Let’s get down to it. You’ve been dating a guy, let’s call him Mark, for 4-6 months and you’re thinking it has some serious potential. You’ve accepted the fact that your single days may be over and you’re interested in having a committed relationship. You want to call Mark your boyfriend, because something feels different with this one. He’s smart, funny, attractive and overall a great catch. The only thing missing is that you haven’t secured this relationship with Mark yet.
There is usually a natural progression in a relationship, where the two people involved, are on the same page, but for you and Mark, this isn’t the case. There is nothing you’ve done wrong. It actually turns out, our pal, Mark simply isn’t looking for the same type of commitment.
Your lust and excitement about Mark, had you missing all the signs.
Here are the telltale indicators, he isn’t looking to commit any time soon.
He doesn’t plan…anything
There is no pre-date planning. Often he will ask you the same day what your evening plans are. He says it would be so great to see you, but then fails to follow up with a day, time and location.
Messages when it’s convenient
Messages or phone calls are few and far between. Just when you think it has fizzled out, he pops up in your inbox with a cute inside joke or message filled with flattery and exclamation marks – and we all know excessive use of punctuation means he’s totally into you. You’re pulled right back in, forgetting how you felt before because you think messages like this one, a couple times a week, are enough for you. They won’t be in the long run.
He’s often double booked
How convenient Mark. He always has a plan B, whether it be before or after your date night. The evening often gets interrupted by his incessant need to meet up with the buddies for a drink, rather than calling it a night and heading home together or catching a late night movie or ice cream – things couples do!
You’ve had the “what are we?” talk so many times, you sound like a broken record
Your relationship has always lived in the grey zone of uncertainty, which for people who are looking for commitment, is an extremely tricky place to be in. If you have to ask “what are we?” in the first place, it’s not great and worse, if you’ve asked this question more than once. The lack of clarity in his response should tell you everything. “I don’t know what this is” or “I like where this is at” are both indicators that he hasn’t even thought about the future.
Alone time is mostly physical and the day date is rare
The time you spend together is fun but it lacks quality or substance. Your physical spark may be lit, but if there is no time spent outside of the bedroom, it’s pretty obvious that you’ve got yourself a “friends with benefits” situation.
His affection is non existent in public
Mark is a cuddler, he loves to pull you in tight, hug and kiss you in private but in public he acts like your awkward brother. Why Mark Why! Sure, maybe Mark claims he isn’t the biggest fan of PDA, but there should still be gestures that confirms his interest in you.
You don’t have one another on social media
Hold the phone! It’s been 6 months of dating and you and Mark still don’t follow each other on Instagram or Facebook??? WHAT! Maybe the two of you haven’t been sucked into the social media frenzy of modern day communication, but if you are both active on social and there have been no “likes”, photo tags or inclusion of your name in status updates, this is HUGE! You aren’t even close to being Facebook official.
You second guess yourself
Now this is the real kicker. Everything Mark is doing, has somehow left you feeling like you’re 100% the problem. The minute you start to second guess who you are or how you should act around him, it’s pretty obvious things aren’t going to work out here. You have to accept the fact that you and Mark are looking for two very different things from one another.
The fact is, if you were looking for a fun fling, Mark would be perfect. When you know exactly what it is you’re looking for and that something is commitment, it is so important to make sure your partner is looking for the same thing. If you ever find yourself putting check marks next to the list above, re-evaluate your current situation and figure out if it’s worth pursuing or not.