How To Have A Happy Valentines Day: For Couples

We usually focus on offering Valentines Day advice to singles, but we know that this Hallmark Holiday can be rough for couples, too. That’s why we’re doling out the advice to those who happened to be attached this February 14th. 

Will you be one of the 6 million couples who get in engaged (if you’re not already engaged or married) on Valentines Day? Will you be the recipient of one of the 36 million heart shaped boxes containing some of the 58 million pounds of chocolate sold? Or will you toast the special occasion with some of the 174,000 gallons of bubbly consumed? Are you going to be doing…absolutely nothing? However you plan to spend this special day of love here are some tips to insure a more pleasant experience:

1. Don’t expect your partner to read your mind and fulfill your unspoken fantasies for Valentine’s Day. If you have very specific desires then communicate them to your partner. Which brings us to the next tip…

2. Engage in clear need expression to avoid misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Make sure that what you are asking for is reasonable given the duration and depth of your relationship.

3. Be open to accepting expressions of love from your partner that might not match up with yours. Stay in the moment and appreciate any meaningful or thoughtful effort even if it falls short of your expectations.

4. Maintain reasonable expectations. If your partner isn’t the romantic type then your shouldn’t expect a trail of rose petals leading from the front door to your bedroom where you find a bottle of champagne, chocolate covered strawberries and a heart made out of rose petals on the bed.

5. Identify and focus on your partner’s strengths and what you love and appreciate about them. Keep those in mind if your lover falls short of your expectations on Valentine’s Day. And, remember that those are the gifts that keep on giving throughout the year.

Michelle Skeen, PsyD is a therapist and the author of LOVE ME, DON’T LEAVE ME: Overcoming Fear of Abandonment & Building Lasting, Loving Relationships (New Harbinger, 2014). For more information, go to

Michelle Skeen

Posted by Michelle Skeen

Michelle Skeen, PsyD, is a therapist who lives and works in San Francisco, CA. She has provided brief and long-term therapy for individuals and couples utilizing schema, cognitive, and behavioral therapies to address interpersonal issues, weight management, anger, depression, anxiety, disabilities, and trauma. She is author of The Critical Partner and coauthor of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy for Interpersonal Problems. Skeen hosts a weekly radio show called Relationships 2.0 with Dr. Michelle Skeen on KCAA 1050 AM.

One thought on “How To Have A Happy Valentines Day: For Couples

  1. valentine day is the day of love and if you are in true love you wouldn’t expect anything and your lover easily understand what you want you need not to speak..i read these tips and i am totally agree here for how can we celebrate our valentine day with our partner.these are important and useful tips for the couples.i appreciate here keep sharing some new tips.

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