6 Dating “Rules” That Are Simply Outdated

When we embark on finding love, we can sometimes get caught up in a whole lot or rules and regulations. Should we do this vs what we should actually do now. Whilst there are still core values and foundations to follow in building a relationship, the way in which we date has changed a little. So, it’s time to dust off the rule book and cross a few out to re-write some new ones:

The guy should make the first move

Sure, it’s nice for men to take the initiative to contact you, but let’s not forget that they can be just as shy. Don’t be scared to make the first move or contact. Men love a confident woman, plus it also helps getting the conversation happening, rather than waiting for days to be able to chat. The important part is to remember not to come across to aggressive or desperate. Be friendly and bold but let him do the chasing.

The man should always pay for the dates

Personally, I think it’s always more traditional and romantic if the man pays for the first date. But that doesn’t mean that he should be expected to! Make sure you also offer to pay your share. It’s not about trying to own him or test him, but rather contributing to the date in some way to pay your respects. It’s all about finding that balance on the first date.

You must wait a day before you respond to them

Playing games in dating will never get you anywhere. Yes, there needs to be a little bit of chase, but don’t confuse leaving some mystery about yourself with playing too hard to get. Being honest and open will mean that you can send clear signals and get clear responses back.

It’s embarrassing to say you met online

It used to be taboo to say you met online, now it is more common than meeting someone in real life! There is nothing to be ashamed about when it comes to online dating. We forget that looking for love online shows that we are being proactive and taking control over our love life, instead of just waiting for it to happen.

No kissing on the first date

There is something magical in waiting until you start being intimate, however if the moment calls for a quick kiss then go for it! It’s important to have fun when you date and not get stuck on the rule book. Whilst I do think you should wait awhile to go the whole way , stealing a kiss when you can both feel the chemistry is always something that will help you decide whether or not you want to see each other again

 You need to go on at least two dates to give them a go

If you aren’t feeling it from the first date, then chances are you won’t be felling it on the second. Don’t feel obliged to continue to date someone just for the sake of it, or to try and force it to work. You’ll only be wasting both of your time and holding back the person who is right for you.


Questions to Ask Your S.O. Before Buying a Home Together

Deciding if you’re ready to buy a home with your significant other can be an exciting and stressful season of life. While it’s fun to start the process in finding your dream home, both of you likely have different expectations and opinions of what that actually looks like. When it comes to finances, location, size and caring for your home, things can get complicated quickly—especially if you haven’t communicated these things up front. If you’re open with each other and willing to listen and compromise, you’ll have fewer conflicts to deal with down the road. Here are five questions you should ask your significant other before buying a home together:

Is space more important to you than location?

The best place to start when you’re buying a home with your significant other is with a conversation on location. Would you rather have a large home with plenty of outdoor space and surrounded by neighbors? Or would you rather have a smaller town home that’s in the heart of the city? If you can’t see yourself settling into the city but your S.O. can’t stand the thought of maintaining a yard, try compromising with a house in between. Choosing to negotiate is a great way to make sure you’re both still satisfied with where you live a year or two later.

How long are we going to live here?

Investing in a home you both can see yourselves settling down in for the long run is different than buying a starter home. If you plan on staying in your new home long term and raising children in it, then you’ll probably want to discuss a budget for home upgrades or renovations throughout the years. If you decide on a starter home, you’ll want to discuss how you’re going to spend your money to make the house comfortable while you’re there. If you both have different opinions on what you’re ready for, take some time to weigh the pros and cons of both options before you jump into anything.

What’s our budget for safety upgrades?

This isn’t talked about in the home buying space as much as it should be. Safety is important, especially when you’ve just spent more than you’d like to admit on a down payment for your home. Unfortunately, safety doesn’t come free, and you may need to increase your savings goal to be as prepared as you’d like to be. You can start small, with security “props” like a fake security camera. Not only is it a fraction of the cost of an actual security camera, but “most fake security cameras have a noticeable blinking LED light that deters at night when criminals are active,” according to home security experts. This makes it a great stand-in while the both of you save for the alarm system you agree is best for your home.

How do we divide household duties?

Nobody enjoys cleaning the house, paying bills or purchasing groceries, but you’ve got to work out a system for day-to-day maintenance or else you’ll both end up frustrated. People often assume living with and adjusting to your significant other will be a breeze, especially because it’s someone you truly care about. Men and women have very different opinions on what living cohesively with someone else looks like so it’s important expectations are discussed up front. If you let the frustration with your partner build, it can lead to unhappiness and ultimately a split. If simply delegating and agreeing on chores isn’t working for you, try a chore chart where you either take turns or split them fairly. Of course you have to stick to the chore chart and pull your weight around the house for it to truly work.

Are we prepared for the responsibility?

