How to Stay Positive and Keep Going After Failed Attempts at Finding a Partner

Searching for love can seem like an endless task. When it begins to feel like an exhausting, grueling mission we tend to lose our zest for it, don’t we? How many times do we have to pick up after a failed attempt at a relationship? Could this person be the one? You’ve paid your dues; it must be, right?

Sometimes love feels very far away. After many disappointments, heartbreaks and too much discouragement, you start to lose your patience waiting for the “right one”. Suddenly you understand what it’s like to be a non-believer.

Photo by Roberto Nickson on Unsplash

Yet, as defeating as it seems, most of us continue to fight for love. Even those of us who typically exude confidence have questioned our own worth. We’ve all shed tears over someone who didn’t deserve our time.

You’ve been through enough; you’re convinced your next relationship will be IT. Your friends have found their person, even the ones who weren’t trying so hard. You can’t understand why it hasn’t happened for YOU yet. You even start to analyze strangers or couples you see and think to yourself, “How did that happen? OR “What is it about her or him that I don’t have?”

All you want is to just meet someone you actually like and have it work out. Seems simple enough.

It’s time to regain your strength, restore your faith and love again! Focus on what’s positive in your life and take these four takeaways with you:

Give yourself time

Mourn, cry, scream, sulk, talk your friends’ ears off, take a break from dating, and reconnect with yourself. It’s OK to stay in bed and not leave the house for a day or two but at some point, you must cut your sadness off. Give it an expiration date and reclaim your power. Fill your days with tasks you can focus on and successfully complete to stop your from wandering back into sad state of mind.

Trust the process

There are certain things we can’t control, like a partner who is unfaithful, or falling for someone who is incapable of giving you what you want and deserve. Trust that these experiences bring us closer to what we are meant to have. That you are being spared in the long run. This all sounds a little cliche we need to hear to feel better, but it’s the truth. You can either choose to believe it or close yourself off from anyone in the future.

Photo by Eye for Ebony on Unsplash

Turn to what makes you happy

Turning to what makes you happy will bring back your self-love and optimism. It’s easy to forget how amazing you are in the dark fog that forms around your worth at the height of despair. Rest assured, the fog will fade and you will start to see how special you are again, in time. Embrace yourself with feel-good people and activities. Engage in your passions. Love and accept yourself. Understand that loving someone doesn’t make them right for you. Don’t blame yourself or wonder what it is about you that can’t be loved; sometimes it really isn’t you, it’s them. It’s timing. It’s a bunch of factors that may have nothing to do with you.    

Find the right fit

When you do start dating again, make sure you and your suitors’ intentions are aligned and your needs are being met. Believe that one day, you will find your person. You will end up with someone just as special as yourself, because you, my dear, have earned it.

For more advice from Julia Bekker, check out

Julia Bekker

Posted by Julia Bekker

Julia Bekker, aka Hunting Maven is a love hunter, dating expert, coach and advice columnist who introduces successful, selective, clientele to quality men and women by finding their ideal options out of millions. Julia creates a direct path for her clients to meet and fall in love with the right person, and advises them along the way. She believes no one is perfect but someone is right, and settling is not in her vocabulary.

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