Your last relationship ended badly, unfortunately, as many relationships do. As much as we would like to believe that a particular relationship will last forever, relationships are finite and fragile. If you find yourself reeling from a bad breakup to find a slew of bad dates to follow, your last relationship could be killing your new one.
Don’t become bitter that you’ve had a bad relationship or two; this pattern of thinking is detrimental to the health of your dating life. If you are still feeling angry over the the fact that your last relationship ended out of your control, or that someone acted against your wishes, this is not an excuse to transport the anger. The past only belongs in one place: behind you.
What are 3, not-so-obvious signs that you could be killing your new relationship?
1. You Lump All Men/Women in The Same Category
If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking that all men are the same, or that dating is so hard, or that women only care about money… you are guilty as charged! People are not all the same, and thinking this way is severely limiting. You have no idea who you could meet. Picking a bad apple once doesn’t mean that the whole field is rotting. You need to have the courage to dust yourself off and keep on pickin’ apples.
If you’ve experienced a lot of bad relationships in the past, guess what the common denominator is? It’s you. Maybe you’re choosing apples too close to the ground, or maybe you like the ones that are a little bruised on the outside. Whatever the reason is, take partial responsibility for yourself and the choices that you make. Give yourself some space to figure out what you’re really looking for. If you have a negative mindset towards dating, hold off on jumping back into the game and take some time to yourself. You can’t enter a new, happy relationship with a negative mindset.
2. You Feel Angry When You Think About Your Ex
If you are still caught up in the fact that your ex still has your favourite green sweater, or that they never reimbursed you for their $50 Christmas gift, you need to let it go. The relationship is done. You may think that feeling angry about your ex is completely acceptable and fine, but this is absolutely not the case. Holding on to a bad relationship isn’t healthy; being able to let go and mature from the experience is.
If you enter the dating scene with negative feelings about your last relationship, you aren’t giving yourself a chance to start clean and really see your dates for who they are. If you are still angry over your past relationship, you may dismiss someone’s good intentions with something your ex did.
Remember: Your last relationship ended because it was meant to end. It does not make the world a bad place. It does not make the dating world a treacherous war-zone. Learn to move on. Don’t become the person who can’t let go.
3. You Bring Up Your Ex On Dates
If you are out enjoying dinner with a new date and find yourself mentioning your ex, this is a big red flag. Past relationships are a sore spot. It’s not appropriate to tell a new mate about the rigors of your last relationship. If you are still experiencing pain from your last relationship and think that sharing it with a new date could serve as a bonding experience; this is erroneous. Baggage is the biggest kill-joy that exists in the dating world.
Bonus: You’re On a ‘Break’ With Your Ex.
If you are on any kind of break or trial separation, this is the worst time to try and find a new mate. The chances that your current, somewhat messy relationship killing your new one are very high. Sure, it’s been done in the past – but rushing into a new relationship is ultimately detrimental. Failed relationships give us a small window in which we can really take time for ourselves to reflect and think about personal goals. Trying to fill the void by wining and dining will not work. Have enough self confidence in yourself to be alone for a while, and if that isn’t entirely possible, now may be the best moment to strengthen that skill.