The Three Day Rule
An outdated piece of dating advice where singles are told to wait three days before contacting someone they’ve met online/offline, to avoid appearing too interested or desperate.
“But if you like someone, don’t you want to show them you’re interested?” That’s a great question and one that I respond to with a very enthusiastic YES.
I dare you to read on and drop the three day rule, once and for all.
Photo by Josh Felise on Unsplash
Earlier this year, Plenty of Fish conducted an in-depth study Conversation Nation 2018 which surveyed 2,000 singles from the United States to uncover dating behaviors across all generations. One trend that stood out among the findings was the rate in which singles reply to a text or in-app message when interested in someone.
The notion of waiting three days to reply back to a message is now officially defunct. Eighty-nine percent of singles will respond to a message on a dating app within 12 hours if interested, and 23 percent of those singles will respond right away (RIGHT AWAY!). How’s that for response time?
Singles stated that when you reply to a message right away, it shows you’re simply interested, and making yourself available. Unfortunately society, has for so long, taught us the opposite – you’re too eager, wait a couple days, or don’t message them until they message you first.
But listen to this! 75 percent of singles say leaving a message on “read,” the dating trend known as Cricketing, and not replying for days at a time, is a much more annoying texting habit than replying too quickly.
So if you’re wondering whether or not to message that interesting person you’ve gone on a date with, or flirted with a couple times on your dating app, just do it! If you’re interested in seeing them again, or would like to go on a date this week, don’t sit back and wait for them to be scooped up or to be messaged by someone else. Shoot them a quick text!
What is the etiquette for responding or NOT responding if you are NOT interested?
I honestly think it depends! If you’ve gone on a date or a couple, and the other person is clearly interested but you’re not quite feeling it, you should give them a heads up when they reach out again. A simple response like “Unfortunately, the chemistry isn’t there for me so I don’t think another date is in the cards for us.” You can certainly tailor your message based on how close you became with the other person but if you know in your heart you’re not interested, being straightforward is the best way to go vs. letting them message you three times before they get the hint that you’ve “ghosted” them.