1. I Like Big Butts and I Cannot Lie
What They’re Trying To Say: You’re not society’s version of perfect, you’re my version of perfect.
How It Comes Across: I have acknowledged your flaws and am still interested. I should be rewarded for this.
While it’s great that you are interested regardless of our imperfections, if you really cared, you wouldn’t mention them at all. In fact you wouldn’t see them as imperfections.
2. I Think You Look Great Without makeup/those revealing clothes/your hair in that style!
What They’re Trying to Say: You don’t need those things to be beautiful.
How It Comes Across: This is how I like my women and you need to adhere to those standards.
Heads up boys, the majority of that stuff we’re doing isn’t for you. It’s for us. It makes us feel great and sexy and if a boy likes that too, then that’s just a bonus.
3. Insert cliched opener/witty random line
What They’re Trying To Say: You’re so special I created this unique opening line just for you.
How It Comes Across: Oh please! We know we’re not the first one you tried that line on.
We get it. The opening message is your first impression and is meant to be memorable. So you need something absolutely enticing to stand out. And once you find it, you’re silly not to use it once or twice more. Just don’t tell us we’re the only ones you say this to.
4. It’s Been A While, I Feel I Can Open Up To You
What They’re Trying To Say: You look like someone I could really date.
How It Comes Across: I’m lonely and need someone to save me.
It’s way too much to ask someone. And we’re not here to save you.
5. How Are You Single!?!?
What They’re Trying to Say: How come a girl as awesome as you is still on the market.
How It Comes Across: You must be crazy/have lots of flaws/too many cats for men to stick around.
Thanks for thinking we’re too awesome to be single. But at the same time thanks for being so condescending about it too. You’ve just reminded us we’re not as awesome as we think.
Got any more to add to this list? Comment below!