Improving Your Social Skills to Become a Better Dater

As one quote attributed to the Navy SEALS put it, “Under pressure, you don’t rise to the occasion, you sink to the level of your training.”

When a certain situation arises, you’re going to react the way you’ve been conditioned. When you’re actively dating, you run into loads of different situations and personalities.

I’m going to share with you a couple easy steps and tools you can utilize to help you initiate conversations, feel like a more confident dater and improve upon your social skills!

Top 5 Ways to Improve Your Dating Game

Most of our dating blunders are a result of bad habits + a “leaf in the wind” approach that allows fate to be the navigator.

When someone wants to become an accountant, they go to school for it. If someone wants to gain muscle or lose fat, they go to the gym and change their eating habits. When someone wants to get into a relationship…they complain to their friends that there aren’t any good men or women.

That’s really just a “get out of jail free” card to avoid taking responsibility for your own incompetence with the opposite sex or willingness to try dating. What I’m getting at with these examples is that there is a clear path to getting X by taking steps A, B, and C.

There are a couple of factors that may be to blame here.

Social skills 

“Conveying the right message to the right people” 

Your social skills are not up to par, quite frankly more of an afterthought. What if you could make more friends, have more dates, and feel happier in general by intentionally focusing on how you communicate with people?

Well, you can! Try better eye contact (don’t walk around looking at the ground), smile when you meet someone, and give a firm handshake instead of “spaghetti fingers”. Observe how people react to you and figure out why. Watch other people’s interactions, and even study movie characters to define exactly what the actor is communicating.

Health and fitness

“Energy and vitality will draw people to you” 

Ignoring your health and fitness will sap your energy and kill your motivation for anything that requires effort. This can affect your personality altogether and ultimately result in how you communicate with others. The better you feel about yourself, the more attractive you become!

Income and lifestyle 

“Control your environment to produce better outcomes” 

Everyone wants a better lifestyle, and we’re attracted to safe and secure environments. By controlling your income, you can control which environment you choose to live in and when you are happy in your new found lifestyle,  you will be much more inviting to your future partner.

Courage 

“Opportunities go to those who are bold”

A lot of dating opportunities are missed because we often don’t realize or believe that someone is interested. Our self doubt will steer us away from taking advantage of the opportunities that are presented to us everyday. Having courage means you’re not afraid to fail by taking action and introducing yourself to someone you want to meet.

Effort 

“I’m a Great Believer in Luck. The Harder I Work, the More Luck I Have”

This quote sums up the principle. What it really means is that the more chances you take, just by pure mathematical odds, you’re going to win more often. Not only will you get what you want by playing your luck, but you’ll also get better and increase your “luck”. That’s why beginners in any field seem much less lucky. It’s really not luck at all.

If you’re not taking a comprehensive approach to your dating life by paying attention to all of the above, the bigger picture will be missed.

On the other hand, if you create a great life around you, it won’t be as hard to invite (or attract) someone to join you

 

Eddy Baller is a men’s dating and personal development coach. For more ways to crush it in life and dating join his free newsletter.

How To Get Out Of The Dating Slump: Part 2

If you have ever asked yourself the question, “Where can I meet women?” this article is definitely for you!  If you’re a man who wants to learn how to approach women like a gentleman and boost your dating game, then read on.

The ideas on “how” and “where” you can meet women is a lot simpler than you think it is.  There are women everywhere, all you need to do is take the time to introduce yourself. Although the act of approaching a woman is really straight forward, it’s the execution that requires confidence.

The great thing is that even an awkward introduction can come off as sincere and charming, so don’t worry too much about perfecting the “Hello.”

Steer clear from the pick up lines and follow these 6 steps to nail that first introduction!

