It’s easy to focus on the numbers when you’re online dating — after all the data is right in front of you every time you log in. New messages = 5. Favorites = 10. Profile views = 324. But if there’s one number you should absolutely never pay attention to, it’s the last one. The number of views your profile receives actually has nothing to do with finding a match.
For most of my clients, that “profile views” number gives them lots of anxiety. “I got 700 views in the last few months but only got 10 emails,” one recently said. She’s not alone in stressing out over it. Even the women who get dozens of flirty messages daily worry about it because seeing that the view to message ratio is off balance makes them feel like they’re losing at the online dating game.
Here’s the deal: No matter how amazing your profile is, you’re always going to have more views than messages. It’s a fact. I’ve worked with thousands of online daters and have never seen an eDater with perfect analytics in this regard.
There are so many reasons someone might view you without messaging. Perhaps they accidentally clicked or they’re just browsing and not ready to date. Whether they’re on your profile for one second or one hour, it still counts as a view. And when you focus on views, what you’re forgetting is that you don’t want to date all of those guys, anyway! Many of them likely didn’t message you for good reason — they weren’t your type and wouldn’t have been a good match for you. Ultimately, it’s not helpful to have more messages in your inbox if they’re not from the right people. (And isn’t it annoying when you get messages from guys you wouldn’t want to date anyway?)
Multiple views from the same user also bring your tally up higher. In my experience, someone you’re flirting with online returns to your profile often — about once every other message with you, and once or twice after a date with you. If you exchange six messages with a match before you get offline like I always suggest, that means that on average, every person you date accounts for about four to five views!
Of course, there may be room for improvement in your profile. Perhaps some guys who viewed you didn’t send a message because your photos aren’t awesome (all men prioritize photos first and won’t start or continue a conversation if they aren’t wowed), or your profile was too generic (you need to give them some topics of conversation in order for them to feel comfortable messaging). Take an objective look at what you’re putting out there on the Wink Wide Web and see if there are things you could be doing better.
Remember — while it’s easy to run the numbers on your dating life, it’s ultimately about finding The One, not just any One. As long as you’re continually meeting matches, you’re moving your heart forward.
