Improving Your Social Skills to Become a Better Dater

As one quote attributed to the Navy SEALS put it, “Under pressure, you don’t rise to the occasion, you sink to the level of your training.”

When a certain situation arises, you’re going to react the way you’ve been conditioned. When you’re actively dating, you run into loads of different situations and personalities.

I’m going to share with you a couple easy steps and tools you can utilize to help you initiate conversations, feel like a more confident dater and improve upon your social skills!

Top 5 Ways to Improve Your Dating Game

Most of our dating blunders are a result of bad habits + a “leaf in the wind” approach that allows fate to be the navigator.

When someone wants to become an accountant, they go to school for it. If someone wants to gain muscle or lose fat, they go to the gym and change their eating habits. When someone wants to get into a relationship…they complain to their friends that there aren’t any good men or women.

That’s really just a “get out of jail free” card to avoid taking responsibility for your own incompetence with the opposite sex or willingness to try dating. What I’m getting at with these examples is that there is a clear path to getting X by taking steps A, B, and C.

There are a couple of factors that may be to blame here.

Social skills 

“Conveying the right message to the right people” 

Your social skills are not up to par, quite frankly more of an afterthought. What if you could make more friends, have more dates, and feel happier in general by intentionally focusing on how you communicate with people?

Well, you can! Try better eye contact (don’t walk around looking at the ground), smile when you meet someone, and give a firm handshake instead of “spaghetti fingers”. Observe how people react to you and figure out why. Watch other people’s interactions, and even study movie characters to define exactly what the actor is communicating.

Health and fitness

“Energy and vitality will draw people to you” 

Ignoring your health and fitness will sap your energy and kill your motivation for anything that requires effort. This can affect your personality altogether and ultimately result in how you communicate with others. The better you feel about yourself, the more attractive you become!

Income and lifestyle 

“Control your environment to produce better outcomes” 

Everyone wants a better lifestyle, and we’re attracted to safe and secure environments. By controlling your income, you can control which environment you choose to live in and when you are happy in your new found lifestyle,  you will be much more inviting to your future partner.

Courage 

“Opportunities go to those who are bold”

A lot of dating opportunities are missed because we often don’t realize or believe that someone is interested. Our self doubt will steer us away from taking advantage of the opportunities that are presented to us everyday. Having courage means you’re not afraid to fail by taking action and introducing yourself to someone you want to meet.

Effort 

“I’m a Great Believer in Luck. The Harder I Work, the More Luck I Have”

This quote sums up the principle. What it really means is that the more chances you take, just by pure mathematical odds, you’re going to win more often. Not only will you get what you want by playing your luck, but you’ll also get better and increase your “luck”. That’s why beginners in any field seem much less lucky. It’s really not luck at all.

If you’re not taking a comprehensive approach to your dating life by paying attention to all of the above, the bigger picture will be missed.

On the other hand, if you create a great life around you, it won’t be as hard to invite (or attract) someone to join you

 

Eddy Baller is a men’s dating and personal development coach. For more ways to crush it in life and dating join his free newsletter.

How To Get Out Of The Dating Slump: Part 2

If you have ever asked yourself the question, “Where can I meet women?” this article is definitely for you!  If you’re a man who wants to learn how to approach women like a gentleman and boost your dating game, then read on.

The ideas on “how” and “where” you can meet women is a lot simpler than you think it is.  There are women everywhere, all you need to do is take the time to introduce yourself. Although the act of approaching a woman is really straight forward, it’s the execution that requires confidence.

The great thing is that even an awkward introduction can come off as sincere and charming, so don’t worry too much about perfecting the “Hello.”

Steer clear from the pick up lines and follow these 6 steps to nail that first introduction!

How To Introduce Yourself  To A Stranger

1. Make invitations. If you’re not having any dates then the odds are that you’re not inviting any women on dates. To really beat your slump it’s going to take more than just asking one woman out. Make a goal of introducing yourself to 10 women whether it be online, or in your daily routine. You’ll not only improve your approach from practice, but you’ll also have better odds of meeting someone interesting.
2. Keep your eyes open for a potential date anywhere. Your next relationship might be because you struck up a conversation while waiting to cross the street, or because you asked for your baristas phone number. Don’t discount anyone just because you met them for all of 30 seconds.
3. Be direct and to the point. Most women appreciate honesty, and being direct demonstrates confidence. When you introduce yourself, tell her why you’re talking to her, and what initially drew you toward her.
4. Hold eye contact.  I’m not referring to an ultimate stare down contest, because then you will be labeled as the weird creepy guy. There is a huge difference between starring someone down and engaging in someone through eye contact. Make sure you are looking at the person in front of you while holding conversation. If you’re looking away the entire conversation, it will give the impression that you would rather be elsewhere. People don’t trust anyone who can’t make solid eye contact. Making engaging eye contact can also be one of the best ways to create deep feelings of attraction.

 

5. Stand tall. By keeping those shoulders up and walking tall you’re going to give a better first impression through your body language alone. Slouching while walking is just bad posture and looks as though you are carelessly wondering through life. Women are attracted to confidence; standing and walking tall is the easiest way to look (and feel) confident.
6. Ask with a statement. Don’t walk away from your conversation without asking her out. The best way to ask her out for coffee is to use assertive language. “Let’s (insert activity) sometime!” is  better than saying “Do you want to…?” Stating this rather than posing a question, shows it is something you are enthusiastic about and really want to do.
Taking a chance and introducing yourself to someone new will open up many options that you didn’t have before. Make a date-invitation more frequent and you’ll never be stuck in a slump again.