How To Introduce Yourself  To A Stranger

1. Make invitations. If you’re not having any dates then the odds are that you’re not inviting any women on dates. To really beat your slump it’s going to take more than just asking one woman out. Make a goal of introducing yourself to 10 women whether it be online, or in your daily routine. You’ll not only improve your approach from practice, but you’ll also have better odds of meeting someone interesting.
2. Keep your eyes open for a potential date anywhere. Your next relationship might be because you struck up a conversation while waiting to cross the street, or because you asked for your baristas phone number. Don’t discount anyone just because you met them for all of 30 seconds.
3. Be direct and to the point. Most women appreciate honesty, and being direct demonstrates confidence. When you introduce yourself, tell her why you’re talking to her, and what initially drew you toward her.
4. Hold eye contact.  I’m not referring to an ultimate stare down contest, because then you will be labeled as the weird creepy guy. There is a huge difference between starring someone down and engaging in someone through eye contact. Make sure you are looking at the person in front of you while holding conversation. If you’re looking away the entire conversation, it will give the impression that you would rather be elsewhere. People don’t trust anyone who can’t make solid eye contact. Making engaging eye contact can also be one of the best ways to create deep feelings of attraction.

 

5. Stand tall. By keeping those shoulders up and walking tall you’re going to give a better first impression through your body language alone. Slouching while walking is just bad posture and looks as though you are carelessly wondering through life. Women are attracted to confidence; standing and walking tall is the easiest way to look (and feel) confident.
6. Ask with a statement. Don’t walk away from your conversation without asking her out. The best way to ask her out for coffee is to use assertive language. “Let’s (insert activity) sometime!” is  better than saying “Do you want to…?” Stating this rather than posing a question, shows it is something you are enthusiastic about and really want to do.
Taking a chance and introducing yourself to someone new will open up many options that you didn’t have before. Make a date-invitation more frequent and you’ll never be stuck in a slump again.

Don’t forget to like this article so that more people can benefit. Also check out 12 Old School Dating Rituals We Should Bring Back

How to Get Out Of The Dating Slump: Part 1

We miss the big opportunities in our day to day lives because we’ve been conditioned to have a super narrow focus on how meeting potential dates is “supposed” to be done. You might want to ask the question; who made all the rules? What if you could meet your significant other while grabbing a coffee or going for a walk? This requires being open to meeting people, anywhere, and the courage to seize an opportunity when it arises.

The main thing that is going to get any man over a slump is making more invitations to potential dates. If you’re not asking anyone out then how can anyone know what they’re missing? Wouldn’t your dating options expand if you could talk to anyone, anywhere? The trick will be on how to develop the courage to do so.

More courage = More invitations made = More dating success 

So here’s how to tackle your nerves and grease your social wheels.

How To Develop the Social Courage?

Walking up to a complete stranger and introducing yourself is going to be nerve racking for any man who’s never done it before, and even men with experience, but the rewards can be huge. Not only could you meet your next mate, increase your confidence, and social savvy, but it will actually make you happier.

From Scientific American:

“Consider the times you’ve hopped on a subway, boarded a plane or entered a waiting room. Chances are, you probably avoided engaging with any fellow commuters or patients. But contrary to what we might think, we’d be happier if we did strike up a conversation with a total stranger.

In a study, commuters in Chicago were asked to either talk with a stranger on a train, or sit quietly alone, or just do whatever they’d normally do on their commute. Then, they responded to a survey about how they felt.

Turns out those who engaged with strangers had the most pleasurable experience and those who remained solitary had the least enjoyable experience.

The benefits are far reaching, and it’s a romantic story that you could be telling your future children. It’s also something that could be uncomfortable at first.

To develop your social courage, start with these baby steps:

  1. Become social everywhere. Instead of being on a mission to get back home every time you’re out, start socializing with anyone you come into contact with. Anytime you buy something start a real conversation with the till worker by taking interest in how her day has been. The chat may only be 30 seconds, but genuine interest and a smile can go a long way.
  2. Don’t just walk by people, say hi. Instead of staying in your own bubble when you’re walking in your neighborhood, say hi to the people who pass by. This will get you used to talking to strangers that you don’t have to interact with directly.
  3. Eye contact. Don’t walk around looking at the ground. Make eye contact with people who pass by. Most won’t return it, but for those who do you’ll probably get a smile. This will get you in the habit of making eye contact instead of avoiding it, and that goes a long way for confidence.

This will get you started! Stay tuned for Part II of How To Get Out Of The Dating Slump!

