Find Yourself Before You Look For Love

Everyone is always in such a hurry to find love—but perhaps women more so than men, given the societal pressures we often face when it comes to the subject of relationships. Unlike single men, single women constantly have to hear questions like…

Why are you still single?

Why don’t you have a boyfriend?

When are you ever getting married?

If you heard questions like that all the time, wouldn’t you feel pressured, too?

But here’s the thing—pressure or no pressure, love is never going to adhere to your deadlines. It will happen when you least expect it. You’re not going to find love by aggressively seeking out your “soulmate.” At the end of the day, love will find you—not the other way around.

So instead of wasting your precious singledom on such a tiresome and frustrating venture, why not use this time to find yourself instead? Finding yourself—finding out who you really are and what you want out of life—is a more worthwhile venture because when love does finally find you, you’ll actually be prepared for it.

Here’s why you need to find yourself first:


Have you ever been in a relationship that didn’t work out because you eventually realized that the person wasn’t right for you? Oftentimes, failed relationships stem from not knowing what you really want in a partner. But to find it out, you have to see what’s out there—you have to go out on dates.

Dating is actually an important part of finding yourself. But the goal, at least for the time being, is not to meet the love of your life—it’s to have fun and enjoy your freedom. Meet some people, go on blind dates, or maybe try online dating (make sure to stay safe) just so you can see what’s out there, and figure out what you want and what you don’t want in a partner.


In your quest to find yourself, you’ll inevitably end up doing a lot of things on your own—like traveling the world, taking up new and exciting hobbies, or chasing your dream career. Finding yourself will teach you true independence, and that’s something every person should learn before they embark on a romantic relationship. Experts say that maintaining your independence even when you’re with someone will ultimately lead to a healthier relationship.


You have to be happy with who you are before you can find happiness with another. It makes sense, doesn’t it? Healthy relationships, after all, are not built on personal dissatisfaction, insecurities, and self-loathing.

Finding yourself is a very personal process that allows you to examine every aspect of yourself and your life. It allows you to come to terms with who you are, who you want to be, and what you want out of life. And somewhere along that journey, you’ll learn to love yourself and be happy without needing anyone to make you feel complete.

We’ve all heard the saying: two halves do not make a whole. It takes two equally whole people to make a committed relationship work.

And you can only be truly whole once you’ve found yourself.


Joan Kissler

Posted by Joan Kissler

Joan Amelia Kissler (aka Jones) is an aspiring blogger, frequent traveler, and a budding DJ. In 2014, she quit her job as a paralegal to pursue her dream of writing full-time and producing her own music. She loves sharing her thoughts and ideas through writing and is currently working towards starting her own travel and music blog. In her spare time, Joan also enjoys playing gigs at local bars, reading mystery novels, hunting for vintage vinyl records, and watching obscure foreign language films.

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