message similar to how you would speak, while leaving out empty greetings or the use of slang. You don’t want to come across as being too formal or rigid in the first message. Be respectful, but don’t forget to show off your sense of humour.
Before: “Hello. I am Jason. I really like your profile. You seem nice. I would like to chat with you.”
- Jason needs to get to know the user by asking her more questions before requesting to chat with her.
- Nice is a very generic word. Compliment something specific about her from her description, interest or photos.
- Jason is much too formal and rigid in this message. Instead of “I would like to chat with you”, say “Would love to chat with you sometime”. This sounds much more casual and lighthearted.
After: Hey Tallblondecanuck, I really enjoyed reading your profile. You sound like someone I’d really get along with. I noticed you spent a summer in Europe. I was in Italy this past summer myself – loved the food and history. Which countries did you visit? Which was your favorite? Jason
- Jason sounds casual and fun in this message. He speaks specifically about something from the the user’s profile and ends with a question which is much more likely to get a response.
3. End with a Question
If you want to improve your chances of getting a reply, you need to end with a call to action. A call to action prompts the user to respond and much sooner than they otherwise would. Although your instincts are to end with something like “Hope to hear from you soon” or “Chat later”, try your best to ignore these instincts and ask a question that relates to their description, interests or photos.
4. Don’t Compliment Her Body Parts
If you compliment a woman on her looks in a first message, you’re coming on too strong. Women will assume you’re only interested in one thing. If you want to get a reply, compliment her personality, her interests, her photos, or the fact that you have a lot in common. Use your imagination, but remember to be on your best behaviour in a first message. If things take off, there will be plenty of opportunities to tell her how hot she is.
5. Don’t Include Contact Information
Another way of coming on too strong is by giving out or requesting contact information in a first message. Part of wooing a woman is making her feel comfortable and allowing her to trust you. This is especially important when you’re online dating because you are a stranger to her and have no friends or family members vouching for you. Requesting contact information before knowing anything about her, will make her think you have ulterior motives and will likely make her feel uncomfortable. Before contact information is sent or requested, make sure a few messages have gone back and forth, you have asked her questions, and attempted to get to know a little bit about her.
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