The Only Questions You Need To Ask On A First Date

One of the number one questions constantly coming up in the date-o-sphere is, “What should I talk about on a date?” When the conversation runs dry, it’s an instant mood killer, and panic can set in. There is no reason it has to be this way.

The main point of any question on a first date is to learn about your prospective partner but in a fun way which keeps the conversation engaging. The main guideline can be this; ask questions that go deep, and avoid superficial small talk. What someone was doing today probably isn’t as interesting as finding out about why they chose to jump out of an airplane in the Congo, although it might be a good starting point.

The ‘why’ is everything in creating a meaningful conversation. Learn what motivates your date and what journey brought them to this point in his/her life. Go deep and find out who your date is, but don’t be dry and overly serious. Some jokes and teasing will keep it light while you discover if you have a good connection or not.

Normally, on the first date, both people will be a bit nervous, so open up with a lighthearted comment. It really can be about almost anything but you can start with a simple compliment as long as you mean it. Otherwise a joke or mundane comment about the day doesn’t hurt. The objective is to deliver a smile and disarm a potentially nervous date.

Along with your smile and opening comment, make sure to keep strong eye contact.

A question to start with: What do you do?

Asking someone what they do for a living may extremely mundane by itself, but it’s what you say after she tells you the ‘what’ which will create an engaging conversation. The conversation will become more intricate and engaging the deeper you go using the information that comes out at each step of the way.

Every time a new bit of information comes out, just add additional content by relating your own personal experience or opinion, then tag on another question to go deeper. The basic formula is: Question + Listen + Add new content + Make a new question.

For example, if she says, “I like cooking vegetarian dishes even though I eat meat.” Now you can reply with your own opinion on the topic, “Oh really? I used to be a vegetarian but my best friend went to chef school and that all went out of the window (new content). Why do you prefer vegetarian cooking even though you eat meat? (New question going deeper)”

Now she will have a chance to explain, and along with her explanation will come out all sorts of interesting information, each bit of which could become a conversation on it’s own.

Basically you could almost ask anything because it’s going to be based on your own unique experiences in life, but as long as you go deep and add your own experiences to the conversation, you can avoid turning your date into an interview. A meaningful conversation will go a lot further to get to know someone than a little small talk or talk about the day.

Body language is also extremely important in this equation but that will be explained in the next segment on how to have a meaningful first date conversation.

Do you know someone who struggles with conversations on a date? Post this article to Facebook and share with your friends.

Turnoffs On Online Dating Profiles – According To A Man

There’s no shortage of online dating advice from women for women out there, but ever wondered what the guys have to say? We found one to break down some of the biggest turnoffs on online dating profiles for us. 

Images

We all know that great images are crucial to attract the right people, but after a few minutes of browsing profiles, it’s obvious that most people don’t know what constitutes a great photograph. It’s easy to get lost in a sea of selfies. When it comes to choosing your main profile image (which goes front and centre) it pays to get a second opinion. Or even better –  get a professional or a photographer friend to take a few good pics for you. This might seem like a lot of effort, but considering you’re looking for a life partner, doesn’t it make sense to invest a little more effort than just choosing a couple random pics on your iPhone? At the very least, make sure you’re not in a bathroom or standing in front of a dirty mirror in a messy room.

The importance of strong images should not be overlooked! below I have listed more turnoffs when it comes to images on online dating profiles:

  • Your images feature your more attractive friend: This has been demonstrated in psychological studies; if you place something which is better side by side with something which is less appealing, the less appealing ‘thing’ will become much less appealing because of the rule of comparison (look in book for term). That may seem harsh, but I might ask for your friend’s number instead.
  • Your image is taken at the club with 6 other people: Just like an image with a more attractive friend, a pic with a lot of other people in it can be distracting and will take attention away from the star of the show; it equates to visual noise. Crop away!
  • Your images are blurry or distant: Does this really need to be explained? Men browsing your profile want to see what you actually look like, so don’t use pics where you are not visible for any reason. These days, it’s pretty likely that even the camera on your phone can take amazing photos, so put it to good use!
  • Your images are old or inaccurate images: It’s dishonest to use photos that don’t represent you accurately. We’re all changing with the years; sometimes we gain weight, sometimes we lose it, and we all gain a few wrinkles over time. If you only have old photos then seriously consider getting a few fresh pics which accurately represent what you look like now.