Don’t forget to like this article so that more people can benefit. Also check out 12 Old School Dating Rituals We Should Bring Back

How to Get Out Of The Dating Slump: Part 1

We miss the big opportunities in our day to day lives because we’ve been conditioned to have a super narrow focus on how meeting potential dates is “supposed” to be done. You might want to ask the question; who made all the rules? What if you could meet your significant other while grabbing a coffee or going for a walk? This requires being open to meeting people, anywhere, and the courage to seize an opportunity when it arises.

The main thing that is going to get any man over a slump is making more invitations to potential dates. If you’re not asking anyone out then how can anyone know what they’re missing? Wouldn’t your dating options expand if you could talk to anyone, anywhere? The trick will be on how to develop the courage to do so.

More courage = More invitations made = More dating success 

So here’s how to tackle your nerves and grease your social wheels.

How To Develop the Social Courage?

Walking up to a complete stranger and introducing yourself is going to be nerve racking for any man who’s never done it before, and even men with experience, but the rewards can be huge. Not only could you meet your next mate, increase your confidence, and social savvy, but it will actually make you happier.

From Scientific American:

“Consider the times you’ve hopped on a subway, boarded a plane or entered a waiting room. Chances are, you probably avoided engaging with any fellow commuters or patients. But contrary to what we might think, we’d be happier if we did strike up a conversation with a total stranger.

In a study, commuters in Chicago were asked to either talk with a stranger on a train, or sit quietly alone, or just do whatever they’d normally do on their commute. Then, they responded to a survey about how they felt.

Turns out those who engaged with strangers had the most pleasurable experience and those who remained solitary had the least enjoyable experience.

The benefits are far reaching, and it’s a romantic story that you could be telling your future children. It’s also something that could be uncomfortable at first.

To develop your social courage, start with these baby steps:

  1. Become social everywhere. Instead of being on a mission to get back home every time you’re out, start socializing with anyone you come into contact with. Anytime you buy something start a real conversation with the till worker by taking interest in how her day has been. The chat may only be 30 seconds, but genuine interest and a smile can go a long way.
  2. Don’t just walk by people, say hi. Instead of staying in your own bubble when you’re walking in your neighborhood, say hi to the people who pass by. This will get you used to talking to strangers that you don’t have to interact with directly.
  3. Eye contact. Don’t walk around looking at the ground. Make eye contact with people who pass by. Most won’t return it, but for those who do you’ll probably get a smile. This will get you in the habit of making eye contact instead of avoiding it, and that goes a long way for confidence.

This will get you started! Stay tuned for Part II of How To Get Out Of The Dating Slump!

The Only Questions You Need To Ask On A First Date

One of the number one questions constantly coming up in the date-o-sphere is, “What should I talk about on a date?” When the conversation runs dry, it’s an instant mood killer, and panic can set in. There is no reason it has to be this way.

The main point of any question on a first date is to learn about your prospective partner but in a fun way which keeps the conversation engaging. The main guideline can be this; ask questions that go deep, and avoid superficial small talk. What someone was doing today probably isn’t as interesting as finding out about why they chose to jump out of an airplane in the Congo, although it might be a good starting point.

The ‘why’ is everything in creating a meaningful conversation. Learn what motivates your date and what journey brought them to this point in his/her life. Go deep and find out who your date is, but don’t be dry and overly serious. Some jokes and teasing will keep it light while you discover if you have a good connection or not.

Normally, on the first date, both people will be a bit nervous, so open up with a lighthearted comment. It really can be about almost anything but you can start with a simple compliment as long as you mean it. Otherwise a joke or mundane comment about the day doesn’t hurt. The objective is to deliver a smile and disarm a potentially nervous date.

Along with your smile and opening comment, make sure to keep strong eye contact.

A question to start with: What do you do?

Asking someone what they do for a living may extremely mundane by itself, but it’s what you say after she tells you the ‘what’ which will create an engaging conversation. The conversation will become more intricate and engaging the deeper you go using the information that comes out at each step of the way.

Every time a new bit of information comes out, just add additional content by relating your own personal experience or opinion, then tag on another question to go deeper. The basic formula is: Question + Listen + Add new content + Make a new question.

For example, if she says, “I like cooking vegetarian dishes even though I eat meat.” Now you can reply with your own opinion on the topic, “Oh really? I used to be a vegetarian but my best friend went to chef school and that all went out of the window (new content). Why do you prefer vegetarian cooking even though you eat meat? (New question going deeper)”

Now she will have a chance to explain, and along with her explanation will come out all sorts of interesting information, each bit of which could become a conversation on it’s own.

Basically you could almost ask anything because it’s going to be based on your own unique experiences in life, but as long as you go deep and add your own experiences to the conversation, you can avoid turning your date into an interview. A meaningful conversation will go a lot further to get to know someone than a little small talk or talk about the day.

Body language is also extremely important in this equation but that will be explained in the next segment on how to have a meaningful first date conversation.

Do you know someone who struggles with conversations on a date? Post this article to Facebook and share with your friends.