If you’re anything like me, the conversations you have with your single crew are generally about dating advice. Sharing dating experiences, asking how to respond, consulting the group to make a move (or not), and everything in between. Honestly, it’s so great to have people to help you navigate through the single life—I’d recommend it to anyone.
Whether you met your single crew on POF or not, knowing you can message them for support is incredibly comforting. But that doesn’t mean that things can’t get complicated. There are lots of moving parts, everyone’s experience is different, and advice that you’d give one person may not necessarily be the same thing you’d give to another. Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered with some advice guidelines below. Get ready to be the new go-to advice expert of your single crew!
The delivery of info and opinions is so important. These tips probably go without saying when chatting with friends (or anyone really), but serve as a nice refresher for how to approach giving advice.
Ask if they want advice
Sometimes people just need to vent and don’t want your take or to be told what to do. If your friend hasn’t specified what they want, make sure you ask! Side note: if you’re the one venting and needing advice, I find it’s best to ask if someone has the capacity to hear you out. It goes both ways, y’all.
The key to great communication is listening. When your friend is talking to you, really listen to what they’re saying. If you’re in person, read their body language too. Try not to start thinking of what you’ll say and what to bring up with them after—stay present.
They’re coming to you for a reason—they value your opinion, trust that you won’t judge them, and know they can count on you. You should be honored to be chosen and you owe them your honest thoughts about what’s going on.
You know your friends best and sometimes you’ll need to tell them things they might not want to hear. They’re already being vulnerable with you though, so make sure you ease them into your advice. Take a soft approach to start, then adjust as necessary.
Put yourself in their shoes
Friend or not, it takes guts to go to someone and ask for help. Hear where they’re coming from and try to put yourself in their shoes. And remember: what works or has worked for you may not be the best thing for them.
The Who and What
Everyone plays a different role in each single crew, which means you’ll need to adjust how you give advice to people and what to say.
The one who never listens to your advice
It feels like this friend hears you and agrees that you’re right, then they turn around and do the complete opposite. Obviously, you want to be a supportive friend, but you may need to have a conversation if it turns into a pattern. No need to waste your time or theirs if they’re not willing to hear it!
The one who can’t respond or make a move without advice
This friend is probably reaching out to you 24/7 about what they need to do. Give them your advice, but don’t let them lean on you and be too reliant. At the end of the day, they need to make their own choices and they’re responsible for living their own life.
The one who just needs a gut check
They already have things figured out and have their next moves mapped out. All they’re looking for is to bounce their ideas off of you and get support before following through.
The one who overthinks everything
They may be coming to you for advice about every little thing or be suffering in silence while they misinterpret the most simply worded text. Try to ease their nerves, share your thoughts, and calmly tell them to trust their intuition.
The one who never asks for advice
The strong and silent type. If you wait for them to come to you, you may be waiting forever because it’ll never happen. Make sure you take time to check in with them to let them know they can open up and have a safe space with you. They’ll come to you in their own time.
The best time to start using these guidelines to give advice? Right now! Trust me, your single crew will really appreciate this new style—it’s thoughtful, honest, real, and not a one-size-fits-all approach. Plus, once you step up your advice game, others will follow and you’ll receive better advice—everyone wins! Now go forth, give great advice, and change your dating life for the better.