By: Kylie M. for YourTango.com
Meeting a partner online can be overwhelming — but now, we’re making it easy. We spoke with YourTango online dating experts Julie Spira, author of the book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating, and Dina Colada, creator of the Sassy Sexy Single Dating Toolkit for Women to learn just what buzzwords your potential partners are looking for in your dating profile — and what they’re not.
So, here’s what your future somebody really wants to see. (Hint: it’s not your chess skills!)
Words guys should use on their profiles:
1. Romantic. Colada says women love it because “They imagine being swooned by their future Prince Charming. Candlelit dinners, massages and plenty of flowers come to mind when women see the word ‘romantic.'”
2. Great Listener. Again, Colada says that it’s because women will automatically feel that they’re understood. Knowing that a man wants to — and actually enjoys — listening, it makes her feel more connected.
3. Understanding. Sounds like a no-brainer, right? Wrong. Apparently, some people still need reminding. “Is there anyone out there who doesn’t want to be understood?” Colada asks. Pretty sure we already know the answer to that one!
4. Adventurous, Fun And Outgoing. Women want to see a man that’s happy with his life but is looking to add a little more spice to the mix — especially with the right woman.
Here‘s what you should skip, fellas:
1. “I’m A Handsome Guy.” Spira says that using language like this might send the wrong message. “We know men lie about their height and income on their profiles,” she says. “Who says he’s so handsome? Can you imagine a first phone date when he says, ‘so let me tell you about myself… I’m pretty hot.’ The phone call may just get disconnected, on purpose.”
2. “Interested In A Drama-Free Woman.” A guy that says this right from the get-go should raise a few red flags, for sure. “It sounds like he’s not over his last relationship,” Spira says. Oh, and, just one more thing. Who actually wants to sign up for heavy drama? It’s a burden that women won’t want online or offline, for that matter.
3. “Looking For A Sexy And Passionate Woman.” This might just be the absolute no-no for a girl who’s looking for a serious mate. “Can we say booty call?” Spira says. With that with language like this you should “expect someone who wants sex on the first date, or shortly thereafter.”
4. “I Love Romantic Walks On The Beach And Sunsets.” Oh, so cliché. Ditch it from your profile, Spira warns. Chances are you’ll see a sunset someday with one of your dates. But putting it on your profile just makes it look like you’ve copied and read every other profile on the Internet.
Here’s the type of stuff dudes go crazy for on a woman’s “About Me.”
1. “I Do yoga.” Believe it or not, men love to see the word ‘yoga’ in a profile because it immediately paints a picture in his mind of you doing backbends in the bedroom. If you’re not doing yoga yet, it’s time to get started. In addition to being great for your potential sex life, it’s also great for your mind, body and your spirit.
2. Admitting You’re Not Afraid To ‘Feel.’ Here’s the thing about the word ‘feeling’ — it lets a man know that you’re not afraid to be authentic and that you’re in touch and brave enough not to hide from your real self. Guys want to know that you’re not afraid of yourself — because they’re scared of drama.
3. Respect. “Using the words, ‘I respect when a man does what he needs to fulfill his life’, shows that he will be respected and at the same time feel free to enjoy himself, Colada says. “Men don’t want a woman who’s going to be their ball and chain.”
4. Outgoing. We know, it made the guys’ list too, but here’s the thing: men and women both want to see a person that’s not afraid to go out and get what they want from life. That kind of go-getter attitude transfers over to relationships — and that’s a huge turn-on!
Here’s what you should stay away from saying, ladies:
1. “I‘m Searching For My Soulmate.” Sorry, but Spira says that a phrase like this is just an overused cliché. She says, “Great relationships don’t always include the word ‘soul-mate’ in them” and she’s totally right. “It sounds like you’re dreaming about someone that’s too good to be true.”
2. “Must Have Chemistry And A Connection.” Okay, who doesn’t want that hot and instant chemistry with someone? Spira says that though it might be great for the bedroom, getting under the sheets on the first date might send the wrong message — you’re only into sex.
3. “Looking For A Financially Secure Man.” It’s basically like saying, “Hey! I need someone to support me.”
4. “I’ve Got Beauty And Brains.” Yes, Spira admits, it’s true that men want smart, beautiful, confident women. However, advertising that you’re beautiful really just says that you’re insecure. Guys are visual. Either they’ll like your photos and decide to write to you, or they won’t think you’re their type.
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This article originally appeared on yourtango.com: Online Dating Profile Buzzwords: Words you Need to Use & Lose