The Urban Dictionary defines a “catch” as a spectacular find in marriage or dating. I define a catch as someone who has an attractive personality, a positive disposition, has passion/ambition in life and possesses a healthy sense of self worth and confidence. A good filter: put simply, a catch is someone you’d want your brother or sister to date.
So how can you up your stock value in the dating world to be a better catch this coming year? Here are a few pointers:
Ask Interesting Questions
Being an able conversationalist requires skill and practice. Communication is often described as the key ingredient to a healthy relationship, so if that ability is lacking, so will your ‘catch factor’.
You cannot build rapport by having a one-sided monologue or talking about gossip and trivial things. Connection requires lowering your defenses and showing vulnerability – it requires sharing. If you want to be more interesting, learn how to ask interesting questions. Think of questions that give people the opportunity to open up about themselves, their dreams, their fears, and their passions.
Embrace Your Domestic Side
Man or woman, unless you’re financially willing and able to have hired help around you 24/7, you need to learn basic survival skills such as how to cook and clean up after yourself. Feminists, get over being offended that anyone suggests you know anything about being domestic. This is not about sexist gender roles – it’s about reality and survival. Any human being should know how to take care of themselves whether they are single or in a partnership.
It’s impossible to have an authentic connection with someone who is playing a role and has defensive walls up. You are not more desirable because you act cold, tough, and aloof and have your vulnerability and emotions locked up in a vault. People mistaken softness for weakness, but do not understand that authenticity and vulnerability require incredible strength and courage. You want to build rapport? Show your human side. The perfect and invincible visage on display delays connection, and the people drawn to that image are likely the ones you don’t want to attract in the long run.
Stop Objectifying Yourself
You may be objectifying yourself without even knowing it. When you present your status, money, or physical beauty as your primary asset, you display your value to the world as an object first, human second. While this may garner attention and even attraction from others, it can be extremely difficult for someone to see past the superficial and connect with your essence – your actual self. When someone objectifies you and bases their attraction on that, you are easily replaced as it’s impossible to build loyalty to an object. And if you were to ever lose that superficial quality, chances are, you’d lose that person’s interest in you as well.
Lastly, one of the best ways to evolve and become the best version of you is through your relationships. The people you get close to become your greatest mirror, reflecting back to you your insecurities, trigger points and areas that need work. Don’t let the fear of rejection stop you from opportunities to meet people who can help you evolve. Be bold. Remember, you only need one person to give you a chance.
Amy Chan, Founder of www.JustMyType.ca