Profiles

When it comes to writing about yourself on your profile, remember that most guys have a short attention span and are not going to read your life story. Short, concise and readable will help ensure that the right guy for you will actually read what you’ve written and absorb the info. But more on that below.

Here are the most common pitfalls to avoid when creating your profile:

  • You’re using insecure opening lines: An insecure opening line can make a less than ideal impression on everyone who reads it. A common one is, “I don’t know how to write this” or “I’m really bad at talking about myself.” These types of opening lines are not helping you find anyone, and I’m already bored. Start strong and never demean yourself and your abilities in your writing. Guys don’t want to know that you hate writing about yourself, they want to learn about that cool course you took, or that you love camping in the mountains.
  • You’re writing novels: Nobody wants to read a profile that rivals a Harry Potter book. Think of your profile as a lengthy Facebook update and just write 2-3 paragraphs. It’s refreshing to see a concise profile which doesn’t contain a lot of unnecessary information (but also covers who you are, stuff you like to do, and what you’re looking for).
  • You’re writing lies: I’ve gone on dates only to be extremely disappointed because there was some sort of misrepresentation of the facts presented. Many woman have also told me their stories of disappointment having been lied to by the men they were meeting. A great relationship starts with honesty – just be yourself!
  • You’re writing angry or bitter stuff: I’ve seen some profiles with very attractive photos but ended up being extremely turned off by the rants that followed underneath. If you rant on your profile or talk about all of the things you don’t like or want you’re not going to attract the kind of guy you do want. Focus on the positive things you do like and leave the baggage behind.

What are your biggest turnoffs on online dating profiles? Let me know in the comments below!

8 Ways To Get Over Your Last Heartbreak

So it happened again; the partner you thought you would spend your life with has become “A stranger you used to know.” It can be traumatizing, and often feels like a part of yourself has been torn away.

In a sense that’s true; considering that you shared so much time together, and have so many significant memories and emotions attached to that person, you really are detaching and starting new.

Some studies have even shown that heartbreak literally causes physically pain, and as anyone who has gone through a bad breakup can testify, the pain is real. “Heartbreak” is really a word which describes the physical feeling.

So, it’s happened and it burns, but now what? In the end it comes down to our focus. We have control over what we focus on and where we channel our energy.

As you read the following suggestions, keep in mind that you wont “feel” like doing any of them. When we are feeling bad it often strips our willpower down to the bare essentials, and we often neglect the things that could help us the most.

Don’t allow the mood of the day to dictate your health and your life. Your decisions will determine whether or not you continue to suffer well into the future, or make a happy recovery sooner than later.

Here are 8 things to get over your last heartbreak and experience a new you – by Christmas!

1. Stop doing it to yourself

The first thing you will need to heal, begins with letting go of the  experiences with your last partner. You have a choice to make; continue suffering the heartbreak or focus on a new beginning. If you keep running that old record in your head you will continue to kick up old feelings.

2. Stop the blame game

Part of interrupting the negative thought cycle which keeps repeating, is to stop blaming your former partner. He may have hurt you but your blame is a deflection of responsibility for your own feelings; if someone else is at fault for how you feel then you have no power to make things better for yourself.

3. Focus on yourself

Now it’s time to really go deep into your own life so you can heal your old wounds. What do you really want in your life? Why don’t you have it yet? Have you even set any goals for yourself? If not it’s time to start, and direct your attention to what you can do right now to make big things happen.

4. Get active

The best way to be depressed is to avoid all activities and stay home, so do the opposite. Get off of that life sucking couch right now and go for a walk. A walk every single morning for 20 minutes will start making you feel better, and more importantly the habit will prevent the post-relationship rigamortis from setting in.

5. See your friends and family

It has a huge effect on our mental and physical health to stay connected with our loved ones. Sometimes a five minute conversation can alter the course of the day and leave us on a positive note. Make a phone call to a friend or reach out to your family to talk, even if it’s only for a few minutes every day.

6. Keep a journal

Write a journal and lay everything out unfiltered on the pages in front of you. Don’t edit as you write because nobody is watching, just spill your guts. Writing is one of the best methods of self therapy.

