First impressions are everything, especially on the internet. And after working for the world’s largest dating site for over 4 years, I’ve often received feedback from users finding it difficult to connect with someone ( everything in due time!)
For instance, Men will often send out a ton of messages on PlentyOfFish and find themselves coming up short in the reply department. Women on the other hand are most often not sending enough (or any) messages, because they’re too busy waiting to be wooed. The truth is, they’re both failing miserably for a reason.
Here’s where I come in with years of behind the scenes pro tips to help you put your best foot forward when it comes to first impressions in the online dating world. Because sending that first message to another user can mean the difference between an amazing new romance, or a Friday night in with Ben and Jerry.
As a jumping off point, I have compiled the 10 messages that guarantee you WON’T get a reply.
1) “What’s up cutie ; ) what you up to ? We should chat sometime hmu. “
I can’t begin to express how frustrating it is to not only be called “cutie” (I am a GROWN WOMAN) by a total stranger but to throw in a “we should chat sometime HMU”. This is first message suicide. I’m pretty sure this has been sent to about 100 other users in hopes they will “hit you up”. If you were really interesting in chatting and getting to know someone, you’re going to need to put down more than a sentence. Give me something to work with. Mention an interest listed on my profile, or something we could converse about, otherwise it’s going to go to nowheresville, fast.
2) “Hello how are you my name is (insert name here) and I’m single and i’m trying to find my life long love.”
So you mean this isn’t a site for tips on growing better potatoes? In most cases with a message like this, the person means well. However, announcing your single status is useless here. Scale it back on the life long love stuff because let’s face it, I’m probably checking my Tinder profile after this.
For the record, if a profile intent is geared more towards Casual Dating/No Commitment, chances are you’ve lost them already – so read the profile and gauge what kind of relationship they’re looking for first. Take it SLOW. Also, check your grammar and spelling. Many people are huge sticklers for those details.
3) “HOLA BONITA HOW ARE U I JUST WANTED 2 SHOWCASE MY INTEREST IN YER BEAUTY…”
Okay whoa. On the internet, if you’re using Caps Lock, you’d better be Kanye West, or 90 years old. Otherwise, you’re screaming at me. Please refrain. Good try on the Spanish though!
4)“Hi how’s it going? I was just viewing your profile, and I’ll love you know more about you.”
Great start! This probably would receive a response if you’d included a thing or two included in my profile, in that “About Me” section we all grudgingly fill out. Was it my selfies? Was it something you related to? If you’re viewing my profile and would love to know more, mention something you noticed about me, or ask a question to learn more.
5) “Just came across your profile randomly. You seem like an interesting person? You are attractive. Would you like to chat?”
This isn’t exactly a snowstorm in July. We are both on an online dating site, so crazier things have happened than you coming across my profile. My dog also tells me everyday that I’m attractive. You will need to put in a little more effort.
6) “Gorgeous, text me” (insert phone number here)
Anyone who includes their phone number in a first contact message can step to the left. Stay away from these people 100% of the time.
7) “What do you do for fun, what do you do for a living, and what brings you on PlentyOfFish?”
More often than not, these are questions you’d know the answer to, had you taken the time to read my profile. Again, check my“About Me” section and “Profession” tab. To answer “what brings you here”…my dog needs a father figure so he’ll stop peeing in the yard like a girl. Next!
8) “Hi. I’m (insert name here). I’m a part time dad (or mom) to a beautiful 5yr old who is my world and my everything. I just want to be up front right away as I don’t play games or believe in wasting anyone’s time. So if that’s an issue let me know. I work full time and have my child every other weekend but as I’m lucky to have a job where I work 4 10hr days I do have free time for someone special. I’m not into clubs or bars but occasionally go to a pub for sporting events. I’m very outgoing as I love to talk about anything and everything. I love kids and animals, going for walks, being outside, whether at the beach or just walking or on the patio having a drink. That being said I also love watching movies and cuddling with my significant other I miss that. Sidenote, there’s no baggage or drama with the mother we split after our daughters first bday in case u were wondering. Sorry if it’s too much too soon I wear my heart in my sleeve and will always share my feelings. It’s who I am. 🙂 better to be blunt than to say nothing I figure. Anyways just wanted to say hi hope you had an awesome weekend.”
Good Lord. There’s always that one person who just unleashes every last thing you need to know in their initial message. While I always recommend being upfront and honest about your intentions and situation, there’s a little sense of TMI, especially when this is your opening. Too little can be boring, too much can be sensory overload and a general turn-off for any potential dates. A first message is geared to be an ice breaker, not a would-be therapy session.
9) “Hey how is it going? u into bi guys at all?”
While people certainly shouldn’t judge your sexuality, You’re coming on a bit strong with this one. At least save this for our third date.
10) “After a rigorously brief overview of your profile, I wanted to let you know I have already married and divorced you in my mind. Thanks for all the wonderful imaginary memories… you will always have a special place in my heart. Your Ex-husband, - p.s. You can keep the beach house in Florida as long as I can have the dog and my DVD’s back.”
One of THE oldest and most commonly used internet pick up lines. It’s unoriginal and has been used since the internet was blessed with cat videos. We know you didn’t write this witty (yet creepy) line yourself.
Hi am shalex 20 year old am single..am looking to marry up next…[email protected]
Hello..does any one out there get men that only want in your pants? Excuse my wording.but myself.im tired of it.i really want a relationship. And they seam nice at first…..then the sex comets start…it m a kestrel me sick….and I’m thinking of getting off of fish…Debi
This blog post should be sent to everyone when they first join.!
Love that idea Kate! Hopefully you’re spreading the word to your friends to subscribe as well 🙂
Fun post POF! #8 made me laugh. All good information but personally, I am ok with a one liner. The first message is just a ping anyways to communicate interest. I stopped even thinking about messaging a woman that has a requirement length for initial message. I said “Hi… this and that”, now go check my profile and we can chat if you are interested. The effort has to be spent where the interest lies.
Overall dating apps have not quite yet grasp the differences between men and women, how they communicate and how different are their needs, challenging!
Improvement could potentially be implemented to reduce the struggles some users are encountering, like Debi up here.
Oh and who drafts your first comment suggestions? “ Your profile is super interesting! How are you doing?” or “ OK, pizza or tacos?” This is awesome suggestions 😉 🤥😂😂