Whether you’re a guy or a girl, the dating scene is NOT easy. It’s especially challenging for those of you who try to date prior to having a real relationship with yourselves. If you don’t take the time to really connect with who you are, you’ll lose yourself. Your self-confidence and self-worth have a huge affect on your relationships with others. If you don’t love yourself, how will others love you? Sure, you may score dates… but those dates won’t lead to anything real. Why? Because they’re not that into you! When you lack self-confidence and self-worth, you don’t act in authentic ways that display who you really are. All you’ll end up doing, is pushing people away.
Here are 10 reasons why they’re NOT that into you:
1. You depend on them.
Knowing that your partner will be there for you no matter what, is a beautiful thing. Expecting your partner to be there, and depending on them for everything, is NOT beautiful. This type of behavior shows how little confidence you have in yourself.
2. You love fishing… for compliments.
“I feel so ugly today. Don’t I look ugly today?”
“Ugh why am I so fat?!”
Since your self-confidence is running on empty, you fish to keep yourself feeling full! And guess what guys, this includes YOU too! A big ego is usually the result of low self-confidence, and by fishing for compliments, you’re giving your ego a boost! You’ll never receive genuine compliments this way… but you may gain the title of being annoying and insecure.
3. You’re pushing them to change who they are.
It’s simple – When you like someone, like them for all that they are. If you’re dating someone and you think to yourself “I like them, but….”, STOP! Do not take this relationship any further. Compromises in relationships are healthy, but attempts to change each other are not.
4. You don’t have your own hobbies or interests.
It’s great to have similar interests and to share hobbies, but it’s equally important to have your own. You don’t have to do EVERYTHING together. It’s actually healthy to do things that you like, just for you. Girls, you don’t have to barge in on his poker nights to prove your love, and guys you don’t have to get all bendy in her yoga classes to keep her attention. Support each other in your individual hobbies, and create some new ones you can do together. It’s all about maintaining a healthy balance.
5. You don’t have your own friends.
At the beginning of the relationship, you had lots of friends. But somewhere down the line, you begun replacing them for your partner’s friends. You feel this urgency to have the exact same life because you think this will create a stronger bond… but it doesn’t. You’re scaring them away. Stop. Make an effort to hold on to your own friendships – You’ll always need them!
6. You lack drive and motivation.
You may have a job, but you don’t really care for it. You don’t make a point to stay healthy, and you have a tendency to be lazy. A lack of drive and motivation is not attractive! Successful people attract successful people. Be who you wish to attract. If you’re lacking motivation, perhaps that’s a sign that you’re actually unhappy with your life. Find what makes you happy, gain some motivation, then re-enter the dating scene. Trust me, this will make a world of difference in the quality of people that you attract.
7. You flirt with other people.
“But flirting is innocent!” Says the person who feels insecure in their relationship. If you’re truly happy and confident in your relationship, you won’t feel a need to flirt with others. But if you’re lacking self-confidence, you’ll end up with the wrong types of people. You’ll have a hungry ego that needs to be fed because you aren’t getting that nourishment within your relationship. Or perhaps you do find a great partner, but because you’re running so low on confidence, you’ll find yourself flirting with others just to fill you up. Either way, stop the vicious cycle and work on building your self-confidence before you get into another relationship.
8. You don’t communicate how you really feel.
Sulking and not speaking up won’t help remedy a situation. You also can’t expect your partner to be a mind-reader. A lack of self-worth can lead to a fear of speaking your mind. Understand that your words are worthy of being heard, and that your feelings are worthy of being expressed. Learn to speak up, before you push them away.
9. You love playing… mind-games.
Unless you’re looking for an immature relationship, stop with the games! People tend to play mind-games because they become addicted to the chase, and not the relationship. If you want real answers and real actions, start being real.
10. You don’t take care of yourself.
A lack in the self-care department is the direct result of a lack of self-love. If you don’t take care of yourself, you’ll begin to fall apart from the inside out. Self-care is all about keeping yourself healthy – mind, body, and soul. Learn to love yourself first. Learn to adopt a healthy self-care system so you can feel good from the inside out. The result of healthy self-love, is a more attractive you.
Focus on building yourself up prior to jumping into the dating scene. The first relationship you should dedicate yourself to, is the relationship with yourself. Stop scaring people away with your insecurities and instead, reel them in with your confidence. Love yourself, build your self-confidence, know your worth, and then prepare yourself for something magical… like real love. Trust me… they WILL be into you.
I have a message but not sure if in the right place bur got a message from guy on pof and I enjoy this sight but not what he said to me
I’m years late but what an excellent post. It really opened my eyes to how my low self esteem is effecting my dating life. Thanka for the words of wisdom!