7. Meditate

While meditating we can often come up with our best ideas, and solve our biggest challenges. Not only that but meditation is proven to reduce stress levels. Start meditating daily with some relaxing music to gain more clarity.

8. Learn something new

Take a comedy course, learn a new language, or get a new certification. Putting your focus into something new will help take your attention away from your old woes and upgrade your life with a new skill.

To make this all work, set it out on a timetable and develop these practices into rituals which you complete daily. If you create rituals which keep you connected with people, positively direct your focus on what you want, and build a healthy body and healthy mind, you will create a foundation which will make you into a stronger person in the worst of times. Not only that, but you will heal your old wounds from your last heartbreak so you can move forward with the things that matter the most.

Do you know somebody who is still stuck on an old flame? Send them this article and post it on Facebook. Questions or comments? Leave your reply below.

12 Old School Dating Rituals We Should Bring Back

A lot of guys are confused about how to handle a date nowadays, but men just need to relearn a little old school dating etiquette, and the art of leadership.

It’s really not so complicated. Many women can still appreciate some old fashioned chivalry. Does every woman want the old school dating dynamic where the man makes the major decisions, opens the door, and acts as her escort? Of course not, but one thing is certain, you will lose every time if you try to make everybody happy.

By applying a few old school dating rituals we should bring back, you will have no problem standing apart from the crowd of men who handle dating with timidity. Listed below are the 12 old school dating rituals we should bring back:

1. Take on the leadership role

Many of the following suggestions will fall under the category of leadership. To be a leader you must be assertive and act without hesitation or lose your dates interest before you even have a chance to chat.

2. Hold the door open

Car doors/restaurant doors, This is dating 101, and it will be noticed. It’s a basic courtesy which I extend to my mother, sister, and friends as well, and it shows you have some manners.

3. Pay the tab

The debate rages on about who should pay for the first date, but keep it simple and just pay the damn bill. I’m not talking about a fancy restaurant and an expensive bottle of wine; pick a cool place with an awesome ambiance, and have a drink or a coffee. This doesn’t have to be expensive at all, and you can avoid any awkward moments or looking like a cheapskate.

4. Give her your jacket (on a cold night)

Or maybe she has her own jacket, so give her your scarf. It’s a nice gesture which shows that you care.

5. Walk her to her car

Or the bus, and even go the extra mile (no pun) and take her home. This is how a gentleman does it.

6. Let her talk

If you’re talking the whole time about yourself then you can expect to be dating yourself the following weekend. Ask a couple of questions to get the ball rolling but make sure to let her talk without interruption, and truly listen to what she’s saying.

7. Focus on her

You’re there to get to know her, so get to know her. You will never run out of conversation if you focus on the most interesting conversation topic available, your date. Don’t just ask about what she does, find out why she does it and go deep.

8. Escort your date

Escort your date the old school way, with her taking your arm. If the two of you have a great connection don’t be shy to take her hand.

9. Surprise her

Everything doesn’t have to be set ahead of time. Keep an air of mystery before the date; set the place near where you’re going to take her but don’t reveal the exact location or activity. When she arrives take her to the mystery shop for a coffee , glass of wine, or fun date activity.

10. Set the time and place

“Um, where do you want to meet?” is a great way to kill your chances with almost any woman. Once the time has been established it’s time for you to take the lead and set the location. The last thing your date wants is to be asked to settle the details; you choose the date activity and place.

11. Go for the kiss

She’s not going to do it so that means you need to take the helm. Gauge how the date is going, but don’t be afraid of making a mistake and going for the kiss when she’s not interested. If she doesn’t want it you will know quickly, but at the very least you showed initiative, and some balls. That is attractive in and of itself.

12. Put her jacket on

This simple gesture will make her feel well pampered and taken care of.

All in all it’s about taking the initiative, leading, and showing some respect. If you’re not afraid of making mistakes along the way, and you’re OK with being rejected, your dates will go much smoother than most men who don’t act decisively.

Did you like the article? Help spread the word on these old school dating rituals and post on Facebook. If you have any questions or comments reply below.