Owning a home takes a tremendous amount of commitment and responsibility. You no longer have a landlord to call when your refrigerator stops running or your air conditioner stops working in the middle of summer. Paying rent or your bills a few days late simply isn’t an option anymore. If you know you aren’t prepared for the responsibility but your S.O. is pressuring you into it, it’s best for everyone involved if you speak up. In addition, if you can’t see yourself or your S.O. staying committed to the home for years to come, consider renting for a year or two before you buy. It’s a lot less stressful and financial safe to figure out if you just can’t live with someone before actually investing in a house together.

How To Know It’s Time To Call It Quits

When it’s needed, breaking up is harder to do than anything except for not breaking up.  But how do you know it’s time?

Are we having fun yet?

We all know relationships involve work.  But good relationships are overbalanced towards fun and reward—by a factor of twenty.  Literally, happy couples have 20x more positive interactions than negative, work-inducing ones.

And in a really solid dating relationship, the work often feels like play.  Being in love is the great motivating force that helps us put in the time and effort to build a future together, feeling more like “us against the world” than “me against you.”

So if you’ve been settling for 50/50, that’s a bad ratio.  Yes, sometimes really long-term relationships hit rough spots and couples need counseling.  But you’re dating.  Anytime a dating relationship involves more pain than pleasure, more unpleasant work than good times–it’s time to move on.

Does my partner listen only when I’ve got a foot out the door?

Did you know?  Whether or not a couple is happy, a full 2/3 of every couple’s problems never get solved.  Research proves you should pick someone whose differences you can live with, because most differences don’t ever fully go away.  Fifty years from now, you’re still going to be having that fight about who wipes the crumbs off the counter.

Put more optimistically, you don’t have to agree on everything to make a good life together.  But you’d better choose a partner who deeply cares about your happiness, and who is motivated to meet your needs/clear the crumbs as much as they’re able—because they actively want to further your well-being, not because you’re leaving them. Otherwise, de-fanging tough ongoing issues is impossible, because the underlying attitude says, “Your needs aren’t important unless I’m losing something.”

Committing to a partner whose primary allegiance is “me” not “we” means you’ve lost your ability to negotiate and to be heard unless you’re perpetually ready to pack your bags.  Instead, pack them now—and lock the door behind you

If my best friend was in this relationship, how would I advise them?

In my client work, I frequently hear from people who are being treated terribly.  Maybe their dating partner is stringing them along year after year with false promises, or publicly humiliating them, or withholding sex for months on end.

Whatever it is, as soon as I ask the question above, they get much clearer.

Factually speaking, a lack of kind and respectful treatment should be a total deal-breaker—because the relationship really is doomed.  If you’re going to have a happy love life, you’re going to insist on having a partner who treats you as a cherished friend and who welcomes your views, even when things aren’t going their way.  I cannot overstate this: settling for less is settling for pain.

Was the relationship worth it before this happened?

Factors inside and outside a relationship can cause us to reassess.  Betrayals happen when there’s a large mismatch between what we expect and what our partner does—whether that’s an affair, hiding money, or any other big violation of trust. Other times, a life change emerges, such as a move or new career or school option.

Transition points like these indicate a long road ahead.  If you already didn’t get what you needed from the relationship, it’s time to make the break.

Ultimately, these questions lead to the one question that will never let you down: Are we on the same team?  Loving is something we do birth to death.  Attachment never stops mattering.  It’s vital to attach to someone who is with us and for us—or to break the attachment and find someone who is.

7 Signs Your First Date is Going Great

If you’ve been online dating for any length of time, you know that first dates can be very hit or miss. Sometimes, you just don’t seem to hit it off at all. In these cases, you exchange an awkward hug at the end of the evening, and call it a night. Sometimes, however, you receive a call or text the next day asking to hang out again. Dumbfounded, you wonder if he or she was on the same date as you.

While we can all laugh about these awkward encounters, sometimes you simply hit it off with someone right away and your first date goes off without a hitch. During these times, however, you may be wondering, “am I the only one who feels this way?”

To avoid these misunderstandings, we wanted to look at tangible evidence that indicates a date is going well. We came up with this simple checklist you can use to analyze your outing; here are seven signs your first date is going great!

[ √ ] Genuine Face Time

I’m not talking about the FaceTime app on your iPhone, I mean face time as in eye contact, nodding, and smiling. If your date is too busy looking through his or her phone instead of at you, it’s a good sign they may not be interested. Pay attention to this, it’s definitely bad form to scroll through your phone and ignore your date.

On the other hand, you can tell if your date is really engaged in the conversation by his or her body language. Is he or she reacting to the conversation, leaning in, nodding, smiling or laughing?Smiling can also be a good indicator of mutual attraction.

