Signs Your Single-Self May Be Too Picky

“Why are you still single?” – is a commonly asked question that is essentially a backwards compliment. It implies “Wow, you’re great, why doesn’t anybody want you?”

The most common responses are:

“I just haven’t met anyone I have chemistry with.”

“The one I wanted got away.”

“All the good ones are taken.”

I think the best response would be, “None of your business!” The only person who needs to know the real reason you’re still single is you. But do you know? If you’re frustrated with being single and want to find a lasting relationship you need to honestly admit you may be doing something wrong. It starts with the choices you make.

4 Signs You’re Too Picky

  1. Your physical requirements for a partner are hard to find

Do you require a guy who towers over you, and you’re 5’9? Or require a girl who’s a size 2 and half your age? Maybe it’s someone with blue eyes, a full head of hair, or supermodel looks? If you do find someone who fits the exterior requirements do you ignore all the red flags and put up with bad behavior because you’re so physically attracted?

  1. Your behavioral expectations are non-flexible

Do you have strict rules and expectations for how your lover should treat you? Like needing a lot of attention, communication, affection, or other specific action? I’m not recommending you lower healthy boundaries, but if you can take care of your own needs and go with the flow a little more you’ll get a better response.

  1. You’re pining for a previous love and comparing everyone new to that ex

Don’t allow your past to prevent you from having a great future. If you’re still holding on to hope that the amazing relationship you once shared with an ex is going to come back you’re standing in your own way of happiness, and wasting precious time.

  1. You have a friend you think is amazing but you’re just not attracted to him/her

A lot of my clients tell me they have a friend that would be perfect for them if only they found them attractive. Well, your thoughts create your feelings.

Time passes more quickly as you get older and years can very easily slip away. Ask anyone you know who is over 45 and still single if they wish they had been less picky. Then ask yourself if you would rather be alone for a couple decades or even the rest of your life than share it with your best friend, having fun, creating a family, and loving their slightly less than ideal qualities. I’m not talking about settling, I’m suggesting to change your perception. Think about what causes you to feel positive or negative about everything. So if you think you may not be attracted to this wonderful person in front of you, play around with the idea that you could be. Fantasize about being together and having that chemistry you crave; you can create it.

The passionate first three to six months of any relationship are impossible to recreate on the daily. It’s after that elation ends that true love begins. If you’re tired of the roller coaster of finding that chemistry and losing it, start looking for your best friend.


Donna Barnes

Posted by Donna Barnes

Donna Barnes is a Life, Relationship, and Heartbreak Coach certified by New York University and author of Giving Up Junk-Food Relationships: Recipes for Healthy Choices. She’s a frequent expert on Good Morning America, Nightlight, and many other shows. Donna has made hundreds of advice videos and written columns for various magazines and websites. With more than 30 years of personal dating experience in addition to academic knowledge Donna’s unique perspective has helped clients all around the world.

One thought on “Signs Your Single-Self May Be Too Picky

  1. Excellent advice and I think I needed to hear that to be able to move on and stop comparing those to my ex and get on with my future thank you

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