[ √ ] The Conversation Flows, Easily

Are you and your date able to have a normal conversation, or are there a lot of awkward pauses? If you’re able to converse comfortably, it’s a good indication that you feel at ease around each other. It’s an even better sign if you’re able to crack jokes and share your sense of humor.

Of course, if the conversation doesn’t flow freely, don’t write your date off just yet. Remember, everyone can have first-date jitters, and it can be hard for some people to open up right away. You also don’t want your date to feel too much like an interview with pre-rehearsed questions.

If you’re enjoying yourself and having a normal conversation, rest assured things are going well. This is a good sign that you can at least communicate, and as you know, that’s a non-negotiable foundation piece for any successful relationship.

[ √ ] They Make You Laugh

Not every first date is going to be a comedy show, and it really shouldn’t be, but if you’re able to laugh with your date from the get go, you’re already ahead of the game. Plus, this means you’re probably pretty comfortable with him or her, which isn’t always the case when you meet someone new.

[ √ ] You Have Things in Common

While we all have heard “opposites attract,” it’s a lot easier to get to know someone when you have some common interests. Plus, this sparks ideas for future dates if you’re both into similar music or movies or enjoy the same types of activities.

[ √ ] You Get the Feeling They’re a Good Person

I once found myself on a date where the guy yelled at our waitress because his tacos were breaking. Newsflash, genius, hard-shell tacos crack when you bite into them. I knew right away I didn’t want to be on a date with someone who was that rude to other people.

First impressions are very important, and you can generally tell when someone has good intentions. Pay attention to the way your date talks to you, the wait staff, or anyone else you interact with. If they’re generally courteous to the people around you, they’re most likely a nice person, or at least on their best behavior for the date, as they should be.

[ √ ] No One Pulls the “Something-Suddenly-Came-Up” Move

We all know the classic get-out-jail-free or get-out-of-this-date-now lines; “I think I left my straightener on,” “my friend needs me to pick him up…”, etc. If your date suddenly bolts with a lame excuse, it’s a safe bet the evening is a wash. But if you met up for dinner and are going somewhere else for coffee or dessert or you’re still sitting and talking long after your plates have been cleared, it’s safe to say you’re both having a pretty good time.

Now, this doesn’t mean you want to have a marathon, all-night first date, but if no one is in a rush, go with the flow and enjoy getting to know your date.

[ √ ] The Long Kiss Goodnight

OK, don’t get too excited, some people don’t kiss on the first date, out of principle. When you part with your date, however, pay attention to if he or she leans in for a kiss or hug, or just awkwardly walks away. If there’s some sort of comfortable embrace, there may be a second date or at least an “I had a wonderful time” text.

Of course, if you don’t hug or kiss, don’t jump to the conclusion that all bets are off just yet. He or she just may need a little more time to get more comfortable with you.

Keep an eye out for these positive indications while you’re on your date. You generally know right away if you want to see the person again or not, but if you pay attention to the signs, you will have a better idea if your date is on the same page.

How can you tell your date is going well? Let us know in the comments below!

10 Easy Conversation Starters For Singles

Picture this: You’re sitting down together in a cute cafe, the server has just taken your drink orders as you settle into your booth together, you look her in the eyes (you like her a lot already), and THIS is the moment to start a great first date conversation…but you’re drawing a blank.

Even for those of us who are chatty Cathy’s in everyday life, it’s surprisingly easy to forget how to get a good conversation going. You may be  a bit nervous or intimidated, and that’s OK! To ensure you don’t default to the weather or sports teams, or heaven forbid, diving right into religion and or politics, here are our 10 easy conversations starters for singles:


  • Tell me about your dog/cat/pet I know it sounds kind of cliche, but people light up when it comes to their furry children. You shouldn’t expect to get a word in edgewise though!
  • Where is your favourite place to travel? This is a quick way to get someone to open up to you and share some of their most adventurous moments. Once you get on this topic, the sky’s the limit – maybe you’ve been to some of the same places, or maybe you have a similar travel bucket list!
  • What are you currently obsessing over? This could be anything – could be a new tech gadget, could be a new niece!
  • What are you excited about? A positive, open-ended question. You never know where it could lead!
  • What do you like to do on the weekends? If nothing else, this is a great way to learn about what someone does with their down time and if you share any common interests.
  • Have you read any good books lately? If they have not read a book in a good long time…that’s a dealbreaker, ladies.
  • Do you have any guilty pleasures? Spoiler alert: everybody does.
  • Are you taking any classes or learning anything new right now? Another opportunity to find some common ground.
  • Do you have any weird hidden talents? This could come in handy one day.
  • What are you watching on Netflix right now? Stranger Things? The Fall? The OA? Black Mirror? Everyone’s got something lined up for those quiet nights!


What are your favourite conversation starters for first dates? Feel free to share in the comments below!